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Topic : 03/20 Abusive Love

Number of Replies: 55
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Created on : Friday, March 13, 2009, 02:59:40 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
They’re young, they’re famous, and now they’re shining a light on a dark subject. From the moment singer Chris Brown allegedly beat his girlfriend Rihanna on the eve of the Grammy Awards, America has been shocked and polarized by the story. How could Chris do that? And how could Rihanna even think about going back to him after what appeared to be such a brutal beating? With the help of best-selling author Bishop T.D. Jakes, Dr. Phil offers up some straight talk about domestic violence. Learn what to look for and how to stop it. First, the relationship between Megan and Kurt has been on-and-off-again for eight years, but the anger and violence has been consistently on. Megan says Kurt has beaten her, choked her, thrown her against walls, and as if that weren’t enough, Megan’s little boy is stuck in the middle, and he plays a big role in whether the couple will stay together. This relationship is at a new breaking point, and though Kurt says he wants to save it, Megan says it may be too late. Find out which direction Dr. Phil thinks they should go. Then, meet a young woman who says she put up with abuse for years and years, until a knife to the throat made her say, "Enough is enough." You won’t want to miss these stories, plus important information that just may save your life! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 13, 2009, 3:55 pm CDT

Doctor Phil Show.

Abusive Doctor Love Phil/Robin. I hope that Doctor/Robin are not a Abusive Family at all. See you on Frid---

azy Mar\ch 20th, 2009. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.----------------------------------------------------------------

 
March 19, 2009, 2:19 pm CDT

Your comment irresponsible

Dr. Phil,

 

I watched the end of your show today about abusive love and all though you had some very valid points they were all shot to hell with the comment at the end.  To paraphrase "you said that a man should never hit a woman even if she is the agressor you should try to run away or call the police".  Why in Gods name would you ever make a comment such as that especially since their are women who are bigger than some men. The fact is no one should put they're hands on anyone other than for self preservation.

 

Your statement also flies in the face of equality, basically you're making women less equal to a man in regards to accepting responsibility for ones actions but making them better than us when you say a man should never hit a woman.  Why because she is a woman--wow, how You have just given or should I say validated for all women that they are above men but in your mind (I hate to assumen) you're being Chivalrous.  (1. considerate and courteous to women; gallant.; 2. gracious and honorable toward an enemy, esp. a defeated one, and toward the weak or poor.

 

My belief system is simple I treat everyone the way I want to be treated, giving special treatment to someone because of gender, sexuallity, age, race or what have you is still discrimination.  And so that we are clear I do not condone abuse from either side men abusing women physically, mentally, verbally or sexually or vice versa.  Aslo where do you get that they are role models (Chirs Brown and Rhianna) they have'nt lived enough to be anyones role model.  I am 43 years old and have never looked up to a celebrity as a role model nor told my two older sons its okay to look up to someone.  My 19 month old son and my 6 month old daughter will be reered with true role models myself and their mom and the understanding that you don't put your hands on anyone and that all actions have consequences.

 

If you're wondering am I in a relationship that involves abuse the answer is yes, but I'm the one with the scars though she and I are working it out--relationships between men and women or more correctly between one human being and another are constant works but are not all black and white.

 

I believe Dr. Phil your intentions are good but some times you seem--'elitest and self-righteous", I don't think that is your intentions but you come off that way sometimes.  I would urge you to take a look at some of your shows and objectively evaluate everything from your demeanor to your tone and words. 

 

Dr. Phil all of us have flaws the point in life is to recognize them and try our hardest to change them and live a better life today than we lived yesterday and pray for a better tomorrow.

 
March 19, 2009, 2:35 pm CDT

03/20 Abusive Love

I heard Dr. Phil's monologue today.

"Self defence is never an excuse. There is no excuse to hit a woman, ever."

Women are no longer harmless victims. They are often dangerous, violent and abusive.

This Chivalry is D-E-A-D.
The days of women being unaccountable are over.
Dr. Phil's attempts to make the rest of us adhere to a mid 20th Century Southern Texas Gentleman standard will not work.

His statement gives all women in the USA carte blanche to hit any man at any time, knowing that the ones that take his advice will run away, walk away, or leave.

This would be a great tactic to get a man out of his house, and to later file false charges, get the house, kids and a restraining order.

Women in the USA must be held accountable. You hit someone, you darn well will be hit back.|

Equality. Women wanted it, now they have it. They want to be treated equal to men, then if you hit a man he will hit you back.

Just like he would if a man hit him.
 
March 20, 2009, 6:53 am CDT

Gentleman????

I object to Rev. Jakes's use of the term "gentleman" when referencing abusers. This use seems to be in common practice in a day and age when true gentlemen are few!
 
March 20, 2009, 7:25 am CDT

Be Smart Get Out

     .  Women who are getting abused  leave.(Like Dr. Phil said  Make a plan,)   My daughter is with a classic abuser, and has been back and forth with this Creep for years..I've done everything I can.  she is addicted.  I pray for her to get the emotional strength to get out for good she does for a few days. then they start on the phone and she goes right back.. I have to wonder if he thretens to hurt our family. I would do anything to help her get out. But she just goes back  why why why. everyone sees it but her. It only takes her to press charges and she lets won't do it.  just surrenders to the same old.. I have told her to watch your program. don't know if she has, It sure doesn't help when Rianne goes back to her abuser, NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE.
 
March 20, 2009, 7:30 am CDT

Do all Women a favor

Quote From: leraco

I heard Dr. Phil's monologue today.

"Self defence is never an excuse. There is no excuse to hit a woman, ever."

Women are no longer harmless victims. They are often dangerous, violent and abusive.

This Chivalry is D-E-A-D.
The days of women being unaccountable are over.
Dr. Phil's attempts to make the rest of us adhere to a mid 20th Century Southern Texas Gentleman standard will not work.

His statement gives all women in the USA carte blanche to hit any man at any time, knowing that the ones that take his advice will run away, walk away, or leave.

This would be a great tactic to get a man out of his house, and to later file false charges, get the house, kids and a restraining order.

Women in the USA must be held accountable. You hit someone, you darn well will be hit back.

Equality. Women wanted it, now they have it. They want to be treated equal to men, then if you hit a man he will hit you back.

Just like he would if a man hit him.
 If you hate women   Do all women a favor stay away or go gay 
 
March 20, 2009, 7:32 am CDT

Domestic Violence is the Sympthom not the problem

I watched the Dr. Phil show this morning regarding domestic abuse.  I totally and utterly condemn domestic abuse, that said we will continue to have the problem if we do not give our men ways to deal with the real problem they have.  Women stay in the relationship for whatever reason, but the fact is they are both in it for reasons other people are in relationships that obviously have other problems.  In 1998, I fell in the same position many women are in.  My husband and I were having trouble in our relationship and it escalted to him hitting me.  The first time he hit me, we were living in NY and I packed up and returned to my family home.  A few weeks later I returned, partly trying to figure out why he would have done that to me, partly because my self esteem was shatterred.  Unfortunately shortly after my return, the reason the first incident happened was not resolved, and we got into another argument and and this time he really beat me. 

I called the police and moved out.  We went through the whole process, my husband was required to do angry management, and my children were taken to a foster home.  I did not testify against my husband as I thought that would hurt my children more in later years than help them.  Further more I figured he needed help, and I wasn't confident he would get it by me sending him to prison.  I also was not willing to accept a "I am sorry" from him, as my self esteem had been damaged too badly.  I called a Pastor to get counselling, he told me to get a divorce.   I moved to CT, we remained in touch.  I figured I wanted to be far away from him so he could fix himself, or decide what he wanted, but close enough if he sorted out himself.  After nine months my husband asked to be back with his family, I told him not so easy, I was clear I wanted one thing and one thing only and it was to be happy and if he was coming back to otherwise he should stay where he was.  I suspected there was something that had happened to him.  I also recognised that he had truly suffered through what had happened, and I wanted to test whether he had become the person I had originally marry. 

Well its been 10 years since we moved back together, he has never hit me ever again, in fact he spent the first 3 years appologizing.  Our relationship has been complimented by folks around us, and we are often asked for advise. The point is, relationships all have issues whether phiysical abuse, mental abuse or financial problems, mistrust, you name it.  Telling couples they need to walk away has created enough other problems, "single parents" who cant adequately take care of the children.  Children who are unhappy because there is an absentee dad.  While I am not implying that all relationships can be resolved or that anyone should stay in an unhealthy relationship. I think we also live in a society where we walk away from our problems rather than solve them, without taking into consideration the consequences of this short cut.  We would do much better to avoid this issue by starting to teach our sons and daughters at an early age how to be respectful of themselves and others, critical problem solving skills, and most of all values that serve all humanity.  Human beings were born to be love and to live an happy life, sadly we will search for that love where ever we can find it unless we know how to find happiness and love.

 

 

 

 
March 20, 2009, 7:56 am CDT

Ok to hit a woman??

I'm shocked that some of these people writing messages say its ok to hit a woman??  Yes, women should be treated as equals however most women aren't as physically strong as men are.  While I think its not ok for a woman to hit a man either its NOT ok for a man to hit a woman.  EVER!!!  Thinking like this is what perpetuates the abuse! 
 
March 20, 2009, 8:51 am CDT

I Got flowers today (re: abusive spouses)

I got flowers today.

It wasn't my birthday or any other special day.

We had our first argument last night, and he said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me.

I know he is sorry and didn't mean the things he said, because he sent me flowers today.

 

I got flowers today.

It wasn't our anniversary or any other special day.

Last night he threw me into a wall and started to choke me.

It seemed like a nightmare, I couldn't believe it was real.

I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over.

I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.

 

I got flowers today and it wasn't mother's day or any other special day.

Last night, he beat me up again, it was much worse than all the others times.

If I leave him what will I do?

How will I take care of my kids?

What about money?

I'm afraid of him and scared to leave.

But I know he must be sorry because he sent me flowers today.

 

I got flowers today

Today was a very special day,

It was the day of my funeral.

Last night, he finally killed me.

He beat me to death.

If only I had gathered enough courage to leave him I would not have gotten flowers today.......

 

If you are against domestic abuse,

please pass this along to everybody

 

I can't imagine anyone living like this.    My husband and I have been married for 39 yrs this year and have never gotten into a fight.  Yes we have had disagreements but nothing with yelling or calling each other names.    

I hope this poem will help some of the abused women and men.   Thank you for letting me share this with you.      

 
March 20, 2009, 8:57 am CDT

03/20 Abusive Love

Quote From: henny777

 If you hate women   Do all women a favor stay away or go gay 
Only in Dr. Phil's America would equal treatment and fundamental fairness be construed as 'hate women'.

It's simple

You hit someone, expect to be hit back. This is a good lesson that everyone should have learned on the playground by the age of 8.

Making excuses for Rhianna and other abusive provocators like herself is no longer acceptable.

Women wanted equality, now they have it.

I hit a man, he's going to respond in kind.

Women should now expect the same.

Welcome to Equality, ladies.
 
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