Topic : 03/20 Abusive Love

I know how it feel to get hit for nothing. I was married to a man for 10 year that hit me. But My parent did this all my life so in my eye this is how life was, you did what your husband told you to do. I was raised in a small town in Maine. My husband would rape me in from of our children and beat me until I couldn't see or get up. He was a drunk and he slept around and then say that I was doing it. The same thing my mother did with my father. I felt that I was back home again. Starting my childhood allover again.  It took me a long time to get over this. I'm 58 years old now. But I don't date and I have been divorced for over 25 years.  I adopted a child 7 years ago, he had a problems, he hit me alot at first, he is 15 now he doesn't hit me anymore but that time with him was very hard.I put him in a group home twice the first time it didn't work but the second time it seems to have work. I have a great support group team this time. I would like to date but I don't know how to get started and I afraid I will find the wrong person.   Wanda Lariviere

  I wish verbal abuse would get as much press as physical abuse has lately.  I lived with a verbally abusive man for ten years.  It was horrible.  Not that I should have been hit but I would have rather been hit than verbally abused.  You can prove a bruise. You can call the police about being hit.  People take notice when you are beat up.  No one cares if you are called a f *&^ ing c %* t all the time for no reason.  Or told you are fat and lazy and disgusting and a horrible mother and a bitch on a daily basis. No one listens to this.  No one cares.  The law can't make him stop.  I think it's disgusting.  I finally walked out after ten years when I saw the change in my children's behavior because he was doing it to them too.  I am free of his abuse but my children are not.  He still gets visitation because he is dad.  No one cares that he is verbally destroying my children's self esteem on a weekly basis.  Please please please, start talking about the horrible mental effects of verbal abuse.  No one believes you.  No one listens.  There are no marks.  It's your word against his.

I am soo with you on that with the verbal abuse. No one can prove it cause it is his word against hers. I would rather have the black eye or the bloody lip rather than the thought of hearing him inside my head all the time "your a lazy fat slob"

I left my first husband after he got drunk and hit me for the first time in 1984.  I worked with a woman that was abused for years then started a relationship with another man that worked in our store that was getting drunk and abusing her.  I didn't want to end up like her.  My ex husband had a father that was an alcoholic and abused him throughout his child hood.  My ex just left his 3rd wife for the second time after marrying a 4th he had an affair with while married to #3.  He has now gone back to his second wife.  I will never forget that night he continued to punch me and I tried to get in my car to leave.  I kept seeing the pavement at my face.  I screamed and screamed but no one in his parent's neighborhood came to help.  Probably because that had gone on so long no one wanted to be involved with the family.  He finally let go and I took off and never went back.  Any woman that continues to live with a man that treats her like that at all is really stupid.  I have a 26 year old daughter by my first husband.  She never saw the abuse but she has even been involved with men like that and is going through a horrible divorce and custody of her 2 year old because she married a man  like that.  She is opening up more and more about things that really happened there.  She has a son by another man that's older than the baby involved in the divorce.  I pray we stop this cycle with her.  I have a 3 year old daughter now along with an 11 year old son and a wonderful husband.  I waited a long time to remarry and allowed God to send me this man.    I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. 

My name is Brittany. I met my husband when I was pregnant with my first child, her father left me then I met...john doe. John doe and I have been together for almost a year and a half. I met him while I was working in NC as a waitress and he was traveling as a carney. We spend 2 weeks together and talked over the phone for three months before me and my daughter moved in with him. I knew when we met he had a drug/alcohol problem. He kept to his word and had been a family man on up until one night he went out. I left him the first time but only for a few days, then we impulsively moved back to PA from NC. He was good for awhile, then he would go out once in awhile. We got married three months ago, we had never had any problems with abuse. He started going out again not even a month after we got married. He became violent. Slapping, puching, strangeling, and even put a sock in my mouth and I was crying so hard, I could't breathe. He's jurked the phone cord outof the wall so I couldn't call 911 and I tried to go to a neighbors house and the man was hesitant to let me use phone. I was unable to call cops. He's been sober for about 1 1/2 months now, and we get along fine, but he still needs help. I told him if he goes out again, I'll leave and take our children with me, we had a son back in Nov. How can I make him get help?

All those "ERA feminists" rung chivalry's death-knell.

We've got all those "ERA feminists" to thank for this Equality.
I'll bet Dr Phil thinks Rhianna didn't deserve Chris Brown's abuse, but when someone is given to physical abuse, "pushing their buttons" can have deadly consequences.
Besides, Brown comes from a musical "culture" that doesn't exactly encourage treating women with dignity and respect. Many rap and hip-hop "songs" seem to glorify violence toward women.

I have been married for 18 years and am 43 years old.  It was only a little over a year ago that I realized I was married to a controlling man.  I knew there were problems in our relationship but I would have to describe it as "why do I irritate him so much?  Why is he always mad at me...or angry with me?"  It just kept getting worse and worse until I googled, "husband always mad, does he love me, etc..."I started to realize I was abused.  He became increasingly upset when he found my searches for 'verbal abuse', 'emotional abuse'.  I told him I could not handle his anger anymore and was actually considering asking him to move out.  That's when he REALLY got mad!  name calling, keeping me up all night, jumping on top of the car when I tried to leave, breaking down doors with his foot, asking me to 'submit', chasing me down in my car with his car (I finally called the police during this incident).  Long and short of it is he is 'trying' to change but I am told that they never change.  It seems he always blames circumstances or people for why he's upset.  Anyone have similar circumstances that may already be 'on the other side' of getting out of his oppression?  I have 3 girls, a college-education (but haven't used it after the girls were born 16 years ago) .  More than anything else I think I worry about regret...all the memories.  When it's good, it's good...but when he gets mad at me...(or irritated ~ which is pretty often), life is miserable!