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Topic : 05/05 How to Be a Better Parent

Number of Replies: 69
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, May 01, 2009, 10:08:47 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Have your children gone from little angels to kids gone wild? Are they whiney, tantrum-throwing, feet-stomping, door-slamming, spoiled and entitled? Well, good news, Mom and Dad! Dr. Phil launches his parenting boot camp and teaches parents how to take back control and live in peace for the very first time. Meet four families who say they live in chaos and can’t take it anymore. Tammie says her 11-year-old daughter is stubborn, uncooperative and annoying, and she finds herself with no desire to hug her. How can she rediscover that mother/daughter bond? And, Janice says her 11-year-old son is a spoiled little baby whose tantrums are so obnoxious, she’s ready to throw in the towel. Next, Tiffiny and Ron say their two oldest daughters make them regret becoming parents. They say living with their 14-year-old is like living with Hannibal Lecter, and the 10-year-old won’t stop lying. What are they doing wrong? And, Laureen is a single mom who says her 16-year-old daughter is so out of control, she could be headed for jail. How can these families regain control and find peace? Plus, see exciting updates on two mother/son pairs who left their madhouse for The Dr. Phil House last year. Remember the child who slapped his mother in the face? How are they doing one year later? Share your thoughts here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 5, 2009, 1:38 pm CDT

this is to Tammie

I am a 22 year old woman that, trust me, has seen what you are going through with your daughter. when i was 3 my mother and father got divorced. at the age of 12 my mother married my step father. at 15 my mother had another baby, and then again when i was 17.

take it from someone that has been there. you're daughter acting the way she does is because she feels pushed aside. She feels as though you had to make room for the man in your life, who is not her father, and the new children. she clings to you because she wants to get back the way that life was before this all happened. preteens are not good with change. when the change comes, they look at it as a bad thing, until someone can prove that it will get better.

take what you can get with her now. Because eventually, unless you face it now, her clinginess will turn into rebellion. like i said i have been there. When i got into highschool i swear i turned into the worst child ever. my mother and i fought constantly, i strongly dislike my stepfather, i stayed out passed curfew, homework never got done, grades were so bad. then at 20 my mother and i got into a huge fight the week before christmas, and i left. just walked out the door and have not gona back since. my mother and i have talked since then and tust me i do love her, but our relationship will never be the same.

When your daughter was born and younger before the other children came along, you were probably close, she confided in you she wasnt so clingy. trust me when that goes away you will miss it.

I am saying all this because i would hate to see another girl have the same type of relationship with her mother as i do with mine. my mother used to be my best friend, now i just see her as someone i see occasionally. we talk from time to time, but it is nothing like it used to be.

love this moment, honestly love it. and please take the time you have to better your relationship and make something of it. because trust me you dont want to end up the mother and daughter that can barely stand eachother it isnt fun at all.

 
May 5, 2009, 2:17 pm CDT

Learned something new!

  I think that everyone is definately going to be angry with the first mom that was on the show but I give her credit for going on the show and admitting what she did. In no way am I condoning the behavior but I can feel for her, I have trouble connecting with my oldest son and I have had more trouble with him. He is turning 12 this year and I have found it very annoying that he is constantly hugging me and telling me he loves me cause I thought he should be moving away from wanting this affection but now I understand that he may be needing extra reassurance of our love and acceptance so I am going to hug him as often and long as he wants if thats what he needs right now.
 
May 5, 2009, 2:23 pm CDT

Yah...YOU know what's best for every family.

Quote From: bellarose11

Well  kids need to have a christian home with christian values.   With Jesus in there life things can be better.

Nothing burns my britches more than someone who thinks they know what's best for anyone in trouble. CHRISTIAN VALUES? What does Christianity have to do with anything? What's wrong with Jewish values, Buddhist values...wait! What's wrong with VALUES period. 

People don't need Jesus in their lives to ensure goodness and wholesome family life.

Your religious beliefs are not for everyone.  In fact, there's more hypocrisy in Christianity than any other religion.

Where's the Christian value in  all the child molestation in thechurch? How about all the stealing from the flock? The affairs betweenpastors and  the meek who seek spiritual aid?

I had to move from South GA to get my kids away from "Jesus" in the public schools. When my 5 year old came home from kindergarten crying because little Billy told him that if he was bad, the devil would come up out of the floor and take him away in his sleep, it was time to go. I won't even go into other issues I had with religion and bigotry in the deep south...and I know it's not only in the south, so I'm not attacking southerners in any way. I live in the south myself, but in a more diverse area now, thank God.

My values are no less than yours because I don't have  Jesus in my life.  Please. 

Now, I have two teens, boys 14 and 15 and they are giving me a run from my money. I've made mistakes. Some huge. Some I can fix, some I can't. I'm having to allow my 15 year old to make some seriously wrong decisions (in my opinion!) because there are just some things, as a human being, as a mom, that I'm totally powerless over.  Stupid choices he makes...sometimes it makes me want to die...the fact that I can't control some things he chooses to do, so I'm getting help for me too. I can only control me. I can make life uncomfortable for the kid who won't conform, but that's it.  I can't "make him" stop smoking. I can't "make him" succeed in school. I can't "make him" have a desirable attitude. Jeeez, I can't "make him" brush his teeth.  Parents who think they can "control" their teens are delusional.  Can teens making stupid choices live in harmony with their parents?  That's up to the parents.















 
May 5, 2009, 2:37 pm CDT

Ok so you are grown up now...

Quote From: baby_doll_dani

I am a 22 year old woman that, trust me, has seen what you are going through with your daughter. when i was 3 my mother and father got divorced. at the age of 12 my mother married my step father. at 15 my mother had another baby, and then again when i was 17.

take it from someone that has been there. you're daughter acting the way she does is because she feels pushed aside. She feels as though you had to make room for the man in your life, who is not her father, and the new children. she clings to you because she wants to get back the way that life was before this all happened. preteens are not good with change. when the change comes, they look at it as a bad thing, until someone can prove that it will get better.

take what you can get with her now. Because eventually, unless you face it now, her clinginess will turn into rebellion. like i said i have been there. When i got into highschool i swear i turned into the worst child ever. my mother and i fought constantly, i strongly dislike my stepfather, i stayed out passed curfew, homework never got done, grades were so bad. then at 20 my mother and i got into a huge fight the week before christmas, and i left. just walked out the door and have not gona back since. my mother and i have talked since then and tust me i do love her, but our relationship will never be the same.

When your daughter was born and younger before the other children came along, you were probably close, she confided in you she wasnt so clingy. trust me when that goes away you will miss it.

I am saying all this because i would hate to see another girl have the same type of relationship with her mother as i do with mine. my mother used to be my best friend, now i just see her as someone i see occasionally. we talk from time to time, but it is nothing like it used to be.

love this moment, honestly love it. and please take the time you have to better your relationship and make something of it. because trust me you dont want to end up the mother and daughter that can barely stand eachother it isnt fun at all.



So, your mom divorced when you were 3 and waited 9 years to find a man to share her life with.  I understand the turmoil you must have experienced from age 12 to 17, 18 because it is teen nature to think they are the center of the universe. How dare your mom find happiness in anyone other than yourself!! How dare your mom be better prepared, more mature, more financially stable when she had your siblings!!  I get it.

You are 22 now. You are going to hold on to this for how long??  How long are you going to "punish" your mom for being happy?  Is your step-dad abusive? Does he treat your mom well?   What if your mom died tomorrow?  Don't wait too long to give your mom "permission" to live the life she chooses. I'm sure she didn't choose happiness over you. She chose happiness to share, but it sounds like you want no part of it because you are hanging onto childish feelings of abandonment. Deal with it please?


 
May 5, 2009, 2:40 pm CDT

Tammie needs to get real NOW

Tammie, I hope that you are reading the message boards and realizing that YOU are the problem, NOT your daughter. How dare you use her to punish her father?? Make no mistake that is exactly what you are doing. Period. Your daughter is NOT responsible for her father's behavior. She is NOT responsible for YOUR behavior. She is behaving like any child suffering parental abuse, neglect and rejection. She is acting out her hurt, anger, fear and confusion. Children do not have the words to describe what they are feeling, so they act it out. YOU are responsible for your daughter's behavior. YOU are responsible for her feelings of rejection, hurt, anger and fear. YOU need to listen very closely to Dr. Phil and his staff. YOU need to make some serious changes in YOUR attitude, behavior and feelings. If you don't, I hope that CPS will step in and find a good, loving, caring foster family for your daugher. She absolutely DESERVES all the love, attention,  and HUGS she can get.
 
May 5, 2009, 2:44 pm CDT

05/05 How to Be a Better Parent

Quote From: billieevans


Nothing burns my britches more than someone who thinks they know what's best for anyone in trouble. CHRISTIAN VALUES? What does Christianity have to do with anything? What's wrong with Jewish values, Buddhist values...wait! What's wrong with VALUES period. 

People don't need Jesus in their lives to ensure goodness and wholesome family life.

Your religious beliefs are not for everyone.  In fact, there's more hypocrisy in Christianity than any other religion.

Where's the Christian value in  all the child molestation in thechurch? How about all the stealing from the flock? The affairs betweenpastors and  the meek who seek spiritual aid?

I had to move from South GA to get my kids away from "Jesus" in the public schools. When my 5 year old came home from kindergarten crying because little Billy told him that if he was bad, the devil would come up out of the floor and take him away in his sleep, it was time to go. I won't even go into other issues I had with religion and bigotry in the deep south...and I know it's not only in the south, so I'm not attacking southerners in any way. I live in the south myself, but in a more diverse area now, thank God.

My values are no less than yours because I don't have  Jesus in my life.  Please. 

Now, I have two teens, boys 14 and 15 and they are giving me a run from my money. I've made mistakes. Some huge. Some I can fix, some I can't. I'm having to allow my 15 year old to make some seriously wrong decisions (in my opinion!) because there are just some things, as a human being, as a mom, that I'm totally powerless over.  Stupid choices he makes...sometimes it makes me want to die...the fact that I can't control some things he chooses to do, so I'm getting help for me too. I can only control me. I can make life uncomfortable for the kid who won't conform, but that's it.  I can't "make him" stop smoking. I can't "make him" succeed in school. I can't "make him" have a desirable attitude. Jeeez, I can't "make him" brush his teeth.  Parents who think they can "control" their teens are delusional.  Can teens making stupid choices live in harmony with their parents?  That's up to the parents.















You let your 15-year-old son smoke? Who's the parent? I suspect you'll let him drop out of school when he turns 16. And, his youngest brother, too.
 
May 5, 2009, 2:46 pm CDT

05/05 How to Be a Better Parent

Quote From: fluffyfat

As the aunt of a lovely girl who suffers from schizophrenia, I really hate to hear Dr Phil, a psychologist for heavens sake, make jokes about this devastating disease. Worse, he implied today that it was caused by bad parenting. It's caused by a hormonal imbalance in the brain, Dr. Phil, I think you know this.
I think Dr Phil had a brain-fart when he made that comment.
 
May 5, 2009, 2:54 pm CDT

05/05 How to Be a Better Parent

 I want to first say how ridiculous I think it is for the mother that called her child annoying, weird and basically cant stand her daughter. I am  a single mother of two boys, age 11 and 6 and I can say --- it is NOT easy at times. And I know that I am not the best mother and I learn alot from Dr. Phil, but no matter what your child does, or how out of control.... to say that you do not like your own child, deny them attention, hugs and love---- how in the world does that woman expect that little girl to act! I am a firm believer that alot of issues between parents and their children ARE the parents fault. This mother has serious problems. I get so angry and upset with my boys and I know there are times that I say things that  I do not mean, but I would NEVER deny my child a hug. Then to top it off, she seemed to me that she did not even feel guilty for feeling the way she does about her daughter.I am sure, like in every situation, there are things and situations that go on behind closed doors, that we the public didn't see.... but regardless, there is no excuse for the way she spoke about her daughter or her neglectful ways towards her daughter!  If my parents said those things about me or to me --- of coarse I would act out!! That girl is so clearly craving attention!! It is just so sad to me and it truly was very disturbing!  And for the response that having a Christian home is not needed or Jesus is not needed in families and homes --- how sad for you!  I will pray for you!
 
May 5, 2009, 3:14 pm CDT

No, I don't "let" him

Quote From: ramair

You let your 15-year-old son smoke? Who's the parent? I suspect you'll let him drop out of school when he turns 16. And, his youngest brother, too.

No I don't "let" him smoke.  I'm grounded enough in reality to know that his smoking is not something I can control. I've talked to him about the dangers. His grandmother has emphizema, he's seen the dangers firsthand. His father and I don't smoke.  When first caught, he was grounded. That taught him to be more sneaky, which then involved lying.

He knows we despise smoking and in no way condone it.

My point was that I cannot control it.  He is making a very bad choice in doing it. If you think you could control a smoking teenager, like I said, you are delusional.
 
May 5, 2009, 3:30 pm CDT

Please don't pray for me!!

Quote From: jamiloryn

 I want to first say how ridiculous I think it is for the mother that called her child annoying, weird and basically cant stand her daughter. I am  a single mother of two boys, age 11 and 6 and I can say --- it is NOT easy at times. And I know that I am not the best mother and I learn alot from Dr. Phil, but no matter what your child does, or how out of control.... to say that you do not like your own child, deny them attention, hugs and love---- how in the world does that woman expect that little girl to act! I am a firm believer that alot of issues between parents and their children ARE the parents fault. This mother has serious problems. I get so angry and upset with my boys and I know there are times that I say things that  I do not mean, but I would NEVER deny my child a hug. Then to top it off, she seemed to me that she did not even feel guilty for feeling the way she does about her daughter.I am sure, like in every situation, there are things and situations that go on behind closed doors, that we the public didn't see.... but regardless, there is no excuse for the way she spoke about her daughter or her neglectful ways towards her daughter!  If my parents said those things about me or to me --- of coarse I would act out!! That girl is so clearly craving attention!! It is just so sad to me and it truly was very disturbing!  And for the response that having a Christian home is not needed or Jesus is not needed in families and homes --- how sad for you!  I will pray for you!

How self-centered you are to think YOUR beliefs are are needed in ALL families. How sad for you to be so narrow minded .  A judgmental Christian. WWJD??

I have my own religion, thank you and would NEVER dream of trying to push it on anyone.  Who do you think you are?? 

<duh...I'm arguing with someone on the internet!>
 
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