Topic : 08/12 Parenting Headaches

 Because I choose to honor the vows I took before God to stay marriage. Is it a perfect situation? No but I have yet to see a perfect marriage. As I said my life contains great joy. I find fulfillment in raising my son and turning my will over to the service of God and others. I never said my husband was abusive just self centered. There can be worse - I was married for a year to a man who was abusive both physically and mentally I did leave him without a look back. Thank God we didn't have children as we have been able to our separate ways. 

I'm sorry if you assumed that I said you were living with your fiance - on rereading my last post I can see why you might have taken is that way. It was harsh and I apologize. I just see so many kids screwed up and the parents getting off Scot free. Kids learn how to cope and function with life by watching adults. And often after the kids are beyond repair the parents wring their hands and mumble "I don't know where I went wrong!"  I'm just sick of it. Adults make babies and then treat them like pieces of furniture. I still say that if you don't want to deal with ex's and step children don't marry a divorcee with with kids. You have to remember that because of these kids the ex will always be a part of your lives.  

As for the drugging - Benedryl is not a safe drug for children prescribed or not. There are tones of drugs doctors have prescribed which turned out to be harmful if not fatal. Benadryl when given to children has been associated with liver and kidney failure, heart failure, anemia, sleeping disorders  and major depression. It is also the number one drug of choice for first time suicide attempts among children under 18. I still don't see how drugging the children there for depriving them of any meaningful visitation with their father is a matter of safety. Is it because the kids behave so badly that you might hurt them if they are not asleep. I have seen nothing in your posts that suggest that these children pose any danger to you. They sound a bit bratty and for sure unhappy about the coming marriage but that's normal not dangerous. Children of divorce have a higher rate of depression, promiscuity, drug use and suicide than any other group and the rates double when there is a remarriage. Face it folks the Brady Bunch was a fantasy.  

I can appreciate your post, but if you broke your vows before God to leave your first husband for your sake, why can't you break your vows before God for your kid sake?  And also I know that a man can hate the mother of his children and still love his kids.    

I took Benedryl my entire life and I'm just fine, and please don't act as if a tongue and cheek remark about appreciating the times when the step kids are asleep and not being brats means I shoot them up with benadryl the entire visit when I'm around.    

Also my fiance made a mistake and just as no woman should be doomed to a life with an abusive man, a man shouldn't be doomed to a life with a trifling woman because he had a baby by her.  And this is what I concluded before I said yes to his proposal.  Also the kids are more than bratty, they have been in trouble with the law, lied on their father in court and them admitted outside the court that they lied.  But walked right back in and lied about telling the truth.  They have severe mental problems, and though their mother has been ordered to take them to counseling they still haven't gone to one session a whole year after the court ordered them into counseling.  Now a new court wants to know whether the old court order to get the kids in counseling is warranted.  And that my friend is the problem, moms know they don't have to follow the court order and when they're called on not following the court order, they know they can drag the matter out, until it's watered down, by a new court determining if the original court order was fair to the mother.  

   Oh yes I'm marrying this man.  It's not his fault he got involved with a deadbeat woman.  The only difference is, he made that mistake once, he didn't go back and marry another deadbeat woman.  He waited for me to come along.  

  Me too.. I watched this show specifically to hear what Dr. Phil had to say to these parents. What I gleaned from this show, was that the stepmom should take a step back. I was so furious at the real mom. She did say all the right things, and said that she wanted her daughter to have a relationship with them. Yeah right! On the other hand, she was reinforcing the daughters attitude by saying that she will not force her daughter to go where she is not comfortable...Excuse me?! What a brat that girl is. She knows without a doubt, with 100% accuracy (to quote Dr.Phil) that if she cries and complains that Mommy will get mad at Daddy, and she will have her way! What were you thinking Dr. Phil???????    

  This situation won't get any better. I've been living it for 2 years. I've tried to follow this advice, and step back and let dad take care of things. It doesn't work. I have to suffer these children and tolerate the bad behavior every time they are in my home. I honestly feel , that real Moms need to teach their children to respect ALL adults, stepparents or real parents, and stop reinforcing the bad behavior by feeling sorry for them. Yes, divorce is difficult. Yes, the children don't choose it. But, darnit, life goes on and it isn't always fair. Teach the children to accept change and different ways of life. Teach them to love their parents for who they are, not how much time they spend with them. Talk to them about their feelings, but don't make them into victims! Get over your divorce, and accept that your ex-spouse has moved on. You cannot control him/her any longer. While you were married to them, they were pretty darn good parents, weren't they? Well, they still are!!!!  

  I was SO hoping that there would be a real solution presented on the show. I love the dr Phil show, but boy, did he give that Stepmom lame advice.  

You must read, 

"No More Baby Mama Drama."  I read the book and it changed my life.  It let me know that my step kids mom isn't unique in her spiteful abuse of me, my husband and their children.  Read it and please e-mail me. You can get the book at any book store.