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Topic : 08/19 Caught in the System

Number of Replies: 75
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Created on : Thursday, May 21, 2009, 05:57:56 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/25/09) Over half a million kids live in foster care, and many are neglected, unloved and viewed as a paycheck by their new family. Dr. Phil takes a hard look at the harsh realities these forgotten kids face and sends an urgent message about the need to repair this ailing system. Jessica, 24, aged out of foster care six years ago, but before foster care, she says her childhood was horrific. She says she experienced things a child never should, including witnessing the murder of her 5-year-old sister … by her mother and stepfather. Will Jessica find the strength to overcome her abusive past? Don’t miss Dr. Phil’s surprise for her! And, Dr. Phil and Robin are the national spokespersons for Court Appointed Special Advocates (CASA), which trains volunteers to watch over and advocate for abused and neglected children. Find out how Robin laid down the law at a recent CASA graduation. Then, Juan is 18 and has lived in 25 foster homes during his childhood. Now that he's been emancipated, he has no job, no identification and jumps from couch to couch. Can the young man get the tools he needs to turn his life around? Plus, find out how the New Orleans Saints head coach, Sean Payton, his wife, Beth, and The Dr. Phil Foundation scored a touchdown together! Join the discussion.

Ten years after the Columbine shootings, Anne Marie found a way to give back. She became a CASA volunteer. Read Anne Marie’s Blog.

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 25, 2009, 8:23 pm CDT

All C.A.S is destroys lives

I was forced into foster Care ( I should say Foster Care) at age 10,,,

The things I suffered in the system was worse then the Abuse I suffered living with my natural Mother
I was forced to stay in foster Care until age 21 ( I was a special Case because of P.T.S.D and depression)

I was always told  by my social workers and foster parents that I would never amount to any thing ,,,

Basically I was taught to believe I was a loser and everything that went wrongs was my fault

I had to always act as if everything was OK even if they were not ,,,,,If I did say anything I was sent to a mental Hospital and then to another foster home

I was forced to accept my Foster parents religion and could not practice my Druid beliefs   ,,,,( For some reason I was always sent to a Christian foster home  ) and I was not allowed to Listen to my favorite heavy Metal bands ( IE Kiss AC/DC and Ozzy)

And my foster parents would not allow me to learn any instruments because they thought my music was the  Devils music ,,,,so I had to Keep my Guitar at a friends place and play it there

When my foster parents found a song I wrote  I was told I could not write anymore ( Because I was a evil sinner and Pawn of the devil and any music  was evil )

I was being punished By foster Care system  for having P.T.S.D  depression and being abused 



,Non the less At age 21 I went out into the world ,,,with no self esteem or desire to follow my dreams ,,

Believing everything wrong with this would was my fault,,,
 




In 2004 I had merluccius experience that Changed my life ,,,,, With a new name ( I changed my Name )I now believe in my self and know that I can live my dreams ,,,,

I am now making head way in  the music business  ,,,,,It is  my hope that my music will inspire those who are living or have lived what I have ,,,to push on and never Give up

Everyone has the ability to achieve greatness and over Come the odds

It breaks my heart that so many people are effected by an unfair system that is punishing them  as it did me for things that are not their fault ,,,,

The system needs to change

My message to anyone in the System is this or is suffer the worst life can through at them is :

" You are great " ,,,,,,Believe in your self ,,,,,,and Never Give up hope ........you are worthy and worth while


"KEEP IT LIVE"

Satan Handy







 
May 25, 2009, 9:43 pm CDT

05/25 Caught in the System

Quote From: virtuouswoman1

I was so disheartened with the whole foster care episode. My mother was a foster parent. I am an only child, and I became the "big sister" to a lot of foster children who otherwise had none. By me having 4 young children of my own it made a less traumatic situation for them when they had to be taken from their homes and relocated. They had peers from "a different world" to talk to and interact with. My children would encourage them.  Even though some have left the system we still consider them a part of our family and have a relationship with them.  We thank God for the the techer that intervened and the advocate that made a difference. I praise God that the two young adults on your show did not become a "fatality statistic" to the system that we so often hear of in the news. But one thing grasp my heart as I sat and watched both of the young adults speak of their experiences. They were so empty, numb, and emotionless. They couldn't even celebrate with a smile when they we Blessed with the gifts from the different organization. No tears of joy or hugs. I am sure they appreciated it, but the bare utterance of the words "thank you" was all they said. The things that come natural from being nutured they couldn't manifest.  Even the young lady in speaking of her going around and telling her story to other youth still sound that she is full of hurt and pain. She still haven't had her breakthrough with her traumatic experiences. The foster childcare investigator on the message board enlightened us to the options of continuing education available and the housing that is available and we thank God for all that is done in an over burdened system, however what about the emotional and mental support. Just by seeing the two guest on the show this aspect of the foster care system is failing. Have steps been taken to help them deal with all the trauma that they went through. I'm not talking about a mental health visit that is part of a checklist. I'm speaking of endept counseling to help undo what has been done. We all know that professional counseling is expensive , but it is a small price to pay in contrast to the price we pay if even one fall into our prison system. Maybe getting the system itself more involved with faith-based orgaizations that will instill Biblical Principles that would give them a sound foundation towards forgiven what was done to them and who did it to them. CASA should be in every state.  Just to help our children. So that they can just smile again. Even celebrate in the smaller things! God  Bless you Dr. Phil and Mrs. Robin for all that you do!
If CASA and any other group, (judges, GAL's, Foster parents) blindly listen to everything caseworkers tell them, they are as guilty as the ones who are removing children from families when there is no need.  What's it worth to you? According to a past Portland, Oregon prosecutor, the state receives 68,000 PER CHILD when that child is placed up for adoption.  Then there is Mental Health therapy, (100 per hr), medical/dental care, foster fees, legal fees for as long as the children are in the system, etc. Oh yes, and lets not forget the adoption subsidies payed to adoptive parents!! They receive money every month just to adopt kids that have special needs.. Forget that my husband and I have adequate medical insurance to cover all of that! We are ready, willing and able to care for our 11 and 12 year old grandchildren, but are not going to be allowed to do so.  Why? Because they make a lot more money by ADOPTING THEM!!!  That money comes from your tax paying pockets!! People need to start asking some questions and stop living a "Jim Jone's" existence.  Don't believe everything you are told by people who have no checks and balances!!
 
May 26, 2009, 10:46 am CDT

05/25 Caught in the System

Quote From: weathergirl719

The problem is not with the good foster homes and when CPS takes children from truly abusive homes.  The problem is with the bad homes (and there is more bad than good) and thr horrors that these children and their families face. The problem is when CPS takes a child out of a home for no good reason. Can you imagine being taken from the only people that love you and then not being able to see them for days/weeks at a time? Can you imagine as a small child or even 10 being yanked from YOUR home? I cant...but my little boy did and he hates the foster care system, CPS and the government and he trusts NO ONE! Do you know why? Its because what happened to him while he was in foster care. There is no perfect home nor family. We all make mistakes. The first home he was in was a disaster...he was starved and locked out at night time...the second was better...he was fed but couldnt do any after school activities, had no friends or playmates and was in 3 car accidents with the elderly care givers...he was in that home for 5 months. So do you think there is a problem in your home...no then nothing needs to be done about it...however there is a large and alarming downright dangerous problem in the  bad homes and children being stolen daily by CPS for no good reason. All these people cant all be wrong.
Because of the hell I went through I hated the System, the police, and the courts because I was wronged by them countless times and punished for crimes I never committed. and when I tried to report what was going on the foster mother was told and I was punished but not having supper and a light breakfast of toast.

I was black mailed from that point on by her as she warned that if I ever told anyone about what I had seen or heard she would call the police(not the first time I seen her do it) and report I was attacking someone and I would be hauled off no questions asked.

How can anyone in the system trust the system itself and how can Dr. Phil even support it and make excuses for a broken system?

Though I do remember in a different show Dr. Phil said that the Department of human service and the police would not do anything unless they felt a child is in danger so the stories I have seen here along with mine proves otherwise.

and there are countless others who do not have a voice while in foster care nor a forum like this to tell their story while or some like that little girl who died in the hands of a foster mother in Florida because of a lazy case worker.

my next question is why he never spoke of that poor little girl who will never grow up, go to school, have friends, and boyfriends, get married and have children and enjoy life?


 
May 26, 2009, 11:45 am CDT

Thank you

I am a person who has lost 6 children out of my family through the DHS court system in the last 9 years.  I have wondered daily if these sweet children are being properly taken care of.  I pray that they are.  As I watched this show, I became moved to do something positive with the grief i have for the children our family has lost. 

 

I have contacted the CASA nearest me and will soon join them in the cause to become a part of helpless childrens' solutions to a happy and well rounded future.  I feel that instead of saying "Something should be done." , We all need to say "Today I will do my part!"

 

I do not feel the children in my family should have been removed, but how can I resent their decision if I was not there to see the whole picture?  Maybe I can help a child in need from slipping through the cracks of the justice system.  I can heal a bit of my hurt by healing a lot of an innocent child's hurt. 

 

Please join with me to help a child in need!

 
May 26, 2009, 11:46 am CDT

05/25 Caught in the System

Quote From: wi_mom_1981

I am a foster mom in WI.  My husband and I are proud foster parents of a brave, sweet & wonderful boy.  He has been with us for over 2 years and has grown incredibly and profoundly when considering where he came from.  He was a child that was abused and neglected on a daily basis.  It took over 10 months and 20 calls into CPS before he was removed from his home.  This is because of all the evidence that needs to be taken before a child can be removed.  If someone is removed from their biological family's home, trust me, there is definite cause.  Furthermore, when (if) the parent(s) do the right thing and can provide the child with a safe & loving environment, the child(ren) will be returned to their home.  I understand how important biological families are and no child should be without theirs, if they are safe and well cared for.  However, when that can not happen, what better alternative is there then a safe & loving home where a foster child is not defined by their genetics but rather their own individuality and loved and cared for because they are innocent children.  Most foster families are wonderful people with big hearts who open their homes up and give children the stable, safe & loving environment they lacked in their biological family's home.

I am a fan of your show, but I feel the foster care system and foster parents were not shown accurately.  In a previous post, a case worker corrected you regarding the fact that the foster kids can choose to have assistance until 21 and college paid for them if they choose to go.  I want to point this out again, just in case it was missed the first time. 

I understand that there are areas that could be improved, just like any other area that the government runs.  However, I feel your show was one sided and considering that May is National Foster Care Month, I think it would have been more uplifting to look at the positive homes, stories & changes that occur because of foster care.

The good foster homes dont need a change. Its the bad ones that do. Let me tell you something also...all it takes to have a child removed is a phone call from someone that claims they are a counsellor in the state. The evidence is all circumstantial. None of it hard. Once you get the information which is after their investigation is finished,,,then you can rebut it, however I have found that even with letters from the hospital stating that their evidence was not accurate...my son remained in foster care for 11 more months...All of the accusations on the removal order was proven to be untrue. The interview with the child even went against their accusations. I want to tell you something else....if my child had a bruise....I knew where that bruise came from. A lot of times from school. My son was told to LIE to me about the burns and bruises he received in foster care. Dont tell me I am lying because I have the pictures to prove it. He was not allowed to wear shorts because of the condition of his legs. The foster mother smoked in the vehicle going down the road...I know this because I saw her come out of the mall with my son and get in her vehicle and the first thing she did was light up. My son said that he and the other 3 children in the home had to do all of the cleaning and cooking. There was not enough food for the boys and my child weighed 70 pounds at 4 foot 11 inches and 11 and a half to 12 years old. I know of a police officer whose youngest brother was lost for 2 days when they finally found him it was face down in a pond!!! My son claims to have been locked outside over night and left to sleep under stairs. These foster homes need a change. Children are dying and you want someone to commend you for possibly stealing someone elses child. The 20 phone calls in my case came from the same person. It took 13 days for my child to be taken. Guess what April is month of the military child...and May is also Bone Health month as well. I dont play into that crap. Until the wrong that was done to me and my child is righted or something like that...I will not stop....Until then my motto is I love my country but fear my government.
 
May 26, 2009, 11:59 am CDT

05/25 Caught in the System

Quote From: dark_knight

Because of the hell I went through I hated the System, the police, and the courts because I was wronged by them countless times and punished for crimes I never committed. and when I tried to report what was going on the foster mother was told and I was punished but not having supper and a light breakfast of toast.

I was black mailed from that point on by her as she warned that if I ever told anyone about what I had seen or heard she would call the police(not the first time I seen her do it) and report I was attacking someone and I would be hauled off no questions asked.

How can anyone in the system trust the system itself and how can Dr. Phil even support it and make excuses for a broken system?

Though I do remember in a different show Dr. Phil said that the Department of human service and the police would not do anything unless they felt a child is in danger so the stories I have seen here along with mine proves otherwise.

and there are countless others who do not have a voice while in foster care nor a forum like this to tell their story while or some like that little girl who died in the hands of a foster mother in Florida because of a lazy case worker.

my next question is why he never spoke of that poor little girl who will never grow up, go to school, have friends, and boyfriends, get married and have children and enjoy life?


what gets me is the foster parents on this forum are commending theirselves.  They do not deserve commendation and they dont get it...you and children like you lived in this hell!!! You are permanantly scarred from it. I hate the system for what it has done to my family and others like me and only wish I knew how to stop it from happening to anyone else...people here in
VA are afraid to try to do anything. I was until I got my child back...I am still a little bit scarred to speak out. I would complain. I wrote governor Kaine and he forwarded my letter back to CPS state level and they sent it down the line and believe it or not my therapist was told that I needed to stop writing the letters and tell people to stop writing the letters on my behalf  because they were sabotaging my case. I wrote the judge and explianed to him all of my concerns and what CPS was doing and at the next hearing he basically told CPS to wrap it up...fortunately the next hearing my child was physically returned to me, but unfortunately I am still being harrassed. I have to call every Wednesday. I have to get letters for every doctor visit he has, I have to have copies of his prescriptions made for CPS. I have to force him to go to school daily sick or not. Therapy for myself and I have to allow them to come in my home 10 hours a week to work with my child. They fingerprinted me and my boyfriend and did background checks. I had to have a co-signer to make sure my own brother would not evict me from one of his houses. My vehicles are inspected by CPS at random. My home is inspected at random by CPS. During these inspections I have to turn on  lights, and water to prove I have all my utilities. Its nothing more than harrassment. People say I am lucky to have my child back. He should have never been taken. I jumped the hoops and got evidence that all of their accusations were all false...yet I should be thankful. I dont think so. And they wonder why so many people end up hating the system.

 
May 26, 2009, 11:59 am CDT

05/25 Caught in the System

Quote From: dark_knight

Because of the hell I went through I hated the System, the police, and the courts because I was wronged by them countless times and punished for crimes I never committed. and when I tried to report what was going on the foster mother was told and I was punished but not having supper and a light breakfast of toast.

I was black mailed from that point on by her as she warned that if I ever told anyone about what I had seen or heard she would call the police(not the first time I seen her do it) and report I was attacking someone and I would be hauled off no questions asked.

How can anyone in the system trust the system itself and how can Dr. Phil even support it and make excuses for a broken system?

Though I do remember in a different show Dr. Phil said that the Department of human service and the police would not do anything unless they felt a child is in danger so the stories I have seen here along with mine proves otherwise.

and there are countless others who do not have a voice while in foster care nor a forum like this to tell their story while or some like that little girl who died in the hands of a foster mother in Florida because of a lazy case worker.

my next question is why he never spoke of that poor little girl who will never grow up, go to school, have friends, and boyfriends, get married and have children and enjoy life?


My sister was misunderstood by our DHS system and had her parental rights removed.  I feel she was shown in an unfair light by CASA.  She will not get to see her three precious children grow up.  I have a hard time dealing with this, and instead of crying out the injustices of it, I am doing something about it!   I have decided to join with CASA  to try and help other children, even though our family's babies were not spoken for properly.  They do need GOOD, hard workers on behalf of the kids.  people who understand what it feels like to have family members ripped from your heart.  Its the only way to protect the future children. 

 

I feel that Dr.Phil is looking toward the future and the possibilities that lie there instead of focusing on the horrors of the failed system.  We all know it has flaws, and that is why he is for a change from within.  That starts with good people advocating for these kids, and seeing the true hurt they try to hide.  If you had had a good CASA worker, maybe you would have not suffered as much.

 
May 26, 2009, 12:02 pm CDT

05/25 Caught in the System

Quote From: ksmema

If CASA and any other group, (judges, GAL's, Foster parents) blindly listen to everything caseworkers tell them, they are as guilty as the ones who are removing children from families when there is no need.  What's it worth to you? According to a past Portland, Oregon prosecutor, the state receives 68,000 PER CHILD when that child is placed up for adoption.  Then there is Mental Health therapy, (100 per hr), medical/dental care, foster fees, legal fees for as long as the children are in the system, etc. Oh yes, and lets not forget the adoption subsidies payed to adoptive parents!! They receive money every month just to adopt kids that have special needs.. Forget that my husband and I have adequate medical insurance to cover all of that! We are ready, willing and able to care for our 11 and 12 year old grandchildren, but are not going to be allowed to do so.  Why? Because they make a lot more money by ADOPTING THEM!!!  That money comes from your tax paying pockets!! People need to start asking some questions and stop living a "Jim Jone's" existence.  Don't believe everything you are told by people who have no checks and balances!!
You need to check into the Coats amendment of 1952...they are suppose to place children with relatives when possible...kick butt...dont stop fighting for your grandchildren. I never stopped fighting for my boy and finally he was returned to me...13 months and tons of abuse later. Our children are vulnerable and they are lied to and made to do things they dont really want to do....you cannot trust CPS.
 
May 26, 2009, 12:08 pm CDT

05/25 Caught in the System

Quote From: satanhandy

I was forced into foster Care ( I should say Foster Care) at age 10,,,

The things I suffered in the system was worse then the Abuse I suffered living with my natural Mother
I was forced to stay in foster Care until age 21 ( I was a special Case because of P.T.S.D and depression)

I was always told  by my social workers and foster parents that I would never amount to any thing ,,,

Basically I was taught to believe I was a loser and everything that went wrongs was my fault

I had to always act as if everything was OK even if they were not ,,,,,If I did say anything I was sent to a mental Hospital and then to another foster home

I was forced to accept my Foster parents religion and could not practice my Druid beliefs   ,,,,( For some reason I was always sent to a Christian foster home  ) and I was not allowed to Listen to my favorite heavy Metal bands ( IE Kiss AC/DC and Ozzy)

And my foster parents would not allow me to learn any instruments because they thought my music was the  Devils music ,,,,so I had to Keep my Guitar at a friends place and play it there

When my foster parents found a song I wrote  I was told I could not write anymore ( Because I was a evil sinner and Pawn of the devil and any music  was evil )

I was being punished By foster Care system  for having P.T.S.D  depression and being abused 



,Non the less At age 21 I went out into the world ,,,with no self esteem or desire to follow my dreams ,,

Believing everything wrong with this would was my fault,,,
 




In 2004 I had merluccius experience that Changed my life ,,,,, With a new name ( I changed my Name )I now believe in my self and know that I can live my dreams ,,,,

I am now making head way in  the music business  ,,,,,It is  my hope that my music will inspire those who are living or have lived what I have ,,,to push on and never Give up

Everyone has the ability to achieve greatness and over Come the odds

It breaks my heart that so many people are effected by an unfair system that is punishing them  as it did me for things that are not their fault ,,,,

The system needs to change

My message to anyone in the System is this or is suffer the worst life can through at them is :

" You are great " ,,,,,,Believe in your self ,,,,,,and Never Give up hope ........you are worthy and worth while


"KEEP IT LIVE"

Satan Handy







the schools here told me and my classmates that none of us would amount to anything and would never go anywhere...I did. Half way around the world and back....my son suffered what you suffered for 13 months but I never gave up and would have fought to my last breath to get him returned.  I want so badly to do something to prevent this from happening to anyone else. If the parents really love the child...it about kills them as it did me to have their child stolen...go do a search on line....stop cps...they actually say CPS kidnaps our children. Thats how I felt. Taken against his will from the only home and people he knew at age 11.
 
May 26, 2009, 12:14 pm CDT

05/25 Caught in the System

Quote From: ksmema

I've always wondered about something.  As a GAL, do you take what the caseworkers tell you for granted? Or do you spend time interviewing people like grandparents wanting to adopt, or other family members?  We've had some very negative experiences  with caseworkers falsifying their reports.  Believe me, we were shocked.  The GAL in our case didn't touch base with us once!  Had he done so, we could have shed some light on what they have said about us.  After 21 years in the military, we have a lot of documented mental health and doctors records that support that we parented our children well. (Daughter is bi polar and son is ADHD.) But, the GAL and judge didn't want to hear it!
My sons GAL told me he didnt care what me my mother nor the child wanted. He simply was going to suggest that the child stay in foster care and that 99% of the time the judge did what he suggested. WELL when he suggested my child spend a few hours in a holding  cell at the jail the judge didnt even dignify that request with a response. I dont think any of them give a crap about the child, all they care about is the money they get from them.
 
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