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Topic : 05/14 Not Daddy's Little Girl

Number of Replies: 45
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, May 08, 2009, 02:41:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Have you ever thought about how your relationship with your dad affects your life? A daughter who has a positive relationship with her father often has a better chance of thriving in life. But for girls who realize they're not Daddy's little girl, the damage to their life can be devastating. Lauren says her dad has not been there for her emotionally and financially, and she blames him for everything that has gone wrong in her life. They fight often, and she says she wants to let go of him and move on, but her father, Gary, wants her back in his life. Lauren has a college degree but is working in a scandalous profession. Is her job choice related to her relationship with her father? When father and daughter reveal important information they've each been hiding, how will they react to each other’s revelations? What do Lauren and Gary need to do to move forward with their lives, and will it include having a relationship with each other? Then, Angela and her daughter, Lily, are both experiencing the aftermath of not having a relationship with their fathers. Angela says she's had problems with men her entire life and worries Lily will also. Lily says her father is not there for her, and she has given up hope that they can revive their relationship. Are Angela's actions causing a rift between Lily and her father? Dr. Phil has a stern warning for the teen. Speak out!

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 14, 2009, 6:14 pm CDT

Damaging dad

Okay, so I think that the dad needs to grow up and be a father to his daughter.  They both need to put the money issues aside and focus on their relationship.  All dad wanted to do was blame his daughter for everything that has gone wrong in his life...he said he was taking ownership, but I don't think he was... at all.  He showed no compassion to his daughter whatsoever.  I guess also that I am a little biased though.  I haven't spoken to my father in 15 years (I'm 27).  He even lives in the same small town about 5 blocks from my childhood home.  I would frequently run into him around town and he would completely ignore me.  I even saw him on my 17th birthday, and he walked right passed me.  Furthermore, when I was diagnosed with cancer at 19, my mom called to ask him how they would take care of the medical bills and he responded that he "was not responsible" for me.  So, I feel for this girl, whether she is "boo-hooing" or not, maybe she deserves to  boo-hoo a little.  We don't get to pick our parents, so you either try to make it work or cut your losses...my dad cut his losses, maybe she should too. 

 

Good luck to them both in their work to establish a relationship...I envy them a little.

 
May 14, 2009, 6:17 pm CDT

Forget about this relationship now and work on yourself

The only thing that bothered me was the dad never gave up criticizing the daughter. The dad said that the (dead) mother never let the dad have a close relationship with his daughter. Well grow a set, he used every excuse in the book he could to justify his bad, bad parenting skills.

 My father was a perverted abusive jerk. I have had to learn how to have a decent relationship with men, and why I and how I relate to them the way I do. It is time for the daughter to just work on herself, she has an education already and needs to get a decent job and do some growing and soul searching. Dr. Phil gave up on the father half way in the show because he was impossible to reach. The father could not communicate with the daughter at all. Some people still try to have a relationship with their parents just because they are biologically related to them. That does not always mean it is a healthy relationship!!!!

 
May 14, 2009, 6:51 pm CDT

Lauren. Please read.

Boy, I hope you are reading this. I have not signed up for a message board like this but I felt like I needed to get in touch with you somehow.

 

Your father reminds me of mine. I was very fortunate that I had a great step-father/father figure. And maybe for that reason I can see your father in a way you can not.

 

Bottom line- you take him too seriously. He appears to be mentally incapable of certain things. He is not capable of logic. He is not capable of reason or objectivity. I think he is simply limited either by intelligence or mental health.

 

You, on the other hand, seem like you have a lot of potential. I promise you that knowing you have a father who is alive but not in your life- is not as bad as it seems if you can let go of the anger.

I humor my father with annual emails or calls and just leave it at that.

 

I think just like your father was supposed to watch the show 10 times, so should you. You will see - he seems to be doing the best he can. It is not good enough, but I don;t think you can expect more from him.  He believes what he is saying. Let go of the anger (that comes with time) and hold on to wonderful memories of your mom.  You are an adult - take it from here. Let Dad go - always honor him for giving you life but you are way beyond him at this point. He does love you. Know that but that's about all he seems able to offer.

 
May 14, 2009, 7:14 pm CDT

Dr. Phil - YOU ARE WRONG

I am shocked at Dr. Phil that he could not see through that drama queen.  She is obviously on the show for attention.  She is clearly a smart person who knows how to manipulate.  The father was being attacked by Dr. Phil, yet the only criticism he gave the daughter was to stop prostituting herself.  She needs a dose of reality.  The father isn't the best - some blame does lie with the mother - she isolated the daughter with herself and didn't allow the father to build a relationship with the daughter.

 

Two words for Lauren:  GROW UP!

 
May 14, 2009, 7:21 pm CDT

05/14 Not Daddy's Little Girl

Quote From: emilyangela

I would like to know why Dr phil is digging at the father....... that girl had it made when it comes to school and money ......i am single mother and I put myself threw college. I went into MY OWN debt for college.....she has 5 years her parents paid everything and that is University!!! I beleive that they decided to help her with her education ...but she should have been working to help with that!!! I am just amazed at how Dr phil sat there and asked him "if he wanted to do it " yet not realizing that Lauren is taking advantage of what She actually got from her father....... she has an education ........get a job!!!!!

I feel the mother played a crucial role in this whole thing and holds much of the blame for making her daughter feel the only thing her father was for was money.

 

Lauren, you need to GROW UP.

 

Dad - cut the strings....she needs to do this on her own.

 
May 14, 2009, 9:33 pm CDT

Father Daughter trauma - can so relate

 Dear Dr. Phil,
I would love to make contact with Lauren who was on your show tonight.  I could so relate to her story, only I am years down the track - I am 42 years old.  I have turned my life around.  My father left when I was 11 years old, I saw him a couple of times a year after that.  He was my "everything" prior to leaving. Once he left we had a very conflicted/ stilted relationship.  I had this huge hole in my heart that never seemed to heal.  I ended up doing sensual massage (basically being a prostitute - and I actually I did cross that line a couple of times) to put myself through school.  I did fall pray to many destructive men and spent years in emotionally abusive relationships.  I told my dad that I was doing sensual massage and had prostituted myself.  My dad said "I think that's great, get all the money you can." I found this so painful that he didn’t care that I was putting myself at risk in any way.  At least Laurens father seemed to be distressed by her escorting.  It was very hard to stop doing sensual massage as I too was addicted to the money.  However, I did stop and started my own business (run a non profit - a theater company for adults with developmental disabilities); I have a very beautiful loving relationship and a magnificent child.  The pain of not being accepted by my Dad has caused me to have to dig so deep inside myself and find my true worth.  That has been a long journey but I am really getting there as I look at all the love and success I have in my life. My father is currently dying of a brain tumor and his leaving through death has brought all the pain of rejection back again.  However, I now know that I am a full, whole, wonderful person who has a tremendous amount to offer.  I challenge myself everyday to not look through the lens of rejection, but re-experience myself as loving, worthy woman. 
I would love to make contact with Lauren and share my story or hope and success.  I have no idea how to do that but if someone can help me that would be great.
Thanks,
J

 

 
May 15, 2009, 6:29 am CDT

05/14 Not Daddy's Little Girl

Quote From: segrefer

I am shocked at Dr. Phil that he could not see through that drama queen.  She is obviously on the show for attention.  She is clearly a smart person who knows how to manipulate.  The father was being attacked by Dr. Phil, yet the only criticism he gave the daughter was to stop prostituting herself.  She needs a dose of reality.  The father isn't the best - some blame does lie with the mother - she isolated the daughter with herself and didn't allow the father to build a relationship with the daughter.

 

Two words for Lauren:  GROW UP!

Don't be shocked. Dr Phil's assessments and behaviors are becoming increasingly suspect. One thing is for sure. Dr Phil makes a villain of most every man on his show and makes a victim of every woman. I wonder why he is so prejudice against his own gender.
 
May 15, 2009, 1:18 pm CDT

Not DADDY'S Little GIRL

I cried through the whole 1st segment of this show as I could understand how this girl felt.  I didn't have the exact same problem but I understood her.  My parents got divorced when I was 10 yrs old, before my little brother was even born.  I remember his girlfriend (my father’s) coming over to the house and slapping my mom in the face telling her "That's not Willie's child, he told me he isn't sleeping with you".  I remember my mom crying as though it was yesterday and it was 38 yrs ago.  My father did tell her he was the father but never had any contact with my little brother.  He quit paying child support when I was 14 yrs old.  I also have an older brother who never talked with my father again till in his 40's.  I always wanted my Daddy.  Singing Daddy Don't you Walk so Fast (By Wayne Newton) every day because I wanted him to come back home.  Skip ahead till I graduated from High School.  He told me he would be there but he NEVER came.  I still wanted him in my life only to get hurt by him every time I tried to talk with him.  At 22 I had my son Nathan.  Sad thing was he was created through a Date Rape; I’ve never got over that.  At that point my dad did come around, even wanting to be in the room with me while I went through labor.  I was happy, but in the end he only wanted his Grandson.  After Nathan was born I returned to school to become a Nurse.  Because I was living back at home with my mom I was not eligible for Financial Aid. So I called my father to see if he could help, as always "Let me talk with Carol and see".  He always put in on my step mother I believe so he didn't seem like the bad guy.  The answer was always the same "No Money".  I knew better my father was CEO of big Engineering Co. in CA.  Buy this time I had a little sister who I loved dearly.  I went on to become a Licensed Nurse.  After about 5 yrs I tried again to be Daddy's Little Girl that was ALL I EVER WANTED.  My father and I started having a fair relationship when I was in my 30's or as good as I thought it was going to get.  We called and talked, visited, he spent time with his Grandson which in the end only made my relationship with my son more difficult.  To this day my son won't talk to me saying "No one believes anything you say, especially about my Dad.  Your whole family hates you".  On my 40th birthday my father called, thought to wish me Happy Birthday, he didn't even say anything about that.  He told me he had been diagnosis with Leukemia early that year.  He died 5yrs. later.  But during those 5yrs I felt we were getting closer again.  At this time I was working Hospice, and I was so glad that I was finally getting close with my dad as I knew his life was short at this time. My father would call me about every 2wks to update me.  Me and my boyfriend drove to NC 2 times to spend time with him.  I even got to meet cousins I never knew I had.  I knew he had a sister but he also had 2 brothers that had died early in life.  My sister called me one day crying and saying "If you want to see your Dad again you better come now.  He had a stroke and won't be here much longer".  Thankfully being a Hospice Nurse my employer understood and I was able to leave the following morning and drove all day to get to NC from MI.  When I arrived I couldn't believe what my dad looked like, I had just seen him the 4th of July and this was the end of August.  He looked more like one of my patients then he did my dad.  I spent the week with him.  We went to daily Drs Office visit to get labs done and we also went to an EENT as he had lost his voice when he had his stroke.  The Dr. examined him and even let me see his vocal cords that nothing was wrong.  She felt that he had just gotten use to not talking and still having his needs met and that his family needed to encourage him to talk and speak up, and his family not be so easy on him to not talk.  After the weekend he seemed so well I felt comfortable returning home.  He did really well for about 4 months.  We talked weekly if not more, he still didn't talk allot, but then he never did really talk with me.  The beginning of Dec his blood work came back bad and he needed another dose of Chemo.  He called and let me know himself and said "I'll be better by Christmas".  My sister called me couple days later and said "Dad's heart stopped last night, he's in the ICU on a vent.  Can you please come out NOW"?  By now my relationship with my little sister was better then ever, you would never know that we had different mothers.  We look more like mother/daughter then sister/sister.  I flew out the following morning, and my sister took me straight to the hospital.  I had also made reservations for my son to fly out earlier that week before the Chemo was given to my father.  It was good to see him again, as he hadn't spoken to me in years.  That was until he wanted to fly out and see his Grandfather.  My father was in a chemical induced coma due to the vent, which is normal as patients try to pull the tube out even when it's needed.  After 4days and as a family we decided to take him off the vent, and see how he does.  My sister never came to hospital except after work for about 20 min and then goes home.  I couldn't understand why she wouldn't want to be with dad more but everyone is different and I understood.  At this point my son had to return home to his job, even when he didn't want to.  I felt he had finally grown up into a responsible man, and maybe we would get another chance.  Dad came back after the vent was removed.  On Thur the Dr. said we need to talk.  "We can continue another dose of chemo which he needed now, or he could decide to let the disease take its course.  My father chose to let the disease take over.  We were all there Carol (his wife of 30yrs now) my older brother who still hasn't spoken to me since we were 17/18 and me (Still wanting to be Daddy's little girl).  After my father made this decision and the Dr. left he said to me "Pam it's time for you to push that button like you do at work".  I explained that wasn't how it worked and that he was going to be with us through Christmas if not longer (My Dream) but deep down I knew better.  To which he changed the subject and started talking about the Funeral/Will and taking care of Carol and Julie.  Chris said he would be there for all of that as he lived about 3miles away.  He then looked at me and said "I've written a will and Matthew (Julie's son) will have a full college scholarship set up, and that Nathan (My son) would get NOTHING.  He then said that his 3 children (Which he has 4) would get 10% of whatever was left to which Carol turned around and said "There's NOTHING LEFT".  I was able to spend some private time with my father, he asked me "I hope your being nice to Carol when I'm not there", and always wanted me to "push that button".  I asked him like I ask all my patients "Do you want to be alone or do you want your family with you".  To which he answered "I don't want to be alone.  I want to see Nathan again and my sister (my Aunt) I’d also like to talk with Greg (My Little brother).  So I talked with Carol and she called his sister and I called my son and made arrangements for him to come out as soon as he was able.  Chris contacted Greg who didn’t want to talk with dad saying “I don’t even know him or know what to say”  Aunt Gladys and Uncle Jim arrived the following morning.  At this time my father had been transferred to the Hospice Unit.  As a Hospice Nurse I would never want anyone’s family member to be there, they did absolutely nothing to care for my father.  I bathed him and tired to feed him.  When teaching came they didn't do anything, I had to tell my family about Terminal Restlessness, Apnea and everything he was experiencing.  In a way I was thankful I was there but in a way I wish I wasn’t.  He died Dec 16, 2006 at 1:30am.  My son arrived later that morning and was mad that I had sent him home (that was his choice) and that he wasn’t able to be with his Grandfather.  My husband came down to the funeral to be with me.  I am so THANKFUL for him as if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t have anyone.  After my father died my sister hasn’t spoken with me, I call her and she never returns my call.  My son continues to not talk with me.  He's now married and I'm a Grandmother.  So if it wasn’t for my husband I would be alone in this world.  To this girl I feel her pain; to her father I hope you truly miss her.  To BOTH Forgive 1st and hopefully in the end you can Forget.  Live is to short to be so ANGRY with each other.

 
May 16, 2009, 2:03 pm CDT

Not Daddy's Girl

Dear Dr. Phil

I can relate to this story because me and my dad do not get along. The reason we don't get along is because of my stepmom. I'm the oldest of 5 children and I got blamed for everything.  I'm in a wheelchair and live alone so I don't have to put up with it anymore.

 

P. S. I'm a Male

 
May 17, 2009, 9:01 am CDT

BooHoo

It is time for this spoiled brat to grow up.  She sounds so entitled.  Her dad needs to support himself not his grown daughter.  I usually agree with you, Dr. Phil, but you got this one wrong.  Her issue IS all about the money.  She is manipulative and self centered.  She did not just lose her mother.  Her father also lost his wife and it seems to me that he is suffering also.  I have agreed to help my kids with their college expenses.  I would hope that when the time comes that my finances will still allow me to do so.  If not, I would hope that I have raised my children with enough compassion and love that they will, instead, think of all the other ways that I was a good parent. GROW UP, GET OFF YOUR BACK, GET A REAL JOB AND JOIN THE REAL WORLD!!!!!

 
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