Message Boards

Topic : 04/02 Out of the Cult Follow-Up

Number of Replies: 19
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, March 26, 2009, 04:09:41 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil follows up with a family whose story captivated viewers. Fourteen siblings say they suffered horrific beatings and molestation at the hands of their own father, who claimed to be the Messiah. The oldest daughter, Jeanne, says she was not only abused by her dad, but was forced to brutally beat her younger brothers and sisters to please their controlling patriarch. After the show, the relatives say they made great strides toward reconciliation, but tension and resentment still exist. Miriam and Sarah say Jeanne doesn’t physically abuse them anymore, but they still feel hurt by her constant judgments. They say she always preaches to them and criticizes them for drinking alcohol and for taking jobs as exotic dancers. Another sibling, Jewel, who recently reconnected with the family after 13 years, says Jeanne is jealous of her new bond with the family. Can the women heal the wounds of the past and move on with their lives? Dr. Frank Lawlis, chairman of the Dr. Phil Advisory Board, who has been working closely with the clan, shares his thoughts for their future. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

April 4, 2009, 9:29 pm CDT

The purpose of forgiveness

Quote From: kimrosejohnson

I don't understand why Dr. Phil is still pushing the two sisters to be friends with their older abusive sister.  It is one thing to be civil toward her, but why would Dr. Phil push them to try to be friends and spend time together? She obviously has a lot of serious issues. She abused her two sisters...I'd assume a psychologist would never recommend that the two sisters befriend their abusive father and forgive him and spend time with him, WHY on earth is he pushing so hard for Mirium and Sarah to be friends with their  abusive older sister?? Makes NO sense to me. Everyone in the family should just stay away from this woman!

I have found from personal experience that forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you personally.  Forgiveness is so that you can let go of the hurt people have caused you and as a result, you can live a happy, peaceful life. 

 

I was made fun of a lot in elementary school, mainly by a boy I was childhood friends with prior to being in the same class. He was the reason I went home everyday from school crying and begging my parents not to make me go the next day.  I dispised him for years.  I had the most bitter feelings toward him.  So much so, that I wished something bad would happen to him.  Well, low and behold he was hit in the eye during a baseball game and lost the sight in that eye. About 9 years ago he visited the Sunday school class I attended at the time and that was the beginning of me forgiving him.  At that moment, I realized, it wasn't worth me staying angry over something that happened years ago.  Not to mention he didn't evern remember ever doing anything to me.  I've seen him several times since then, even hugged him.  My point is, you don't have to go back to being friends just because you forgive someone.  They don't even have to know you forgive them.  The purpose of forgivesness is to be able to tell yourself and/or that person (if you choose) "You'll never know just how bad you hurt me, but it's done and I'm over it.  No longer will I  allow the circumstances that once defined me to continue labeling me a victim by the anger and resentment it carries, SO I FORGIVE YOU!" 

 
April 4, 2009, 9:51 pm CDT

04/02 Out of the Cult Follow-Up

Quote From: shelly_80

I have found from personal experience that forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you personally.  Forgiveness is so that you can let go of the hurt people have caused you and as a result, you can live a happy, peaceful life. 

 

I was made fun of a lot in elementary school, mainly by a boy I was childhood friends with prior to being in the same class. He was the reason I went home everyday from school crying and begging my parents not to make me go the next day.  I dispised him for years.  I had the most bitter feelings toward him.  So much so, that I wished something bad would happen to him.  Well, low and behold he was hit in the eye during a baseball game and lost the sight in that eye. About 9 years ago he visited the Sunday school class I attended at the time and that was the beginning of me forgiving him.  At that moment, I realized, it wasn't worth me staying angry over something that happened years ago.  Not to mention he didn't evern remember ever doing anything to me.  I've seen him several times since then, even hugged him.  My point is, you don't have to go back to being friends just because you forgive someone.  They don't even have to know you forgive them.  The purpose of forgivesness is to be able to tell yourself and/or that person (if you choose) "You'll never know just how bad you hurt me, but it's done and I'm over it.  No longer will I  allow the circumstances that once defined me to continue labeling me a victim by the anger and resentment it carries, SO I FORGIVE YOU!" 

Sorry guys!  I thought my other one didn't get posted.
 
April 5, 2009, 2:52 pm CDT

explanation

Quote From: kimrosejohnson

I don't understand why Dr. Phil is still pushing the two sisters to be friends with their older abusive sister.  It is one thing to be civil toward her, but why would Dr. Phil push them to try to be friends and spend time together? She obviously has a lot of serious issues. She abused her two sisters...I'd assume a psychologist would never recommend that the two sisters befriend their abusive father and forgive him and spend time with him, WHY on earth is he pushing so hard for Mirium and Sarah to be friends with their  abusive older sister?? Makes NO sense to me. Everyone in the family should just stay away from this woman!

He is trying to get them to mend fences since the older sibling was "forced" to abuse the other kids or a better word could be that she was "taught" to abuse the other children and when you are a child and you are taught to do anything it becomes the norm for you--whether it is right or wrong. And it takes a long time for this kind of child to undo this wrong type of thinking--without some kind of therapeutic intervention--especially if it involves cult like brainwashing. 

 

He wants them to see beyond her actions and see that she herself was also a victim.  To forgive is not to forget what happened to you-it is to move on and become a better person, not a bitter.  This is what life is all about are you going to become bitter or better by life's trials?  Abuse always leaves deep scars, but we can take our pain and use it to become better people and to reach out to those who are going through something similar.  I pray that each sister will look within and learn to give what they need themselves, that is the hope for all of us. 

 

 

 
April 5, 2009, 2:58 pm CDT

04/02 Out of the Cult Follow-Up

Quote From: ramar52

What you are saying may have some merit, learning to dissassociate oneself from abuse is common and to live in a state of denial as an adult is a defense mechanism to keep our inner selves from facing the horrible abuse that we suffered as children.  Wouldn't it be better for the 2 sisters to acknowledge that the older sister was abused also, this statement alone would heal many wounds and that is what Dr. Phil is trying to get them to do. It in no way diminishes the fact that the abuse occured or that there are not consequences to her actions, but to say that she was too, in fact, abused also and also taught to be an abuser at the hands of her father-an authority figure in her life. And she while being guilty of abuse is not really responsible for being the abuser.  The father is the abuser-not the older sister.
 
April 5, 2009, 3:01 pm CDT

04/02 Out of the Cult Follow-Up

Quote From: tema1965

I WAS SEXUALLY ASSULTED BY TWO OF MY BROTHERS & NO ONE BELIEVED ME EVEN THOW MY SISTER WAS IN HER BED IN THE ROOM WE SHARED,WHEN IT ALL CAME OUT MY DAD ASKED MY SISTER ABOUT WHAT SHE SAW BUT MY SISTER SAID NOTHEN, SHE NEVER STOOD UP FOR ME ETC..IV BEEN THREW SOO MUCH SELF HEALING WITH COUNSLERS (THANK U M.FULTON 4 EVERYTHING U DID 4 ME) IT TORE ME UP BUT TODAY IM A STRONG 43 YR OLD WOMEN WHO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH MY SLIBLINGS CUZ I CHOOSE NOT TO (DONT NEED THE DRAMA IN MY ,LIFE)..I BLAMED EVERYONE FOR WHAT HAPPENED TO ME BUT WITH THE HELP FROM MR.FULTON I WAS ABLE TO GET PASSED ALLTHE HATERED ETC & LIVE FOR ME ...I LUV MY LIFE BUT WANT NOTHEN TO DO WITH MY SLIBLINGS I FORGAVE WHICH WAS SOOO HARD & HAVE MOVED ON..SO WHEN I SAW UR  SHOW TODAY IT GOT ME THINKEN WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED ,WE CAN CHOOSE TO MAKE OUR LIVES BETTER OR DWELL IN SELF PITTY EVEN IF IT IT IS THE HARDEST THING TO..SORRY  SO LONG BUT JUST HAD TO GET IN ON THIS ONE ..THANKS..
My heart goes out to you, keeping your distance from your abusers is wise.  Unless of course they do come forward at a later time in your life and acknowledge their wrong doings. Like you said, you can forgive, but you don't have to put yourself in harms way, you can protect yourself, something you were not able to do as a child.  Do you ever wonder why your brothers were allowed to do this to you? and why no one ever believed you? 
 
April 6, 2009, 8:13 pm CDT

Totally Agree

Quote From: kimrosejohnson

I don't understand why Dr. Phil is still pushing the two sisters to be friends with their older abusive sister.  It is one thing to be civil toward her, but why would Dr. Phil push them to try to be friends and spend time together? She obviously has a lot of serious issues. She abused her two sisters...I'd assume a psychologist would never recommend that the two sisters befriend their abusive father and forgive him and spend time with him, WHY on earth is he pushing so hard for Mirium and Sarah to be friends with their  abusive older sister?? Makes NO sense to me. Everyone in the family should just stay away from this woman!
You can still forgive your torturer without giving that person a foothold in your life.  This woman beat them and abused them.  And now continues to stand over them kicking them with criticism.  Maybe the sisters need someone to give them life advice but it isn't from her that's for sure.  That's like Hitler preaching on cultural diversity.

If she is truly sorry that is good for her soul.  It is good for her children (who she hopefully doesn't also abuse.)   Logan and Sarah- move on. 
 
April 28, 2009, 2:57 pm CDT

04/02 Out of the Cult Follow-Up

Quote From: justmytwocents

My heart goes out to you, keeping your distance from your abusers is wise.  Unless of course they do come forward at a later time in your life and acknowledge their wrong doings. Like you said, you can forgive, but you don't have to put yourself in harms way, you can protect yourself, something you were not able to do as a child.  Do you ever wonder why your brothers were allowed to do this to you? and why no one ever believed you? 

I totally understand what it means to forgive your family for not supporting you when you were molested. I don't talk to my siblings and parents because of it. I just don't want the drama either. I have lived most of my life being in pain. I own my mistakes but believe that my family don't get it. My parents are the reason why I don't have my kids and lost so much in my life. The hardest thing is knowing how I let so many people influence my decisions and feelings. I am happy about the choice I made to exclude the same people who have caused me so much grief. They don't deserve to have me in their lives. I am happy with that and have to do what's best for me. So I do understand. You don't owe them anything. I hope you find peace. I really do.

 

Oh. I was a minister's daughter  and know how sick people can be when it comes to religion. I don't miss it and hope to one day get over the pain from the beatings and abuse.

 
April 30, 2009, 4:09 pm CDT

out of the cult

All cults are from satan.  These girls need to be took out of there. Teach them about the truth of God's word. They need Jesus!
 
May 2, 2009, 12:10 pm CDT

04/02 Out of the Cult Follow-Up

Quote From: tessa80

I totally understand what it means to forgive your family for not supporting you when you were molested. I don't talk to my siblings and parents because of it. I just don't want the drama either. I have lived most of my life being in pain. I own my mistakes but believe that my family don't get it. My parents are the reason why I don't have my kids and lost so much in my life. The hardest thing is knowing how I let so many people influence my decisions and feelings. I am happy about the choice I made to exclude the same people who have caused me so much grief. They don't deserve to have me in their lives. I am happy with that and have to do what's best for me. So I do understand. You don't owe them anything. I hope you find peace. I really do.

 

Oh. I was a minister's daughter  and know how sick people can be when it comes to religion. I don't miss it and hope to one day get over the pain from the beatings and abuse.

It was actually my cousins who molested me. I was young, around seven years old. When I think about it ,that's when the depression started with me. I just didn't want to disappoint my family. I didn't know it was wrong really at first. I was baby. I even remember feeling ugly because he started messing with my sister. I can't believe that at that age I felt that way. Wow...that's bad. Things are still  fuzzy with me. I get little bits and pieces of memory.
 
First | Prev | 2 | Next Page | Last Page