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Topic : 05/26 How to Be a Better Parent, Part 4

Number of Replies: 62
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, May 21, 2009, 06:00:17 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Moms and Dads: Do you feel like you’re at war with your children? Do you wish the screaming, yelling, nagging and bitter confrontations would just stop? It’s time to learn a new way of parenting. Dr. Phil continues his work with four frustrated families in The Dr. Phil House. You’ll recognize patterns in yourself and your children when watching these families. Learn how to make changes, take back control and live in peace! Dr. Phil talks with the parents about how to stop the momentum of their dysfunctional patterns and start putting their children’s interests ahead of their own. Tammie and Tiffiny both say they have resentment toward their children. Can they learn to let it go and parent with effectiveness? Janice admits she sends her 11-year-old son mixed signals by telling him to grow up but still treating him like her baby. Why does Dr. Phil say her situation is a ticking time bomb? And, the parents and kids sit down to write contracts to address their dreams and goals as a family. Watch how it’s done because you too can try this at home. Plus, see the big surprise Dr. Phil has for Laureen and her daughter, and don’t miss an update on these families since they returned home!

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 26, 2009, 3:09 pm CDT

I AM ENRAGED! I never "emote" but I did today!

Just as I suspected, Tammie is still the pig-headed witch she was in part 1.  If I'm not mistaken, I think it was part 3 that Tammie took Davia into the timeout room to texplain to Davia that none of it was her fault and Tammie needed to change hersself.  I wanted to believe she was sincere but now I know it was just for show.  She's trying  to convince everyone that she's "trying," but all I see is her going-through-the-motions.  

 

The more I watch, the madder I get!  When "Mommy Dearest" and Davia where wrinting their contracts, it is so plain to see Davia is starving for just the smallest amount of attention from that ridiculous excuse for a mother, a human for that matter.  Davia couldn't even get her to agree to "sometimes."  It's sad when a child has to walk on eggshells just to get attention and affection from her mother.  It's even more pathetic on the mother's part!   

 

Back to the contracts, Davia couldn't get her mom to agree to any of her requests.  Is Tammie that much of a coward that she would have to ask her daughter if they could "leave that one out?"  I don't think it's that she doesn't love Davia, it's that she's afraid she might actually start loving the child to whom she gave birth.  She despises her because "that man" is Davia's father, but that isn't Davia's fault.  Like I've said before, Davia didn't ask to be conceived; that was a decision Tammie and Davia's dad made that fateful night.  I've never seen someone quite like Tammie!  She was so close to Davia reqest for getting help with homework, then she quickly realized what she'd don't and said,  "Oh. I've got to work ."  She is using work as her excuse to be away from Davia.  Dr. Phil you better hold Tammie's feet to fire.  She's being let off too easy and I'm fed up with this woman!  She needs to WOMAN UP! 

 
May 26, 2009, 3:12 pm CDT

Davia

Tammie how in the world can you tell your own daughter " I will hug you every day even if it kills me" How can you look into those big eyes of hers and say that? You keep saying its because she reminds you of your ex-husband. GET OVER IT !!!!!! Davia can come and live with me I would hug her every day and be proud to do so.
 
May 26, 2009, 3:25 pm CDT

Poor Davia

I am distressed that Dr. Phil did not force Tammie to see she shouldn't treat her child badly because she "hates" the child's father! This woman should be ashamed, yet she blames Davia for all the problems. I am a teacher and feel all children deserve a safe, loving environment at school and at home. Davia is being emotionally abused. How can Dr. Phil not step in and help this child? Where are the other family members? (Grandparents, Father, or Aunts/Uncles) Give this poor girl a chance if her mother can't love her she needs to see if a family member would be willing to raise her.
 
May 26, 2009, 3:39 pm CDT

05/26 How to Be a Better Parent, Part 4

Okay, there has to be someone that knows Tammie and Davia personally.  Why hasn't anyone turned it in to CPS? There doesn't have to be physical markings on the child for CPS to do anything, does there? They've been on 4 episodes now and nothing has changed and Tammie has no intentions, either! Dr. Phil has all the proof on video, that the genius herself sent in.
 
May 26, 2009, 3:54 pm CDT

Little Davia and the Wicked Witch ...

Quote From: nushy33140

I am sooooo seriously disturbed, i even joined the site just to be able to post this. what is up with that woman, she clearly not only doesnt like her daughter she doesnt even love her, if the father (real one) doesnt take her someone should, that poor child ... i have watched all the episodes regarding the parenting series and i promise everytime i dislike this woman even more .... it will be very dissapointing to see that woman take that child home with her, i hope something gets done because i won't even believe if she says she now changed and now loves amnd accepts her daughter, it will all be because of the show, she clearly doesn't want that child around her period.
       I am surprised that nobody in Davias family,grandparents,aunts,uncles have done nothing about the abuse this woman is doing to this child, you cannnot tell me they dont know what is going on? I have 2 kids of my own and I know as well as any parent they have thier days just as we have ours and nothing this woman has done thus far on national TV merits her the title of "MOTHER", she has deep seated mental issues going on and im shocked DrPhil has done nothing more either..Somebody who knows the family needs to report to Childrens Aid ( I know its called something different in the States sorry ) and have her removed or some serious counseling done..I feel sorry for Davia and even more sorry for Tammie for not being able to know the love and joy of having children, lets hope she never has any more !!
 
May 26, 2009, 3:58 pm CDT

Davia and Tammie

Quote From: affie_05

     At the end of todays show, when Dr. Phil did an update, I already knew that Tammie and and her daughter would not be doing well. I cant believe this lady. The way she treats her child. All that kid wants to do is spend time with her mother. And in turn, Tammie calls her clingy and says she fakes her happiness when they are together. You shouldn't have to fake being happy when spending time with your kid. And then, when Tammie and her daughter were writing the contract, Tammie left out movie night, and the mother daughter day, and even went as far as saying she wouldn't help her with her homework because she was to busy and had to work. I knew that lady didn't want to change and you could tell she wasn't really trying. It was pathetic.

Tammie admitted that her daughter reminds her of Davia's father, whom she hates. I wonder if Davia's mother is experiencing some posttraumatic stress syndrome...her daughter seems to trigger a very negative effect in herself. Unfortunately, this is causing definite emotional abuse toward Davia. Someone needs to protect that child.
 
May 26, 2009, 4:34 pm CDT

Please help Davia

Tammy truly needs to comprehend that Davia IS NOT her father and should not be punished for looking like her father or for being a product of their previous union.  I too am surprised that social services has not been alerted to Davia's situation, because while I DO NOT believe that Davia should be placed into the system, I truly do believe that Tammy needs mandatory parenting courses and extensive therapy before she can be allowed into the same environment as Davia.  Right now, Tammy is doing nothing but tainting what should be an otherwise carefree childhood for Davia.  I am a firm believer in Dr. Phil's accurate statement that, as parents, we write on the slate of our children's lives.  Davia has been harmed by Tammy's attitude, words, and actions, and her little slate desperately needs some kindness.  I do hope that Dr. Phil offers Davia the therapy she needs to overcome the trauma of her childhood inflicted by Tammy's irresponsible behavior.
 
May 26, 2009, 4:44 pm CDT

What I think the angry mom needs...

I really feel for this very angry mom. I think it is a good step that she realized that she is reacting badly when her daughter reminds her of her ex-husband. Clearly, there is no link between the personality of her ex and her daughter, but I think this is one of her worst fears. I think she feels trapped with some element that her daughter represents. She sure she's not free of it and she has focused this dread on her daughter. Some other relationship or experience from childhood was the source of this trapped feeling. 

 

My question for her would be: What in your past reminds you of this feeling? Was someone else just like your ex when you were growing up? It could have been a mom, dad, sibling...that made you feel trapped/angry/whatever in just the same way. This is the issue that you need to focus on.

 

My hope for this mom is that she spends a lot of time validating her negative feelings about her daughter (and eventually the original experience). I  would like to see her wallow in these feelings for days, because I think they need to have a voice. It is okay to feel these feelings,....it is not okay to voice them in any shape or form to this innocent child. Instead, take responsiblity for your feelings, they are yours.

 

My suggestion for getting closer to the problem: Ask your daughter in small ways and very nicely to give you some space. This is good practice. Your daughter will not respond in a favorable way. Be okay with that, suffer the pain of that and move on. You have just learned how to ask nicely for something and handle not getting it. As a child, this may have been a very painful experience for you. But you are grown now and you have other ways to talk yourself through the pain. What ever pain comes up is the pain you should take to therapy. 

 

There is a reason you feel angry. Don't let people encourage you to force yourself into playing nice. This may have been the exact thing that you felt forced to do as a child. There are reasons to "play nice", but you need to have some serious "buy in" otherwise you are victimizing yourself. Then you feel angry and take it out on others. Isn't having an innocent child the ultimate obligation to "play nice"?

 

I sincerely hope this was helpful. Of course, never substitute my judgement for your own :) Please know that I see your potential for resolving your anger. I know that if one scrambles up your very sturdy wall, the view from on top will quickly reveal a very compassion person. 

 

 

 
May 26, 2009, 5:07 pm CDT

Davia

I am truly heartbroken for this child.  Davia's future is bleak if she continues to live with her torturer.  It is clear that Tammie is incabable of loving this beautiful child who is desperate for her mothers love.

Tammie assasinated this childs character at ever turn. 

Tammie is not only incabable of loving Davia but derives great satisfaction and pleasure from hurting her and is clearly unwilling to give up her whipping post.

I wonder if Tammie tortured animals as a child.

Is there no one in this child's life who can come to her rescue? Family, friends, anyone?

Hey Tammie, I heard there might be openings at Abu ghraib.

 

 
May 26, 2009, 5:46 pm CDT

Davia

How sad that her mother hates her because she reminds her of her father! WHAT!!! She must have seen something in him at one time and she needs to channel that or destroy this childs chance at a good life! I raised my two stepchildren and thoroughly despised their mother who abused them! I love them completely and never looked at them and thought of the evil in her. This child has already been damaged by her so called mother and deserves to be with a mother who loves her. I only can hope Dr. Phil shakes up that woman and Davia gets love from her--freely!!! She will end up looking for love 'in all the wrong places' very soon, she is almost grown now. I wish I could scoop her up and bring home, she would never feel unloved here no matter how much she acted out. Please help her Dr. Phil--please!
 
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