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Topic : 08/12 Parenting Headaches

Number of Replies: 35
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Created on : Friday, August 05, 2005, 05:48:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 04/27/2005) Is your household out of control? If you're looking for ways to calm the chaos, Dr. Phil has advice. Nikki says her 9-year-old stepdaughter is obnoxious, disrespectful, and is ruining her marriage. Then, Adam and Anna say their 9-year-old son cries about everything from taking a bath to brushing his teeth. What's behind all the tears? Plus, a 2-year-old who plays the piano and speaks Spanish. Is he gifted, or are his parents just proud? Share your thoughts here.

 

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August 12, 2005, 1:31 pm CDT

Interesting show

I'm watching at the moment, and I really hope that the 9 year old boys parents can get him to stop crying over everything. 

  

 
August 12, 2005, 1:52 pm CDT

First time on board

I have never written here before but I am just so mad at what I have just seen. I feel so bad for Nicki on the show, she just got torn apart by Dr. Phil. I have been through the exact same thing, at one time literally hating my stepchild, not him, but for what he was doing to our family. And it's hard if the father doesn't take a more active role, also the child's mother sits there and acts like she's perfect, smiling and nodding at what Dr. Phil is saying like she's been doing all that he's saying. My stepson threw HORRIFIC tantrums, and would go through other rooms just to not walk by where I was sitting, would pull his dad off to the side and ask for toys when we were shopping, then when I caught him, he'd say "nevermind."  After 2 years, he is finally accepting that I am not going anywhere, and so has his mother. And we are now reaching that point where we give hugs, not "I love yous" yet, but we're getiing there. 

Nicki, I feel your pain, hang in there, one day, after emotions die down, you and Brittney will have a relationship, it is hard, but it will happen. 

 
August 12, 2005, 2:13 pm CDT

horrid stepmonster

I think Dr Phil was dead wrong with his advice to the father.  He should have told him to keep that stepmother far, far away from his child. Nikki admitted she hated the child.  The daughter should never have to be exposed to people that hate her and especially not be expected to stay overnight  with people who hate her.  The father was very unconcerned that she said that about his child.  Nikki kept blaming the mother but it sounded like the child was not a discipline problem except around her, she did fine at home.  Being forced to be exposed to that woman could only be bad for a child.
 
August 12, 2005, 2:19 pm CDT

txmom

Quote From: texasmom

I have never written here before but I am just so mad at what I have just seen. I feel so bad for Nicki on the show, she just got torn apart by Dr. Phil. I have been through the exact same thing, at one time literally hating my stepchild, not him, but for what he was doing to our family. And it's hard if the father doesn't take a more active role, also the child's mother sits there and acts like she's perfect, smiling and nodding at what Dr. Phil is saying like she's been doing all that he's saying. My stepson threw HORRIFIC tantrums, and would go through other rooms just to not walk by where I was sitting, would pull his dad off to the side and ask for toys when we were shopping, then when I caught him, he'd say "nevermind."  After 2 years, he is finally accepting that I am not going anywhere, and so has his mother. And we are now reaching that point where we give hugs, not "I love yous" yet, but we're getiing there. 

Nicki, I feel your pain, hang in there, one day, after emotions die down, you and Brittney will have a relationship, it is hard, but it will happen. 

Hi and welcome to the dr phil board.  I'm so sorry that you had to go thru such things as this lady has.  I think it's a hard deal for both the kid and the step mom.  hopefully they can get things situated.
 
August 12, 2005, 2:25 pm CDT

08/12 Parenting Headaches

Quote From: texasmom

I have never written here before but I am just so mad at what I have just seen. I feel so bad for Nicki on the show, she just got torn apart by Dr. Phil. I have been through the exact same thing, at one time literally hating my stepchild, not him, but for what he was doing to our family. And it's hard if the father doesn't take a more active role, also the child's mother sits there and acts like she's perfect, smiling and nodding at what Dr. Phil is saying like she's been doing all that he's saying. My stepson threw HORRIFIC tantrums, and would go through other rooms just to not walk by where I was sitting, would pull his dad off to the side and ask for toys when we were shopping, then when I caught him, he'd say "nevermind."  After 2 years, he is finally accepting that I am not going anywhere, and so has his mother. And we are now reaching that point where we give hugs, not "I love yous" yet, but we're getiing there. 

Nicki, I feel your pain, hang in there, one day, after emotions die down, you and Brittney will have a relationship, it is hard, but it will happen. 

She deserved to be torn apart if she hates a child.  I really feel for your poor stepson, I can see why he would avoid you since you admit you hated him.  Poor kid
 
August 12, 2005, 2:32 pm CDT

Soon I'm going to be a wicked Step

  I am so glad there are other step parents out there speaking up.  What most people forget is PAS Parental Alienation Syndrome.  I'm engaged to a fabulous father of two children.  All was well between his ex-wife of 10 years and their children until I came into the picture.  The daughter told me early on that she had broken her father up with ALL his ex-girlfriends, and that her mother told her to she doesn’t have to do anything I tell her. This caused a huge incident when I had to physically yank her into the car because she decided she wanted to walk home along a busy highway because she was angry that I bought her sneakers (like her dad requested) instead of some 3 inch high heels.  She was 9 at the time, and told me, “You aren’t my mother, so I don’t have to do anything you tell me.”  I had to make a life saving decision and I made it.  Surprisingly CPS wasn’t called on me that time.  

  

 

    How did I meet the ex?  My fiancé left for work one weekend when the kids were at their mothers. (The only time I ever spend the night.  He drives off and two seconds later I get a friendly tap on the door.  I yank it open thinking it’s my fiancé and find a pissed off woman who yells at me that she’s “His ex wife!”  I stuck out my hand and said, “Pleased to meet you.  Come in.”  Since she couldn’t say what she wanted, I told her that I was not trying to come between her ex husband and their children and even gave her one of the gifts her daughter had bought her and left at her father’s home by accident.  I looked out and saw that she had parked her car down the street and had snuck up to the house, I guess to ‘get me’.

  

 

   When the children would get sick, I would call her and let her know.  I even invited her to events that we planned to take the children to.  I'm talking my family picnic.  Even with all of that, as soon as we announced our engagement, the kids turned into demons.  First of all, I took off my engagement ring and left it at my fiance's house for a repair.  The son stole it.  The daughter told us their mother told him to steal it and anything else in the house.  Now why go by what a 10-year-old girl says?  Because it turned out to be true, and when the father confronted his ex-wife about it, she said, it didn't matter because he could afford to buy me new replacements, for all my items, including underwear. 

  

 

   Once that didn't break us up, CPS was called repeatedly to both of our homes to make several unfounded reports about mental and physical abuse, including not feeding the children a whole weekend, though we had video of them at an awards banquet dinner eating.  Then she started running off with the kids, every time their father showed up to pick them up.  Twice she's seen me out with the kids during their father's joint custody time and she's ordered the children to leave with her.  This happens and their father won't see them again for weeks.  When my fiance goes into court for her violating a court order NOTHING is done to her. Not a slap on the hand, not anything. Because ex-wives, and baby mamas have a free ticket to do whatever they want in the family courts without any consequences, especially if the father is remarried or has a girlfriend.  Everyone just assumes the new woman stole him away from his family, or that he’s a bad guy.  Let my fiancé not have the kids packed and standing on the curb when she shows up for her court allowed time.  You’d see the kids plastered on every Amber Alert in the country.   

  

 

      As we get closer and closer to the wedding date, the ex-wife is urging the kids to do more and more horrible things. Let’s see after the stolen ring,  the day after we announced our engagement to everyone, the ex-wife went up to the kid's school and told them I was not allowed to pick up the children.  So when I went to see the kids in a school play, all the female administrators were rude to me and wouldn't tell me where the auditorium was.  I had to wait in the office until my fiance came and said it was OK for me to attend.    

  

 

     This week, when we sent out the invitations, the kids supposedly confessed to their mother, that they suddenly remembered they had been brutally beaten about a year ago while visiting their father, and have the scars to prove it.    

  

 

   Has it ever occurred to any of you who ALWAYS defend the birth mother in every scenario, that some of these mothers are in fact bad people?  That they lie and use their kids as pawns to hurt their exes?  I thought my case was unusual, but every woman I know who loves a man with children can tell you the same story of Parental Alienation and the Malicious Mother Syndrome about the kid’s mother.  Yet every show we see on TV about the matter is always about the bad dad and evil step-mom.  Steps can't just step off, why?  Because just like the kids didn't choose their kindergarten teacher, or their parents, they can’t choose who their parents wish to be with.  Some things in life they have to learn to accept.  And these out of control mothers need to be stopped.  If they violate court orders they should be fined and thrown in jail as fast as we fine and throw fathers in jail.

  

 

    The sad, sick and sadistic word being whispered by me and female friends and family is that on the day of our wedding my fiancé will be arrested in his tux, when the ex-wife reports that their son is pregnant by his father.

  

 

   It’s come to this. Sad, sad, sad.

  

 

  

 

  

 
August 12, 2005, 2:40 pm CDT

08/12 Parenting Headaches

Quote From: texasmom

I have never written here before but I am just so mad at what I have just seen. I feel so bad for Nicki on the show, she just got torn apart by Dr. Phil. I have been through the exact same thing, at one time literally hating my stepchild, not him, but for what he was doing to our family. And it's hard if the father doesn't take a more active role, also the child's mother sits there and acts like she's perfect, smiling and nodding at what Dr. Phil is saying like she's been doing all that he's saying. My stepson threw HORRIFIC tantrums, and would go through other rooms just to not walk by where I was sitting, would pull his dad off to the side and ask for toys when we were shopping, then when I caught him, he'd say "nevermind."  After 2 years, he is finally accepting that I am not going anywhere, and so has his mother. And we are now reaching that point where we give hugs, not "I love yous" yet, but we're getiing there. 

Nicki, I feel your pain, hang in there, one day, after emotions die down, you and Brittney will have a relationship, it is hard, but it will happen. 

I felt a little bit the same way. The word hate is such a strong word. I think she did clarify that it was the behavior, not the child that she hated. I have a feeling that the daughter is not an angel everywhere else like they seemed to portray. Unless she senses a strong coparent relationship from her bio parents she's going to have trouble adjusting. Like you said, it's a matter of the child knowing this is for good.
 
August 12, 2005, 3:26 pm CDT

Step Moms

  (I am reposting this the font messed up above)   

I am so glad there are other step parents out there speaking up.  What most people forget is PAS Parental Alienation Syndrome.  I'm engaged to a fabulous father of two children.  All was well between his ex-wife of 10 years and their children until I came into the picture.  The daughter told me early on that she had broken her father up with ALL his ex-girlfriends, and that her mother told her to she doesn’t have to do anything I tell her. This caused a huge incident when I had to physically yank her into the car because she decided she wanted to walk home along a busy highway because she was angry that I bought her sneakers (like her dad requested) instead of some 3 inch high heels.  She was 9 at the time, and told me, “You aren’t my mother, so I don’t have to do anything you tell me.”  I had to make a life saving decision and I made it.  Surprisingly CPS wasn’t called on me that time.  

  

 

    How did I meet the ex?  My fiancé left for work one weekend when the kids were at their mothers. (The only time I ever spend the night.  He drives off and two seconds later I get a friendly tap on the door.  I yank it open thinking it’s my fiancé and find a pissed off woman who yells at me that she’s “His ex wife!”  I stuck out my hand and said, “Pleased to meet you.  Come in.”  Since she couldn’t say what she wanted, I told her that I was not trying to come between her ex husband and their children and even gave her one of the gifts her daughter had bought her and left at her father’s home by accident.  I looked out and saw that she had parked her car down the street and had snuck up to the house, I guess to ‘get me’.

  

 

   When the children would get sick, I would call her and let her know.  I even invited her to events that we planned to take the children to.  I'm talking my family picnic.  Even with all of that, as soon as we announced our engagement, the kids turned into demons.  First of all, I took off my engagement ring and left it at my fiance's house for a repair.  The son stole it.  The daughter told us their mother told him to steal it and anything else in the house.  Now why go by what a 10-year-old girl says?  Because it turned out to be true, and when the father confronted his ex-wife about it, she said, it didn't matter because he could afford to buy me new replacements, for all my items, including underwear. 

  

 

   Once that didn't break us up, CPS was called repeatedly to both of our homes to make several unfounded reports about mental and physical abuse, including not feeding the children a whole weekend, though we had video of them at an awards banquet dinner eating.  Then she started running off with the kids, every time their father showed up to pick them up.  Twice she's seen me out with the kids during their father's joint custody time and she's ordered the children to leave with her.  This happens and their father won't see them again for weeks.  When my fiance goes into court for her violating a court order NOTHING is done to her. Not a slap on the hand, not anything. Because ex-wives, and baby mamas have a free ticket to do whatever they want in the family courts without any consequences, especially if the father is remarried or has a girlfriend.  Everyone just assumes the new woman stole him away from his family, or that he’s a bad guy.  Let my fiancé not have the kids packed and standing on the curb when she shows up for her court allowed time.  You’d see the kids plastered on every Amber Alert in the country.   

  

 

      As we get closer and closer to the wedding date, the ex-wife is urging the kids to do more and more horrible things. Let’s see after the stolen ring,  the day after we announced our engagement to everyone, the ex-wife went up to the kid's school and told them I was not allowed to pick up the children.  So when I went to see the kids in a school play, all the female administrators were rude to me and wouldn't tell me where the auditorium was.  I had to wait in the office until my fiance came and said it was OK for me to attend.    

  

 

     This week, when we sent out the invitations, the kids supposedly confessed to their mother, that they suddenly remembered they had been brutally beaten about a year ago while visiting their father, and have the scars to prove it.    

  

 

   Has it ever occurred to any of you who ALWAYS defend the birth mother in every scenario, that some of these mothers are in fact bad people?  That they lie and use their kids as pawns to hurt their exes?  I thought my case was unusual, but every woman I know who loves a man with children can tell you the same story of Parental Alienation and the Malicious Mother Syndrome about the kid’s mother.  Yet every show we see on TV about the matter is always about the bad dad and evil step-mom.  Steps can't just step off, why?  Because just like the kids didn't choose their kindergarten teacher, or their parents, they can’t choose who their parents wish to be with.  Some things in life they have to learn to accept.  And these out of control mothers need to be stopped.  If they violate court orders they should be fined and thrown in jail as fast as we fine and throw fathers in jail.

  

 

    The sad, sick and sadistic word being whispered by me and female friends and family is that on the day of our wedding my fiancé will be arrested in his tux, when the ex-wife reports that their son is pregnant by his father.

  

 

   It’s come to this. Sad, sad, sad.

  

 

  

 

 
August 12, 2005, 4:20 pm CDT

08/12 Parenting Headaches

Quote From: rhondaw15

She deserved to be torn apart if she hates a child.  I really feel for your poor stepson, I can see why he would avoid you since you admit you hated him.  Poor kid
did you not read the rest of my email? where I said I did not hate him LITERALLY, just the behavior? I am an awesome parent, and I did EVERYTHING to bring this child into our homes as easily as I could. I had a horrific stepmother who abused me physically and mentally every day and I never wanted that to happen to me if I had a stepchild. So I did everything from being ignored by my stepson to being told how awful I was because that was what he had been told by his mother. I never once showed ANY resentment or anger towards him, I knew that it was not his fault. Thank you for all the other people who really understood my email.
 
August 12, 2005, 4:30 pm CDT

08/12 Parenting Headaches

Quote From: jadaok

  (I am reposting this the font messed up above)   

I am so glad there are other step parents out there speaking up.  What most people forget is PAS Parental Alienation Syndrome.  I'm engaged to a fabulous father of two children.  All was well between his ex-wife of 10 years and their children until I came into the picture.  The daughter told me early on that she had broken her father up with ALL his ex-girlfriends, and that her mother told her to she doesn’t have to do anything I tell her. This caused a huge incident when I had to physically yank her into the car because she decided she wanted to walk home along a busy highway because she was angry that I bought her sneakers (like her dad requested) instead of some 3 inch high heels.  She was 9 at the time, and told me, “You aren’t my mother, so I don’t have to do anything you tell me.”  I had to make a life saving decision and I made it.  Surprisingly CPS wasn’t called on me that time.  

  

 

    How did I meet the ex?  My fiancé left for work one weekend when the kids were at their mothers. (The only time I ever spend the night.  He drives off and two seconds later I get a friendly tap on the door.  I yank it open thinking it’s my fiancé and find a pissed off woman who yells at me that she’s “His ex wife!”  I stuck out my hand and said, “Pleased to meet you.  Come in.”  Since she couldn’t say what she wanted, I told her that I was not trying to come between her ex husband and their children and even gave her one of the gifts her daughter had bought her and left at her father’s home by accident.  I looked out and saw that she had parked her car down the street and had snuck up to the house, I guess to ‘get me’.

  

 

   When the children would get sick, I would call her and let her know.  I even invited her to events that we planned to take the children to.  I'm talking my family picnic.  Even with all of that, as soon as we announced our engagement, the kids turned into demons.  First of all, I took off my engagement ring and left it at my fiance's house for a repair.  The son stole it.  The daughter told us their mother told him to steal it and anything else in the house.  Now why go by what a 10-year-old girl says?  Because it turned out to be true, and when the father confronted his ex-wife about it, she said, it didn't matter because he could afford to buy me new replacements, for all my items, including underwear. 

  

 

   Once that didn't break us up, CPS was called repeatedly to both of our homes to make several unfounded reports about mental and physical abuse, including not feeding the children a whole weekend, though we had video of them at an awards banquet dinner eating.  Then she started running off with the kids, every time their father showed up to pick them up.  Twice she's seen me out with the kids during their father's joint custody time and she's ordered the children to leave with her.  This happens and their father won't see them again for weeks.  When my fiance goes into court for her violating a court order NOTHING is done to her. Not a slap on the hand, not anything. Because ex-wives, and baby mamas have a free ticket to do whatever they want in the family courts without any consequences, especially if the father is remarried or has a girlfriend.  Everyone just assumes the new woman stole him away from his family, or that he’s a bad guy.  Let my fiancé not have the kids packed and standing on the curb when she shows up for her court allowed time.  You’d see the kids plastered on every Amber Alert in the country.   

  

 

      As we get closer and closer to the wedding date, the ex-wife is urging the kids to do more and more horrible things. Let’s see after the stolen ring,  the day after we announced our engagement to everyone, the ex-wife went up to the kid's school and told them I was not allowed to pick up the children.  So when I went to see the kids in a school play, all the female administrators were rude to me and wouldn't tell me where the auditorium was.  I had to wait in the office until my fiance came and said it was OK for me to attend.    

  

 

     This week, when we sent out the invitations, the kids supposedly confessed to their mother, that they suddenly remembered they had been brutally beaten about a year ago while visiting their father, and have the scars to prove it.    

  

 

   Has it ever occurred to any of you who ALWAYS defend the birth mother in every scenario, that some of these mothers are in fact bad people?  That they lie and use their kids as pawns to hurt their exes?  I thought my case was unusual, but every woman I know who loves a man with children can tell you the same story of Parental Alienation and the Malicious Mother Syndrome about the kid’s mother.  Yet every show we see on TV about the matter is always about the bad dad and evil step-mom.  Steps can't just step off, why?  Because just like the kids didn't choose their kindergarten teacher, or their parents, they can’t choose who their parents wish to be with.  Some things in life they have to learn to accept.  And these out of control mothers need to be stopped.  If they violate court orders they should be fined and thrown in jail as fast as we fine and throw fathers in jail.

  

 

    The sad, sick and sadistic word being whispered by me and female friends and family is that on the day of our wedding my fiancé will be arrested in his tux, when the ex-wife reports that their son is pregnant by his father.

  

 

   It’s come to this. Sad, sad, sad.

  

 

  

 

I am sorry to hear all that you have gone through, my husbands ex was very controlling and abusive, physically and mentally to my husband, and after 18 years of that he left her. I love children, and coming from an abusive childhood myself, having my stepmother hate me,  she hated me, she tole me, because she had hated my mother in high school for having my dad as her boyfriend, later husband. When my husband and I first started living together, his mother put a restraining order against me and my 8 year old daughter, when we, especially my daughter, had never even met her. So at that time, my stepson could not come over on the weekends to see his dad, because that would be near us, even though we lived together. It was horrible. And yes, it hurt when my stepson would not really bond with me, as hard as I tried, but I knew it wasn't his fault. But like I had said, it's taken time, here we are 2 years later, and he gives me hugs, and is happy to see me. But before, no matter what I did, I would offer him water, he said no thanks, then would ask his dad to get it for him. He would throw himself on the floor, this was at age 7, in a store, if he didn't get what he wanted. Found out later, that due to all the fighting in his parent's marriage, they gave him toys just to make up to him.  

Be strong, and hang in there, it will be all worth it. There will be bad times, but with those, good times too.  

Good luck! 

 
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