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Topic : 05/07 How to Stay Sober

Number of Replies: 44
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 01, 2009, 10:10:48 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil delves into the anatomy of addiction with two families on the verge of losing it all. Rigo was a police sergeant in charge of keeping crime off the streets, but at home he was taking up to 2,000 pain pills a month. He says his addiction caused him to lose everything he loved including his job and his family. Now he fears he’ll lose his beautiful home and his marriage too. Rigo says he’s been sober for seven weeks, but his wife of seven years, Robin, is doubtful. She says she’s seen him get sober and relapse so many times, if his current sobriety doesn’t stick, she will divorce him. Is Rigo doing everything he can to stay clean? Then, Chuck is an unemployed therapist due to his alcohol addiction. He says he’s had so many DUIs and spent so much time in jail, he can’t keep track anymore. He says he quit the bottle 90 days ago, but his wife of two years, Janet, calls him a habitual relapser. Is divorce in their future? If you think a loved one may be struggling with an addiction, or if you suspect your child is experimenting with drugs or alcohol, don’t miss this show! Learn the no-holds-barred truth about addiction, rehabilitation and sobriety, what to look for, and the cutting-edge medication and treatment that helps addicts get sober and stay sober. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 7, 2009, 8:32 pm CDT

Yes...

Quote From: kckane9

I am getting sick and tired of being told that addiction is a disease. I personally don't really care what the dictionary definition is or what person or organization decided to call addiction a disease. If you are addicted to or dependent on something to get you through the day, that is your own fault because of the CHOICES you have made. If you really want to make the effort to get sober, you must make the CHOICE to do so. I have two questions for those who say addiction is a disease: Does a person choose to have cancer in their body? Can a person with cancer will it away whenever they want? Obviously the answer to these questions is no, and if anyone out there can actually answer yes to these questions, please let me know how!
 An alcholoic/addict does NOT chose this disease any more than someone with cancer would.

A cancer patient cannot "will" away the cancer (although that could be argued). In order for the patient to recover, they  take the "medicine", i.e., chemo, radiation, etc.   *Remission*

An alcoholic/addict cannot "will" away the addiction (although that could be argued). In order for the addict to recover, they take the "medicine", i.e., AA, NA, going to meetings, helping other addicts, living "one day at a time", etc. *Remission*

The problem is, an addict doesn't know they will be addicted till it's too late. Why do you think some people can drink/drug  like crazy and not be addicted, while others become addicted?

Please don't make judgments on things you know nothing of. Or are you smarter than the experts?

Do you think for ONE second that an addict would choose the live of addiction? Choose to lose family, homes, financial security, failing health?


 
May 7, 2009, 8:33 pm CDT

A L A N O N

Quote From: mmbranch09

K have a question? why does everyone always sympathize with the addict  they made a choice good or bad,  what about those they destroyed along the way? I surely didnt sign up for this life and neither did my kids. I guess i still have alot to learn becuase i cant for the life of me understand why someone just one day says gee i think ill try drugs today um you cant really play the stupid card on that one they start teaching what drugs do in what kindergarden now a days. If you cant tell im a married to an addict that not only destroyed his life but wasnt happy until he took us down with him, but i guess thats my fault i let him, i let his whole addiction control my every move in life for years i  have just thrown my hands up  why bother trying if he has a death wish then so be it .  sorry if i have offended anyone and if you are in recovery you have my upmost respect because at least you are trying.
GO NOW
 
May 7, 2009, 9:22 pm CDT

Those of you who know it all...

Those of you who "know" addiction is not a disease are part of the addicts problem.

 If you know and addict or are married or living with one, you "know" it must be a lack of will power.  Damit, if you loved them better, if you said it differently, louder, softer,  they would understand...if  they cared about anything at all, they surely would stop!! It MUST be a lack of will power because you've done EVERYTHING to try to control the drinking/drugging...EVERYTHING!!! Yet they continue to drink to defy you, to hurt you, to wreck your family to spend money you don't have. You keep trying. Maybe tomorrow will be different. "Wow, we've gone two whole days without an incident, things are getting better!" But you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You give your addict money to avoid conflict. You call the boss to say your spouse had a family emergency and cannot make it in today. You don't go to family outings because your spouse has no will power and might embarrass you.

You've threatened to leave over and over again if we drink one more time. But you never do. You continue to rescue us. Why do we need to stop? You make it EASY for us to keep on keeping on! You will never hold us accountable.

You will never allow us to grow because you take care of every aspect of our lives. Because you love us. And you resent it with a passion.

You are tired. You've done EVERYTHING!! You take care of everything around the house, the kids, the finances. You make nice dinners only to be stood up AGAIN.

You are soooo fucking tired of trying to keep all the plates in the air. You "know" one day you will get it right and the addict will stop for you because they love you enough and they do have will power, you know they do!!

Someone asks what  you do for fun. You have NO clue. You've lost you because you are so consumed with the addict that you don't have time for you. People ask you how you are doing and you tell them about your significant other and how they are runining your life. But you stay. You keep doing the same thing, over and over...expecting a different result. You can't possibly be the problem. You don't drink or drug. It's ALL the addicts fault. If only they would stop, your life would be perfect.

You are dying. You think you "know"?

That's WHY people who love and live with addicts are SICKER THAN THE ADDICT!

The addict is doing exactly what an addict does...he's drinking and drugging. That's what we do. We drink. We drug.  We LOVE people like you who think they "know"...You take care of us. You think you "know" what's best for us. You know what's best for everyone and have an innate need to tell everyone what to do, because YOU don't feel comfortable unless you have "control". You have none. NONE.

You allow us to manipulate the hell out of you because you need to take care of us creetants because it makes you feel good about yourself...until we manipulate you even more so we can drink and drug more...then the resentment rears its ugly head and we can drink even more!!

Yes, if only we had the will power...

If only you had some self-worth that wasn't based on fixing the addict in your life.

Billie Evans, sober 22 years
Proud member of Al-anon, 3 years





 
May 7, 2009, 9:51 pm CDT

wow

I have watched today's show and have read some of the posts! I am blown away. I am a 25 year old recovering addict! God willing I will have 6 years clean in september, from mood altering mind changing chemicals! I did not grow up awaiting the day i became addicted- I believe for me i was born with this disease. Opinions are like haircuts everyone has one, i completed believe that until you have walked in my shoes, you have no idea where i have been or where i am going. Yes, i did make the choice to pick up that first drug, but i never thought in a millions years "it would happen to me" I watch Dr. Phil daily- DVR every show, but today i have to disagree. You never know when someone is going to get and stay clean. This is a disease, it is incurable, fatal disease. There are no books, miracle drugs, special treatments that will take this away. There is a program of recovery to supply me with the tools i need, to help guide my way. I have done whatever it took to get high, stole, cheated, lied used and abused others. Today i no longer have to live that way- recovery has blessed me. I am not here to promote, i am here to share my experience. Today i have a choice- when i was getting high- most of the time there wasn't a choice- i did drugs to feel "normal" whatever normal is. I continued to get high, because i didnt want to be sick or was unable to deal with what life passed on to me. Today, i am a productive member of society. I have self worth, respect for others, i pay my bills, i take care of me, i dont litter, i put carts back when i am done at the supermarket, i smile when people pass me. I let people over when they want to change lanes. I do things that most people dont even think about, i do all these things because i have a choice today. I still have bad days, dont get me wrong i am not perfect- i am human. I have gratitude for things i never even new exsited. I am not this way because of self wil, i am living this way, because the program of recovery has given this to me. Noone can tell me what is best for me, unti lyou have been where i have been, seen what i have seen, you have no idea what is best for me. Until you live with the struggle of addiction in your own life, you have no clue. I live my life just for today! I am so grateful, to all of those who i have lived the same struggles and have shared their experiences and hope! If you are no like me you have no clue what is it to be like me! please dont beat me down, hate or judge me, I have done that enough too myself, But if you chose to, that is your choice!

 

Peace and Love- a grateful recovering addict!

 
May 7, 2009, 10:07 pm CDT

05/07 How to Stay Sober

Quote From: shellka1

There is help! there is hope!
 
May 8, 2009, 6:50 am CDT

Great Show

I enjoyed watching this show on addictions.  It is amazing how one small area of a persons life can totally take over and destroy a persons life.   After I lost my son, I turned to over the counter sleeping pills to dull the pain.  Some people thought that it was no big deal, but as the years went on I was taking 32 at a time.  This addiction nearly destroyed my life.  2 years ago, I finally got help.  I found an organization called Celebrate Recovery.  It is a Christian recovery group that takes you through the 12 steps and also incoporates the scriptures in them.  I did not succeed the first time I went to Celebrate.  I quit, went back to using (it was easier than facing my issues) and once again hurt myself and others.  I finally "got it" went back to Celebrate Recovery and went through the 12 steps, got a sponsor and accountibility partners and for the last 2 years have remained clean.  This last month has been very difficult as I experienced another major loss, but God and my friends in Celebrate helped me stay on track and feel the feelings instead of trying to hide them. --- Thank you Dr. Phil for all your help to others and the things I learn from you

Christy

 
May 8, 2009, 8:54 am CDT

How to deal w/alcohol abusing sister

 
May 8, 2009, 9:09 am CDT

Old Pro

Thought my story might help some struggling wife's. My husband and I got into recovery from all drugs in 2000. My husband in our first year of sobriety was diagnosed with Crohns and prescribed Methadone , It took few years be for there was an apparent issue. When we came to the conclusion that it was a full blown addiction that would take his life we cold turkey detoxed him at home and I would never recommend that. My husband has been in a suboxone treatment program and didn't make it due to relapse. Suboxone is a better drug than the Methadone as far as quality of life goes. But when the addict wants to get loaded again it is a gradual process. my husband took himself off it and picked up methadone again and I couldn't tell until he took to much and the twitching and nodding came back. I was never so disappointed. Addiction is the pits . I have to constantly hold my husband accountable and I have a support group in the recovery community and church community. I do have hope that my husband will make it cuz I love him and I will never give up on this FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. I can make his life very hard by exposing him when he has messed up .This is a disease that can only be treated not cured. Alanon is a big help for the Addicts family.Iwas afraid at first to expose my husbands problem cuz we where prominent in AA and serving in many ministries and involved in a jail ministry so I was embarrassed by what happened. What I found out was that people DIE accidentally all the time from prescription pills and I saw a few people first hand die and to watch there families mourn was very eye opening. Wives or husbands who have loved ones in this situation should read an AA Big Book to better understand the disease and . I found out that these drugs store up in the liver and can release at any time and kill immediately.I dint want to be a wife who did nothing .The Internet has alot of info on perscription pill abuse educate yourself.
 
May 8, 2009, 9:17 am CDT

Great Post

Quote From: billieevans

Those of you who "know" addiction is not a disease are part of the addicts problem.

 If you know and addict or are married or living with one, you "know" it must be a lack of will power.  Damit, if you loved them better, if you said it differently, louder, softer,  they would understand...if  they cared about anything at all, they surely would stop!! It MUST be a lack of will power because you've done EVERYTHING to try to control the drinking/drugging...EVERYTHING!!! Yet they continue to drink to defy you, to hurt you, to wreck your family to spend money you don't have. You keep trying. Maybe tomorrow will be different. "Wow, we've gone two whole days without an incident, things are getting better!" But you are always waiting for the other shoe to drop.

You give your addict money to avoid conflict. You call the boss to say your spouse had a family emergency and cannot make it in today. You don't go to family outings because your spouse has no will power and might embarrass you.

You've threatened to leave over and over again if we drink one more time. But you never do. You continue to rescue us. Why do we need to stop? You make it EASY for us to keep on keeping on! You will never hold us accountable.

You will never allow us to grow because you take care of every aspect of our lives. Because you love us. And you resent it with a passion.

You are tired. You've done EVERYTHING!! You take care of everything around the house, the kids, the finances. You make nice dinners only to be stood up AGAIN.

You are soooo fucking tired of trying to keep all the plates in the air. You "know" one day you will get it right and the addict will stop for you because they love you enough and they do have will power, you know they do!!

Someone asks what  you do for fun. You have NO clue. You've lost you because you are so consumed with the addict that you don't have time for you. People ask you how you are doing and you tell them about your significant other and how they are runining your life. But you stay. You keep doing the same thing, over and over...expecting a different result. You can't possibly be the problem. You don't drink or drug. It's ALL the addicts fault. If only they would stop, your life would be perfect.

You are dying. You think you "know"?

That's WHY people who love and live with addicts are SICKER THAN THE ADDICT!

The addict is doing exactly what an addict does...he's drinking and drugging. That's what we do. We drink. We drug.  We LOVE people like you who think they "know"...You take care of us. You think you "know" what's best for us. You know what's best for everyone and have an innate need to tell everyone what to do, because YOU don't feel comfortable unless you have "control". You have none. NONE.

You allow us to manipulate the hell out of you because you need to take care of us creetants because it makes you feel good about yourself...until we manipulate you even more so we can drink and drug more...then the resentment rears its ugly head and we can drink even more!!

Yes, if only we had the will power...

If only you had some self-worth that wasn't based on fixing the addict in your life.

Billie Evans, sober 22 years
Proud member of Al-anon, 3 years





Billie: I have 10 years of recovery and love when people can just lay it out like that.That was the best advise I have ever seen in a addict post.What a hopeless existance .
 
May 8, 2009, 9:21 am CDT

How to deal w/Alcohol abusing sister

My 30ish yr old sister abuses alcohol daily.  Everyone in the family including her husband has talked to her about it.  She says 'she can control it" but clearly she can't.

3 weeks ago, she stormed out of my home w/her 2yr old baby b/c she wanted to drink & I asked her kindly not to put me in an awkward position by drinking in my home.  She then said I was trying to "control" her and her life.  This is not true.  I simply refuse to enable her drinking.  

We didn't speak for a week, then she started texting me "small talk" which I ignored because I feel she owes me an apology.   Now she's really angry at me for ignoring her & is using emotional blackmail by not letting me see my niece.

My question is:  What's the best way to deal with this situation?  Do I make "small talk" with her even though she's bad-mouthing me to my family saying that I'm being 'controling'? or do I continue the 'silent treatment' because I can't bear to watch her destroy her life nor will I give in to her 'blackmail'?

 

 

 
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