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Topic : 08/12 How to Talk to Your Kids about Money

Number of Replies: 43
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Created on : Friday, March 20, 2009, 12:11:27 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 03/27/09) The current economic crisis has everyone on edge. It’s more important than ever to talk to your kids about money, and today, Dr. Phil gives you the tools you need to have that conversation. His first guests, Lora and Kris, say they want help because their 15-year-old daughter, Katy, loves to shop –- with their money –- and she doesn’t take care of the items she buys. She’s already on her second iPhone, second iPod and third laptop! Katy admits she’s a little spoiled but says every teenager wants nice things. Lora and Kris admit they have a hard time telling their daughter no. How will Katy do when asked to balance the family budget? Then, Dr. Phil leads a roundtable discussion about money with a group of fourth and fifth graders. Find out their reactions when they learn how many bags of groceries you could buy with the amount of money it costs for an iPod. Plus, financial expert Susan Beacham shares the dos and don’ts for teaching kids about money. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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March 28, 2009, 2:15 pm CDT

Speechless

This whole situation is unbelievable.  I don't thnk the parents would admit it, but they are buying their daughter's love, afraid if they say no she won't love them anymore.  I can't believe Dr. Phil never questoned them on this.  I pay $18 for a haircut and they cut it just as good as the $80 one she gets.  All I can say is she had better find her a rich man or she will never be happy and that is the sad part.  My parents could have afforded to buy me a car but after graduation I worked and rode the bus for a year to get the down payment.  These parents are doing these children no favors.  Dr. Phil you are going soft.
 
March 28, 2009, 4:45 pm CDT

Kids Need A Vested Interest

I think that Dr. Phil had some very valuable advice for the parents. The cycle of giving kids everything they want or more is part of what the overall problem is in society today. I could identify with the advice because I firmly believe that kids like to feel good about themselves. They feel good when they have a vested interest in the outcome. My son is 19 and when I was a single mother there were weeks when we only had $20.00 for groceries until I would get paid two weeks later. I had to make a lot of sacrifices. When we would go to the grocery store he wanted everything. He would get mad because I wouldn't buy him all this junk food and snack food all the time. So what I did when we went to the grocery store I would give him $5.00 or $10.00 and tell him that was all he could spend on anything in the store he wanted and know that nothing else was going to be bought snack wise until payday. The first time out he bought the stuff he loved and it was the more expensive things. There on after, he began searching the store for the best deals and how he could get the most out of the money he had. He got really good at it and he was very happy with himself when he found "deals" and "specials". We started doing the same thing for clothing and other things. He loved the challenge and understood then what the value of the dollar was. Now he is going to college for Accounting! I think we sell ourselves short and our kids by not giving them the responsibility and vested interest in their own financial matters.
 
March 29, 2009, 5:47 am CDT

this was a joke

Unless I am simply so far off the mark that I cannot even see the playing field, I really believe the only reason these people (especially mom) brought this child onto the show was to show her off.  Those parents have absolutely no intention of reining in this spoiled, inconsiderate, manipulative kid.  This excuse that "she is just so busy and does well in school" just does not cut it.  She is supposed to do well in school.  That's HER job!  Further, I hope she has a lot more going on than shopping and cheerleading in order to qualify for a full college scholarship.  This kid is headed for big disappointments unless she plans on living with mom and dad for a long, long time.

I am very surprised that Dr. Phil did not call this one and I know he saw it.  A sad mom living vicariously through her daughter, a father who is afraid to speak his mind and the grand puppet master - litttle Miss Katy.  There was never any intention of trying to get this kid to appreciate value; it was all about "world look at Katy, isn't she charming, talented, smart, blah, blah, blah...."

This show could really have taught some valuable lessons but instead it was mostly geared toward the "cuteness" of Katy.  Not cute in my book - classic example of overindulged, disrespectful, "the world owes me" kid.  As a side note, this kid is 15!  what was up with the spike heels and off the shoulder blouse.  Jeez no wonder she thinks she's an adult. 

 
March 29, 2009, 7:42 am CDT

03/27 How to Talk to Your Kids about Money

I can't believe how these parents are spoiling their daughter.  For one thing if she is so busy with school and "cheerleading" that she can't have a job, make her quit the cheerleading.  That isn't a necessity.  There is also no real good reason for a 15 year old to have as high heels as she had on.  A nice dress flat would have been more appropriate for her age.  Also why did she need a new outfit to appear on the show?  I'm sure 99% of America hasn't seen anything in her  closet.  I grew up in a poor farm family and I started teaching myself to sew when I was 8 years old, making doll clothes.  By the time I was teen ager I had started making a lot of my clothes.  The first items that I made were plain skirts gathered onto a waistband.  I had lots of them, then I moved up to simple dresses.  I was lucky I had an aunt and uncle who didn't have any kids, who was a really good sewer and a grandmother who lived in a little larger town who would shop garage sales in the ritzy neighbor hoods, therefore the four kids in my family were better dressed than a lot of the other low income people in the area.   That is even how I got my formal.  Some of our clothes were even made out of the bags that chicken feed came in.  Whenever we would need to buy the special feed, my mother wouldn't just let the person at the hatchery load it into the car trunk, she would go inside and look at the different prints and pick out enough of one kind that would be needed to make a dress or a skirt, etc.  Sometimes the employee would have to move several bags to get what she wanted. 

 

My two daughters even grew up with mostly homemade clothes.  When they were little I even made their coats out of old adult coats.  We weren't that extremely hard up, it was just the economical thing to do.  The only thing they didn't get homemade was jeans.  A person can even make t-shirts and sweatshirts and decorate them---granted they won't have a designer logo on them-----but who really wants  to have somebody else's name on their clothes?  I even made my daughter's formals.  I have made clothes for my grandchildren, but have quit doing that.

 

Other than what I have made for my grandchildren, they rarely get brand new clothing.  Most of it is thrift store(not consignment) stores.  Consignment stuff is more expensive than thrift stores.  Also they shop a lot of rummage sales.    When they do get something brand new, it is from WalMart, not the mall.   They also don't get their nails professionally done, unless they happen to have some of their own money, the same applies to hair dos.   My grandkids,  two boys and two girls, range in age from 12-22 and believe me, when you get kids the size of three of them, it is hard to find bargain clothes.  The oldest boy is 22 and is developmentally disabled.  He is 6'8"  with a 32 inch waist and 40 inch inseamI help buy his clothes, because of the cost.)  Then there is a 20 year old girl who is 6', a 17 year old girl that is normal sized, and the 12 year old boy is 6 ft. and wears a mens XL shirt and size 12 shoes.  I don't know what his inseam is but apparently it must be fairly short because when jeans fit his waist they are too long.  These kids are all in one family.  They all know how to decide if things are too expensive.  Not one of them has their car yet..  That is something else that kids don't need as soon as they turn 16. 

 

One of my adult daughters is mentally handicapped and lives with me, she is even aware of what things cost.  When we are shopping she will notice if something has went up in price and  tell me.  Saturday when we were getting grocieries she noticed that her favorite cookies had went up in price from .88 cents to $1.36 and she said "rats! that means we can't get any."  I told her to go ahead and put a package the shopping cart. 

 

Little Miss Katie that was on the show just plain needs an attitude adjustment.  Why take her to the mall shopping?  I'm sure there must be other stores in the area.  Malls have some of the most expensive shopping in our area, and then the downtown stores.  But heck! you can hit WalMart, Shopko, Kmart, Target.  If you don't tell people where you got the clothes they won't know.  That is unless you insist on wearing some designers name on your chest.  When it comes right down to it her parents need an attitude adjustment too.   

 
March 29, 2009, 8:55 am CDT

You are not off the mark !

Quote From: babillage1

Unless I am simply so far off the mark that I cannot even see the playing field, I really believe the only reason these people (especially mom) brought this child onto the show was to show her off.  Those parents have absolutely no intention of reining in this spoiled, inconsiderate, manipulative kid.  This excuse that "she is just so busy and does well in school" just does not cut it.  She is supposed to do well in school.  That's HER job!  Further, I hope she has a lot more going on than shopping and cheerleading in order to qualify for a full college scholarship.  This kid is headed for big disappointments unless she plans on living with mom and dad for a long, long time.

I am very surprised that Dr. Phil did not call this one and I know he saw it.  A sad mom living vicariously through her daughter, a father who is afraid to speak his mind and the grand puppet master - litttle Miss Katy.  There was never any intention of trying to get this kid to appreciate value; it was all about "world look at Katy, isn't she charming, talented, smart, blah, blah, blah...."

This show could really have taught some valuable lessons but instead it was mostly geared toward the "cuteness" of Katy.  Not cute in my book - classic example of overindulged, disrespectful, "the world owes me" kid.  As a side note, this kid is 15!  what was up with the spike heels and off the shoulder blouse.  Jeez no wonder she thinks she's an adult. 

I 'm with you ! I just feel sorry for the poor guy who ends up at the alter with this brat!  I  was married to a girl just like her. No matter what she had, she wanted more !! You guys be careful out there !!!!!!!

 
March 29, 2009, 9:03 am CDT

Some people should not have kids !

Quote From: tvoss5464

I think that Dr. Phil had some very valuable advice for the parents. The cycle of giving kids everything they want or more is part of what the overall problem is in society today. I could identify with the advice because I firmly believe that kids like to feel good about themselves. They feel good when they have a vested interest in the outcome. My son is 19 and when I was a single mother there were weeks when we only had $20.00 for groceries until I would get paid two weeks later. I had to make a lot of sacrifices. When we would go to the grocery store he wanted everything. He would get mad because I wouldn't buy him all this junk food and snack food all the time. So what I did when we went to the grocery store I would give him $5.00 or $10.00 and tell him that was all he could spend on anything in the store he wanted and know that nothing else was going to be bought snack wise until payday. The first time out he bought the stuff he loved and it was the more expensive things. There on after, he began searching the store for the best deals and how he could get the most out of the money he had. He got really good at it and he was very happy with himself when he found "deals" and "specials". We started doing the same thing for clothing and other things. He loved the challenge and understood then what the value of the dollar was. Now he is going to college for Accounting! I think we sell ourselves short and our kids by not giving them the responsibility and vested interest in their own financial matters.

The sad thing is there is a lot of parents out there just like them. It's going to be interesting what the world is going to be like when these spoiled brats run it. Can't wait !! Yikes !!!

 
March 30, 2009, 6:16 am CDT

Thank you

This show opened my eyes and caused me to take action. I was fortunate to have one of my kids watching the show with me. She's 8 years old and the show allowed us to have some good conversation about money. What I don't want to raise are kids who have no clue about money. I want to teach them to be financially responsible, but I've never really known how to do that. My parents never talked to us about money, I learned the hard way -- and I'm still learning.
During the night on Friday I woke up and had some ideas on how I can help my kids with this oh-so-important life lesson. I devised a game where the kids will have to pay for things like meals, a bed to sleep in, laundry services, rides to school... They also have the opportunity to earn money for things like doing homework as soon as they get home from school, random acts of kindness... We will use real cash for this exercise (because I think it means more) and the money will come out of their bank accounts. They will get to put the money back in their account when we're done with the exercise (I'm thinking of doing it for three weeks) but they won't know that.
My goal in this exercise is to teach them that things cost money and to help them learn to budget the limited resources they have. I also want to teach them the value of planning and doing things that bring in income.
I'll keep you posted on this exercise. I'm excited by the potential.
 
April 1, 2009, 1:12 pm CDT

NEED TO CLEAR UP A FEW MISCONCEPTIONS...

Hi this is Katy's mom.  Yes, Lora on the show.  The staff at Dr. Phil told us not to read the blogs and message boards because they tend to be very negative and pointless.  However, curiosity killed this cat.  Anyway, I just want to clear up a few inaccuracies on the show as well as misconceptions and assumptions made by people posting in the blogs and on the message boards.  First of all,  you can't believe everything you read in the newspaper or tabloids or see on TV.  If you do, then I have an attractive lot of swamp land I'd like to sell you...(lol) 

 

I replied to a call out to parents who believed their children did not understand the value of a dollar.  My husband and I are graduates of the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace program and paid off our debt three years ago.  We no longer use traditional credit cards...in fact we have two low-limit cards with money backing them just to maintain credit.  We wanted to teach our daughter responsiblity with money and to live within her means so that when she becomes an adult she won't get into the same credit bind most of the country is in right now.  Our main issue with Katy was not taking care of things, loaning out her stuff and giving money, etc. away to all her friends.  We actually seldom go shopping, but it is important to Katy that she have nice clothes and usually from only four stores at the mall:  Hollister, Abercrombie & Fitch, Victoria Secret's Pink line, and American Eagle.  I was tired of her thinking she had to have name-brands all the time.  She doesn't own anything 'designer' with exception of her glasses for school.  I didn't think of going to the Dr. Phil show as turning Katy in to the 'money police', I just thought it would be fun to take a trip to LA and learn something in the meantime.

 

 I was surprised to hear back from the show the same day.  By Sunday of the same week we were flown out to L.A. for taping of the show.  Before that though we participated in extensive interviews with two producers and other staff and had a LOT of filming homework to do on our own.  I filmed Katy in her room in her zebra halter top which she wanted to wear simply because it matched her room.  It is part of a dress outfit she wore at her birthday party.  We were interviewed individually for hours by producers and staff on the phone and some information got inadvertantly misquoted on the show.  For example, we rarely go shopping although that ended up being the focus of the show.  The mall is over an hour away and we go once or twice a month at most and only in rare circumstances (school shopping for example) do we spend $500.  One time on the phone they asked me how often do we go shopping and I answered once or twice a month but the mall is far away.  Then another day they asked me how much do we spend on average and I said for school shopping $500 usually and then we may give Katy $100-200 during the year when we go.  2+2=4, NOT 6.  Another inaccuracy is the scenario of our household budget.  I was asked to estimate our household expenses so that Katy could do them in an exercise and I based the income amount AFTER savings, medical, taxes, etc.  While our household income is nobody's business, I had to come up with a number for the sake of the exercise.  I also noticed that the money expert included clothing and cheer fees, entertainment, etc. already in the budget and then suggested to Katy that there was little left...inaccurate.  Oh well.  I am not suggesting that the staff is dishonest, just that the information was misinterpreted.  We decided as a family that we would 'throw our hats over the wall' so to speak and have an adventure by going to the show and not worry about how we were portrayed or how the producers edited the show.  The Dr. Phil staff was FABULOUS and treated us like family.  We would do it again if we got the chance.  It was a blast!  (Thus the reason for the smiles on our faces).  As for my husband, I think he was like a deer caught in the headlights...he had no idea he just sat there and did not speak (lol) but they told us to talk as much as possible to keep it interesting so Katy and I did our job to interact with Dr. Phil.  People in this blog have made assumptions that we are not giving people.  This is quite contrary to the fact.  We have organized massive fundraising campaigns as a family including food drives, the ONE.org campaign, working at local  food pantries, buying/cooking/preparing/serving meals at local soup kitchens, volunteering with Habitat for Humanity, donating money and stuff to Salvation Army and Goodwill, etc.  While growing up, there were several times when Katy, in lieu of presents, had everyone bring a gift for a child in need.  This girl has a BIG HEART people.  I am sorry that you only got to see an 'edited' version of the 'shopping Katy'.  Another thing...someone said is that I probably have never worked in my life.  On the contrary, I have worked since I was 14 and even put myself through college.  I was head of household in my first marriage for 6 years and was a single mom too.  I am just pointing out that you guys don't know us and are making a lot of assumption from a 45 minute show.

 

P.S. We did learn to give an allowance to Katy and make her responsible for her own money.  She is also in lifeguard training to work this summer.  Woo hoo!

 

God Bless you and yours!

Lora

 
April 1, 2009, 6:51 pm CDT

should have all the facts

 I was surprised after reading the moms messages about that show. I watch my daughter with my 3 grandkids and I tell you, I am just glad I am not raising kids now a days. Not sure we should be too hard on any of them. It's just a different era. Good luck to all of you....
 
July 8, 2009, 11:45 pm CDT

dumb and dumber need family therapy

Quote From: grapeleaf

I have a lot to do today but I was so incensed at today's show that I had to sit and  actually register so I could write you.  You are usually  so right on with your advice, Dr. Phil, but you were so easy and cutesy cutesy with these parents and this spoiled daughter that I wanted to throw up!!  The dad was never made to engage in conversation, the mom was totally useless and the daughter, spoiled beyond belief.  She needs to go live in China for a while where I visited last year,  or the parents could use the money they spend on her for trips that will show her how the needy of the world live. There are families who do not have in their home what his child has in her bedroom!  I could go on and on and on.... but i will just end this because the more I write, the madder I will get.   Just know I was extremely disappointed by this show and your shows are usually not disappointing. they always give good and helpful information.
Australia has only seen this show this week - July 2009. I agree with you. There was nothing cute about this teenager nor her parents. Dr Phil only pandered to their ingrained dysfunctionalism by not seriously calling them all out for exactly what they were. There are often people on this show, with any number of issues, whom I regard as quite silly and wouldn't want them in my circle, some even dangerous. But that said, I still generally can be empathic especially when I see them trying to effect change for the better. Seldom do I have such dislike for guests as I did for this Mother and daughter, tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum. In the April posts this woman wrote a spiel putting forward her corrections after being told it wasn't a good idea to read posts. She apparently thought it'd be fun to have a trip to LA, the primary reason she signed up for the show. I suppose the trip was paid for by the Dr Phil show. She should have stayed in whatever backwoods she lives, found and paid for a sound Family Therapist for her and her family if she had any interest at all in turning around the puerile rot permeating through her family, and allowed another teenager-family to take their place on the show, people who actually had some self respect for themselves, who were not there simply for a freebie fun jaunt to LA. Another post in April came from the Town this family lives in, claiming the daughter was okay, the Mother was the problem, that she lived through her daughter. I would partially agree with that sentiment. But a 15 year old who pretends she is clueless about budgetting, who acts as (covertly) manipulatively and flirtatiously as this one did as she kept on with her silly puerile act, is not fine in her own right. The Mother said she was just a regular teenager of her Town. If this is correct, this Town also needs to take a good hard look at itself, since the last thing the World needs is more of this poor breeding and poor socialisation being passed off as the norm. The girl has her Mother's genes. Strong genetic inheritance can be a difficult thing to overcome. She also has been socialised by her Mother, and possibly her Town's values. That also is difficult to overcome. But none of it is insurmountable if silly Barbie doesn't want to be silly Barbie Stepford Wife all her life. Where my empathy does kick in is I expect - if just a little digging was done by Dr Phil - he would have drawn out that the presenting problem i.e. Credit Cards - Overspending had very little to do with this family's problems. Even the fun freebie trip to LA is a red herring in the overall schema. Sub-consciously at least the Mother was putting out a call for Help when she signed up for the show. Every first year counsellor, any astute person knows the IP - identified patient/person - is usually wrongly identified as the main problem, or is identified as a way of bringing out of the closet any number of diverse issues. Instead of wasting time on the cutesy nonsense that served no-one well, time could have been allotted to expose that a great deal of the problems in this dysfunctional family had to do with the Mother's (family) history. I doubt the marriage - relationship between the parents is a good one, no best friends there. I question unresolved fertility issue problems in this specific family with this terribly spoilt cotton-wooled only child. I'm not sure the Mother is intelligent enough to want to change herself, especially at this late date. Or to even begin to connote that her perception of her daughter is skewed, that she has blinkers and rose-colored glasses on, that she is daily harming her daughter's potential by denying the truth. As is the dish-rag ineffectual controlled by the females in the family Father. "Loving" parents can be anything but when it's all added up. Dr Phil did call the parents out on insidious child abuse. For all I know he might also have called some of what I've said above out behind the scenes. But that wasn't shown in the program. So it seems a dis-service has been done in not at least confronting the Mother on her need to deal with her own historical as well as current issues if there is to begin to be any sound changes in the problematic status quo. Dr Phil didn't deal with power issues in the sabotage by the parents of their daughter becoming a fully-functioning teenager-adult. He didn't deal with what was the pay-off for them. Hypochondriacs get a pay-off. Like bulimics. The pay-off can be stronger than the detriment. Even when people are intelligent and aware of the detriment the pay-off over-rides, no matter how crazy it seems even to themselves as well as outsiders. Same here. I wonder why if Dr Phil didn't offer them a freebie Family Therapist to get the ball rolling, might as well add it to the LA round ticket fun trip tab, he at least didn't refer them to best in their field therapists in their area. PS. If the Mother reads this post, maybe you will take notice and book your family in to a sound counsellor who can aid you all to a better functionalism.
 
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