Topic : 07/28 Classic Dr. Phil: Trading Places

im 19 and im 350 lb's !
this was not intentional !!
this is a health problem i believe !
when i was born i was 3 pounds and my family could not make me gain weight, the doc said to my mom that she was starving me.....that was NOT the case !
finally when i was diagnosed with asthma the docs gave me inhalers at the age of 5, and after that i gained weight and i couldn''t stop so obviously it was the steroids in the inhalers that did it !
and NO it is not a food problem im NOT addicted to food what some might think ! I eat twice a day and sometime i may not eat at all !
i know it may not be the right foods at the right time but i dont not eat junk food maybe once in a blue moon, thats about it !
im trying to lose weight but its frustrating when im gaining 10-15 pounds a month when im not doing anything to provoke it !
im walking everyday and nothing is helping, ive tried diet pills that did not work so im fed up ! ppl can stare and say accusations all they want but  only i know the truth !! trust me i do NOT want to be a fat ugly chick !
but no one has answers so i guess im stuck this way even if am exersing to my ability !

Thank you so very much for the encouraging words.  Also I have found Molly's website as "Mrs. Minnesota" It tells all about her.  It is www.mollynicholson.net. I Think I will write the pageant and question them about how exactly they judge their contestants. I think she should be a judge and not a pageant winner, since she judges others so well. I am so glad that I wasn't the only one that got offended by this.  Maybe the pageant will hear about what their precious "Mrs.Minnesota"  said and how she discriminates and they might reconsider. Wouldn't want her representing my state.

This was "Classic Dr. Phil" so I hope the intervening years have brought you new insights and perspectives.  If they haven't, here's what I wish Dr. Phil would have said:

 

Because no one is perfect, each and every one of us, even you, has unhealthy things in our lives.

 

For some, those areas of unhealthiness are PHYSICAL and/or BEHAVIORAL - things like overeating, undereating, eating unhealthy foods, exercising too little or too much, smoking, drinking alcohol to excess, addictions (drugs, gambling, pornography, internet, workaholism, etc), self-injury(cutting, etc), not getting enough sleep, etc.

 

For others, their areas are EMOTIONAL - things like wrong self-image (whether narcistic or self-loathing), depression, chronic anger, critical or judgemental attitudes [sound familiar Molly?], chronic negativity, obsessive thoughts, or any number of other emotional struggles or mental illnesses. 

 

Others may have RELATIONAL unhealthiness - physically abusive relationships, verbal or mental abuse, difficulty attaching to others in a healthy way, poor boundaries with others, being excessively controlling, rage or outbursts of anger, sexual addictions or other forms on unhealthy sexual behavior, and all the other things that make friendships, marriages and family relationships hurtful instead of nurturing. 

 

Molly, what you need to realize is that nobody WANTS to be unhealthy in any of these areas.  Nobody starts out saying:

 

"I think I'd really enjoy the life of a junkie," OR

"I'd really love to destroy my marriage with my rage," OR

"What would really make me feel successful would be to emotional injure my children by critcizing them mercilessly."  OR

"I believe being extremely overweight would be really satisfying."

 

Yes, these things are the result of choices (physical causes like thyroid problems notwithstanding), but rarely are they a result of deliberate action.  Sometimes people are unaware of their area of unhealthiness.  Rarely is that the case with the overweight, much less the morbidly obese.  They are devastatingly aware of their problem.  But like any addiction or emotional bad habit, or negative relational pattern, recognizing the problem and changing it are two entirely different things. 

 

Molly, you wanted to change your judgmental attitude towards the obese, presumably because you knew that lacking compassion for others and judging them based on appearance instead were not indicators of relational health.  In pursuing that attitude change, you went as far as to experience a day as an overweight person.  And yet, at the end you admitted that even this was not enough to truly change your attitude or pattern. 

 

If you struggle to change something as relatively simple as a judgmental attitude towards one group of people, can you imagine how difficult it is for obese people to lose vast amounts of weight?  Doing that requires a major change of perspective before they can even begin making the many, many lifestyle changes needed for significant weight loss.  You have first-hand experience on how hard it is to make one change of perspective, and you didn't even need to make any behavior changes afterwards! 

 

The truth is, ALL OF THE ABOVE AREAS OF UNHEALTHINESS HURT AND/OR INCOVENIENCE OURSELVES AND OTHERS.  Frankly, the inconvenience you or I would experience sitting next to a 300 lb seatmate pales by comparison to the damage we would experience should we encounter someone who vents their rage at the world by attacking us physically, or the heartache we'd face if we were to have a parent or spouse who put us down at every opportunity. 

 

If you need a new perspective, train yourself to think how minor the inconvenience of being crowded compared to the damage of being truly injured by someone who has a different area of unhealthiness.  And if you REALLY want a new perspective, compare the inconvenience you suffer from getting only half a seat with the damage you are dishing out by sending out those, "You lazy, selfish, fat pig," vibes to your seatmate.

I will never understand how anyone can judge someone by their weight. I would not even want to know Molly because she is so shallow. She has no idea what some people have going on in their lives. Being overweight is sure not something someone would choose to be. We all come in different packages and some are wrapped nicely and some are not but you will never find out what is in the package if you judge it by how it looks. If I was going to judge her by her package I wouldn't bother to open it because it has no content. There is room for all of us in this world and I am glad I have the capacity to love and have compassion for someone that is different than me. Molly has no idea what her future holds so she may be walking in their shoes one day. I hope you aren't teaching your daughter to be as shallow as you are.

It is good to hear from you.  Sorry about your situation.  Yes I was confined to bed for quite awhile.  It is really scary when every breath is painful and seems to be possibly the last one.  I know just what it means. Before the accident I, like seems you were, thin.  I still have some of the clothes I used to wear hoping that someday my body will again return to what it should be.  I remember the stairs when I was the worst.  I remember having to be pushed in a chair to even go shopping.  I coughed alot and that only added to the stairs and sometimes people moving away from me.  Little did they know that they were more of a danger to me than me to them because of my immume system being depleated.   Is there anything that can be done for you?  I was told that I would be in a wheelchair someday.  I have fought through pain etc to not have that happen and seems as if I might have just done it. 

I was told by my grandfather to never look a someone different etc. and judge them because it could be me.   Something I am learning to do is look beyond those judging eyes and see those who understand. I have found some of them also.  Yes the road is sometimes hard but lets hold onto what we do have and live inspite of...............   .

First of all this show was aired over 6 years ago!!!. Did you even stop to think that maybe opinions have changed since? (if there were any to change that is) She DID adress the medical issues and was saying that her point was NOT of people with medical conditions.It was just not aired on the show. She meant people who eat like crap and then sit on their butts.

There have been some people on here harassing her and some have taken it too far by contacting others she knows to bash her only to finally get the truth about the episode. Maybe you should stop and think before shooting hateful emails and get the FACTS first.

Don't ever forget you're beautiful from the  inside out and that is true beauty.  So, you better strut your stuff, like you're"America's Next Top Model!"  Mrs. Molly Nicholson may have won the pagent based on her outward appearance and what have you, but looks aren't everything.  She lacks respect and compassion for others and that IMO, makes her ugly from the outside, in. Thanks for the website, too!  Boy, is she going to get an ear full. Call, me crazy but I've decided to take my opinions one step further and contact Mrs. Nicholson" herself.  She may not read these board for the sole purpose of getting put in her place.  So, I'm going to her, directly.  I feel she needs to know how her actions and comments effect other people.  She needs to personally hear it from those of us that know what it feels like, at one point or another, to be overweight.  She needs to know, not everyone is overweight due to their eating habits.  I'll admit my eating habits didn't help matters( I could put away a 1/2 gallon of Blue Bell in nothin' flat and I dared the person that got in my way) LOL, but that wasn't the reason I was overweight. 

 

Women like Molly doen't know how it feels to "try" to bend over to tie your (my) shoes with a fat roll the size of an intertube.  They don't know how it feels to be 6 years old wearing your 15 year old sister's womens, size 8 (hand-me-down) jeans.   

Thank You So Much For The Encouraging Words.  You Are An Awesome Person To Try To Bring Me Up And You Don't Even Know Me. The OMG OMG Was For The Message Above Yours. I'm Speechless That Someone Would Actually Try And Defend What She Said.....  I Know What My Ears Heard! Seems Like If She Would Have Changed Her Opinion Then Dr. Phil Would Have Updated Us On The Show Like He Did By Saying She Won That Pageant. I Am Sure They Contacted HER For The Update. U Know ,I Will Not Even Waste My Breath On Arguing With Her. Might Burn Calories If I Get My Heart Rate Up, And You Know Us Fat People We Are Lazy...... Just Wanted To Say Thanks To You. And Would Love To Keep In Touch. You Can Email Me At tinkerluther@aol.com.....  Keep Making People Smile!!!!!!

Funny!  I was wondering if you would return to read my post.  I'm so glad you did.  I would love to keep in touch on here and by email.  Anytime you need an encouraging word, email me. My motto in life is, "Be kind to everyone because you never know what kind of battles they are fighting!"  And I do my very best to be true to that. 

 

I never did email Molly either, I came to realize I'd more than likely be waisting my breath and I'd rather use my time and energy encouraging others.

 

We can't pass judgement until we have the facts. and as far as I'm concerned Molly laid enough of her facts out on the table when she appeared on The Dr. Phil Show.  Rebecca1980 is "one of them" I was talking about.  She needs to practice what she preaches.  This goes without saying, but she needs to "get OUR facts first" and stop coming to her own conclusions. 

 

 

 

 

Food for thought!  How about you get OUR FACTS before you judge.  How exactly can you look at an overweight person and decipher whether or not they're heavy because of a medical condition or because they're lazy and sit on the couch eating Bon Bon's?  Maybe it's me but I would think that would require "getting facts" as well. 

 

For whatever reason Mrs. Nicholson has a vendetta for overweight people.  I'm not entirely sure what they've done to her but I know she doesn't like them.  Maybe if she actually took the time to look at their hearts instead of their physical attributes, she might surprise herself and find a loyal friend.  The same goes for you since you seem to defend her to the end.

 

Now for MY FACTS.  As stated many times, I've suffered with CP, epilepsy and many other issues that caused developmental delays since the age of 2 months.  I started having seizures when I was 3 and due to the medication I gained a tremendous amount of weight.  I weighed a whopping 86 lbs when I should have weighed 63 lbs. You see, some with medical issues eat to comfort themselves because that all they know to do.  I didn't want to be a fat 6 year old.  In fact, I resented the fact that I couldn't do the things other kids got to do because of my weight.  I was considerably slower and people didn't want to wait. Needless to say, I got left behind or I chose not to participate.  My mom  insisted that my Dr. change my medicine.  You want to know what happened when he finally did?  I lost 23 lbs.  So, you see, even people with medical problems find themselves depressed and as a result, they eat.  NO ONE wants to be overweight.  Do you think they enjoy carrying excess weight around.  It's miserable! 

 

I am happy to say I am a healthy 28 year old.  I still have the CP, that'll never go away, but I have been seizure-free since 1989 and no longer on medication.  I am also 5' 8"/136lbs.  But I still know how it feels to be overweight, that, I will never forget. Just do me a small favor, please.  The next time you see someone overweight find out their story and their facts before you make the assumption that they like to gorge because they enjoy it.  Maybe you're not the same as Molly in that way, but you defended her so, that proved to me you are.