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Topic : 03/18 Young Wives at a Turning Point, Part 2

Number of Replies: 20
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, March 13, 2009, 02:54:47 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil continues his work with three young couples who struggle to stay together. Because they all have children stuck in the middle of their battles, Dr. Phil wants to give them a complete relationship overhaul, so he sends them to The Dr. Phil House for three days. The women in these unions are all under the age of 23, and they all blame the men for their relationship troubles. The men say every story has two sides. With issues such as lying, addiction, domestic violence and infidelity, can these couples in crisis stop pointing fingers and learn healthy ways to communicate and heal their relationships? Because the pairs are so used to fighting each other, Dr. Phil mixes up the couples and has them sit down with a new partner to gain a new perspective. You won’t believe the outcome of this simple exercise! Will they listen to Dr. Phil’s reality check? If you feel that divorce is your only option, follow along with this series and pick up the tools to fix your own relationship. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 18, 2009, 3:34 pm CDT

not a game?

These couples don't appear to understand that this is not a game? This is real life and unless these people don't' get it together someone can and will end up dead? I feel most sorry for the kids in these situations they are toxic to each other and their kids! Marriage is hard but mutual respect MUST be at the center of marriage. Their is NO excuse for violence from a man or a women its WRONG from either person. They seem to bring out the worst in each other???????  Maybe they need time apart to find their own triggers and resolve their individual issues. HAY COUPLES GET A REALITY CHECK YOUR KIDS ARE INTERNALIZING YOUR ACTIONS.There is no fairy tale marriage is hard with its ups and downs.

 
March 18, 2009, 4:11 pm CDT

Immature

What a bunch of immature & childish young adults (and I use the term loosely).  They all act & sound like a bunch of 15 year olds going steady with each other, instead of being married with children.  They've got the "it's all about ME" syndrome and simply cannot listen to or even accept that their partner has a perspective also.  They have no business raising children with their childish & very immature way of handling problems.  I'd bet my bottom dollar that none of these couples stay together, no matter what Dr.Phil tries to teach them.  Oh, they might go through the motions of trying to work on their relationships, but in the end, it'll never work for any of them.  Too bad, because their children will suffer the most.
 
March 18, 2009, 8:37 pm CDT

They all need to stop thinking about themselves

This is what happens in our country now... children having children. They need to buckle down and be dedicated to keeping an intact home. A peaceful loving home where they love & support each other united in their commitment to each other. Because a broken home is not what their children deserve nor should have to face. If they allow the marriage to fail, their future will be still dealing with eachother as Xs and now some girlfriend  of the father will want to have the attention the father who  should be giving the children the attention and some boyfriend will want the attention of the mother. The children will suffer. Children are more likely to fall prey to a pedifile. They target mothers and come off as the perfect partner helping the children with baths or homework .  Broken homes are typically very poor. One spouse pays support and typically both parents will have to work, leaving the children to strangers to supervise or when older unsupervised. Boys and girls need both parents. Boys have to learn to be a man from the father ( teenage years) and girls need to have their dads be their fans (because they will go after boys for attention). Children become more sexualized from broken homes thinking about partnering up like their parents ( who are usually now dating, instead of being with their children) We have a HUGE problem in this country.... No one does the right thing anymore and it is usually the ADULTS being selfish and immature!!!!! YOUR A MAN & A WOMAN NOW... YOUR A HUSBAND AND A WIFE NOW....  and more importantly YOU ARE PARENTS!!!!!!!!! Stop it!!!!!! Do not trash your family!!!!!!!!    You are needed more then you know

 
March 18, 2009, 9:53 pm CDT

It is so hard to be nice

I once read a book by Dr. Laura, called the proper care and feeding of husbands. I have been married for 23 years and have had 4 children, 2 boys and 2 girls. I have seen them all have relationships and I always tell them to just be nice, the boys have the hardest time, because the girlfriends blame every bad thing, day, hairdo etc. on my boys. Everything is always their fault. The girls never seem to take responsiblility for anything that they do. Raising 2 girls I have found the same thing in them as well. They could always find someone else to blame it on. The advice that I give my boys is to smile and say yes dear, as long as the girl thinks they are right they are happy.

As a women myself, I found that I was doing the same thing to my husband several years ago, I would feel bad and think to myself why did I just treat him so badly after he worked all day, and I was feeling sorry for myself because I had to stay home and raise the kids that I wanted to have, I wanted to be a stay at home mom but it just wasn't good enough that he worked all day and he paid all the bills. I realised that I didn't appreciate him like I should have because I was a spoiled little brat. Once I realised that he did everything to support his family and once I showed him how much we appreciated it he did more and more for me. He hepled out more with the kids, he helped more in the house and appreciated me more as well. Our life became very satisfing and less stressful and much more calm and loving. Our kids are all out on there own now and we are alone and loving every minute we spend together. You have to build a relationship with each other so that you can be there for your kids. A man is a very simple creature. All he needs is  a good meal when he gets home from work, a wife that is happy that he is, a wife that appreciates that he is working for his family and a family that also appreciates there dad. It may sound old fashion but  that is how our boys are raised. They are not raised doing the dishes and the laundry they are raised helping dad out in the garage working on the car or mowing the lawn. I don't know why women today expect there husbands to come home and take over the kids the minute he walks in the door. I know a womens work is never done but that is what it is. The more you apppreciate your husband the more he will help you with out being nagged at. Men have feelings to, if they are hurt because of always being nagged at he will turn his back on you. Don't nag, just love him and keep on showing him affection even if you don't feel like it. Us women forget about our husbands after we have kids. Always make your husband number one and I guarantee he will always make you number one as well. We were young when we got married and we had alot to learn and a lot of growing up to do. But when we got married we loved each other, and it is easy to keep being nice to one another no matter what. Love can be forever and it should be. Read the BOOK> Men and women The PROPER CARE AND FEEDING OF HUSBANDS> It is an old fashion approach to a very modern day probelm. No one ever listens to the Man because he doesn't know how to tell what is in his heart. They are not wired the same way that we are and usually can not express how they feel with words, but they can with their actions good or bad. Just love your man and keep your nagging to yourself

 
March 18, 2009, 10:45 pm CDT

How to drive a man away

This show should be called "How to drive a man away and lose your kids!"  
 
March 19, 2009, 9:46 am CDT

Monica

 Hi Monica:
       How are you?  I saw the first two episodes of the young wives club and I thought you were one that had the most potential.  I know you love cadium, but he really seems disrespectful with his lying and smirking.  You seem to be a loving mother, but please do not yell in front of the kids, as all these couples should not do.  I hope things work out on your terms, do not settle for anything other than what you want and desire.  You may be 20, but hearing you talk and the role you play, appears or makes it seem you are wise beyond your years.  I have watched Dr Phil for years.  I am a loyal fan of his.  Please listen to what he has to say and do what hs thinks is best.  He has helped all types of people over the years and you being so young you can make the progress you need to make.  Do not stay with someone who doesn't respect you and treats you like that.  You looked so hurt when he just denied this and denied that.  It is too bad we can never meet.  I think your awesome, just a little stutter step in your life right now and I hope you land on a solid rock one of these days.  Ill keep watching and giving feedback.  As far as the others goes, that lady is so crazy, screaming at everyone.  WOW, does not look too good for them.  Well, hope you are having a nice day and remember, dr phil is there to help, let him help!!!
David
 
March 19, 2009, 4:04 pm CDT

Abusive Wife Goes UnPunished?

I am deeply disappointed in Dr. Phil and his staff and the light treatment given to the abusive wife, Jenna. She was violent to the point of breaking her husband's bones, but instead of addressing the seriousness of her behavior, Dr. Phil only mentions that "someone could die" before moving on to the next topic. The audience even laughed!! Dr. Phil should have immediately got her out of the situation with her husband and children and put her individual counseling for her anger. Instead, he put her in couple's therapy on a house/sound stage.

Let's be honest - if Ed were the one beating up Jenna and breaking her collarbone and nose, Dr. Phil would have immediately told Jenna to pack her bags and get her children out of the extreme situation. The first priority should be those kids, and to witness the violent behavior of their mother towards their father is appalling! Even if the children don't witness the abuse, I'm sure the witness the result - their father's broken bones because of their mother.

I doubt her rage is a selective switch. What happens when she turns her frustrations onto her children?

 
March 20, 2009, 2:50 am CDT

He's correct

Quote From: mseller

Dr. Phil- You have the nerve to tell that girl she shouldn't speak to her husband in that manner yet you fail to mention the fact that he has had affairs with three different girls and that may be the cause of her anger!
 No matter what someone does to make you mad, you should keep it calm and civil. Getting loud and in someone's face only makes things worse.
 
March 21, 2009, 5:13 pm CDT

03/18 Young Wives at a Turning Point, Part 2

After a while I had to put the TV on mute too. I'm also in my 20s and am happily married to my husband, who we got engaged after dating for two weeks. If I was getting yelled or screamed at I'd either toning it out, quit listening or yell back and as far as I'm concerned yelling gets you nowhere. there's a right way and a wrong way to fight in realtionships.  one way you both can calmly get your needs met and then other well,  everyone's miserable. So I really think that these couples need lots of work, to grow up a lot, take responsibility for there own actions, quit blaming each other and  learn some real communication skills to get things moving in the right direction .While seeking themselves on camera may seem like a reality check, that's showing them what they did after the fact, and it doesn't seem to keep them from repeating there past behavior. It seems like they would need a lot of counseling to work things out, but at the same time, lets say they did get divorced, while they wouldn't be in relationships with each other anymore, when it comes to visitation they'd still have to be able to "play nice" for the sake of their kids anyway. Whose to say that they won't carry all there baggage with them into the next relationship, and have the same issues?

Whether they were to immature or not to get married, they already are and have kids in the picture, so they need to deal with their issues in the present and learn how to deal with the present. Although I am curious if they know how to argue with out blaming, at a normal speaking volume, and just getting their feelings out.

 
April 1, 2009, 12:33 pm CDT

Not an option

Divorce.  Once kids enter the picture, divorce should no longer be an option, except in the case of abuse or unfaithfulness.  I was married at 19, and had my first child at 20.  I met my husband when I was 14, and never dated anyone else.  We have been happily married for 20 years, and have 2 beautiful children.  It hasn't been easy.  We are totally incompatible but we work through it.  We work extra hard to maintain good communication and a good marriage.  We are a good example of why people shouldn't get married too young, but we love each other deeply and are still best friends.  Some days I can't stand my husband, some days I appreciate and love him so much. Sometimes divorce seemed like the easy way out, but we had children, so we grew up fast, and put the needs of our children before our search for a perfect mate.  We have never fought like these couples, much less in front of the children. These couples need to quit playing the blame game and work together for the sake of their precious children.  I can honestly say that all the challenges my marriage has faced have been well worth the effort.  We share a closeness that only comes with time. 

 

I grew up in a broken home.  That may be a large part of why I am so dedicated to my marriage.  Once you have children, guess what?  It's not about you anymore!!  I grew up watching my mother chase after the "perfect marriage", and never found it after 4 tries. She did suceed at robbing me of my childhood, placing me in the role a husband should have had.  The grass may seem greener on the other side, but it's only a different shade of green.These 3 couples need to grow up and face the fact that by getting married and having children so young, life will be more difficult for them, and their marriages will have to withstand greater challenges. Grow up, act like adults. Don't rob your children of their childhood because of the choices you made. Could you have been happier had you waited before jumping into marriage and children?  Quite possibly.  Many people say they would die for their children.  What about making a marriage work, moving on, and not dwelling on your own happiness?  Sadly, many parents who say they would die for their children are so consumed with themselves and their ultimate happiness, they sacrafice the happiness of the children they proclaim they would die for.  Most often, you don't end up happier by searching for a perfect partner,  instead you find yourself alone, with a lifetime of regret.

 
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