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Topic : 05/12 How to Be a Better Parent, Part 3

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Created on : Friday, May 08, 2009, 02:40:23 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil continues his work with four families who are tired of the fighting and chaos in their home and are striving to create peace. One of the parents in the house, Tammie, recorded home video of an argument with her daughter, Davia. After watching it, Dr. Phil doesn’t mince words when he tells Tammie how he believes she is scarring her daughter. What is at the root of Tammie's resentment and contempt? And, Dr. Phil warns one parent about what he’s doing that could drive his daughters to turn to other male figures for love and attention. If you’re the father of a preteen daughter, don’t miss Dr. Phil's words of warning! Then, a role-playing exercise offers a different perspective for the parents and the kids. Will seeing themselves portrayed by their family members open their eyes, or just add more fuel to the fire? Plus, see a trust exercise that gives insight into communication problems and parenting pitfalls. If you want to learn how to create a peaceful home and a phenomenal family, follow these parents! Join the discussion.

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 12, 2009, 9:58 am CDT

05/12 How to Be a Better Parent, Part 3

Quote From: shelly_80

I couldn't have said it better.  Did you catch in Tammie's video when she told Davia that she was forcing her (Tammie) to show her (Tammie's) true colors?  It's amazing that someone can be that vicious to their own child.  I made the comment to Cadecove99 that Davia was not a mistake like Tammie said and Tammie had to know the consequences of having unprotected sex, but I'm starting to wonder if Tammie might have been raped or something?  Not that it excuses her behavior at all, but it would help us better understand why Tammie feels the way she does by Davia.  I think their something more to this story and I hope it comes out on tomorrows show.  All Tammie can say is that Davia is a mistake, but she never said why she thinks that. 
I, too, have been upset since i saw the show last week with that horrible parent abusing her beautiful child.  Davia is a beautiful child, but I am wondering how she would turn out if kthat mother keeps up that kind of abuse.  The poor girl was cowering as her mother just went on and on berating her.  I felt like cowering as well and just couldn't bear to watch it.  I'm sure Dr. Phil will do the right thing.  That poor child needs to be removed from  the 'wicked witch'. 
 
May 12, 2009, 11:08 am CDT

05/12 How to Be a Better Parent, Part 3

Quote From: mzsweet72

I love watching Dr. Phil, but after the show with poor Davia, I was so livid, I wanted to confront that pathetic woman myself.  If there is one job that I feel is the most important in this life, it's to raise my children and love them equally.  I would NEVER and I repeat NEVER call my  9 year old daughter a bitch.  Has this woman lost her mind? Maybe not, but maybe child protective services should be called because if she is treating her child like this on national television, I am curious to what the family dynamics are at home.  I am still upset over that show last week.  I believe the woman's tears are fake, I also believe she doesn't deserve to have Davia.  Any woman can give birth, it takes special women to be mothers and this is something that Davia needs in her life, she needs to feel the love, nurture, and the mothering of a real mother.  The video that I saw was the "mother" instigating an arguement with Davia, as mothers we don't do this, nor do we call our children foul names for our own gratification.  I am clearly disgusted this woman feels like this and have been livid since the show aired.  Davia is a little girl growing into puberty girls aren't easy to raise with all their hormonal changes, but we as mothers must have that unconditional love for our children.  On my last note, I do not believe the woman that is financially taking care of Davia deserves to have that child in her life.  Oh I am not a violent person, but I would have loved to smack some sense into her and I would welcome the woman to confront me and call me names and lets see if she feels as big as she does when she's degrading her daughter.  I would take the blunt of it rather than that poor child.  Remember folks, abuse isn't only physical and my heart goes out to Davia, because she will need alot of therapy to overcome her mothers downfalls.  Another thought abuse is a learned behavior, I would hate for this little girl growing up to be just like her mother or becoming something even worse.....

I am just as angry at her as you are. She has no right treating her daughter this way. tammie was the mistake not her daughter!
 
May 12, 2009, 12:13 pm CDT

05/12 How to Be a Better Parent, Part 3

Quote From: princessgina

I am just as angry at her as you are. She has no right treating her daughter this way. tammie was the mistake not her daughter!
Davia's mom is pure evil and has so much hate in herself for herself she can't contain it so she floods her daughter with all of this hate. I am sad and concerned that Davia  is even in this situation...Her mother is Abusing her on TV.  she is a basket case and should be in full-time counseling it is all about her and not Davia...she seems like such a sweet smart strong girl who is being squelched and bombarded with negative abusive statements.  That mom is is killing her spirit and doing it intentionally.  She is so gross I cant stand to watch How can she think mocking her child's hopeful words iokay? it is so hurtful.  WHen the mom crys I want to slap her because it is so simple...she has the problem and she needs the counseling to find out why she hates her daughter and wants to kill her spirit....until then she should fake til she can get through her own illness so she doesnt cause any more irreprable damage. Davia should not be subject to this she is not emotionally safe.
 
May 12, 2009, 12:21 pm CDT

Brava to Davia's Mom

I say BRAVO to her for admitting those horrible feelings. She's got much work to do and hopefully she can get through it.

Bravo that she can admit what other mothers have thought before. It takes courage to admit it to oneself, much less to the world...She is far from alone. The deepest darkest secret is on the table. Now she can deal with it.
 
May 12, 2009, 12:36 pm CDT

ABSOLUTELY!

Quote From: princessgina

I am just as angry at her as you are. She has no right treating her daughter this way. tammie was the mistake not her daughter!
Davia, if you can read this, I HOPE YOU FIND HAPPINESS! YOUR MOTHER HAS ABUSED AND ABUSED YOU AND HERE YOU ARE, HOPEFUL THAT YOU CAN CHANGE, WHEN, HONESTLY, I THINK YOU DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH TO CHANGE AT ALL-- YOUR MOTHER DOES!
 
May 12, 2009, 12:56 pm CDT

How horrible can a mother be?

This poor little girl deserves so much better!  Her mother is horrible!  I found what Davia's mother did, taunting that poor little girl while taping it was inexcusable.  She is scarring Davia for life.
 
May 12, 2009, 1:24 pm CDT

I hope he can help

that lady that cant stand the fact that her daughter even exits.. I can understand. My mother wont/hasnt admitted it but as a child her age my mother did the same thing. belittled me, made fun of me just the same way.day in day out. I pray that things go better than my situation. Its been a few years since I have "spoken" to my mother.. Just recently at a realatives funeral. she rolled her eyes at me and waked away. She cant stand the sight of  me..
 
May 12, 2009, 1:49 pm CDT

05/12 How to Be a Better Parent, Part 3

I'm watching the show right now, and feel like I can really relate to the daughters in the Doctor Phil House. Seeing the parents, especially Davia's mother, feels like looking right at my own mom. I grew up having arguments with my mother just like the ones I see with Davia and her mother, and it really strikes me that this is not a normal family environment, because I had always assumed that this very violent and negative kind of dynamic existed for all mothers and daughters. I wish my mother would watch the show as well, so that she could realize how damaging her actions were to me. She still tells me often that I stopped being a normal, good child after I hit about 10, and that all the past problems in our family were directly caused by me. I've also noticed that although Davia's mother is very emotionally abusive, she seems to not be at the physically abusive point that my mother came to when I was about that age. Hopefully Doctor Phil can turn the situation around, and hopefully mothers all over will see the show and be able to reverse their own behaviour before they do too much damage. Davia, if you read this, I empathize with you, and understand what you're going through. You are a normal and wonderful little girl, and you are clearly stronger than your mother. You'll make it, even if you end up having to leave her behind in order to find happiness in your life.
 
May 12, 2009, 2:00 pm CDT

Davia's Mom

Quote From: esparanza14

Davia's mom is pure evil and has so much hate in herself for herself she can't contain it so she floods her daughter with all of this hate. I am sad and concerned that Davia  is even in this situation...Her mother is Abusing her on TV.  she is a basket case and should be in full-time counseling it is all about her and not Davia...she seems like such a sweet smart strong girl who is being squelched and bombarded with negative abusive statements.  That mom is is killing her spirit and doing it intentionally.  She is so gross I cant stand to watch How can she think mocking her child's hopeful words iokay? it is so hurtful.  WHen the mom crys I want to slap her because it is so simple...she has the problem and she needs the counseling to find out why she hates her daughter and wants to kill her spirit....until then she should fake til she can get through her own illness so she doesnt cause any more irreprable damage. Davia should not be subject to this she is not emotionally safe.

Wow, what a phoney!!  That Mom never shed a tear.  Drama queen, making a whole lot of what she thought was convincing sobbing sounds that actually sounded like poor acting.  I could not even watch anymore, I had to turn it off.  I have a mom history like Davia and it brought out all this anger that was being directed at Davia's faker mom and not where it belonged, which is at my Mom.

 

I am old now to be still working on issues, but Davia's mom, know this:  your little girl will spend her lifetime trying to unravel the negative messages and criticisms you beat into her impressionable head, heart and soul.  SHAME ON YOU!  Stop it now, if you have to literally B ITE your wagging tongue for pete's sake.

 
May 12, 2009, 2:01 pm CDT

Be a better parent

While I dont condone this behavior, I cant believe how people are responding to this situation.  This is why parents CANT go get help for their children for fear judgement.  I have a 20 year old that has had issues such as this.  A child has a certain picture of what a parent is supposed to be like and then when they arent, the child holds it against the parent and does whatever they can to get what they want and they dont care how they do it or not do it.  It is not alright for a parent to talk to their child that way; however, when you have that child constantly undermining your authority, not following your rules, making you out to be the bad parent because you put down your foot and show a little discipline which is continuously misconstrued as abuse these days.  When will society let parents be parents and extend a hand to be supportive of that family having issues.  Where are you when someone says discipline your child..and when we do....where do the reinforcements go??? Always to child protection services...and what do they know?  By that point in time...a parent is at their whits end and dont know what to do next.  Often that child is often verbally abusive because THEY know they can get away with it.  I have been emotionally abused by my child, hit by my child, and have often had to call the police or child protection services myself when my child was out of control.  She often ran away because she didnt want to follow the rules...only to be put in a foster home with harder rules and harder consequences.  My child has in the past told people that I am physically abusive when I am not.  My child and I have lived through it all and when things dont go right for her now...it is ME who she calls...not child protective services.  I think there is more here than what is being shown to us and people should be a bit less judgemental and be happy that these parents are going to the lengths that they are to get help for themselves and their child.

 
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