I found the advice to "Tia" to be concerning at best. Typically, I don't respond to tv shows, but that advice warrants response.
I think Tia is a good parent "as is", and I think her approach is on target for raising successful, African-American children. Dr. Phil's advice, as per usual, was very main-stream and "best world" scenario -- not applicable to the world in which those children actually live.
Those children need to live, achieve, and thrive!
It's unfortunate that Tia has to give the sugar with the salt --but she would be remiss not to do so.
Pre-Tia generations did this and the result was not juvenile delinquents, BTW.
I know he's friends with Oprah, but I wonder how many close Dr. Phil friends are African-Americans who have matriculated from the nation's top institutions, or who are highly successful? FYI -- for just about every top US institution Dr Phil, there are African-American alumni in some number who do well -- and they were not juvenile delinquents. Their parents "pushed" much harder than Tia -- and in ways that obviously would not be considered acceptable by today's standards. So Tia is doing a great job. an d those generations of African-Americans are the ones "un-sexy" to the media -- well-adjusted, happily/long-term married, and affluent.
Tia's parenting was incredibly typical and right on track -- if not a bit lenient. And her son , though maybe a bit stressed now, will be a stronger more capable young man as a result.
Dr. Phil did just what that boy's Guidance Counselor might do -- encourage him to be "average"...tell him that his mom is pushing too hard and that he's doing "enough". That too is pretty typical advice. But -- do what you've always done, and you'll get what you've always gotten. It's not just an African-American thing. Check with any parent of a highly achieving child, and you'll find they ALL "pushed" and required the best of the child -- and they got it. Clearly Tia was equally showing love and support for her son -- both parents appeared to actually spend time with those kids, and they had a nice home and amenities. Today's given advice will result in an "average" or "media-typical" young black man -- at best.
Dr. Phil -- don't give our children advice to gear them towards mediocrity. We're tired of the status quo. We're tired of seeing young black men in jail or on the streets 'gang-banging'. Let Tia do her thing --it's a different dynamic. She is right on track. It's not about trying to be "perfect" -- it's about trying to be "equivalent" or "better". I'm sure Dr. Phil encouraged HIS sons to be the best they could be --why shouldn't Tia?
Tia is on track w/ everything except picking a spouse::)
Tia's son may be a high achiever in school and on the basketball court, and society is going to tell him either it's not enough OR that he is only capable "because"....(some reason that discounts his talent/skills). . "He's in school because he's black "or "because he can play a sport" -- though legitmately present, the 1st assumption that instructors and peers will hit him HARD with is that he's there because of some concession --not due to his achievement. Tia knows that. I know that. My friends and family know that. An African-American child needs to achieve as best he or she can -- legitimately -- so that when hit with those attitudes, comments, values he or she can feel CONFIDENT. If the child has legitimate achievements, he or she can not be denied. That's why there IS an Obama. That's why we DO have generations of well educated, prominent African-Americans. Tons of us have LIVED that story. Our parents and grandparents LIVED that story -- and we deal w/ those attitudes, statements, values daily in 2009. Regardless of "how it should be", that's how it IS.
So...Tia is doing precisely what she needs to do to get her son precisely where he needs to be -- in the company of the many African-American achievers who were "pushed" and who are very well-adjusted, successful, and happy.
To acheive at or above the level of the previous generation, Tia's son WILL have to work harder, be better, be brighter and push himself harder. If he learns that at home and has a mom who will help him with that, it's much less harsh than when the world throws that reality his way! If he becomes comfortable/complacent, society will think he's incapable of better (or sigh comfortably with a "that's just what we expect from them" attitude -- "that's just enough achievement".) Society is comfortable with African Americans who fit the sterotypes of welfare mothers and ghetto gang-bangers. Good for Tia for pushing her son and wanting him to be more than what he sees on tv and in the newspapers daily. Good for Tia for wanting her son to do what generations of blacks have done pre-Obama in the ivy league! You can be OK and do OK, but those of us who do better than OK do so because...we have drive, and somebody, somewhere pushed us! Oprah, Mya Angelou, Obama -- all of them give kudos to those who "pushed" them. Pushing does not always feel good or sound/feel "supportive", but it prepares a child and strengthens a child. There was obviously a ton of love there...and Tia has created a two-parent home filled with love and comfort -- those kids will be OK.
Dr. Phil gives good advice, but when it comes to parenting African-American and Asian youth, there seems to be a constant disconnect with regards to the blend of history/culture/society that has to factor into the upbringing. Because of the country's history, and our beautiful skin tones, we don't have the luxury of JUST dealing w/ the basics. We have to do more in the homes to strengthen and prepare our children. On a daily basis we send them out into environments where they are typically "the only one" or where they are viewed as anomalies. They have to have love and strength from home for that. It's a different dynamic. Our children have a lot more to work to overcome -- and a lot more to understand if they are going to achieve, succeed and be happy.
(Original Air Date: 05/18/05) Are you tired of being told, "That's not good enough," or "You're doing it wrong"? Dr. Phil talks to controlling, combative, outspoken guests whose loved ones want them off their back! First up, Tia demands perfection from her kids in school, music and sports. She's even picked out the perfect bride for her 14-year-old son! Her husband thinks she needs to lighten up, but will Tia ever change her ways? Then, he’s been called the worst husband in Dr. Phil history! When Mike first appeared on the show, he shocked the nation with his treatment of his wife, Deanna. Is Mike still yelling at his wife to shut her suckhole, or did she tell him to get lost? Share your thoughts here!
