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Topic : 04/28 Need for Control

Number of Replies: 28
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Created on : Friday, April 24, 2009, 02:52:50 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Telling you how to dress, when to take a shower and what to watch on TV sounds like normal behavior from a mother, but what about a wife? Yadia is a self-proclaimed control freak who says she cannot stop controlling everything and everyone in her life, and her family is saying, “Enough is enough!” Yadia says she even has her 18-year-old son, Michael, trained so well that he actually tells her when he goes to the bathroom. Her husband, David, says her behavior is so out of control, if she doesn’t change soon, a third separation is a definite possibility. How will Yadia do when Dr. Phil insists that David and Michael dress themselves and ride to the show in a separate vehicle from her? And the experiment doesn’t end there. Don’t miss what Yadia has to do before speaking with Dr. Phil. And, see what a typical day is like for this controller, and learn what is at the root of her anxious behavior. Do you like to control all the decisions, or do you know someone who does?

Find out what happened on the show.

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April 29, 2009, 12:02 pm CDT

04/28 Need for Control

Quote From: cadescove99

It doesnt require a rocket science degree to see how this gal became so controlling. She is surrounded by enablers. Including her own mother. They let her get her own way in everything. My husband would have put up with her for five minutes. Before calling a lawyer!
Me and my husband saw this and he said he would have divorced her quick. I agree with her family being the enablers so she used to getting her own way. What really made me angry was she had an abortion when there was no need from what i had heard.
 
April 30, 2009, 11:10 am CDT

04/28 Need for Control

At first I was so irritated by this woman's selfish and controling behavior.  However after it was revealed the trauma she's had in her life I better understood how she got there.   I don't judge her because she got an abortion.  She was young and it sounds like her parents insisted she have it.  Probably because of the rape.    She is truly torn up about it and to regret it everyday is only retraumatizing her.   When you're young your parents have alot of control in your life.  Especially emotional control.  I feel bad for this woman and I hope Dr Phil can help her so her family and her can begin to live a more positive life. 
 
April 30, 2009, 2:57 pm CDT

04/28 Need for Control

Quote From: princessgina

Me and my husband saw this and he said he would have divorced her quick. I agree with her family being the enablers so she used to getting her own way. What really made me angry was she had an abortion when there was no need from what i had heard.
Yadia intimated that she didn't really want the abortion. That, like the molestation and rape, it was a matter of yielding control to someone else. Apparently, she was "talked into" having the abortion. Have no idea whose idea the abortion was. Or, why.
 
April 30, 2009, 3:10 pm CDT

04/28 Need for Control

Quote From: zannkay

Hey Dr Phil:

Love the show and usually watch it!!  In response to the lady who needed to control show.........

I usually make the bed, and the other day my husband was in the bedroom and (as he does sometimes) he helped me.  Well, he was fooling with the sheets and smoothing them on and on and I said hey let's just make this bed and get on with the day........he said "oh, no I don't want to wind up on Dr. Phil."

Just a laugh for today
Zann
Yadia's bed-making "issues" were such a scream even she started laughing. That bed didn't look any better after she remade it. Under that comforter and all those pillows, no one would know how the sheets looked.
 
May 5, 2009, 9:51 am CDT

Anxiety

I looked at Yadia and saw myself.

 

Just seeing the distress in her eyes as she tried to have her son fix his collar.  I could physically feel her anxiety and need to fix it.  Imagine my surprise when I realized that my feelings are not normal, that people do not live with this constant need to control the outcome,  the way I do.  They do not feel the anxiety, the need to know what will happen in the coming days, weeks, months. 

 

I have tried to fix it so my life is serene and constant so I need not worry.  I live everyday of my life thinking what would my mother say if she came to my house unexpectedly and saw a mess?  What would she think of me?  What if my husband loses his job?  Has another heart attack? 

 

I have found it so heavy to carry this burden that I have eliminated people from my life in the hopes that their departure would lighten my load.  I feel that I must do the right thing all the time, not what is right for me. 

 
May 8, 2009, 8:10 am CDT

04/28 Need for Control

Quote From: norskygirl

Let me introduce myself.  My name Nadia, Jr.  While my family hasn't endured the extremes that her family has, they do live with a very controlling, difficult wife/mom.  I watched the show yesterday and just sobbed.  I felt EVERYTHING she did.  I identified with the pain she was feeling so acutely that it just drained me.  I, too, have had a serious of very unfortunate events happen to me when I surrendered control.  I never dreamed it would manifest in such a way in my home, but it has.  It makes 150% sense in my circumstance.  I don't always agree with everything Dr. Phil says, but he was right on with Nadia.

 

I've read all the previous posts that are critical of her and the especially strong criticism of Dr. Phil victimizing the perpretrator.  As angry as I am at your insensitive responses, I have to thank God that you obviously haven't been as deeply wounded.  Perhaps you have found other ways to walk through your valley.   I'm glad you have found a way to work through your "stuff", but don't stone those of us who are still dealing with our junk.  As soon as we find answers, I promise we want to fix ourselves.  For me, I begin today.

    You know nothing about me and my "wounds" so don't ASSume you do. The woman is NOT NOT NOT the victim in this issue. Her husband and mostly her son are. She's had problems, guess what everyone has. Not everyone CHOOSES to fix their problems by controlling every nuance of thier families lives. She should have gotten help at the time. It's not her husbands or her son's fault she did not, yet they have  to pay for it??? I don't think so.
 
May 15, 2009, 6:39 am CDT

04/28 Need for Control

Quote From: koreanmom

    You do it CONSTANTLY!!!!! STOP excusing BAD behavior. NOT everyone is mentally ILL. I have actually HEARD people say "EVEN Dr. Phil says I can NOT help the way I am." or"I have mental problems. I can't help it!!!!!!!! YOU are NOT doing anyone ANY good. ESPECIALLY the ones who have  to LIVE with these people. You even EXCUSE moms that verbally abuse their kids. " Oh it's not YOUR fault you have anger issues." PLEASE!!!!!!! You're SUPPOSED to be an "HONEST" realistic person. So STOP BABYING people. This woman is lucky as HELL her husband is so easy going that he puts up with it. She's even MORE lucky that her son hasn't just left and moved out to get away from HER.
You are so right! He really seems to go out of his way to nourish people in their "victim roles." Many of us (including myself) who experienced grave childhood trauma....however, we have to take responsibility for ourselves in the present, and take steps to improve ourselves.
 
May 15, 2009, 6:43 am CDT

04/28 Need for Control

Quote From: manofgoods

Personally, I don't think that anyone should be controlled. What would happen if this was the other way around with a man controlling everyone? Then we wouldn't be taking it so lightly.
Absolutely...if it were a man, the audience would be outraged. However, they seem to find it amusing and giggle throughout the show when a woman behaves this way.
 
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