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Topic : 04/03 Reunion Realities

Number of Replies: 26
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, March 26, 2009, 04:12:50 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Imagine answering your phone and hearing, "You don't know me, but I am your brother or sister." How would you react? Many reunions with long-lost loved ones turn out joyous, but sometimes, the results can be difficult to accept. Troy Dunn, a professional people finder and host of WE TV's The Locator joins Dr. Phil to share a mixed bag of reunion stories. First up, four of five sisters torn apart during childhood reunite after over 20 years. Then, with the help of Troy, they locate their youngest sister and gather for an emotional reconciliation. Even with the best reunions, problems can crop up, and as time has passed, two of the women, Desiree and Stephanie, have stopped speaking to each other. What's causing these sisters to drift apart? Can they come to an understanding before Desiree is shipped out with the Army? Then, all five women visit their mother together for the first time since they were taken from her. She joins the show to share her experience. Next, Wendy contacted Troy to locate her mother, who sent her and her brother to live with their paternal aunt and uncle when she was 10.  Wendy thought she was going on a vacation, but never returned home and wants to know why her mother left her. After a frustrating search, Troy locates her mom, but the news is anything but joyous. Could Wendy’s worst fears about her mother be true? If there is someone in your life you're longing to get back in touch with, don't miss this show to learn the realities of reunions.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 6, 2009, 7:54 pm CDT

Wendy

I cried when I saw your story on "The Locator."   I can't imagine a mother saying the words that yours wrote to you.  Then to leave it unsigned as if to not even want to call herself "mom."  Obviously it is not only your father who had "demons."  What she is running from and afraid of is not you and your brother.  It is within herself.  You have done nothing and have nothing to be ashamed of.  You are worthy of your mother's love she just doesn't have any to give.  You are a beautiful and loving person.  I wish you love and happiness. 
I am sending you a mothers hug!!
Kathy
 
April 7, 2009, 5:48 am CDT

reunion realities

Quote From: tinamod

I was adopted at birth in 1964.  My mother had a daughter from a previous marriage who was 2 1/2 at the time of my birth.  I was born in Elkhorn Wisconsin on September 1, 1964.  I lost my adopted mother in 1997 and began my search after her passing.  Catholic Social Services was able to send me my court documents with all the relevant information blacked out.  They were also able to contact both my father and mother.  My father never beieved I was his child and that is why he divorced my mother.  My mother went on to have I think 3 more children who she either left at the hospital or left with the paternal parents.  She wrote a letter to which I have a copy of that letter and she said that when she gave me up she never wanted to hear from me again.  She stated that she never wanted any of her children except her first born which she lost custody of to her husband.  You see, she was sleeping around on him and got pregnant with me, so I am not sure if I was a product of her affair or a product of her marriage.  She made it clear she wanted nothing to do with me and to never contact her or her family again.  People just don't understand the hurt, abandoment and rejection adoptees feel and how it impacts their entire life.  I have hate, anger and saddness in my heart for this woman and I hope that she goes to her grave a hateful, bitter and alone.person.  Then she will know what all of her children have felt their entire lives.
Hi, I just read your message and wanted to reach out to you. I hope you can get beyond the hate, anger, and sadness you are feeling. When I watched the show, I felt as if I should be on it. I was adopted by wonderful people and really had a fairy-tale childhood. My parents were just working class, but I had all the love, guidance and things any child could want. I had grown up knowing my birth mother, but never felt any connection to her. When I was 42 I had to track down my birth father due to health questions. At first there is a honeymoon stage and every one wants to get to know eachother. However, this passes alot of the time. The people that provide our egg & sperm are just that, they are strangers and without any history it is hard to get that back.
I found out I had 4 other brothers, but again I don't feel any connection to them. My adopted family is my real family. I hope you had a nice family and life with them. Your birth mother probably had very bad experiences in her life, be glad she gave you birth and forget about her. You can't change people and there is either love or not. People just can't love at will. Live your life and get past all the negative feelings you have for her. I wish you the best and even though my birth parents were basically good people, I am so thankful I was reared and loved by my real parents and family.
 
April 7, 2009, 9:55 am CDT

Hope for the Adoptees

 

 I am a birth mother and would love a reunion with my son. I have posted all over the internet and support groups, registered with my state and other groups still nothing. I can hardly imagine a mother not wanting contact from her adopted child. I stayed in a Maternity Home in the early 1970's and I remember the thoughts and feelings that we felt while we were there. We all felt pressured to make the decision to do what was right and now years later we are still suffering. I pray that those Mothers have a change of heart.

 
April 8, 2009, 1:37 pm CDT

Reuniting with unknown sister in law

My husband and I have recently found out that he has a sister he never knew about. She located him thru her adoption agency and needless to say we were shocked. It has been 2 years now and we have started a relationship via telephone as well as 2 in person visits each about 5 days long. My husband who has 3 brothers and 1 sister have not all been very supportive of the situation. His 3 brothers have met with her and spoken to her but his sister is refusing. My mother in law did not deny this child was hers but became extremely angry, emotional and even refused to speak with husband and I for about 4-5 months after hearing of us meeting with her and starting a relationship. My mother in law claims she was raped and has "put this situation behind her" therefore wants nothing to do with her. My husbands sister is also refusing to take part in any meetings with her out of respect for her mother. This has greatly hurt our new found sister/sister in law and breaks our hearts as we cannot understand how a mother could reject her child even in the extreme case of rape (which we are not sure even happened) My brother in law recently got married and his new found sister was upset due to not being able to attend the wedding because of her biological mother being there, she has since cut off contact with us and has not called or e-mailed since finding out of the wedding. We have tried over and over to speak with my mother in law and it always ends up in a fight/argument resulting in not speaking for weeks/months at a time.  My husband has since decided to leave the situation where it is but it continues to haunt us as how can a family reject their own flesh and blood, especially a mother??  If anyone has any helpful thoughts, please respond.

 
April 19, 2009, 10:16 pm CDT

Birth Mother

Quote From: kdtrep

 

 I am a birth mother and would love a reunion with my son. I have posted all over the internet and support groups, registered with my state and other groups still nothing. I can hardly imagine a mother not wanting contact from her adopted child. I stayed in a Maternity Home in the early 1970's and I remember the thoughts and feelings that we felt while we were there. We all felt pressured to make the decision to do what was right and now years later we are still suffering. I pray that those Mothers have a change of heart.

I have written so many letters to almost everyone that can do something to find my baby boy I gave birth to  November 5th 1970. I came from a very abusive family and when I got pregnaut with my son, I thought it best for Christopher to placed for adoption. My parents made sure no one saw me where I lived, put me in a home in St Louis, MO to live with a Dr. and family and watch there children till it was time for me to deliver. Well I manage to stay there till my ninth month and had to come home as I was placed on the third floor of this house and just couldnt walk it everyday and watch the children properly. I called my Dad and told him he had to come and get me or else.  My stepmother didnt help me much and I guess I made their lives pretty miserable.  My Dad retired Navy had medical on me and had to take me to the nearest military base to give birth which was Scott Air force Base,Ill. I guess there was a mix up at the hospital and I was not suppose to see my son, which already started bothering me terribly, laid him in my arms and that was all it took. He was so beautiful and I was able to bond with my babyboy for 3 days. But I had to bring back across the state line to Hazelwood, Mo for adoption procedures. I couldnt go through with it. I wanted my son. But my parents (Father) said if I keep him we would be out on the curb, turning to my grandparents, was told I would be disowned. I couldnt raise my son on the streets. My son needed love and a normal family to be brought up in. They didnt waste any time coming to get my son. He was gone and my heart has been hurting ever since. Yes, a long time has passed but your not the first, I have written so many letters, even when there were no computers. I am praying you can help me find him. I need some closer with my life. Even a picture. I feel all these years was like a part of me died and he did to. Yes, the lose of a child is devistating. I pray for him and love him dearly afterall he is my son. I am not asking for him to response if he doenst want to. Just taking the mystery out of my life. Please Please help me. God bless you my dear son, you need to know the real story. You are so very much loved and missed.
Still Looking and wont give up

Your Biological Mother
CA. :sad:

 
May 2, 2009, 7:48 pm CDT

Big deal

If they show up they show up. Sorry but other than for health history information I don't think knowing you have a family you never knew about is such a big deal. You had no say in the decision when it was made, you were a baby. Big deal. If you got a crappy family that's not good but yours might have been crappier, you will never know. Just live the life you are blessed to have. Work on relationships with the people who love you, not the people you wish loved you, that don't know you. It's sad for them.
 
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