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Topic : 06/26 Frustrated Moms

Number of Replies: 59
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Created on : Thursday, March 26, 2009, 04:06:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/01/09) America is teeming with people who are frustrated by rising unemployment, lack of affordable health care and mounting foreclosures. Dr. Phil talks to children who say they are silently shouldering their parents’ rage. He meets with two sets of siblings -- sisters Kelsey, 12, and Courtney, 13; and sister and brother Skyler, 17, and Shane, 15 -- who say their mother's anger has them walking on eggshells. What do the kids say are their biggest fears? Next, Dr. Phil sits down with Kelsey and Courtney’s mom, Lisa, alone. Lisa says her Jekyll-and-Hyde personality causes her to verbally attack her daughters. Find out what incident caused her to fly into a rage and kick one of her kids out! What’s behind the mom’s fury? Dr. Jim Sears, renowned pediatrician and co-host of the hit show The Doctors weighs in. Then, Skyler and Shane’s mother, Shawnda, says she’s on edge every day and fears that rage is slowly killing her. She says she cusses like a sailor in the home and calls her children horrible names such as bitch and retard. Can Shawnda learn to get her temper under control? Plus, don’t miss Dr. Phil’s eight coping steps for verbally abusive parents. Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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June 26, 2009, 1:13 pm CDT

06/26 Frustrated Moms

Quote From: lmc1973

If there was one show I wish I could have been in the audience for, it's this one.  I wish I could have been there to let these women see the face of what the end result of their behaviour would be.  I grew up with a mother that was EXACTLY like them.  Raging, inconsistant with her affections, threats of being sent to boarding school, threats of leaving us, being called names, me wishing I had a different mom, never knowing how my mother would be when I got home from school - raging mom or relaxed mom.  My mother  put on the most wonderful face for others, but behind closed doors she was monster like.  Now as an adult I tend to have a lot of anxiety around the moods of others.  I think people's moods/additudes turn on a dime.  Romantic relationships are extremely hard for me because I don't think people are consistant and when things go wrong I always blame myself, even when I intellectually know it's not the case.  Not only has it effected me psychologically, but somatically it's something that stays with you...certain situations can trigger incredible anxiety.  I have sought help, and things have gotten better, but I know it will never leave me.  It has made me question whether to have children or not.  I hope these women use this amazing opportunity to change their ways and undo the damage they are doing.  If they don't all I can say is that in the end their kids may not be around.  When they get old enough to walk away from their rages they may not be around very much or they may cut these mothers out of their lives all together.   I wish the all the best, especially for the sake of their children.

i completely understand ... how could ur mother, in my case my father put on a show for others? i coudlnt stand it! when i finally revealed to my friends how my family was really like they were shocked and coudlnt believe it. it wasnt fair that my dad treated my friends so well and me like crap. Even now he does it with my neighbors down the street. Him and my mother treat their daughter like a princess. i dont know if i want my father in my life or my kids for that matter when i am older. i am scared they will be hurt. i also question whether or not i want kids but i think i will because by watching my parents i am aware of what is harmful and what is not and so forth. I bet youll be okay as long as u stay organized and keep yourself on your goal. "to raise your kids in a healthy, nurturing, and learning enviroment" your kids will thank you for it. no one is perfect and mistaks will be made, but u wont make severe mistakes because you are aware of them and know from personal experience what it will do to a person.

 

good luck! have faith in yourself!

 
June 26, 2009, 2:23 pm CDT

i can relate to....

I can relate to this show more then i want to admit! i think it is horrible to treat your kids any way badly! but in my situation i am a 23 yr old mother who losses her cool more then anything! i cant understand it because i try to keep it together but my 3 yr old son is more then i can handle! and i have a 1 yr old daughter as well but she isnt anthing like her brother! the first thing when i wake up i am yelling at my son! not because im pissed but because he is constantly getting into stuff and not listening to me! he will talk back and everything! i really am getting ill over this! i have been in and out of the hospital! my childrens father has nothing to do with his kids he broke up with me when i got pregnant with his daughter and he has never met yet! he wont even talk to me about his kids! im writing this blog only because i want to find a way to deal with this issue and stop loosing my cool on my kids because im overwhelmed and fustrated and all of the above! if anyone can help a young mother keep it together please let me know how to! maybe i should have been n the show! lol
 
June 26, 2009, 2:46 pm CDT

see a Dr before you quit your job!!!!

Quote From: gmain64

I don't get it.  I got layed off at the end of February and I am a single mother of 2 and I'm frustrated that I can't pay all my bills every month and I'm stressed out too but you know what, my children didn't cause it and they have to go without too and there isn't anything they can do to help so maybe if you would sit down and play a game with them or take them to the park and get some fresh air it would get everyone laughing and your stress level would go down and maybe for a little while you wouldn't dwell on the bad and maybe you would see what's good in your life and what's important in your life like you are all healthy and maybe you could use the free time to enjoy your children and make lasting good memories and maybe you should think about the fact that chances are it's going to get better but the emotional pain and fear that you put your child through by yelling at them and calling them names,  well that doesn't ever go away and you can't take that back, it will change your relationship forever and their trust and respect will be something you will have to try to earn back for the rest of your life. Think about it, what's really important in life? A Job? Money? Material things? For me, it's the love of my children that can get me through anything!!!

I really related to these families today because it's exactly where I was a couple of years ago.   I would go from a perfectly good mood  (or any mood including anxious or weepy) to a  blind rage in a split second  ... I scared my kids, my husband & myself.  With my husband's support, I quit my stressful job & our income was almost halved.   I really did try to change  & fought the idea of change for much  longer than I should have.    But to be honest, the reduction in job stress was also replaced by  the financial stress & feeling that I could have/should have been able to "handle it".  

   If you are experiencing mood swings -- please see your family physician for a complete physical before you quit your job!!    What  I didn't know at the time that I quit,  was that fluctuating hormones & a thyroid disorder were also wreaking havoc with my moods.  (I was in my mid 40's at the time & in the midst of peri-menopause).   While quitting my stressful job/commute was helpful -  it wasn't enough.  When I finally started an ani-depressant & thyroid med, it made a world of difference & I stopped having severe mood swings.  I am much happier now & it was probably right to quit my job .... but I 'll always wonder if I could have stayed if I had started medication earlier.       

 
June 26, 2009, 2:49 pm CDT

see a Dr before you quit your job!!!!

Quote From: gmain64

I don't get it.  I got layed off at the end of February and I am a single mother of 2 and I'm frustrated that I can't pay all my bills every month and I'm stressed out too but you know what, my children didn't cause it and they have to go without too and there isn't anything they can do to help so maybe if you would sit down and play a game with them or take them to the park and get some fresh air it would get everyone laughing and your stress level would go down and maybe for a little while you wouldn't dwell on the bad and maybe you would see what's good in your life and what's important in your life like you are all healthy and maybe you could use the free time to enjoy your children and make lasting good memories and maybe you should think about the fact that chances are it's going to get better but the emotional pain and fear that you put your child through by yelling at them and calling them names,  well that doesn't ever go away and you can't take that back, it will change your relationship forever and their trust and respect will be something you will have to try to earn back for the rest of your life. Think about it, what's really important in life? A Job? Money? Material things? For me, it's the love of my children that can get me through anything!!!

I really related to these families today because it's exactly where I was a couple of years ago.   I would go from a perfectly good mood  (or any mood including anxious or weepy) to a  blind rage in a split second  ... I scared my kids, my husband & myself.  With my husband's support, I quit my stressful job & our income was almost halved.   I really did try to change  & fought the idea of change for much  longer than I should have.    But to be honest, the reduction in job stress was also replaced by  the financial stress & feeling that I could have/should have been able to "handle it".  

   If you are experiencing mood swings -- please see your family physician for a complete physical before you quit your job!!    What  I didn't know at the time that I quit,  was that fluctuating hormones & a thyroid disorder were also wreaking havoc with my moods.  (I was in my mid 40's at the time & in the midst of peri-menopause).   While quitting my stressful job/commute was helpful -  it wasn't enough.  When I finally started an ani-depressant & thyroid med, it made a world of difference & I stopped having severe mood swings.  I am much happier now & it was probably right to quit my job .... but I 'll always wonder if I could have stayed if I had started medication earlier.       

 
June 26, 2009, 3:31 pm CDT

Frustrated moms ruin their children's lives

My mother made it a (nearly) daily habit of berating, emotionally and physically taking it out on my brother and I. We now are adults, have problems making friends and maintaining relationships.

I was so shy in school they placed me in special education classes, assuming there was something wrong with me.

Today I feel I'm not worth anything.

(Thanks, mom.)

All "parents" out there who can't deal with what they got themselves into--deal with it one way or another. Don't eff up your child's life because you are an idiot.

And stop your whining because life is hard for you.
It's hitting your child(ren) 100x more than you think , you're just too selfish to see that.
 
June 26, 2009, 4:50 pm CDT

angy mom

I was abusive to my 3 year-old.   His dad was abusive to me and we separated..  It was such a struggle even thoughI was a proffesional with a good career.   I would a extremely short tempers I would be verbally abusive to the point where I was so ashamed of my behavior.   My son is 12 now and the abuse stopped about a year ago.  I had an extremely tragic death in my family.  I was on a mission to get through it and live my life to the fullest.  Every day was a gift.  I started working on my mental health by seeking help from a mental health center.   I joined alanon because my was an alcoholic.  What I found out was that I would perpetuate my son becoming an Alcoholic more by me be abusive to him.  That moment I decided I would admit to me that this would change.  The healing began with I accepted the fact that his dad would not ever be the father that he should be.  I forgave him and thanked him for things he could do for instance child support I told him I appreciated him and we did love him very much.  The anger subsided.   I took control of friends, family and co-workers.  By letting them know I am not going to let anyone take advantage or invade my space.   Every day was my birthday was my new mottto. I still get angry but not as much.  I  watch my health by eating right getting rest when I need it.  I ask for help when I need it.  I speak my mind more and stick up for me more.  I disciplin my son better than I ever did before.  I think that most single parents are at risk for abusing their children because they are angry with a spouse or dislike them.  as time goes on its important to accept the day as it comes be it a death a broken car or a lost job.  We are never are in  control of the day but we can control other things that we dont want to face.  My frustration was with co-workers.  I was extremely passive.  I learned how to be assertive.  Learnign to ask for things that you want letting people know when your boundaries where compromised.  When I changed this people learned I wanted respect. When I decided I was important I learned to feel comfortable asking for what needs I wanted met.   I learned that nobody will treat you or your kids better than u treat yourself that is your job no body elses.   Change will come about when you know your are worthy to ask to leave early.   or include yourself in the families needs.  I never felf worthy enough to allow time for me or save money for just me.  I buy myself flowers every week at the local grocery store.  They are on clearance but I spend 2 to 10 dollars and I just love them.  It brightens up my every day.  dont compromise your needs to the point where your are unhappy a family is a unit and everybody in the family deserves their time and needs met. 
 
June 26, 2009, 5:22 pm CDT

I can relate I feel out of control of my emotions

I am just like that first mom I am a overwhelmed widow mother of 3 and acting step mom of another 4. I feel so angry at times and out of control of my actions. I now know that I need to work harder to control myself, but I do try. I love my kids and I feel a lot of resentment towards my fiancee and his kids at times. I just felt like I was that mom and I know what it is like to put on a front around others and letting loose at home. I am glad I am not the only one. I have felt so alone for so long and at least now I know I am not. I am so glad he did this show. Thank you.
 
June 27, 2009, 10:10 pm CDT

Similar experience

My dad had that very same problem. He didn't take his anger out on me much though, mainly my mom. I mean, he's pushed me a few times, but never flat-out abused me. I wonder why that is though. He got really bad with my mom, and she never did anything to provoke him or anything. He just got really angry really easily (alcohol didn't help the issue). But he ALWAYS took it out on her, I felt really bad for her. She's such a great lady and she'd never done anything to deserve it. Many times she could have called the police; they would have known he had issues when they saw the broken wine glasses on the patio, contorted lawn furniture strewn across the yard and bruises on my mom's body and a mark on her neck one particular time when he'd threatened to strangle her. But she never did call the police, I don't understand why. But anyway, she left him now, so things are better... they share joint custody of me, although I've been advised by a counselor to cease living with my dad. But he's told me that if I stopped living with him, he'd end his own life. I know that's very immature of him, but hey... not much I can do. So to get to my point, how on Earth do you deal with someone like this? I've tried to get my dad help, but no one listens to you when you're 18. He even denies ever having an anger problem and denies having done all the violent acts that I've clearly seen him do for 18 years! Why did he always take it out on my mom?

 
June 28, 2009, 8:53 am CDT

06/26 Frustrated Moms

I wonder why Dr Phil has not notified the child protection agencies in these folks areas about the child abuse that's going on so they can be monitored...I doubt it, and I can't figure out why...he has a duty to report these issues.
 
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