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Topic : 05/26 How to Be a Better Parent, Part 4

Number of Replies: 62
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, May 21, 2009, 06:00:17 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Moms and Dads: Do you feel like you’re at war with your children? Do you wish the screaming, yelling, nagging and bitter confrontations would just stop? It’s time to learn a new way of parenting. Dr. Phil continues his work with four frustrated families in The Dr. Phil House. You’ll recognize patterns in yourself and your children when watching these families. Learn how to make changes, take back control and live in peace! Dr. Phil talks with the parents about how to stop the momentum of their dysfunctional patterns and start putting their children’s interests ahead of their own. Tammie and Tiffiny both say they have resentment toward their children. Can they learn to let it go and parent with effectiveness? Janice admits she sends her 11-year-old son mixed signals by telling him to grow up but still treating him like her baby. Why does Dr. Phil say her situation is a ticking time bomb? And, the parents and kids sit down to write contracts to address their dreams and goals as a family. Watch how it’s done because you too can try this at home. Plus, see the big surprise Dr. Phil has for Laureen and her daughter, and don’t miss an update on these families since they returned home!

Find out what happened on the show.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

May 26, 2009, 10:06 pm CDT

Better Parent

You should have to pass a test and get a license before you can have children. You aren't responsible enough to join the army or drink a beer before you are of age but you can have babies? Crazy people shouldn't be able to have children either.
 
May 26, 2009, 10:17 pm CDT

Makes me wanna hug my kids

Gees, I feel so bad for that little girl makes me wanna go and hug my 12 year old daughter. 

 

School alone is enough to make the average child feel awkward and disliked.  To be bullied, teased and spat on by your own mother is just down right evil.

 

Watching those episodes was like watching someone being tortured. How embarrassing for Davia. For her mother to get up on national TV and say that it disgusts her to hug her daughter (?) It were no different if we to watch her publicly beat her in the street.

 

I hope that the show ensures some sort of follow up for Davia and does something major to help rebuild that childs self image and get her out of that situation.

 

If Davia or her mother read these posts then I have a message for both!

 

Davia,

You are a beautiful, rezilliant, charming young lady. I hope you are doing better now and know that you are worth being loved. I pray that you are able to find peace in your life.  Focus on getting a good education and get away from that woman first chance you get.  Go out and get some happiness. You only have 7 years of this crap left and then you can start brand new. Hopefully Dr. Phil will send you to a new school or maybe even a new family if your situation doesnt get better.

 

Good luck and stay strong.

 

Tammie,

Coming out and admitting the abnormal, hateful behavior you have towards your daughter took some guts. I hope by doing so your daughter will benefit. I too hope you find some peace in your life and stop this toxic behavior.  I think you get some kind of thrill or high from verbally bashing Davia. I hope you have the will power to make it stop here and now. I think you would benefit from some church or a new job, medication or something. I will say a prayer for you -

 

Lets all say a prayer for Tammie -

 

Go ahead, close your eyes and say a 5 second prayer.

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
May 27, 2009, 12:47 am CDT

POOR DAVIA

 

     I wish I could talk to this little girl and tell her that this won't last forever. She can hang in there and soon she will be free from her mother. She can make her own decisions. You have to give it to yourself and you can, just give yourself time. And please remember, your mom isn't a bad person but she is sick. Please double please trust me on this; you are not in any way shape or form to blame. No one should be treated this way no one especially not a delightful young woman as your self. And I know you are not perfect  but you do not deserve to be treated the way you have been.      

 

     When your safe place to fall is a catus bed I can't imagine feeling too safe. Not feeling safe and loved in your own home can do more damage to a childs sense of self than you could imagine. How does a mother get so full of hate for their own child. I am going to give you a hug everyday even if it kills me. That poor little girl. What kind of thing is that to say. And poor Davia laughed because at first I think she thought she was joking. I see a strong spirit inside of that girl. But I see a hard life ahead for her full of pain and punishment. I am sure once she gets out on her own she will take over for her mom and continue the abuse.Only better because you are with yourself 24/7.

 

    At the end of the show it sounded like he was going to donate a whole show to Tammie and Davia. He is going to need it. Dr. Phil I think you might have gotten a hold of one you can't fix. Don't get me wrong I am a true believer.I have seen you take the lowest of  the low and by the end of the show you have figured out why he does what he does and how he can stop. So he can be the good healthy minded person he was suppose to be.You have helped millions over the years. But the way this woman bullies this child out in the open like this leads me to  believe everyone in the family treats her like this. And another clue to that was when they were doing the positive gifts they had to give. She said she was so overwhelmed because no ever says anything nice about her child. Oh come on. that is a sweet little girl. Maybe she just does not hear good thoughts about a child she has only hate for.

 

                    Come on Dr. Phil work some of you magick..........

 
May 27, 2009, 4:48 am CDT

Why?

I still don't understand why this mother dislikes her daughter so much. She has to have some kind of deep psychological issues. Now, she seems to have grabbed onto the excuse that she reminds her of her father. Well, I don't know how long it's been since she was with Davia's father, but it's really time to get over it and move on with her life. And, stop using it as an excuse for her inexcusable behavior to her daughter. I don't even know if that is the real reason. She seems clueless. She mostly sounds very flat, very wooden; every once in a while, she'll go into crocodile tears because she sees that it works with Dr Phil (who, for some reason, likes to lead every woman into victimhood). But, much of the time she's just expressionless, and her behavior is incomprehensible. What a horrible position for her daughter. She really needs to be out of that environment (though Phil will never admit it), but while she may gain, there would be further psychological repercussions for that too. This woman should have refrained from getting pregnant if she didn't want a child, or she should have put her up for adoption, so that she'd have a chance to live a normal life in a loving home by people who really wanted a child.
 
May 27, 2009, 4:52 am CDT

05/26 How to Be a Better Parent, Part 4

Quote From: max113053

I agree that Davia is being abused, but without physical bruises, CPS won't do anything. Emotional abuse doesn't count.  I've worked with many mothers who abused their children emotionally and I've talked with CPS and it just doesn't matter.  I know Dr. Phil is a staunch defender of CPS but I haven't had the best of experiences with CPS.
I don't really know that Phil is a defender of CPS; I've seen far too many shows of his where he should've notified their local agency so at least they can monitor the situation., but he doesn't. I have been stunned as he has a duty to do this, but doesn't. He always wants the child to stay with the family no matter how unpleasant. It fits in better with the topics of his books.
 
May 27, 2009, 6:59 am CDT

seriously worried about Davia

I have never read a message board, much less posted a message on one. However, I can't get that little girl, Davia off my mind since watching the parenting show yesterday. Dr. Phil needs to get help for Davia as soon as possible. I know he professes to have children as the first priority in all of his family counseling shows, and I have never seen a child who needs help more desperately than Davia. Her mother has some serious problems. She complains of Davia being "clingy?" There is a reason for that. She is clearly starved for Tammie's love and attention. Give the poor child hundreds of hugs a day, if that's what she needs! Tammie complains about Davia's "manipulations" for hugs and attention?!! It boggles my mind. I wish my teenagers would "manipulate" hugs and attention out of me! Infants cry when they need to be held -- I guess you could call that manipulation too. Davia needs more love and attention than the average teenager, because she has gone so long without it.
I know the best thing for children is to be with their biological parents, but Davia needs to be placed in an environment where she is unconditionally loved and respected. Dr. Phil says that when parents fight in front of their children, or behave in ugly ways around them, it changes the fabric of who they are. If Davia continues in this environment, she is clearly headed for teenage pregnancy, drug/alcohol abuse, and other self-destructive behaviors. How could any child have a feeling of being worthy of good things, when they live with a parent who constantly rejects them? Please help her, Dr. Phil!
 
May 27, 2009, 8:56 am CDT

That poor little girl

I have been watching all of the Dr.Phil house shows and I feel so sorry for Davia. Her mother has no idea what she is doing to that poor little girl. The mother needs major help not Davia.I would take her in any day. She is bright and loving. Tammie is just cruel and unkind she should not be allowed to be a mother.
 
May 27, 2009, 9:17 am CDT

You have a responsibility to call CPS!

I have never signed up, much less written into a message board before; however, when the welfare of a child is at stake, how can I not. Dr. Phil states that he is a mandatory reporter; however, since he has given up his license to practice, this is not exactly true. He DOES have a RESPONSIBILITY to contact CPS when he believes that abuse has occurred and especially if he reasonably believes that it will continue. He not only recognized the abuse and called the mother on it, he has the documented abuse on film. I am not a professional therapist and even I could see from the footage that Tammy was no where near ready to leave the Dr. Phil house. Even she knew that she was not ready to do what was necessary for her daughter. The only positive that I saw in regards to this family is that Tammy was willing to be honest in her update to Dr. Phil, letting him know that the abuse of her daughter continues. DR. PHIL, IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO CALL CPS! If I knew where this family lived, I would make the call myself. Maybe someone from her school or community who recognizes Davia would be brave enough to make the call to CPS for her. The call could be done anonymously and could be referred to the show, transcripts, and message boards. DR. PHIL IF YOU DON'T GET THIS CHILD IMMEDIATE PROTECTION, SOME ELSE SHOULD!!!!
 
May 27, 2009, 9:24 am CDT

CPS and their duty to protect children

 The person who said CPS will not do anything without evidence of physical abuse wasn't defending CPS, they were just saying how CPS opperates.  This person and I happen to agree that Davia is being abused and someone needs to defend her. So, this isn't an attack on this person.  I also know what this person said about CPS is true, but I also think it is our duty as a society to help kids like Davia, by holding the state/CPS to a higher standard.  We don't need to be resolved to the fact CPS won't do anything if there's no physical markings on the child, WE NEED TO MAKE THEM TAKE ACTION!   Abuse is abuse, whether emotional or physical and shouldn't be tolerated.  We can make a difference!

 

It is not my intention to prove anyone wrong regarding CPS but here is the Wikipedia definition for the term.  "Child Protective Services (CPS) is the name of a governmental agency in many states of the United States that responds to reports of child abuse or neglect."

 

Considering it says both child abuse and neglect, I would venture to say Tammie falls into both of those catagories.  As previously stated many times, there is no evidence of physical abuse, yet.  However, there's emotional abuse and neglect.  The fact that Tammie taunts her, mocks her for having hope, calls her every horrid name in the book,  and there's no telling what else that we haven't seen, that in my opinion, is child abuse.  Now for the neglect!  Tammie works nights, she uses work as an excuse to stay away from Davia, she REFUSES to show her any positive attention, fakes emotion so Davia thinks she's getting better.  Tammie is a liar, minipulater, child abuser, and a bully, if you ask me.  But most of all SHE'S A COWARD!  Like I've said before and will continue to say, until the right person hears my plea.  All the evidence needed to remove Davia from that situation is all on that video tape! 

 

I don't want her going into foster care.  I think CPS needs to be notified, a report made, and friends or family members interview and/or monitored to see if that would be an acceptable situation for Davia. As old as she is, I don't think she should be placed with complete strangers, unless there's no one of sound mind (I say that with Tammie in mind) on either side of Davia's family to take her.

 
May 27, 2009, 10:01 am CDT

Complete disgust for Tammie

All I really wanted to say is Tammie seems like the most evil lady. Some people do not deserve to be a parent.  Whenever she speaks it makes my stomach turn.  I dont understand how anyone can treat their own child that way.  I just want to give Davia all the hugs and love she DESERVES.  Tammie will one day pay for what she's done to this child.  My heart goes out to Davia. I hope Tammie reads this and knows how horrible of a person she is.  She should be embarassed and immediately put Davia into therapy.  SHAME ON YOU TAMMIE.  You deserve all the pain and misery for what you have done to Davia. It is absolutely nothing less than child abuse.

 

No one talked about the way Davia's new step dad treats her.  I hope he is good to her, but in reality he is probably just as bad as Tammie.

 
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