Message Boards

Topic : 06/26 Frustrated Moms

Number of Replies: 59
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, March 26, 2009, 04:06:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/01/09) America is teeming with people who are frustrated by rising unemployment, lack of affordable health care and mounting foreclosures. Dr. Phil talks to children who say they are silently shouldering their parents’ rage. He meets with two sets of siblings -- sisters Kelsey, 12, and Courtney, 13; and sister and brother Skyler, 17, and Shane, 15 -- who say their mother's anger has them walking on eggshells. What do the kids say are their biggest fears? Next, Dr. Phil sits down with Kelsey and Courtney’s mom, Lisa, alone. Lisa says her Jekyll-and-Hyde personality causes her to verbally attack her daughters. Find out what incident caused her to fly into a rage and kick one of her kids out! What’s behind the mom’s fury? Dr. Jim Sears, renowned pediatrician and co-host of the hit show The Doctors weighs in. Then, Skyler and Shane’s mother, Shawnda, says she’s on edge every day and fears that rage is slowly killing her. She says she cusses like a sailor in the home and calls her children horrible names such as bitch and retard. Can Shawnda learn to get her temper under control? Plus, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s eight coping steps for verbally abusive parents. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

April 2, 2009, 2:54 pm CDT

Threatening to Send Children Away

I am a retired teacher.  I watched the show about angry moms yesterday.  Listening to the two daughters and their distress over their mom's threats to "send them away" reminded me of  children I taught through the years whose parents used similar threats; "If you don't behave (let go, settle down, straighten up,...) I'll never come back for you...", "If you don't ___ I'll give you away...".  The children who received those threats were terrorized!   The idea that their parent might leave and never return horrified the children.  Those were some of my most insecure, unhappy, demanding, and clingy students.  Parents, if you ever said something like that to your child you need to have a heart to heart with them,  apologize and come up with a better way to deal with your stress. 
 
April 2, 2009, 8:17 pm CDT

I too feel like an Angry Mom

I just wanted to say that there is many times that I worry about being too angry and taking it out on my kids. The day you aired this show, I sat with my two daughters that are 8 and 6 years old, and we watched the whole show together. I asked them questions about what the kids has said on the show, how they felt about what they were saying and how they felt about me. At first I was truly scared of the answers I was about to receive, but they answered honestly. After they told me that some things were the same and some things were different, it wasn't so scary any longer. I tried to discuss it with both my girls. And most of all apologize for my anger. I feel that having that moment with them was very important, and hopefully your show has had an impact on our relationships as mother and daughter. There is many times that I get over the top angry and beyond frustrated, and not even with the children but something they do will make it that much worse. And unfortunately for them, they get the worst of it. I yell at them a lot too and break stuff in the house. I know now that all I was doing was scaring my beautiful little girls and ruining any chance of them trusting and respecting me. I am glad though, that they are young and hopefully we can correct this issue. When I heard the one mother on your show admit that she was angry because she lost her husband, it made a ton of sense to me. I have chosen to speak to a specialist to try to get past my aggression and direct it in the right place, in the right manner. So I would like to say thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for myself and my daughters.  I try to watch your show as often as possible, but this is by far the most successful episode that for me and my family.
 
April 2, 2009, 8:22 pm CDT

04/01 Angry Moms

continued...

I wanted to also say that when talking to my kids, I made a point of appologizing to my kids and assuring them that I will get help for my anger issues. It made me take a deep, hard look at how things were going and I choose to not have my kids grow up to have a relationship with my girls like I have with my mother. She too was a very angry mom as well. Verbally abusive at times. And I never wanted to be like that with my children and I realize that I have been acting just like her.  I am glad I realized it before it was too late to fix, and had caused serious psycological damage to my kids.

 
April 3, 2009, 5:35 am CDT

Those poor children..........

Quote From: elisechase

I am a retired teacher.  I watched the show about angry moms yesterday.  Listening to the two daughters and their distress over their mom's threats to "send them away" reminded me of  children I taught through the years whose parents used similar threats; "If you don't behave (let go, settle down, straighten up,...) I'll never come back for you...", "If you don't ___ I'll give you away...".  The children who received those threats were terrorized!   The idea that their parent might leave and never return horrified the children.  Those were some of my most insecure, unhappy, demanding, and clingy students.  Parents, if you ever said something like that to your child you need to have a heart to heart with them,  apologize and come up with a better way to deal with your stress. 

  I was only able to catch a small part of the show and what I did see appalled me. After reading your post I can't imagine what hearing something like that "I'll give you away" & "I'll never come back" etc,  would do to a child. I guess I was incredibly blessed with a wonderful childhood and th best parents a child could ever hope for.

  My mother would have NEVER stooped so low as to threaten any of her children with such words. We had 'normal' discipline and nothing was ever done to scar any of us. But the parents who allow their tempers to get out of control and treat their children like that should be tarred and feathered. Maybe they should be forced to wear a scarlet 'A' for abuse on the front of their clothing? It's downright criminal to treat a child this way! I'm furious as I write this and my heart also aches for any child who is or has been abused in any way. Emotional abuse can be just as or even more so damaging than physical abuse. How a child is treated, spoken to, shapes who they are in life. If they are told they are nothing but trash then that's exactly what how they will see themselves for the rest of their lives.

  I don't care how bad someone's finances may be or how hard they must work, you NEVER take it out on your children, EVER!

  My husband has worked 6 days a week in the winter and 7 days a week in the summer for his entire working life. He has put in more than 100 hours a week at the least for over 40 years. I know it sounds odd but it's the type of business that he just happens to be in. No matter how tired and exhausted he has ever been not once has he ever taken it out on his 3 children. They are grown now, of course, but I believe this is a good example. In the 21 years that I've been married to him not once have I ever seen him respond to me in anger, much less his children while they were teens and lived with us. So finances and being 'tired' are just not a good enough excuse to try to put the blame on.

  I honestly believe that some women were never meant to have children. Just because they can reproduce doesn't mean that they should. There's a woman that I happen to know personally who reminded me of one of the mothers on this show. Sometimes I just want to shake her (hard) and tell her to open her eyes. She has wonderful children who are in the teens and are good kids. They don't use drugs, don't get into trouble, they are smart and have beautiful hearts, must have come from their dad!

  Someday soon I plan on sitting her down and reminding her of what she was like as a teenager, she was no angel, believe me. Things that she's done as a teenager she would beat her kids over. A complete hypocrite. Yes, I plan to point this out ASAP now that it's on my mind, it's a heavy burden that I can't carry anymore. Her children deserve better. Every child deserves better than to be treated this way!

 
April 3, 2009, 12:38 pm CDT

04/01 Angry Moms

I agree that children do not deserve to be treated that way, and yes there is too many parents that thoroughly abuse their gifts as parents. However, there is times when things become too much and people don't always realize it is happening, or why for that matter. It takes are caring and courageous parent to make the effort to find the cause and correct the situation. And for those mothers on TV that you think should wear a "A" for abuse on the front of their clothing, I feel they should be commended for going and getting the help they need for their children, simply because their children deserve it to have a better childhood. The fact that they have acknowledged their issues and have made a public effort to start the healing process is a big deal and shouldn't be taken lightly. I too have had struggles and have had issues with my anger and I know, like many other parents in this world, took things out on my kids as well as my husband. But I have sat down and talked to the kids and have taken the first steps to find out the cause of it and mend my mistakes. So does that mean that I am a horrible person too? Not everyone has had such a wonderful childhood that you were fortunate enough to have, in fact I wish that I had. But until you have lived in those shoes, you don't know what damage it does to a person. And how easy it is to carry it throughout your adult life. Its only a small amount of those people that are able to make things better and get help for their emotional problems.
 
April 4, 2009, 6:32 am CDT

Thank you for this show

     I just wanted to comment on this show, because I was so truely comparing my own childhood with those of the kids that were on the show. I don't believe that these mom's know even a little bit about how their actions are going to affect their children throughout their lives. My mom yelled at me every day over things like not getting downstairs quick enough, or leaving a few crumbs on the counter after getting my breakfast before school. I went to school every day in tears feeling so bad about myself. It seemed like there was nothing I could do that would ever please my mother enough to make her not get upset with me. The amount of stress that was put on me was unbelievable. I submerged myself in after-school activities and sports just so I didn't have to go right home. Because of my feelings I know that I wasn't able to put everything I had into school, which my grades showed. I also wasn't able to sleep, and was getting about 4 hours per night while I was in jr high and high school. It seemed that the older I got the angrier my mother got with me. I often wished I didn't have her for my mom.

     I am now 24 years old, and haven't lived with my mom for over 6 years, and she moved to a different state right after I moved out. I thought that the distance was the best thing for us because I actually missed her and we were able to talk in a civil manner, something which we weren't able to do for years. It seems that the distance wasn't what we needed to repair our relationship, and that there was really no hope for us to ever have a mother-daughter relationship that was healthy. There were times that if I said something on the phone to her that she didn't agree with then she wouldn't call me for months at a time. Or if I mentioned my dad (parents have been divorced for 22 years) then she threw attitude toward what I was saying like I wasn't allowed to talk about one of my parents whom I love very much. All of this has resulted in my fighting with my husband in the same ways that my mother fought with me, yelling, and saying whatever will hurt him to the core. It has taken a very strong man to stick with me through my being able to hash all of these feelings over and realize that I feel the anger that my mother felt because of my experiences with her. Unfortionately my mother and myself haven't spoken in nearly 2 years and I have never felt the kind of relief that I do because I don't have to worry about when the chips are going to fall and she is going to be mad at me and not talk to me. I feel very sad that this has happened in my life and that my children wont' know their grandmother, but at the same time, in order for me to be a healthy and happy person I need to not go through the realm of emotions that are involved when she is in my life.

     The reason I am writing this is to relay that those actions are burned into your children's lives forever. Please don't mistake that your actions have no consequences on your children. It affects them in ways that may take them years to realize. Fortionately I have an amazing husband and a great family that supports me and has stood by me through the confusing times of trying to figure out who I am without all of the anger. I know that I'm not out of the woods, but I believe that the first step in bettering myself is to realize why I do what I do, and working hard to change it.

 
April 4, 2009, 5:51 pm CDT

My eyes have been opened to what my sons pain when I yelled at him.

Quote From: jettaracing

     I just wanted to comment on this show, because I was so truely comparing my own childhood with those of the kids that were on the show. I don't believe that these mom's know even a little bit about how their actions are going to affect their children throughout their lives. My mom yelled at me every day over things like not getting downstairs quick enough, or leaving a few crumbs on the counter after getting my breakfast before school. I went to school every day in tears feeling so bad about myself. It seemed like there was nothing I could do that would ever please my mother enough to make her not get upset with me. The amount of stress that was put on me was unbelievable. I submerged myself in after-school activities and sports just so I didn't have to go right home. Because of my feelings I know that I wasn't able to put everything I had into school, which my grades showed. I also wasn't able to sleep, and was getting about 4 hours per night while I was in jr high and high school. It seemed that the older I got the angrier my mother got with me. I often wished I didn't have her for my mom.

     I am now 24 years old, and haven't lived with my mom for over 6 years, and she moved to a different state right after I moved out. I thought that the distance was the best thing for us because I actually missed her and we were able to talk in a civil manner, something which we weren't able to do for years. It seems that the distance wasn't what we needed to repair our relationship, and that there was really no hope for us to ever have a mother-daughter relationship that was healthy. There were times that if I said something on the phone to her that she didn't agree with then she wouldn't call me for months at a time. Or if I mentioned my dad (parents have been divorced for 22 years) then she threw attitude toward what I was saying like I wasn't allowed to talk about one of my parents whom I love very much. All of this has resulted in my fighting with my husband in the same ways that my mother fought with me, yelling, and saying whatever will hurt him to the core. It has taken a very strong man to stick with me through my being able to hash all of these feelings over and realize that I feel the anger that my mother felt because of my experiences with her. Unfortionately my mother and myself haven't spoken in nearly 2 years and I have never felt the kind of relief that I do because I don't have to worry about when the chips are going to fall and she is going to be mad at me and not talk to me. I feel very sad that this has happened in my life and that my children wont' know their grandmother, but at the same time, in order for me to be a healthy and happy person I need to not go through the realm of emotions that are involved when she is in my life.

     The reason I am writing this is to relay that those actions are burned into your children's lives forever. Please don't mistake that your actions have no consequences on your children. It affects them in ways that may take them years to realize. Fortionately I have an amazing husband and a great family that supports me and has stood by me through the confusing times of trying to figure out who I am without all of the anger. I know that I'm not out of the woods, but I believe that the first step in bettering myself is to realize why I do what I do, and working hard to change it.

Thank you for posting your message of what you went through as a child being yelled at too much by your mom and how it affected you. It showed that I put my son through alot of pain by yelling , swearing at him and calling him names too much. I am trying real hard not to do that anymore! I have not done in 2wks. so far. It is a day to day struggle not to do it but through prayer and counseling I am doing it. I did not realize how pain it caused my son. Now I know I am doing the right thing by stopping. I have gotten both my son and I into regular and family counseling.I do not want my son to hate me. Well thanks again!
 
April 4, 2009, 6:12 pm CDT

Yes I agree at least the mom on the show is looking for help.

Quote From: louielou_3

I agree that children do not deserve to be treated that way, and yes there is too many parents that thoroughly abuse their gifts as parents. However, there is times when things become too much and people don't always realize it is happening, or why for that matter. It takes are caring and courageous parent to make the effort to find the cause and correct the situation. And for those mothers on TV that you think should wear a "A" for abuse on the front of their clothing, I feel they should be commended for going and getting the help they need for their children, simply because their children deserve it to have a better childhood. The fact that they have acknowledged their issues and have made a public effort to start the healing process is a big deal and shouldn't be taken lightly. I too have had struggles and have had issues with my anger and I know, like many other parents in this world, took things out on my kids as well as my husband. But I have sat down and talked to the kids and have taken the first steps to find out the cause of it and mend my mistakes. So does that mean that I am a horrible person too? Not everyone has had such a wonderful childhood that you were fortunate enough to have, in fact I wish that I had. But until you have lived in those shoes, you don't know what damage it does to a person. And how easy it is to carry it throughout your adult life. Its only a small amount of those people that are able to make things better and get help for their emotional problems.
Yes agree with you about how some moms have had a alot of pain and bad  experiences                    during thier child hood and adult life. What about all the moms that never admitt what they are doing is wrong and never seek help. You have to give the mom credit at least she has admitted she is wrong ang is seeking help. I am one of those angry moms who has been hurt alot during my childhood and adult life.  I did  not  know  what real love was about  util I repented of my sins and asked Jesus to come into my life. God showed me his love. He loves me unconditionally . I do not have to be perfect for him to love me. I have recently admitted to my son and pastor that I yell too much at my son and I needed to stop because it is wrong. I have stopped for 2wks. so far through counseling and prayer. It is a daily struggle but I am doing it. I have put my son and I in  regular counseling with different therapists. We are also have started family counseling.
 
April 5, 2009, 2:23 pm CDT

Some mom's wont take help!

I just watched this show because I'm not always free when Dr. Phil is on and I don't ever like missing a show.  As far as the mothers on the show go, yes, it is great that they are looking for help.  I am more confindent of one over the other.  My thoughts are if you are able to put on a front when people or cameras are around, you need to always think about a someone watching you.

I have a step child who lives everyday with a mother who can not control her temper.  She has been report to The Department of Children and Families on abuse and neglect and for alcohol abuse.  She just got her license back after losing it for four years due to three DUI's.  During the investigations from DCF, she lost her temper with the social worker and with the school.  She makes up lies and if she can not get people to believe them she becomes angry and violent.  She has abused her family, her ex husband, property distruction, and now her child.  We have requested that she receive anger management in order to keep her son and no one is helping us.  What does someone have to do to their children before someone steps in.  What Dr. Jim was saying that a child experiences happens everyday to my step son.  He is failing school, and has been for over a year, he has constent stomach aches, he defends his mother and openly lies for her stating that she told him it was ok.  Why do children who have other healthier options have to stay in these types of situations?  We have tried Family Services.  They and DCF have requested, not required, for her to get some help.  They stated that they can't make her take any of their advice and that the child is being "taken care of".  Are you serious?  This is the ones we are paying with our tax dollars to protect, PROTECT, our children; putting the childrens best interest first.  What is wrong with this picture.  I wish all parents wanted to be better parents, and I wish we all had a Dr. Phil that could make house calls!!!  I need help understanding this!

 
April 5, 2009, 2:28 pm CDT

Keep up the good work!

Quote From: klarouche

Yes agree with you about how some moms have had a alot of pain and bad  experiences                    during thier child hood and adult life. What about all the moms that never admitt what they are doing is wrong and never seek help. You have to give the mom credit at least she has admitted she is wrong ang is seeking help. I am one of those angry moms who has been hurt alot during my childhood and adult life.  I did  not  know  what real love was about  util I repented of my sins and asked Jesus to come into my life. God showed me his love. He loves me unconditionally . I do not have to be perfect for him to love me. I have recently admitted to my son and pastor that I yell too much at my son and I needed to stop because it is wrong. I have stopped for 2wks. so far through counseling and prayer. It is a daily struggle but I am doing it. I have put my son and I in  regular counseling with different therapists. We are also have started family counseling.
I am happy to hear that you reached out for help.  Your son will be thankful and you will feel much happier with a better self esteem.  Some parents don't reach out for help and even when it is offered, rather be right and in control, then to except that all of us parents could use help.  It's the hardest job in the world to do so of coarse we need help along the way.  The best way to take care of our children is to take care of ourselves.  I am proud that you are doing that.  Keep the hard, and great work!
 
First | Prev | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | Next | Last