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Topic : 05/07 How to Stay Sober

Number of Replies: 44
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 01, 2009, 10:10:48 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil delves into the anatomy of addiction with two families on the verge of losing it all. Rigo was a police sergeant in charge of keeping crime off the streets, but at home he was taking up to 2,000 pain pills a month. He says his addiction caused him to lose everything he loved including his job and his family. Now he fears he’ll lose his beautiful home and his marriage too. Rigo says he’s been sober for seven weeks, but his wife of seven years, Robin, is doubtful. She says she’s seen him get sober and relapse so many times, if his current sobriety doesn’t stick, she will divorce him. Is Rigo doing everything he can to stay clean? Then, Chuck is an unemployed therapist due to his alcohol addiction. He says he’s had so many DUIs and spent so much time in jail, he can’t keep track anymore. He says he quit the bottle 90 days ago, but his wife of two years, Janet, calls him a habitual relapser. Is divorce in their future? If you think a loved one may be struggling with an addiction, or if you suspect your child is experimenting with drugs or alcohol, don’t miss this show! Learn the no-holds-barred truth about addiction, rehabilitation and sobriety, what to look for, and the cutting-edge medication and treatment that helps addicts get sober and stay sober. Talk about the show here.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 8, 2009, 12:08 pm CDT

Detachment

Quote From: Nolamac

My 30ish yr old sister abuses alcohol daily.  Everyone in the family including her husband has talked to her about it.  She says 'she can control it" but clearly she can't.

3 weeks ago, she stormed out of my home w/her 2yr old baby b/c she wanted to drink & I asked her kindly not to put me in an awkward position by drinking in my home.  She then said I was trying to "control" her and her life.  This is not true.  I simply refuse to enable her drinking.  

We didn't speak for a week, then she started texting me "small talk" which I ignored because I feel she owes me an apology.   Now she's really angry at me for ignoring her & is using emotional blackmail by not letting me see my niece.

My question is:  What's the best way to deal with this situation?  Do I make "small talk" with her even though she's bad-mouthing me to my family saying that I'm being 'controling'? or do I continue the 'silent treatment' because I can't bear to watch her destroy her life nor will I give in to her 'blackmail'?

 

 

Please find Al-anon in your area. Go to six meetings, six different ones, if possible as they each have their own "flavor".

There you will be given tool to deal with your sister. You will learn about detachment and detaching "with love".

Keep in mind, you are dealing with a very manipulitive person who's perception of the world around her is greatly skewed. You cannot argue with someone who's not living in reality. Denial is the number one symptom of the disease. Talking to her about her drinking is a waste of your breath and frustrating at best. Stop trying to rationalize with a crazy person.

Why does it matter what she's saying about you? So what? Trust me, she won't withold your niece for too long. She will want to "use" your babysitting services, sooner or later, so she can do what she does best...drink!

The three C's

You didn't Cause it
You can't Control it
You can't Change it

Try not looking at the disease and look at the person.

Please, please PLEASE find Al-anon.

Good luck!

Billie Evans, 22 years sober
Greatful memeber of Al-anon, 3 years


 
May 8, 2009, 1:12 pm CDT

Thanks

Quote From: billieevans

Please find Al-anon in your area. Go to six meetings, six different ones, if possible as they each have their own "flavor".

There you will be given tool to deal with your sister. You will learn about detachment and detaching "with love".

Keep in mind, you are dealing with a very manipulitive person who's perception of the world around her is greatly skewed. You cannot argue with someone who's not living in reality. Denial is the number one symptom of the disease. Talking to her about her drinking is a waste of your breath and frustrating at best. Stop trying to rationalize with a crazy person.

Why does it matter what she's saying about you? So what? Trust me, she won't withold your niece for too long. She will want to "use" your babysitting services, sooner or later, so she can do what she does best...drink!

The three C's

You didn't Cause it
You can't Control it
You can't Change it

Try not looking at the disease and look at the person.

Please, please PLEASE find Al-anon.

Good luck!

Billie Evans, 22 years sober
Greatful memeber of Al-anon, 3 years


That's probably the best advice I've ever gotten!  Thanks!  I will look for meetings!
 
May 8, 2009, 1:49 pm CDT

Spirituality Doesn't Fix Everything

Quote From: gdelaney8

As a recovering alcoholic that has experienced the challenge of relapse on several occasions, I was interested in todays information and purchased the book.  I do however feel that sobriety without a Higher Power or spiritual relationship is flawed.  I do a tremendous amount of research in preparation for a ministry alternative to the 12 steps.  Given Dr. Phil's affiliation with TD Jakes and others, I would like to see him delve into this topic with John Baker, Rick Warren, Mike Slaughter and others who have discovered great success with addictions of all types using the bible and Jesus Christ as the critical element for sustained sobriety. Within my shared ministry we emphasize the relationship with Christ, His teaching, His Word as the foundation and on-going strategic element for a successful recovery.  I think both Phil and the staff would be amazed at what can happen when an addict partners with Christ Jesus and allows Him to guide his or her recovery.  My wife, a nurse practicioner, would agree that even the best of medicine is no alternative to an uncompromising faith that Christ, at the head of proven strategies, is the most solid method for overcoming addiction.  I applaud Dr. Phil for the identification of how powerful and physically crippling addiction can be and working to erase the stigma that its grip is a sign of weakness.  I do believe however, and I am not some kooky zealot (aother misnomer), that the strength provided by Christ can heal the most desparate of addiction challenges.

 

 

I can't believe how many people think faith is going to change anything.  It definitely is a great rock for some people, but for those of us who are more scientifically based and don't believe in God, this spiritual theory doesn't work.  The strength provided by Christ?  I find this ridiculous and always have.
 
May 8, 2009, 8:39 pm CDT

Keep Trying

I have read the postingns rom the show.  Several things came to mind as I read the comments:

 

1.  Unlike treating diabetes, or thyroid problems, or just about any other chronic illness, when you are working with illnesses that start in the brain, no two individuals will have the exact same course of illness because no two brains, or the same experiences in life.  As a result, the same thing that works for one wont work for the next.  The point is that you keep trying and don't give up.

 

2.  The most prevalent emotion I felt among the comments that have been posted was anger.  How you let the anger control you effects the outcome.  You can let the anger become a rock that keeps you stuck in one place or let it motivate you to try another route.  The point is that you don't let the rock weight you down.

 

I am a clinician.  I believe in working with my patients to find the path that works for them.  I have seen the scan results, I have seen them in my office, I have worked extremely hard to help them find the medication combination that works for them.  I can tell you that it takes time to find the right combination and at least 18 months of consistent medication management to get good results.  This time period gets longer the more times you have to start the process over.  Furthermore, it is not just taking a pill and feeling "all better" in a day or two it is a life long process that requires daily practice and guidance from those that can see when you are getting ready to step off the pathway before you as the one with the substance abuse problem can see it.  That is where regular care by qualified individuals becomes so crucial.

 

Many of you have mentioned chronic pain and narcotics.  Pain management isn't always easy.  It takes more than just a pill.  For those of you that are pro-AA/NA, that is great if it works for you.  If you think that 12 step groups don't fit your overall life philosophy, keep looking until you find the support plan that will be right for you.  Just keep trying!  Suboxone does work for many, I see them every day.

 

Part of the problem is that there are so many out there with bad information.  This is not limited to the public, it is common in the health care industry as well.  Not to mention the stack of prior authorizations that I have on my desk because I have to prove to the insurance industry that the what I feel the patient needs for his/her best interest.

 

Thanks Dr. Phil for helping try to provide the public with correct information rather than false information.  As a clinician, I need someone on my side to help us provide the correct information rather than set my patients up with preconceived false information that I have to break through before I can help them get better.

 
May 8, 2009, 9:23 pm CDT

05/07 How to Stay Sober

Quote From: allmomsbiz

I can't believe how many people think faith is going to change anything.  It definitely is a great rock for some people, but for those of us who are more scientifically based and don't believe in God, this spiritual theory doesn't work.  The strength provided by Christ?  I find this ridiculous and always have.

The program of recovery is spiritual not religious. It isn't about God although some may call their higher power God. It is just as it sounds a power greater then yourself, which may be as simple as a group of recovering addicts in a room togehter, that could be your high power- a power greater then yourself...

 
May 9, 2009, 7:13 am CDT

05/07 How to Stay Sober

Quote From: billieevans

 An alcholoic/addict does NOT chose this disease any more than someone with cancer would.

A cancer patient cannot "will" away the cancer (although that could be argued). In order for the patient to recover, they  take the "medicine", i.e., chemo, radiation, etc.   *Remission*

An alcoholic/addict cannot "will" away the addiction (although that could be argued). In order for the addict to recover, they take the "medicine", i.e., AA, NA, going to meetings, helping other addicts, living "one day at a time", etc. *Remission*

The problem is, an addict doesn't know they will be addicted till it's too late. Why do you think some people can drink/drug  like crazy and not be addicted, while others become addicted?

Please don't make judgments on things you know nothing of. Or are you smarter than the experts?

Do you think for ONE second that an addict would choose the live of addiction? Choose to lose family, homes, financial security, failing health?


I am a recovering addict, and I want to thank you for what you wrote. It is very hard for ppl without this disease to understand "us".

 

I HATE it everyday that I am like this.I have ruined a lot of different things in my life b/c of my addiction.I tried self-control...hahaha. What finally worked for me is a lot of therapy and suboxone.I no longer have my 'urges' and i am SO GRATEFULL!!!!!

 

I truley feel sorry for ppl that have to deal with "us" addicts...b/c most ppl do NOT understand that it really is NOT a choice to become an addict.I would never wish my disease on my worst enemy. I do not want sympathy, I am sympathetic towards the ppl that have to deal w/ "us".

 

Thank you again for what you wrote!!!

 
May 9, 2009, 7:17 am CDT

05/07 How to Stay Sober

Quote From: babaer

Hi,

  I have a neurological disorder which causes chronic severe pain.  I take Rx pain medication every day but only within prescribed levels. I have been doing this for the past 6 years.  How long can I continue to safely take these medications?  They work but I do fear that they will one day become ineffective.  I am also frustrated by the dirty looks, hoops I have to jump through each month to get the medications I need. (It can't be called in, I have to go to the doctor's office to pick up the scripts, It has to be filled one month at a time.  I have spent hours per month keeping up with my medications.)  I can tell you that I would not survive the pain if I were not able to get relief from it.  I would LOVE not to need the medication.  Can you at least acknowledge that there are some people who take pain meds legitimately and can control their intake.

Thank you,

Barbara

I have to go to a pain clinic for my suboxone. While in the waiting room I meet and talk to ppl just like you. I acknowledge that you MUST take pain pills to live a 'normal' life.I feel for you and wish you the best.
 
May 9, 2009, 3:22 pm CDT

Fight addictions with addictive drugs?!

I have a lot of respect for the Dr.Phil show, but I did not like the 'addiction doctor's advice. Admonishing the man for saying he had an adverse reaction to suboxone - a HIGHLY addictive drug that is ripe for abuse. It's simply replacing one addiction for another. It's irresponsible and dangerous to continue to drug our society the way we do. Then the good 'Dr" compared it to diabetics requiring insulin  - -outrageous!   They are correcting and physiological imbalance with insulin. Since when do people require opiates to balance their brain? This is the latest trend...this will be the new Oxycontin problem we see today.  Quit pushing drugs on addicts!!  Just do a google search on the news that comes up on this drug -and you'll get to read about  the drug manufacturer's skyrocketing profits, as well as a litany of crimes that involve suboxone abuse.   Addiction recovery requires intense therapy, a support group, prayer/meditation/exercise  - and all kinds of HARD work. But the drug solution is not an answer.   

 

 

http://www.suboxone-addiction.com/

 
May 11, 2009, 8:12 am CDT

Need Help Also !

I have written many emails to Dr. Phil begging for help for my son. No replies at all from any of them. My hope & prayer is that someone out there will ofer to help us. My son is 28 and was/is a wonderfu person, he just got caught up in something that is bigger then he could handle ... DRUGS ... he has tried to stop several times only to relapse now he has been on a drug saboxin (spelling may be incorrect) this seems to help him but it is so expensive and he is in such a bad place now. Both financially and with this mess, his whole life has been destroyed, he has lost everything. He needs help and he has begged for that help from us all. we have done all we can. We can't afford the treatment that he needs.

I would give anything if that wonderful doctor that was there that day that Dr. Phil kept asking questions to.....I can;t remember the doctor's name but he sounded like a dream come true for me for my son. We are begging anyone out there to help us get him the help he needs and he wants also. He wants to get well so badly and get back to the same woderful person he was before the drugs took his life and destroyed everything. If there is anyone out there that would help us PLEASE I BEG YOU TO HELP US....

 

 
May 12, 2009, 11:52 am CDT

Changed My life

This information was so helpful. I wish I was more informed earlier. Thanks for making this show Possible.  I plan on buying Dr. Urschel's book very soon.! There is Hope! Wishing everyone the very best!
 
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