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Topic : 03/17 Young Wives at a Turning Point

Number of Replies: 20
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Created on : Friday, March 13, 2009, 02:53:49 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
How young is too young to tie the knot? Dr. Phil meets three couples in their early 20s who have relationships rocked by betrayals, domestic violence and infidelity. Tara, 22, says her common-law marriage is full of hatred. She says her partner, Matt, calls her terrible names, doesn’t help her with housework or their three children, and has even threatened to kill her. Matt, 26, says Tara likes to fight and goes into attack mode over little things like an empty toilet paper roll. Then, Monica, 20, says she can’t take another day in her marriage and has filed for divorce for the second time. She says her husband, Cadum, is lazy, has cheated on her twice and acts like a teenager rather than a husband and father. Cadum, 22, says his wife is controlling, and their fights have become physical. And, Jenna, 21, says every day with her fiancé, Ed, is hell. She’s called off the wedding at least eight times because of their constant out-of-control fighting. Ed, 21, says Jenna beats him and has broken his collarbone with a table leg, yet he’s the one who gets arrested. Dr. Phil offers to put these couples up in The Dr. Phil House for an intensive three-day relationship overhaul. Can these young couples get their relationships back on track for the sake of their children? Share your thoughts here.

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March 17, 2009, 3:52 pm CDT

Drama Junkies

How can they say that they love each other? The foundation of love is respect and there is no respect in any of these relationships.

These kids are all way too young and immature to be getting married and having kids.

Why do they stay together, because they are all drama junkies. Calling off an engagement 14 times, breaking up and getting back together time and time again, calling the police, filing restraining orders, and still saying that they love each other, can you say "DRAMA JUNKIE"!!!!!

These situations are not going to improve by getting married or staying married.

I say they should all break up and move on with their lives and try to find happiness and love else where.

 

Darin.  

 
March 17, 2009, 3:56 pm CDT

The Age Factor is Overrated. It's goes beyond that

I am also a young married woman. I was 20 for less than a month when my husband and I were married, and he was 21. We've been married over a year now, and I feel that we have a very successful marriage. The trick is finding someone that you actually can live with and continue to love unconditionally for eternity, and I'll admit that it's not easy, which is why I can understand how relationships such as the ones shown to us on the show today come about.

 

When I was 19, I almost married my High School Sweetheart. We were in love. And I don't mean I was infatuated, I was deeply in love. We had been together for 2 years and I truly did  want to be with him. But if I had married him, we would have ended up like one of those three couples. It got to a point where I realized, "If I marry him, it will end in divorce. I can’t do that. What if we had kids at that point? I don't want a custody battle. I can't marry him." But from the time I realized that, it took me several months to break it off for good. It's not easy to realize that you can't be happy in marriage with someone that you love. But once you can realize that it’s better to break your heart and kill a relationship NOW than to try and be with him because you don’t think you can live without him, and end up breaking your heart years down the road when it’s 100 times more painful.  And breaking it off was obviously the smartest decision I ever made. I was completely alone and depressed and thought I would never feel whole again, but only a few months later, I met the man that is now my husband. The heart break was worth the joy I found later.

 

I felt that the women on the show today were immature. They kept saying that they loved their men and they wanted to be with them, but I felt that they were in love with the idea of being with them. Actually, they were in love with the idea of someone completely different. They kept saying, “I want him to change,” but the guys were like that before they were married, it’s not a new development. Why would you want to be with someone that you didn’t truly love the way that they were? The girls, I felt, just wanted so badly to have a relationship that it didn't matter that those men were not truly the men they wanted to be with.

 

There really are good guys out there that have the same morals, standards, and ideas about family that you do girls! So don’t settle for someone who isn’t right for you. And even more than that, I think the biggest issue is that young men and women don’t realize that there is a whole LIFE they have to live after the big white wedding. The fancy white dress and the great cake is just a tradition, the marriage is way more than a big ceremony. After the reception, if you can’t communicate with your spouse, it’s going to fall apart.

 

I know I’m rambling, and probably not making a whole lot of sense, but the bottom line is that it’s not about age. It’s about maturity, experience, and the desire to go beyond searching for physical attraction. If men and women can start trying to find spouses that they can love on a spiritual level, beyond anything physical, I truly believe that there would be less marriages ending in divorce in this world.

 

 
March 17, 2009, 6:17 pm CDT

03/17 Young Wives Club

Quote From: derbydoll42

i just finished watching the first episode of this series.  i saw the previews and was intrigued.  i am young and married and we have a baby and we are happy.  but the show's name was completely deceptive.  the young wives in question had problems with their relationship and none of the problems seemed to stem from their age.  i have watched a lot of the dr phil show and have seen similar problems between married peope in their 30s and older.

it was almost offensive that they were defined by their age. i guess that is "reality tv" for you... drama times ten.

did anyone else feel the same way?

another thing, that whole idea he keeps bringing up about  either you are running away from your awful past or you are running toward your hopeful future with your mate.  it is asinine.  you are always moving between your past and your future, and you can't simplify a person's life and situation into either one or the other.  maybe i am taking it personally because i had family problems and wanted to move out, but it doesn't make me any less happy to have moved on with a wonderful guy.  it doesn't somehow make the movement less sure, or less mature to decide between living in a horrible condition where people don't appreciate you into a house where someone loves you and respects you.

anyway.. i am making a huge racket about nothing.  besides age, i have nothing in common with those women.  i am just damn tired of this society and it's extended adolescence.

<3
I completely agree with you, and just posted something very similar to what you said.  I'm 23, and been happily married for two years now.  Just like you, the only thing I have in common with the people on the show is age.  I think society puts a lot of pressure on young people by putting the thoughts into their heads that their to young, and it won't work.
 
March 18, 2009, 1:27 pm CDT

wowee kazowee what spoiled brats

I am amazed and very very troubled that three couples such as these could abuse each other the wa;y they are doing. So totally selfish they apparently do not listen to each other, nor anyone else for that matter, as they are so concerned with being proven right.  That is obviously what matters to them rather than communicating with each other, and as for the damage to the children I feel it is already well on its way,.  Imagine being in the other room and hearing these tirades.  I am in tears just imagining the pain the children of these toxic pairs must be experiencing.Responsibility for ones self is the first goal before anyone can give of themselves to another person but in order to do that one must gain insight and these couples appear to be so bent on being right rather than understanding where this venom comes from that I hope your assistance for them is very very long range.

Praying for some peace of mind for all three couples

Bob

 
March 19, 2009, 6:32 am CDT

breaking a collar bone....

is anyone else sickened by the fact that the physically abusive relationship is being treated entirely differently, simply because she's the aggressor? i can' timagine if a man had broken a woman's collar bone, punched her repeatedly, choked her multiple times, to the point that she blacked out. the advice to that woman would be "you need out, now. he's not going to change. no matter what he says." yet somehow, i haven't heard that advice given to the husband in this scenario. in fact, the husband has been told he needs to try to save this marriage for the kids.

it's horribly backwards.
 
March 27, 2009, 4:34 pm CDT

i am a soon to be first young wife clubber

i am a young wife about to be divorced i wish that dr phil could help my marriage like he is there marriages

but i dought he could my husband is to far gone and we are mostlikly over. 

 
August 25, 2009, 9:52 am CDT

bob

Quote From: roburns

I am amazed and very very troubled that three couples such as these could abuse each other the wa;y they are doing. So totally selfish they apparently do not listen to each other, nor anyone else for that matter, as they are so concerned with being proven right.  That is obviously what matters to them rather than communicating with each other, and as for the damage to the children I feel it is already well on its way,.  Imagine being in the other room and hearing these tirades.  I am in tears just imagining the pain the children of these toxic pairs must be experiencing.Responsibility for ones self is the first goal before anyone can give of themselves to another person but in order to do that one must gain insight and these couples appear to be so bent on being right rather than understanding where this venom comes from that I hope your assistance for them is very very long range.

Praying for some peace of mind for all three couples

Bob

Hi there im monica and I was one of the three couples in which your praying for. Well to ease your mind my husband And I are doing remarkably well even after everything he has put me through. When we got home after the show things kind of unraveld even more we split up I planned on divorcing him for sure, he got into some really bad drugs but is now going to councling. I also found out through him addmitting it to me that he slept with my sister in law like a year ago while I was working, rough huh? But i have forgiven him and were really pretty happy church helps these things we go regularly now but Aidan my son gets kicked out of the nursery because he is such a mommas boy :) Aidan is the happiest child I have even seen don't be sad for him. There could never be a love like the one I hold for my son, he is spoiled in every sense of the word with things and love and attention. Dont fret bob. Your prayers were answed!!! ;)
 
August 25, 2009, 10:02 am CDT

what if?

Quote From: kissmyconverse

I am also a young married woman. I was 20 for less than a month when my husband and I were married, and he was 21. We've been married over a year now, and I feel that we have a very successful marriage. The trick is finding someone that you actually can live with and continue to love unconditionally for eternity, and I'll admit that it's not easy, which is why I can understand how relationships such as the ones shown to us on the show today come about.

 

When I was 19, I almost married my High School Sweetheart. We were in love. And I don't mean I was infatuated, I was deeply in love. We had been together for 2 years and I truly did  want to be with him. But if I had married him, we would have ended up like one of those three couples. It got to a point where I realized, "If I marry him, it will end in divorce. I cant do that. What if we had kids at that point? I don't want a custody battle. I can't marry him." But from the time I realized that, it took me several months to break it off for good. It's not easy to realize that you can't be happy in marriage with someone that you love. But once you can realize that its better to break your heart and kill a relationship NOW than to try and be with him because you dont think you can live without him, and end up breaking your heart years down the road when its 100 times more painful.  And breaking it off was obviously the smartest decision I ever made. I was completely alone and depressed and thought I would never feel whole again, but only a few months later, I met the man that is now my husband. The heart break was worth the joy I found later.

 

I felt that the women on the show today were immature. They kept saying that they loved their men and they wanted to be with them, but I felt that they were in love with the idea of being with them. Actually, they were in love with the idea of someone completely different. They kept saying, I want him to change, but the guys were like that before they were married, its not a new development. Why would you want to be with someone that you didnt truly love the way that they were? The girls, I felt, just wanted so badly to have a relationship that it didn't matter that those men were not truly the men they wanted to be with.

 

There really are good guys out there that have the same morals, standards, and ideas about family that you do girls! So dont settle for someone who isnt right for you. And even more than that, I think the biggest issue is that young men and women dont realize that there is a whole LIFE they have to live after the big white wedding. The fancy white dress and the great cake is just a tradition, the marriage is way more than a big ceremony. After the reception, if you cant communicate with your spouse, its going to fall apart.

 

I know Im rambling, and probably not making a whole lot of sense, but the bottom line is that its not about age. Its about maturity, experience, and the desire to go beyond searching for physical attraction. If men and women can start trying to find spouses that they can love on a spiritual level, beyond anything physical, I truly believe that there would be less marriages ending in divorce in this world.

 

what if the awesome guy you married was nothing more than a fabulous liar who you trusted from the begining because you thought u had no reason not to but in fact you had many reasons not to. I am this girl. I married a boy who I had known for years, this is not to be blamed on age by the way. He was beautiful i thought we understood eachother, we "loved" eachother. But then my husband started to reveal who he really was after so long. he cheated on me and kept it from me for a year this happend twice same time frame once it was with my brothers wife while i was at work. He started using drugs behind my back while he was out "fishing". He could have possibly contracted hep c (long story) and given it to me and our son. On top of a million other things. But before the marriage he was beautiful inside and out. I wouldnt say I am imature. I have served my country for 3 years in the army Im only a few months away from obtaining my degree in criminal justice. I help everyone in my lilfe even when it takes everything I have. I am a perfect mother my child comes before all else I would tear my heart out of my chest on the spot if he needed it. I have rasied him since the day he was born completly alone, no help from my hubby. You really shouldn't judge people purly off the hr long dr phil show you see.  Just something to think about...Wht would you do if your prince charming was really just a good liar who loved that you were faithful and loving and took care of him and he just secretly took advantage of you? dont think it couldnt happen. Happend to me.

 

Monica-

 
August 25, 2009, 10:09 am CDT

your wrong

Quote From: darin6of7

How can they say that they love each other? The foundation of love is respect and there is no respect in any of these relationships.

These kids are all way too young and immature to be getting married and having kids.

Why do they stay together, because they are all drama junkies. Calling off an engagement 14 times, breaking up and getting back together time and time again, calling the police, filing restraining orders, and still saying that they love each other, can you say "DRAMA JUNKIE"!!!!!

These situations are not going to improve by getting married or staying married.

I say they should all break up and move on with their lives and try to find happiness and love else where.

 

Darin.  

Darin

 

Have you been in this situation? Probably not. Maybe you think your too good to find yourself in this situation. Please take a stepback and look at it this way.  I am one of these people your refer to as a drama junkie. I got married to a beautiful man who made promises to me, loved me, he was perfect. Then we got married he got into drugs, cheated on me, lied to me constantly. But I didnt know because I trusted him I believed his lies and his excuses. I didnt find out he cheated on me untill over a year after it happend and that because he finally admitted it. Sometimes we think we love someone purly because they are perfect liars and we have trustin loving hearts. I still love my husband we have history and that wont ever change am I in love with him no...there is a difference and thats what these girls mean. They love them as a person but maybe not as a hussband. It is hard to watch someone you have loved for years slip through the cracks and wither away over an addiction to drugs or in one girls case alchol. you dont know everything about these people just what u saw in an hour.

 

monica-

 
August 25, 2009, 10:23 am CDT

Hard to believe

I know that obviously we all look really bad up there. But you all only caught a little bit of what our lives are like. You all seem to judge to quickly. U think u know someone well enough to tear them down with your words of disapproval and you think that is mature? funny...i think. Some of you are different u offer words of hope, others see this as an oppertunity to boost themselves up, Well wait and see how that works out for you. Some people are truly happy, most only think they are and others pretend to be. I'm sick of all these "immature" comments. I really doubt that if you really knew me or some of the other guest on that show you would say that. It is really funny to me you all think you have the right to say such things...trust me you have no idea what some of us have gone through and how much footage didnt make the air, just get over it...be thankful for your perfect lives and save your negativity tru me we all already have enough of that. Its really too bad ill spend a year away from my son in Iraq to protect people with such little insight to reality.

 

 

 
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