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Topic : 08/25 Classic Dr. Phil: "Get Off My Back!"

Number of Replies: 13
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Created on : Thursday, August 20, 2009, 01:50:53 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/18/05) Are you tired of being told, "That's not good enough," or "You're doing it wrong"? Dr. Phil talks to controlling, combative, outspoken guests whose loved ones want them off their back! First up, Tia demands perfection from her kids in school, music and sports. She's even picked out the perfect bride for her 14-year-old son! Her husband thinks she needs to lighten up, but will Tia ever change her ways? Then, he’s been called the worst husband in Dr. Phil history! When Mike first appeared on the show, he shocked the nation with his treatment of his wife, Deanna. Is Mike still yelling at his wife to shut her suckhole, or did she tell him to get lost? Share your thoughts here!

Find out what happened on the show.

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August 21, 2009, 10:17 am CDT

Doctor Phil Show.

Back Classic Doctor Get Off My Phil/Robin. That I have seen this before in 2005. See you on August 25th,-

2009 Tuesday. Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 
August 25, 2009, 6:43 am CDT

Perfection

As I was watching this show on "Get Off My Back", it brought back memories of my own childhood. I have raised two beautiful children which are grown and have great lives of their own.  My own mother expected perfection, which I was never able to live up too.  Consequently, I have grown up not able to love myself because in my own eyes, I will never be good enough, now, even for me.

I could empathize with that young man who was being battered by his mom, expecting perfection.  If there is one thing I could do, is let that mom know what can and did happen by always expecting perfection and not accepting her children for their shortcomings.

 
August 25, 2009, 10:24 am CDT

same thing

Quote From: whisper2929

As I was watching this show on "Get Off My Back", it brought back memories of my own childhood. I have raised two beautiful children which are grown and have great lives of their own.  My own mother expected perfection, which I was never able to live up too.  Consequently, I have grown up not able to love myself because in my own eyes, I will never be good enough, now, even for me.

I could empathize with that young man who was being battered by his mom, expecting perfection.  If there is one thing I could do, is let that mom know what can and did happen by always expecting perfection and not accepting her children for their shortcomings.

I had a similar chikdhood experience too. I dont want my children to live with too much perfection. Just right. I want them to enjoy their youth or childhood years. Cos I believe the more you will provoke your child to to do the right thing, they wont do it!
 
August 25, 2009, 1:30 pm CDT

08/25 Classic Dr. Phil: "Get Off My Back!"

I found the advice to "Tia" to be concerning at best. Typically, I don't respond to tv shows, but that advice warrants response.

 

 I think Tia is a good parent  "as is", and I think her approach is on target for raising successful, African-American children.    Dr. Phil's advice, as per usual, was very main-stream and "best world" scenario -- not applicable to the world in which those children actually live.

Those children need to live, achieve, and thrive!

It's unfortunate that Tia has to give the sugar with the salt --but she would be remiss not to do so.

Pre-Tia generations did this and the result was not juvenile delinquents, BTW.

I know he's friends with Oprah, but I wonder how many close Dr. Phil friends are African-Americans who have matriculated from the nation's top institutions, or who are highly successful?  FYI -- for just about every top US institution Dr Phil, there are African-American alumni in some number who do well -- and they were not juvenile delinquents.  Their parents "pushed" much harder than Tia -- and in ways that obviously would not be considered acceptable by today's standards.  So Tia is doing a great job.  an d those generations of African-Americans are the ones "un-sexy" to the media -- well-adjusted, happily/long-term married, and affluent.

 

 

  Tia's parenting was incredibly typical and right on track -- if not a bit lenient.  And her son , though maybe a bit stressed now, will be a stronger more capable young man as a result.

 

Dr. Phil did just what that boy's Guidance Counselor might do -- encourage him to be "average"...tell him that his mom is pushing too hard and that he's doing "enough".  That too is pretty typical advice.  But -- do what you've always done, and you'll get what you've always gotten. It's not just an African-American thing.  Check with any parent of a highly achieving child, and you'll find they ALL "pushed" and required the best of the child -- and they got it.  Clearly Tia was equally showing love and support for her son -- both parents appeared to actually spend time with those kids, and they had a nice home and amenities.  Today's given advice will result in an "average" or "media-typical" young black man -- at best. 

Dr. Phil -- don't give our children advice to gear them towards mediocrity.  We're tired of the status quo.  We're tired of seeing young black men in jail or on the streets 'gang-banging'.  Let Tia do her thing --it's a different dynamic.  She is right on track.    It's not about trying to be "perfect" -- it's about trying to be "equivalent" or "better".  I'm sure Dr. Phil encouraged HIS sons to be the best they could be --why shouldn't Tia?

Tia is on track w/ everything except picking a spouse::)

Tia's son may be a high achiever in school and on the basketball court, and society is going to tell him either it's not enough OR that he is only capable "because"....(some reason that discounts his talent/skills). .  "He's in school because he's black "or "because he can play a sport" -- though legitmately present, the 1st assumption that instructors and peers will hit him HARD with is that he's there because of some concession --not due to his achievement.  Tia knows that.  I know that.  My friends and family know that.  An African-American child needs to achieve as best he or she can -- legitimately -- so that when hit with those attitudes, comments, values he or she can feel CONFIDENT.  If the child has legitimate achievements, he or she can not be denied.  That's why there IS an Obama.  That's why we DO have generations of well educated, prominent African-Americans.  Tons of us have LIVED that story.  Our parents and grandparents LIVED that story -- and we deal w/ those attitudes, statements, values daily in 2009. Regardless of "how it should be", that's how it IS.

  So...Tia is doing precisely what she needs to do to get her son precisely where he needs to be -- in the company of the many African-American achievers who were "pushed" and who are very well-adjusted, successful, and happy.

 

To acheive at or above the level of the previous generation, Tia's son WILL have to work harder, be better, be brighter and push himself harder.  If he learns that at home and has a mom who will help him with that, it's much less harsh than when the world throws that reality his way!   If he becomes comfortable/complacent,  society will think he's incapable of better (or sigh comfortably with a "that's just what we expect from them" attitude -- "that's just enough achievement".)  Society is comfortable with African Americans who fit the sterotypes of welfare mothers and ghetto gang-bangers.  Good for Tia for pushing her son and wanting him to be more than what he sees on tv and in the newspapers daily.  Good for Tia for wanting her son to do what generations of blacks have done pre-Obama in the ivy league!  You can be OK and do OK, but those of us who do better than OK do so because...we have drive, and somebody, somewhere pushed us!   Oprah, Mya Angelou, Obama -- all of them give kudos to those who "pushed" them.  Pushing does not always feel good or sound/feel "supportive", but it prepares a child and strengthens a child.  There was obviously a ton of love there...and Tia has created a two-parent home filled with love and comfort -- those kids will be OK.

Dr. Phil gives good advice, but when it comes to parenting African-American and Asian youth, there seems to be a constant disconnect with regards to the blend of history/culture/society that has to factor into the upbringing.  Because of the country's history, and our beautiful skin tones, we don't have the luxury of JUST dealing w/ the basics.  We have to do more in the homes to strengthen and prepare our children.  On a daily basis we send them out into environments where they are typically "the only one" or where they are viewed as anomalies.  They have to have love and strength from home for that.  It's a different dynamic.  Our children have a lot more to work to overcome -- and a lot more to understand if they are going to achieve, succeed and be happy.

 
August 25, 2009, 2:23 pm CDT

arranged marriage

WHEN I SAW THE SHOW TODAY,THE MOTHER THAT WANTS THE BEST FOR HER CHILDREN,LOOKING FOR FUTURE SPOUSES FOR HER CHILDREN....SO SWEET...I DO THE SAME THING..I DO NOT SEE THE HARM THERE,I MEAN THE KIDS WILL DO THEIR OWN THING WHEN THEY REACH THAT AGE BUT WE AS PARENTS ARE TO DIRECT THEM IN THAT PATH AND POINTING OUT THE KIND OF MATE THEY SHOULD LOOK FOR IS PERFECTLY NORMAL AND IN MY OPIONION A SMART MOVE.WHAT A BLESSING IF THEY END UP WITH THE ONES WE PICK,IF NOT MAYBE IT WILL BE ONE WITH THE SAME QUALITIES,THAT OUR REAL GOAL ANYWAY.GOD BLESS TO THAT MOTHER.

 
August 25, 2009, 2:29 pm CDT

Get Off My Back!

Dear Dr. Phil, 

     The married couples that you see like the one called "Get Off My Back!"; are they usually Christian?

That husband was so humble.   It was beautiful.

     My husband and I went through a bad period similar to them.   My husband's father died of AIDES

and a bunch of other things happened . . .   He kept saying he was going to leave . . .   I was tired of it

and I also didn't know what else to say . . . and told him go.    

     A close friend of ours ask him to go to a Bible study in Iowa.  Long story short . . . He called me

from Iowa and I wasn't sure if it was him or if he was drunk or something.   The lord wrote him up.  

     You know it's real when it keeps getting better and we you can wing it alone.  

God Bless You!

                  Martha

 
August 25, 2009, 2:37 pm CDT

08/25 Classic Dr. Phil: "Get Off My Back!"

Dear Dr. Phil,

     I real wonder able so of the people the post.   I guess that's one of the ways you find people for your show.    They sure do need help.

    God Bless!              Martha

 

 
August 25, 2009, 2:59 pm CDT

I am sorry for you

Quote From: rhonda42ss

WHEN I SAW THE SHOW TODAY,THE MOTHER THAT WANTS THE BEST FOR HER CHILDREN,LOOKING FOR FUTURE SPOUSES FOR HER CHILDREN....SO SWEET...I DO THE SAME THING..I DO NOT SEE THE HARM THERE,I MEAN THE KIDS WILL DO THEIR OWN THING WHEN THEY REACH THAT AGE BUT WE AS PARENTS ARE TO DIRECT THEM IN THAT PATH AND POINTING OUT THE KIND OF MATE THEY SHOULD LOOK FOR IS PERFECTLY NORMAL AND IN MY OPIONION A SMART MOVE.WHAT A BLESSING IF THEY END UP WITH THE ONES WE PICK,IF NOT MAYBE IT WILL BE ONE WITH THE SAME QUALITIES,THAT OUR REAL GOAL ANYWAY.GOD BLESS TO THAT MOTHER.

For all those parents out there that think they are doing what is right for their children by being controlling about every thing they do. I would advise you to change the way you parent and change right now. I too was a controlling mother to four wonderful children. Let's pass forward... My oldest child (40) spends his life in his bedroom deeply depressed and smoked pot until  he was 35, #2 (36) is an alcholic and has never been married, #3 (32) no longer speaks to me, and #4 (28) just got out of jail after this third dui. I totally blame myself for believing I was doing what was best for them without giving them the opportunity to learn for themselves. I wish I could go back and do it differntly and how differently I would have done it...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
August 25, 2009, 3:04 pm CDT

Sad how that Husband thinks is Wife is going to stay

I saw my Husband on Dr. Phil today, when that guy said I want my Son to fear me, it sounds just like my husband.

 

That Guy is an idiot, all though she is now allow to brush her teeth alone, she is only buy time here, I can see it I am doing the same thing.  Its like a game she can not win, she is trapped she knows her Child will never be safe from that monster of a husband and that is why she is going along with the program.

 

Mential abuse is sometimes worse the physical because the scars never get to heal they are invisible.  The damage this Guy has done to his Wife and Son is likely not repairable.  I can just look at that poor Womans face and see she is not happy.

 

She was correct in her statement will they just go back to the way there were?  and Yes they will, sooner or later he is going to be some where creeping around the house in the dark to catch you Oh wait a min thats my Husband LOL.

 

But I mean he is going to be telling you how to brush your teeth again!  

 

be safe no matter what you do when he tries to trap you with another child get on the pill quick.

 

 

 
August 25, 2009, 3:15 pm CDT

That Guy is Crazy if he thinks his Wife is staying

She is just going along with the program, I can tell by the look on her face.  I have left many times too and due to not having means to support myself I always end up back at home, plus I fear the courts giving my husband visitation with my son alone.

 

This Guy reminds me of my Husband when he said I want my Son to fear me, my Husband believes the same thing, I have to stop him from going to church with his own father at night because my son is afraid of him.

 

Men do not realize the damage they do to boys when they abuse them mentially.  Mential abuse is sometimes worse then physical abuse because the scars are invisible.

 

This Woman knows full well its over, but she is in fear this man is Crazy! and she has no way out.  He may try and pin her with another Child to hold on to her, because it is too easy to get away, but I think that Woman knows in her heart just like I know my Husband is crazy and we have no idea what they would be capable of doing if we left them for good.

 

Like she said she is not sure if they will go back to their old ways, yes it is going to happen, sooner or later he is going to be creeping around in the dark at night and then Oh wait a min thats my Husband LOL.

 

Well he is going to be watching you brush your suck hole and then it is going to be another fight when he starts telling you how to do it the right way.

 

He is a pig and they dont change trust me, just wait until he pins you with some more kids and see how he treates them and you.

 
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