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Topic : 03/24 Young Wives at a Turning Point, Part 3

Number of Replies: 42
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, March 20, 2009, 12:05:30 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Three young couples struggle to deal with issues such as trust, domestic violence and infidelity. Dr. Phil moves them all into The Dr. Phil House for a three-day relationship overhaul, but their fighting and finger-pointing make him wonder if they’re serious about wanting to fix their relationships. With Dr. Phil’s help, one wife-to-be learns that a traumatic event in her childhood may influence her to this day, one fiancé faces reality and says he accepts that he’s an alcoholic, and another couple looks inside their relationship and finds a simmering pool of resentments toward each other. What these couples learn about holding themselves to a higher standard is a powerful lesson for any marriage. But can they quash their marital battles for the sake of their children? Then one couple’s argument divides the whole house. See where the battle lines are drawn. Plus, a powerful exercise forces the pairs to communicate in a healthy and productive manner -- could the same exercise work for you? Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 24, 2009, 8:35 pm CDT

eye opening

Ive been in several relationships. Im on my third marriage. Ive traveled most of the states working. Ive lived in many places and met thousands of people. But I have never met a person so delusional as Monica. She is a bright girl but her thought process is so egotistical that it refuses to see any other perspective.

She is gonna live a very painful life. She is going to alienate herself even from her children. Her ego is so in control of her mind that she doesnt see the toxicity of what she is doing. What she really needs is for Cadum to get a job, save some money, get a lawyer, get the kids and leave.

 

She is so delusional, she cant even keep the facts straight. She will not admit to being human. EVEN Jesus made mistakes. Even he had times of egoic thought that he battled with.

 

I fear sex is the only thing holding Cadum in the relationship. People get hooked with good sex and substitute it for love and affection.

 

Her eyebrows going up when Cadum spoke during the ONE on ONE. Tells me she didnt want to hear it. and in her mind started the ego process of saying "What? Why are you attacking me?" Everything that is said is taken as an insult. She can not take any constructive critisism not even from a professional.

 

I was in the military. NOT a good place for a relationship to flourish. Moving and being away for long periods of time can be stressful. These people dont make much money either and that adds to the stress of paying bills. Cheating in the military is a problem too. Guys and gals alike are running around like rabbits in heat. With a few exceptions I have seen most married people in the military having affairs. I wouldnt be suprised if she was cheating on him.

 

In the same breath Cadum must get a job period. Even if part time or as a box boy. Man up son. I have found that more problems and stress stem from money. Bills not getting paid and losing credit means it could be alot tougher for you in the next duty station or home you move to.

 

I see more and more rage and bad behavior in young ladies. Women used to be able to control their men with seduction. Acting nice and friendly, talking sexy and asking with a sweet voice. I tell you I certainly respond well to that. And dont take offense if they dont respond immediately ladies, guys tend to focus on the task at hand and forget about other tasks in the mean time. Just ask again until mission accomplished.

I know video games, TV and computers can be a big distraction. Limit the time on them if they arent easily put down.

 

If the guys dont want to work, sell the computer, games, even TV if you have to to pay bills. This will let them know that we lose stuff if bills arent paid. If they like staying home get em a work from home job. Even a little income is better then none. The guys will feel better about themselves too when they feel like they are contributing.

 

Most of all for Monica, SHUT UP!!! Dr. Phil asks Cadum a question, he begins to answer and she immediately jumps in to say he is lying. How can he fix him if he cant even talk to him. She act like a four year old arguing about who got more kool aid in their glass. If I were there I would just slap the stupid out of her. Most of the time behavior like this stems from the parents and how they dealt with her tantrums.

 

I really think what happens is Cadum makes a good point in their arguments and she has learned to shut him down before that happens. She just wants to be right and gets frustrated when she cant express what she really wants to say. She doesnt understand that to control someone effectively, you must first be in control of your emotions, which she clearly is not.

 

Fixing Cadum is the easy part, fixing her is gonna be a challenge. At least the other two ladies will listen to reason and are truly interested in getting right. Monica is only concerned with being right. ALL the guys seem to be nice young men that just need a little tweeking. Good Luck to you all. I thank the great creator often for not letting children happen on my first two marriages. I am so blessed with the two miracles in my life. My wife is somewhat down to earth and loves me for the man i am. And I have worked my way into working for myself. I get to spend alot of time with them all. My dream came true after 30 years of hell.

 

Monica please for your sake stop playing the blame game. Let go. Move forward. Those who place blame are usually the problem.  Look at it this way. Cadum is probably blaming you for the way he acts, You are blaming him for the way you act. The circle doesnt stop if you BOTH dont stop. When you come home stop being the drill sargeant. It is time to be a wife and a mother.

 

But if you dont shut up the Doc cant get to the bottom of things. The best way to flush out a liar dear is to let them speak.

 
March 24, 2009, 9:03 pm CDT

Age Has Nothing to Do With It

I was a mother @ 18.  I am still w/my baby's father til this day.  We've actually been together since we were 16 and now are 29 and going on our 5th child!  We did not get married until we were 24 and already had 3 kids.  Marriage is all about compromise and if u can't and won't do that, then it's completely hopeless.  I don't think anyone can help Monica, not even Dr. Phil.  She doesn't try to hear anyone else's point of view except hers.  She thinks she's always right and you can't help someone like that.  She won't realize that she's wrong until she ends up alone.  Cadum doesn't realize that and keeps falling into her trap.  He actually dug into the trash for his ring...like she knew he would!!!  He does what she wants and as long as that's the way it is, she will never change her ways.  He needs to man up and leave her unless he wants to be miserable for the rest of his life!!!
 
March 24, 2009, 9:16 pm CDT

Monica (the "girl" in red)

Quote From: abirkhead

Ok first of all I cannot believe there are not hundreds of posts!  I was so furious after watching the show I could barely get to my computer fast enough.  Monica needs serious serious help!  I have never set eyes on a female with a more annoying sense of rationality.  She appears to be hopeless.  I must say, it would be nice if  they can work things out for the childrens sake but I do not understand how that man has put up with her this long.  She has totally beat him down.  She is selfish, controlling and has a false sense of reality.  She thinks she is perfect.  If they can not work things out, I would love to see him tell her get lost and never turn back! I can not stand to watch her - she infuriates me!!!!! 

You and me both! Not only can I not stand to watch her actions but I can't stand to look at her, PERIOD!  She puts off such an angry vibe.  I truly believe whatever is going on with Monica has little if anything to do with Cadum.  Like another poster said,  "Cadum is her excuse!"  Dr. Phil dug up the dirt on Jenna's past, but I wish he'd do a little more research on Monica.  There almost has to be something from her past that has made her so angry.  Perhaps, Cadum is paying for something someone else did to her? 

 

One of MY FAVORITE sayings by an extremely wise man is, "you can't change what you don't  acknowledge!" (Or won't acknowledge in Monica's case.) That is Monica's number one problem, she's in denial.  She doesn't want to acknowledge her faults because she's too busy acknowledging his. 

 

Dr. Phil made each couple sit face-to-face and tell one another what they wanted from each other.  Now, I think each couple needs to sit face-to-face and confess their own faults to one another.  Monica especially because she doesn't think she has any.  She literally makes me want to commit myself to an asylum, when she's the one that needs to be committed!  That girl needs an intervention......and a fast one!

 
March 24, 2009, 9:19 pm CDT

03/24 Young Wives at a Turning Point, Part 3

Quote From: whatiqmatters

AMEN to that! I knew she would self destruct but I was shocked at how soon! She is paranoid scitzo! Everyone is a spy now? But Dr. Save a HO will say we need to save this mother for the sake of the children. Take a two year vacation Doc and help her. Otherwise shut up and let her continue to lie to herself and the rest of the world. YOU CAN NOT SAVE EVERYONE MR MCGRAW!!!!!!!

I think I would go insane too w/all these cameras and reporters around all the damn time!  People need to leave her alone and let her live her life.  She has people jumping down her throat and antagonizing her about what she did and then others trying to help her out.  She's being pulled in every direction while trying to set her life right for her kids.  Anyone with kids (I am about to have five) stresses out no matter how big or little the number is and then to have the added stress of strangers on your back everyday of your life and not to mention cameras in your kids lives as well, that would make anyone go crazy.
 
March 24, 2009, 9:44 pm CDT

OCTO-MOM-UGH!

Quote From: junebug336

I just saw a preview of the show for tomorrow and I can't believ that Dr. Phil is going to have ANOTHER show on the Ocot Mom. ENOUGH ALREADY. I will not watch this show or any future show on this subject. If Dr. Phil want to help her, fine shell out the bucks, but I'm sick of seeing it on this show.

I am so in agreement with you!  I am SO FLIPPIN' SICK OF OCTO-MOM, I COULD SCREAM!  The first show was fine and the second was so so.  But by the third, I thought to myself, "Oh please Dr. Phil.  not again."  How many will this make, 5 or 6?  It's getting out of hand.  I am a huge fan of Dr. Phil but he's got to know when and where to draw the line.  If he isn't careful he will lose his viewers if he hasn't already.  If I am not mistaken he averages atleast one show a week on her and her alone.  I have my dvr set to record all new episodes but I delete every one that is about her now.  He and his producers are waisting an hour on her when there are people out there who are at their breaking points and pleading for help.  She, on the other hand, is thriving on the publicity and I'm sorry to say but Dr. Phil is playing right into her hands. 

 
March 24, 2009, 10:55 pm CDT

Seek help NOW!!!

Quote From: purpleklip

This show is bothersome because it was promoted as "Young Couples in Trouble".... of which I am but my husband is verbally and emotionally abusive. I have affirmation about this from a respected Christian Counselor.

 

I keep watching these shows hoping for help. But it's all about these horrible, immature women. I wouldn't fathom doing the things they do to their husbands.


It doesn't help matters when my husband overhears the show and retorts that "Women are the problem".

 

I wish it would have showed couples were each gender was the 'abuser' because this is just giving women the bad name and I can't extract any help from this. THe circumstances are too crazy too.

 

Pray for my situation. I am 4 months pregnant, running my own business at age 28, money is tight due to the economy and clients pulling back, husband is unemployed for the 4th month now, we have to pay all our baby bills ourselves, and are not speaking for day four now.

 

He is really verbally abusive and emotionally. Drives erratic with me in the car and baby and tells me to shut up. Calls me lazy, white-trash if I use the potty first thing in the morning and the door to the bathroom is not shut and locked - the cats push it open to come tell me they want catfood so it gets pushed open and he screams at me from the bedroom. The bathroom is not attached to our bedroom. it's across the hall. There are a zillion things I am berated about. We cancelled our first JOINT counseling session  today because I don't have the money to pay for it and he has zero from no job and wasting $$ on hobbies.

 

I wish I had a partner.

 

Honey, you need to get out and I mean fast. Call a friend, relative, abusive hotline, Dr. Phil, or somebody to help you.  DO NOT make the mistake of not taking him seriously!  I'm no expert on relationships, especially abusive ones, but what you've described in your post concerns me greatly.  I know abusive husbands don't make it easy to get out but you have a baby to think about.  I don't mean to sound condescending but do you think once the baby is born that he will mellow out?  No! He will be 1000 times worse because babies cry when their hungry, sleepy, need a diaper change, have a belly ache, are teething, etc etc.  It's their only means of communication to let you know something is wrong.  Another thing, babies sense turmoil, so when he goes into one of his raging fits, the baby will more than likely cry then too.  My suggestion to you is don't think about yourself, don't think about your husband.  THINK ABOUT YOUR HELPLESS, UNBORN BABY who doesn't have a choice in the matter!  There are so many more MEN out there, like Cadum, for instance, who would jump at the opportunity to have a woman they can respect and who respects them back. I sincerely hope you don't think I'm patonizing you in any way.  Considering when people are in the situation such as yours, they usually don't consider the possibilities I mentioned above. It is my intention to bring them to your attention for your unborn baby's sake, because IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM OR HER NOW!! You are his or her protector and unfortunately, sometimes they have to be protected from the other parent. I'm praying for you!

 

***NOTE*** Dr. PHIL, PLEASE STOP WASTING SHOWS AND AIR-TIME ON NADYA "THE SELF DISTRUCTER," SULEMAN AND HELP THIS MOTHER-TO-BE??????  PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE??????

 
March 25, 2009, 3:25 pm CDT

monica

Even the chick that broke her husband's nose and collar bone thinks that Monica is a kook!
 
March 25, 2009, 4:06 pm CDT

give us a break

I just watched the couples again today.  I taped the show to fast forward thru the commercials. Not today!

I needed the commercials for a break.  People, watch yourself on tape...there is no way you can say that you are not in trouble.  Grow up and decide you do not want to live like this and get to work on yourself only!

Ever hear of: you can lead the horse to water, but you can't make him drink?  No body is perfect, but Good Lord, you have Dr. Phil to help, why would you not take the opportunity to grow with his guidance!!

 

 
March 25, 2009, 6:06 pm CDT

Double Standard???

well...this being my first message im not sure if there are certain rules an such or if im even on the right board but here goes...

 

Dr. Phil...normally i highly praise the advice you give but this time i think you dropped the ball in a huge way...im frustrated...a lil miffed an frankly...disappointed...especially after your show on Rhianna an abusive relationships...im speaking of the couple...Jenna and Ed....ive watched all 3 shows and ive been waiting an waiting for someone to say the obvious...were the roles switched....EVERYONE would be telling Jenna to run...an run fast....yet...it hasnt happened....abuse is abuse...male or female....ive seen many of your other shows discussing abusive relationships where the women have been told to basically *get the heck outta dodge!!!*...cept in this situation with Jenna an Ed...NOONE should have to deal with an abusive partner yet it seems to be being downplayed with this couple...why arent there more shows about men who are abused?...its almost always about women...men are abused all over...why arent more people speaking out for them??...and before anyone wants to rush to judge me....heres another lil shocker...im female...an have been in abusive situations....so no...im not a guy trying to deflect the heat off the guys....an my gawds...these children are witnessing this???...hello???....GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP!....

 

umm...well guess thats about it for now...thanks for taking the time to read my post

 
March 25, 2009, 10:27 pm CDT

Good point!

Quote From: savage13

well...this being my first message im not sure if there are certain rules an such or if im even on the right board but here goes...

 

Dr. Phil...normally i highly praise the advice you give but this time i think you dropped the ball in a huge way...im frustrated...a lil miffed an frankly...disappointed...especially after your show on Rhianna an abusive relationships...im speaking of the couple...Jenna and Ed....ive watched all 3 shows and ive been waiting an waiting for someone to say the obvious...were the roles switched....EVERYONE would be telling Jenna to run...an run fast....yet...it hasnt happened....abuse is abuse...male or female....ive seen many of your other shows discussing abusive relationships where the women have been told to basically *get the heck outta dodge!!!*...cept in this situation with Jenna an Ed...NOONE should have to deal with an abusive partner yet it seems to be being downplayed with this couple...why arent there more shows about men who are abused?...its almost always about women...men are abused all over...why arent more people speaking out for them??...and before anyone wants to rush to judge me....heres another lil shocker...im female...an have been in abusive situations....so no...im not a guy trying to deflect the heat off the guys....an my gawds...these children are witnessing this???...hello???....GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP!....

 

umm...well guess thats about it for now...thanks for taking the time to read my post

You raised a very valid point.  When women are abused it is taken very seriously. However, when women are the abuser it is downplayed, like you said.  This is my personal opinion.  When the general public thinks of a "woman" they automatically think "weaker sex," right? Well, that was back in the day, anyway. For that vary reason, most women have proven that they can do anything a man can do. That being said, you normaly wouldn't expect "the weaker sex" to be the abuser, but it does happen and probably far more often than we realize.  Honestly, how much damage can a woman actually do to a man?  Well, Jenna did break Ed's collar bone!  Trust me, I don't like to be considered "the weaker sex" and if anyone tells me I can't do something, I will show them I can! 

 

I can't rememer which episode it was or what day it aired but Dr. Phil had an abusive husband and his wife on before this series and let me tell you Dr. Phil land-blasted that man.  He said, "WHAT DO YOU THINK GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO PUT YOUR HANDS ON A WOMAN?" Dr. Phil really sticks it to the men but when it comes to women abusers he lets it slide and I don't think that's fair at all.   

 

On the flip side of things, I'm so happy Jenna is able to acknowledge that she needs to focus on getting herself better.  I just hope the others will follow suit.

 

Ya know, I really do commend you for defending abused men, having been an abused woman yourself.  That speaks volumes to me because most are bitter(and rightfully so) toward all men for what that one man in particular did.  I wish Dr. Phil would approach the subject a little more to say "no matter if you're male or female, abuse is abuse, and no one has any right to lay a hand on another human in that manner." 

 
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