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Topic : 08/15 'Get Off My Back!'

Number of Replies: 50
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Friday, August 12, 2005, 06:15:11 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 05/18/05) Dr. Phil talks to controlling, combative, outspoken guests whose loved ones want them off their back! First up, Tia demands perfection from her kids in school, music and sports. She's even picked out the perfect bride for her 14-year-old son! Her husband thinks she needs to lighten up, but will Tia ever change her ways? Then, Dr. Phil follows up with the guest who was called "the worst husband in Dr. Phil history!"  Is he still yelling at his wife to shut her "suckhole" ... or did she tell him to get lost?  Talk about the show here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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August 15, 2005, 4:13 pm CDT

Well Done!

Boy oh boy Mike - I cried my eyes out!  Tears of joy for you and your family and how you were able to OPEN your mind to the wonderful possibilities of a happy life.  YOU DID IT....you opened up.  Keep up the good work.  And you Dr. Phil, you did it again...... 

P.S. Deanna is to be commended on her persistence with Mike, and in what is right. 

 
August 15, 2005, 4:20 pm CDT

Definately Glad For My Mom

I was really surprised with Tia on the show today and how strict she is with her kids. If that were my mom I would have called it quits and just given up because I would always feel ashamed. How could she tell her kids that they're not doing a good enough job when she hasn't done anything herself? The only reason Tia is putting so much pressure on her kids is because she is far from perfect and everything that SHE FAILED HERSELF...she's trying to almost win it back through her kids. Her children are not trophies, they're people -- and I feel really bad for her kids. I hope she changes for the better...otherwise her kids will rebel so bad she'll hate herself even more!
 
August 15, 2005, 4:24 pm CDT

Tia!

You have SUCH a great personality - I just hope you will really think about what Dr. Phil said to you and realize the toxicity of what you are doing to your children.  You have all the potential of a wonderful parent and I am sending good thoughts that you can stop your mother's cycle and as Dr. Phil said, 'evolve' into this very good, but not perfect parent.  (honestly, I think perfection is over-rated).  You have so much - a good job - great kids - not to mention a husband who obviously loves you.  Enjoy your life, but not at the expense of your family.....
 
August 15, 2005, 4:28 pm CDT

Re: Getting off my back

Quote From: pwilli1

Tia, you ARE  my Mother!! I was always expected to be perfect. And Lord knows, I wasn't! I was not allowed to decorate my room in a "teen- age style" - it didn't look like House and Gardens. I was not allowed to make any choices - my Mom picked what I was to wear until I was in high school. If my Mom didn't like my friends, I was not allowed to see them. (One of them grew up to be governor of the state) If I did not make all "A's" my Mom would cry - I felt like a worm.  

You know what I did? Because I could not live up to her expectations, I said, "what the heck...." I quit school at 17 and got married - to a man that took over where my Mom left off - assurring me that I was never good enough. 

It has been a hard lesson to learn -- I always said said I did not grow up until I was 30 - But I am now a nurse manager - married to a wonderful man. 

My Mom is now 80 and I love her very much and we have talked about how controling she was and she said, "I just wanted the best for you. I was just doing what I thought was right."    

Tia, you are a very intelligent woman - I know you will do the right thing. You have a beautiful family.  

   

   Dr. Phil,  

  

      I was watching the update today 8/15, and Im a young woman who was married several years ago, to a man very similiar to the one who was shown today, and shown previously on your show with his wife. I lived the way she did for many years. She defended him and his ways, out of complete fear. Even on your previous show, she backed him, and you told her so. I was there once. I was so afraid to speak up and defend myself for fear of what could happen to me afterwards. Im glad to hear that they seperated for a few weeks, and to have him work on himself. My concern for her is that I was so manipulated (as I was going through counseling with many pastors) as he was saying he was going to change and he did alot of what this man was saying and doing in order to gain his wife back, and to look good again, after being confronted in love, and by so many others. He felt his image was bruised and that bothered him so much, that he looked as if he wanted to change, and presented a picture that really made so many believe in him and took a chance with him that he was on his way from changing, and being the "man" that he wanted to be to his wife. The whole act, was to make himself "shine" again, and then make the women the person who was the problem after he looked good for a temporary period of time to get the spotlight off of him.  

  

I am a daughter of a pastor, and I endured so much just like the woman on your show. After periods of counseling, and seperation, he wanted back, and he made so many believe he was on the beginning of a wonderful changed person. We were all manipulated. Deep down inside he was ashamed and angry for being examined and confronted and I was the one who took the brunt of his anger.  

  

Unfortunately, we were divorced after experiencing such mental and verbal abuse, and physical. Pastors came forward, and said how manipulated they were by the act that was portrayed by the man who claimed to be on his way to changing, and wanting to be less of a control freak, and wanting to be this incredibly and wonderful husband. Just like described on your show.  

  

My concern is for her. I pray with all hope, that he is for "real". She seems to be a wonderful person, im sure with her own set of flaws, but my concern comes in with, what happens after the lights of tv, and confrontation are over, who will know what is really happening behind close doors.  

Is he in counseling? Men like these don't change, until they are truly broken inside, and really are desperate for healing, and are willing to stay seperated until there is truly a period of timely change.  

  

Who is concerned enough to keep tabs on updates re: this situation? I know he probobly loves his wife and his little boy, but is it genuine? Has it been proven over time? Is she living in any kind of fear? Is he manipulating even those to prove he is a changed man? Men who are confronted in love, sometimes, are out to make themselves look better again, and begin the slow process of degrading the soul of their mate again, and put so much fear in them, that they are afraid ever again to speak the truth. 

  

I lived that way. But through years of healing and counseling, Im learning to use my voice, and speak my heart in love, and I hope thats what Im doing now.  

  

 
August 15, 2005, 4:46 pm CDT

NEVER good enough

Quote From: pancakeone

Has Tia LOST HER MIND, I wouldnt want her teaching my kids

Tia, 

I am 52 years old. And I was NEVER good enough for my mother. I got A's and B's in school. Not good enough for her. I was the first child to graduate from hight school. No matter what I did in life it just was never good enough. I married my first husband to escape her abuse. That really was a mistake. I remarried later on.  Which wasn't a mistake. No matter what she thought or said!! 

I joined the Latter day Saint Church.... that was wrong... heck I couldn't even get epilespy right. She told me that if I wasnt' having grand mal seizures I was NOT epileptic ( even after I was diagnosed by a neurosurgeon) I tried all my life to please her. Never, ever did.   I lived for the day that something I would do would please her and make her see me as a good, decent, moral and loving daughter. I loved her so much.  She is dead now, and sometimes I still feel the pain that I suffered at her hands and her emotional abuse. Our whole family was so disfunctional because of her abuse.  

I finally decided that I really was okay with me and my life. I have lived a good life for myself, my husband and my children and my granddaughters.  And I refuse to let my children and grandchildren to ever ever feel " NOT GOOD ENOUGH"!! 

 
August 15, 2005, 5:07 pm CDT

my thoughts

I just wanted to say, for the mother on todays show, I feel like all parents want their children to be sucessful they also would like their children to be perfect but in reality noone is perfect. Her expectations were to high for herself or any human for that matter! Her intent was good but i agree with dr phil  it was hurting her kids. there is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your children but you have to let them be their self. arranged marriages are for the stoneage!!! As for the husband  I am proud that he changed and good luck to you and your wife I wish all problems could be sovled by both taking the initiative to change for the better!!! have a good day all!!!
 
August 15, 2005, 5:14 pm CDT

Tia - She's not

Tia, while I do have to agree with what Dr. Phil told you on today's show I don't think that the driving force behind your parenting skills are "that" wrong. Parents should expect a lot from their kids, more than what I see in most cases of people I know. I am not a parent, but I have raised several kids that I babysat for during high school and college, while their parents worked. I am a very active Aunt and am very involved in the lives of my nieces and nephew. I want to be a mother very much and hope one day that my dream of motherhood comes true. The scariest thing to me about that has to be that I don't think "we" as a nation ask enough of "our" children. I am a career person now and am very frightened of how I see the world now vs. when I was growing up with dreams of becoming a mother. Now that I have been in the workforce, specifically in the technology industry it is very scary that so many jobs are being outsourced overseas. The reason for this is not only that the work is cheaper, but underneath all of that - the countries we are outsourcing to, expect a lot of their children. Asia and India in particular. I know many Asian and Indian people, I work with them on a daily basis here in the U.S. and overseas. They are very loving people and family comes first to those folks I know. However, they do not raise "lazy" kids. They teach their kids to have pride in what they do, to work hard, find what they love to do and focus on reaching that goal. 

  

While I don't think that being an overbearing "perfectionist" seeking parenting style is ideal, I wish that more parents at least had some of the vision that you have in seeking "more" from your children and I'm sure as a teacher - from the kids in your classroom. Take the drive that you have for perfection and turn it into a positive driving force for your kids and the kids you teach - help them find what they are passionate about, help them envision how to make that possible for "them" (not you) and hope that by doing that, you not only improve their lives, but this country as a whole. And, leave your kids love llife to them...... 

 
August 15, 2005, 5:16 pm CDT

Failing Dictatorship?

Fidel Castro would be proud of you. Just like you he claims all is great on his island paradise. "Yeah I'm fun?" Yet his people flee any chance they get. Dont let the fate of iron fisted dictators be yours.
 
August 15, 2005, 6:09 pm CDT

Good Job Mike

Good Job Mike for looking at what real matters in your family. I need to admit I didn't see you earlier show and maybe this was a good thing because I would of call you a jerk and someone who does not love his family. I know how hard it is to look in that mirrior and want to like that person you see looking back at you and Im sure you do now. Great job and keep up the good work and most of all keep Loving your family.
 
August 15, 2005, 6:34 pm CDT

mike...awesome!

To be able to change for the positive.....to break the cycle of generations, to unite his family...awesome!  

Tia I am sure will do what is best for her son. Dr Phils words were right on (as usual) and I am sure she saw that. It was obvious she is a loving mother and wants to change. 

Great show! 

 
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