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Topic : 08/17 Child with a Child

Number of Replies: 69
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, April 16, 2009, 03:20:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 04/20/09) Little Gabriel is just 13 months old, and he’s caught in the middle of a troubling situation. His 18-year-old mother, Meghann, lives at home with her folks and constantly fights with the rest of the family. Her parents and sister say she doesn’t pay enough attention to her child, she’s irresponsible and that she’s put Gabriel in danger. The teenage mom says her relatives just won’t give her a chance, and she needs to get out -- but how? Find out why the police paid a late night visit to the family home, and what Meghann’s mom found in Meghann’s purse that stoked her fears about Gabriel’s safety. Plus, this isn’t the only household with several generations living under one roof. If the economic downturn has driven your family into close quarters, you won’t want to miss this show! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 20, 2009, 8:50 pm CDT

This show spoke to me.

Watching this show was almost like watching my own life with my daughter, son-in-law, and grandson. They were with m;y mother and me for 2 years almost until I finally ended up kicking my son-in-law out of the house. unfortunately my daughter went with him and took my grandson. I kicked my son-in-law out because he wasn't providing for his wife and son, he started doing drugs again, and was dealing drugs. I didn't have a choice. Regrettably my grandson is the one who will be most effected by all this. He is only 2 years old. I have CPS watching them because I am no longer allowed to see my grandson. They have always used him as emotional leverage. Its never a good situation to be in and to have to make hard choices like that.
 
April 21, 2009, 10:13 am CDT

04/20 Child with a Child

I was married young and had my children young.  Unfortunately, when you have children at a young age, you and your children are growing up together.   We got sitters on weekends and went out and partied with our friends.  We had parties at our house too.  Many Sundays, we would lay around the house and nap with the kids because we were tired.  I never lived with my parents, but if I had, I'm sure it wouldn't have lasted for very long.  As I got older, I matured and weekends were spent going to the kids' functions or family outings. 

 

I doubt there is one mother or father who would agree to have a camera on them 24/7 while raising their children -- even Dr. Phil and his wife.  Now that I am a grandmother, my favorite thing to say is "I raised my kids, you raise yours."  We have to let people raise their own children and stop judging everything they do.

 

 
April 21, 2009, 2:14 pm CDT

I live this with a twist

This show has shown my life with one thing missing. I was pregnant when my teen was pregnant. The girls are ten days apart.  They will be 2 this July and it has been a nightmare with my oldest daughter.  I think getting pregnant so young effects their hormone balance even more. Everything I try to "teach" my daughter about rasing hers is met with a fight. My oldest has been diaonosed with Opisional Defiant Disorder all her life and it is mostly directed at me.  I have had to pull away from her to save myself.  She has pulled me to the edge of the cliff more than once.  I am scared because she turns 21 this year and I know she will want to go out.  What am I supposed to do sacrifice my life and marriage to deal with her? I have chosen not to. Does that make me a bad mom? I have four children 20, 17, 6, and 1.5. I have to raise the rest even though I feel resposible for my oldest.
 
April 21, 2009, 3:38 pm CDT

My Daughters Pregnancy

Hi,

My daugher got pregnant at 20 to a man who was 23 at the time.  This man has been in prison since my daughter found out she was pregnant (no support from him or his family).

At this time my daughter is 23 at the end of the month and her son will be three in June.

The problem is she is living on her own, she is working approx. 60-70 hours per week as a shift supervisor for a fast food restaurant.  Some days she works double shifts gets up drives 30 minutes to drop her son off and 1 to 1 1/2 hours to her job.  She starts at 530 am and gets off at 1030pm.

I know this is extremely stressful as it would be for ANYONE not just a younger mother.

The problem is we have bent over backwards to help her and I never know if I'm doing too much or not enough.  Her house was so dirty you couldn't walk through it, my sister and I cleaned up most of it for her.  She has not done any cleaning since then because if she can't do it all at once she does NOT want to do it.  If her son is there it is too hard so she does NOT want to do it.

I did at least 11 load of dirty clothes for her.  Instead of a thank you she was upset when I asked her to take them home.  She said her home was not clean enough for the clean clothes.

My sister babysits for $1.oo per hour and my daughter has trouble paying her.  She lives in a three bed room apt. and refuses to down size.  She can find three bedrooms for $200.00 less if she gets rid of her cat and she will not.

Alot of times there is little or no food in the house put she can afford cigerattes.  My sister babysits in the day when she is at work and I baby sit in the evenings.

I am so confused!  Are we doing too much or too little???

She wants to new job, I tell her about jobs I have heard about and she never goes after them.

I know she is extremely depressed, at one point she said her son would be better off with out her and she was thinking of killing herself.  I have talked her into seeing a Physcian and now she is talking medication for depression.  I'm wondering if she is bi-polar which runs in the family on her dad's side.

She is old enough I can't really make her do anything.  Should I keep trying or give up? 

My daughter is truely a wonderful person who is just overwelmed and has given up.  My grandson could not be in a more loving environment.  My daughter will keep his room clean and that is all, so she spends her days off in my house so she doesn't have to clean or cook.  Dr. Phil PLEASE HELP ME!  I love my daughter and grandon and do not know what to do.

 
April 22, 2009, 12:32 am CDT

IT SEEMED TOO OBVIOUS

  I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S JUST ME...BUT  IF THIS YOUNG LADY WAS CUTTING HERSELF AT AGE 12...WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE GET HER HELP THEN?

I DON'T RECALL THEM BEING ASKED ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES.

AND I SEE A CLINICAL DEPRESSION, UNLESS THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE THAT HAPPENED

TO HER....TO ADD TO THAT SHE PROBABLY HAS POST PAR TUM DEPRESSION.

THAT LITTLE BOY IS BEAUTIFUL, AND SEEMS HAPPY, I APPLAUD THOSE WHO HAVE

BEEN THERE FOR HIM, I HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR EVERYONE.

 

 
April 22, 2009, 9:14 am CDT

Maybe the parents need to rethink what they are doing?

These parents are really seeing what they want to see. Our 18year old daughter had a baby and we felt all the things these parents are feeling. We realized we needed to change the way we were handling the situation. We had taken on many responsibilities that were not ours as grand parents. I had quit my job to care for the baby. I got up at night with the baby so my daughter would not be tired for school. I changed all the diapers so my daughter could study when actually she was just watching TV. Why would our daughter not let us do these things? We thought we were helping but we were making the situation worse. We were taking away time our granddaughter needed with her mother - the bonding time. So we changed. Yes there were times our grandbaby cried longer than we would have allowed but as long as she was safe we waited for our daughter to care for her daughters needs.  We required our daughter to get a job after completing school as a condition of staying in our home. Our church had an outreach program so I got a list of resources available to young, single parents. Our local family services office was very helpful. Our daughter had got a full time job at the local bank with benefits for her and the baby. Our daughter qualified for child care assistance and enrolled the baby in daycare at the church and needed to pay $30 a week. She also qualified for Food Stamps and housing assistance. Our daughter and grandbaby moved into their own home We made an agreement with our daughter that any time she felt overwhelmed to call us. We would come and help. Helping our daughter stand on her own two feet and caring for her own child has been the best for both our daughter and granddaughter. GRANDPARENTS NEED TO GO BACK TO BEING GRANDPARENTS!!!

 
April 22, 2009, 8:35 pm CDT

When the cutting stopped

Quote From: lorieann

  I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S JUST ME...BUT  IF THIS YOUNG LADY WAS CUTTING HERSELF AT AGE 12...WHY DIDN'T SOMEONE GET HER HELP THEN?

I DON'T RECALL THEM BEING ASKED ANYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES.

AND I SEE A CLINICAL DEPRESSION, UNLESS THERE IS SOMETHING ELSE THAT HAPPENED

TO HER....TO ADD TO THAT SHE PROBABLY HAS POST PAR TUM DEPRESSION.

THAT LITTLE BOY IS BEAUTIFUL, AND SEEMS HAPPY, I APPLAUD THOSE WHO HAVE

BEEN THERE FOR HIM, I HOPE IT WORKS OUT FOR EVERYONE.

 

Her parents thought she no longer had a problem. She had joined a new crowd and started cutting herself. Once her parents gnt her away from their influence, the cutting stopped. They didn`t realize the cutting was just a symptom of the problem she still had. Many parents are unable to see beyond the symptoms of depression.
 
April 24, 2009, 10:31 am CDT

04/20 Child with a Child

Quote From: molissa1979

I dont think you were perfect in knowing what to do at 19 either!!!
I knew enough what to do at 19 because I am the oldest in my family so i had a hand in rasing cousins and siblings as well so i knew enough. but no matter age a person is no one is really perfect at it. Kids don't come with an instruction book. you just have to live day by day and do the best you can.
 
April 25, 2009, 8:30 am CDT

Great answer!

Quote From: princessgina

I knew enough what to do at 19 because I am the oldest in my family so i had a hand in rasing cousins and siblings as well so i knew enough. but no matter age a person is no one is really perfect at it. Kids don't come with an instruction book. you just have to live day by day and do the best you can.
That moronic attack on you made me furious. Anyone who would do such a thing needs to find something better to do than singling someone out for a personal attack! Got too much idle time i guess.
 
April 26, 2009, 3:54 am CDT

Child having a child

I worked for child support opening child support cases.Most of my new cases were the mother being between 13 to 18 and the children being newborns. I only opened cases in which the mother was on medicaid and TANF. These mothers grew up in this situtation and they are just following examples. Have children yound and as many as you can and live off the state.  Most of these mothers had at least two children and on average more than that. I have had several cases that there were six or more children. It was sickening seeing all these kids and thier mothers werent even legal adults yet.
 
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