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Topic : 08/15 'Get Off My Back!'

Number of Replies: 50
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, August 12, 2005, 06:15:11 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 05/18/05) Dr. Phil talks to controlling, combative, outspoken guests whose loved ones want them off their back! First up, Tia demands perfection from her kids in school, music and sports. She's even picked out the perfect bride for her 14-year-old son! Her husband thinks she needs to lighten up, but will Tia ever change her ways? Then, Dr. Phil follows up with the guest who was called "the worst husband in Dr. Phil history!"  Is he still yelling at his wife to shut her "suckhole" ... or did she tell him to get lost?  Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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August 15, 2005, 2:28 pm CDT

Mike & Deanna

Congratulations Mike & Deanna. Good for you for working on your marriage instead of bailing. I will be praying for your family as you continue to work with each other instead of against each other. 

  

 
August 15, 2005, 2:31 pm CDT

Tia Get Real

Has Tia LOST HER MIND, I wouldnt want her teaching my kids
 
August 15, 2005, 2:32 pm CDT

Tia - Listen!

Quote From: acklax

I am writing this to urge Tia to listen to Dr. Phil's advice.  To many it would seem like I had a "perfect" childhood and an almost perfect life of 23 years.  Ever since I can remember I've been told that mediocrity is not acceptable ever.  I was always told that it was the first level of failure and truly believed that.  There are many things on the show that you stated that were alarmingly too close for comfort.  I took all honors courses in high school, received perfect scores on multiple finals, and even received a perfect score on the science part of the ACT's (similar to the SAT's) but never truly felt proud for my achievements. One of the reasons being that those perfect scores paled in comparison to all the attention drawn to a mere score of 90-something on another final.   I had above a 98 average graduating from high school and even took college courses (writing, textual studies, chemistry, and calculus) during my senior year at a "big east" university. I was co-captain of three varsity sports teams and was also vice-president of both National Honor Society and Student Goverment Association, while also being voted onto prom court and homecoming court.  I applied to over fifteen colleges, all of which I was admitted, with the exception of my top choice, Dartmouth.  I chose to attend a very prestigious small new england college with the intent to major in chemistry to pursue a career in biomedical engineering.  My life was all planned out and seemed perfect.  What little knew was that I truly wasn't happy with myself, nor my achievements, always feeling that I wasn't living up to my parents expectations.  I went away to school at the age of eighteen and with the responsibility of being free, I failed miserably.  I drank too much, never studied, and shopped too much.  I was ultimately asked to leave the school.  I then came home and have been in the same rut for the past four years, working as a nanny, living with my parents, and attending school at a local community college where i've only had one successful semester.  It's hard to love yourself when you do well by most standards but feel like you don't make your parents happy but it's even harder to love yourself when you fail.  I have the mentality now that it's better to fail (since you're kind of succeeding in doing poorly) than being mediocre.  I'm writing this to you and to others to stress that you think you're doing the best for your children, urging them to do everything amazingly well, however you're hurting them.  I know my parents raised me the way they did since they love me so much but most of the time that's hard to realize since I hate myself for even tiny things going wrong.  I hope that you can take a step back and look at yourself and realize that your kids are wonderful and that the best they can do is the best for you, that doesn't always mean 100%.  Perfection is all subjective and impossible to achieve.  Two months ago I attempted suicide and am slowly now getting my life back on track.  I have to constantly remind myself that I'm okay the way I am and that I don't have to be perfect.  Please reconsider the way you're parenting so that ten years from now your kids you love so much aren't in my shoes. 

Tia, you ARE  my Mother!! I was always expected to be perfect. And Lord knows, I wasn't! I was not allowed to decorate my room in a "teen- age style" - it didn't look like House and Gardens. I was not allowed to make any choices - my Mom picked what I was to wear until I was in high school. If my Mom didn't like my friends, I was not allowed to see them. (One of them grew up to be governor of the state) If I did not make all "A's" my Mom would cry - I felt like a worm.  

You know what I did? Because I could not live up to her expectations, I said, "what the heck...." I quit school at 17 and got married - to a man that took over where my Mom left off - assurring me that I was never good enough. 

It has been a hard lesson to learn -- I always said said I did not grow up until I was 30 - But I am now a nurse manager - married to a wonderful man. 

My Mom is now 80 and I love her very much and we have talked about how controling she was and she said, "I just wanted the best for you. I was just doing what I thought was right."    

Tia, you are a very intelligent woman - I know you will do the right thing. You have a beautiful family.  

 
August 15, 2005, 2:52 pm CDT

Good job

Mike and Deanna, you did an amazing turn around.  You can be very proud of yourselves.  Mike, instead of being a woman's worst nightmare, now you are a woman's dream.  Congratulations on being man enough to change and accept Dr. P's help.  I think you brought up a very good point, that domination and control comes about inch by inch, piece by piece, and before you know it, you are  in a rut going in the wrong direction.  Please continue listening to each other and putting the other person first.
 
August 15, 2005, 3:05 pm CDT

Mike and Deanne

What you both did took a lot of courage and hope, but it sure paid off for you. You looked like a totally different couple in facial expression and body language than when I first saw ya'll. You both looked like you were beaming with the inner glow of happiness. Congratulations for sticking it out and putting in the thought and work it takes to make a truly happy union. Keep up the good work! 

  

B. McGuire 

Just Another Texan in Your Corner 

 
August 15, 2005, 3:12 pm CDT

Mike & Deanna

Must admit that I was one of those people who thought there was no hope for Mike & Deanna.  Thank goodness Dr. Phil is so much smarter than me and could see that there was something good under that hard shell Mike was wearing.  I grew up with a father much like Mike used to be, and so it was hard to watch the first show.  I'm so glad to know that some people are willing to take a difficult look within and make changes which affect their family so profoundly.  Congratulations Mike!!!
 
August 15, 2005, 3:19 pm CDT

Mike, can you help change my fiancee?

Mike, I was glad to hear how you change. Unfortunately, I did miss the first half of the show because I was not home from work yet. I would love for you to come help my fiancee. He is driving me nuts. I am ready to call it quiets! Better to know now than when it is too late.
 
August 15, 2005, 3:45 pm CDT

Yaaaaaaaaaaay Mike and Deanna!!!!

I'm glad Mike has realized what is important in his life, and got his priorities in order.  Mike needs to work on how he feels about himself as well.  I've usually seen people who put others down have low self esteem and low self worth.  I live w/ someone like that.  For Deanna I'm sure it's a great feeling to know you have the man that you knew Mike was and could be.   I, unfortunatley, will not have that, because the one I'm with doesn't want to step up to the plate and help fix us.   He's not the man I thought he was, (that I've seen in the beginning), and it's a shame we won't be spending "forever" together.    

  

Congrats to Mike and Deanna.  

 
August 15, 2005, 3:56 pm CDT

Tia

I hope Tia really takes Dr. Phil's advice into serious consideration.  My father was also very strict on me and my brother, although in different ways.  School was came easy to me and if I received an A- on a report card he would ask what the minus was doing there.  My brother struggled in school, but because he was a boy he had his own set of experiences with our dad.  Dr. Phil stated that Tia's son may get to where he knows he cannot do good enough so he does not try at all.  That is what happened to me.  My brother says he is glad that Dad was so strict because it made him try harder, but I reacted just the opposite.  I am now 41 years old and I still struggle with self esteem and motivation issues and I am not sure how to change.  I hate trying to make decisions for myself because I was never allowed to and therefore never learned how as a child.  I make my younger sisters go with me when I buy clothes for myself (which is not very often) because I can never decide and am always searching for approval somewhere else.  I went away to college at age 17 and lasted 2 1/2 years because I could not handle the freedom.  Often I 'zone out' by reading a book or playing trivial games on the computer.  My housework suffers, my children suffer and most of all, I suffer.  The relationships I have had usually end badly, partly because of the type of man I seem to attract, probably because of my poor self esteem.  The worst part is I know what is wrong, but do not know or am do not have the confidence to fix it.  I agree with Dr. Phil in saying that Tia just wants the best for her children, just as my dad wanted the best for me.  I hope Tia can find some other way to work with her children and achieve the results she desires, without dampening their spirit.  And if there is anyone that has advice for me, I will be glad to hear it. 
 
August 15, 2005, 4:09 pm CDT

deanna

Deanna, I was alittle surprised that you thought people were alittle hard on Mike after the first show! I really hope that Dr. Phil talked to you about your selfesteem. On a positive note Mike, you should be very proud of yourself for the progress you have made. Please always remember what Robin said to you. As an ex-wife, I can honestly say, that it is the most important thing in the world to a woman. Good-luck to you both! Debbie
 
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