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Topic : 08/16 Bullies

Number of Replies: 127
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Created on : Friday, August 12, 2005, 06:18:21 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 04/19/05) They're not just lurking on the schoolgrounds. Now, bullies can come into your home and torture your children over e-mail, instant messages and other Web forums. It's an epidemic that has kids withdrawing socially, dropping out of school, and in some cases, tragically taking their own lives. Dr. Phil and his son Jay talk to two teens who can't escape the intimidation and abuse. Then, pop star Clay Aiken, who was picked on as a child, shares how he got the bullying to stop. Share your thoughts here.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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August 16, 2005, 2:07 pm CDT

Responsibility

Why is that the parents of these students (and the schools too) who are bullying are not being held responsible for their children's actions?  It starts at home...all of it.  It is their responsibility to teach their child what is right and wrong and by allowing and even advocating for their child to have the right to treat others this way, they are telling their children that its OK to tear someone else down so they can feel built up.  Maybe if we held the parents and schools criminally responsible these things would stop.  Either way something has to happen soon...it is not OK to loose even one more child over this issue. 

  

As for you Tess...keep your head up and know that every-time one of those small minded, insecure girls writes something bad about you on the Internet that you are better than that.  Ignoring a bully can sometimes be the most effective route.  If they aren't getting the response that they want, and obviously need, they will move on.  You are an intelligent, funny and beautiful young lady and should be proud of what you accomplished on this show.  You have spoken for millions of other young adults in this country who could not speak for themselves.  Way to go!!! 

 
August 16, 2005, 2:08 pm CDT

that is very sweet

Quote From: rm35402003

I was bullied in school as a child but not to this extent. The thing is I have a lot of issues that still haunt me to this day.  This kind of thing needs to be stopped by parents as well as school officials.  And for the children who appeared on the show keep your chin up and realize these people are small and they do this to make themselves feel better about who they are.

Jen, I read your post and I had thought of doing the same thing.  Although i'm not a teenager and it probably wouldn't much fun talking to a 33 year old.  But I just wanted to tell you that I thought it was very sweet of you to befriend Tess like that.  I'm sure she could use a good friend. 

  

Heather 

 
August 16, 2005, 2:08 pm CDT

my thoughts on bullies

Quote From: krissy

I really appreciate this show.  I have a son going into second grade.  Towards the end of his first grade year, my son and some of his friends were playing a game called master and commander.  From my understanding it is kind of like king of the hill except it is played on the slide playground equipment.  Well, my son was the "master"  if you don't make it up the slide, you are "fired"  so you no longer get to try to go up the slide.  The little first grade boy that he "fired" apparently did not like that so, he walked all the way across the playground probably 200 feet or more and grabbed two other boys and a girl.  These kids walked back across the playground and held my son down on the ground while the little boy who got "fired" kicked him in the sides and another child was punching him.   The other two held his hands and feet.  I now believe that it is time to teach my son to fight back.  I may be wrong but, I will not tolerate this happening to him again without a fight.  One good punch in the nose and I believe that the bullies will get the picture. 
I have seen this show before and I just got more angry watching it again.  My son who is 14 yrs old now gets picked on at school as well.  Not so much anymore that I brought it to the schools attention and I myself have talked to the parents of these kids. The school that my son attends has a NO TOLERANCE POLICY and they make it stick.  If the harrassment goes on while at home and away from school the school will contact the police department and the police will then pay the bullies a visit at their homes, give them first a verbal warning and then if the harrassment does not stop you will be arrested! I think that is wonderful.  I for one WILL NOT tolerate my child being harrassed nor will I encourage him to fight back because that does not solve the problem.  Punching someone in the nose because they are picking on you makes you no better then they are. I will bug whomever I have to as many times as I have to to be heard that my son is being harrassed and I will NOT stop until something is done to those who do this crap.  It outrages me that kids today are doing this childish crap and the parents of these children feel no responsiblity for raising these monsters.  God will deal with these people when the time comes.  I was bullied in school as well and I didnt realize it then but those people who made fun of me dont matter now anyways.  Let people think whatever they want about you, they arent the ones who have to live your life and make your life what you want it to be YOU have to do that yourself.  You can never make anyone happy unless you are happy with yourself.  I am so angry that these kids brought someone so much pain that these children had to take their own lives and have to quit school because some kids have to be so cruel.  I am more angered that NOTHING is being done to theses children or to their parents.  SOMETHING has to be done to stop this and I for one wish there was something I could do to help you parents out there whose children are being bullied.  If anyone wishes to talk or just have someone listen..give me a holler.  I will help anyway that I can
 
August 16, 2005, 2:15 pm CDT

my thoughts

Quote From: kds8465

I have a 16 and 12 year old boys. Both have been bullied in school, my 12 year old lets the kids know he will not have it and lets teachers and principal know. My 16 is different he is 6'1 and is a big boy. Last year he was having problem's with some boys at school and told me he was trying to handle it on his own. I thought  it was under control until he called my husband one day and was hysterical (he was on his cell phone) 7 boys has detained him to let him know he was never going to see his parents again after school and he got away and they followed him. He was grabbed again and they told him he will not go home ever again. A principal walked by and did nothing , the kids let go and he called us. I was at the school within 3 min, the vice-principal said I really don't have time for this and she was told to make time.  My son has never been in trouble in school and was known by the staff as a very polite boy. I told them I wanted something done, the boys had admited to doing this, I was told by the vice principal they really aren't bad kids and they should not be punished. I took my son out of school for 2 weeks and made a big stink and the kids were punished. They did not want dto punish these boys due to the fact they were football players, this is wrong. I f these were good kids they would not have to gang up as a group of seven to attack someone. This was all over the fact that my son would not acknowledge to fight them. I want kids to be held accounatable for there actions, I do know 2 of these boys parents were very shocked and made there boys apologize to him. My son know we will not tolerate bullies and I will fight with every breath I have. We I drop them off at school, I want to know there safe and I will see them again. Thank you for doing the show, both of my boys watched and had alot of good comments.
I DONT GIVE A RATS YOU KNOW WHAT IF THIS KIDS WERE FOOTBALL PLAYERS, BASEBALL PLAYERS, SONS OF LAWYERS, DOCTORS OR MULTIMILLIONAIRES KIDS IT IS NEVER OK FOR KIDS TO GANG UP ON ANOTHER KID AND THREATEN THEIR LIVES. I WOULD HAVE WENT TO THEIR HOUSES AND HAD MY OWN DISCUSSION WITH THOSE CHILDREN AND I WOULD HAVE MADE A HUGE STINK ABOUT IT AS WELL.  THAT PRINCIPAL SHOULD NEVER BE ALLOWED TO WORK IN ANOTHER SCHOOL AGAIN AND SHOULD BE BROUGHT UP ON CHARGES RIGHT ALONG WITH THOSE BOYS..HE IS AN ACCOMPLISH IF YOU ASK ME..BY THE WAY IN MY LAST POST I DIDNT PUT MY EMAIL ADDRESS FOR ANYONE IF THEY WISHED TO TALK...IT IS HOWLN4DA8N9@AOL.COM AND MY NAME IS SUSIE.
 
August 16, 2005, 2:18 pm CDT

08/16 Bullies

I just saw this show recently when it was on re-run. I was bullied very badly in middle school and high school. The worst happened in middle school. I was pushed to the brink of suicide but never acted on that. I kept the situation to myself for the most part because early on I asked a teacher in the class that it was a problem to help and he basically told me that it was my fault that they were doing that and I should just take what I deserved. I don't remember a lot of individual instances any more but I do remember what happened. My mother did know I was being bullied but not to the extent that it was. I did tell her everything I could last year after graduation. She made the coment that if she had known she would have done something to stop it, even if it meant going to court (if would have). I told her that I believed that that would have made things worse I didn't think I could have handled that. I was barely able to take what was going on then. I was lucky in high school that it let up some and I even confronted one of my tormentors towards the end of our senior year.  

  

The advice I would like to pass on is that you should try not to be isolated socially. Get involved with something like horseback riding or art classes at a local community center or college. Personally I dove into books. I can tell you the plot of any book I read in the 5 years that were the worst. I don't recomend this as much as another activity because I now tend to read more than socialize. But reading was my escape. It took me into another world that I could go to where they could not be. To this day I think that my imagination is more active then most people because it was my safe haven. If you can find a place where you are safe (at least in your mind at most) it does help get through the hard times. Now that I'm removed more from my classmates I have started to heal the wounds and am trying to decide the best way to help other children with this. I know what it is like feeling alone in that awful mess and I want to at least help some children find a sheild of some sort to use to make it easier until we find a way to stop the bullies. Any suggestions would be welcome. chaspock@yahoo.com  

 
August 16, 2005, 2:22 pm CDT

It seems to me that....

    Some schools take a no tolerence policy,but don't follow up on it. My daughter's school says it does but never have I seen it in action. Both of my daughter's have been bullied out of the school they were attending,and I did everything right...went to the teacher,administrator,etc. The teacher said deal with it, the administrator did conflict resolution,then told me that the child in question has a rough homelife(excuse me that doesn't give the right to bully),sorry that is an excuse and only an excuse. 

    My dh was watching today and he was so upset with the bullies. He commended Dr. Phil on putting it on the parents of the bullies. It is up to the parents to be parents. That to me is why alot of the children who bully are being like this they want thier parents to step up and put boundries up.   

     We have taught our daughters to find thier passion and be proud of it, all it has gotten them is bullied. Although they still have thier passions, our youngest is to be a missionary,she is very outgoing cause I knew what was going on and tried to stop it alas to know avail,our teen is writting,she use to be very out going,but has since gotten very quiet and suffers from depression,they were both bullied out of school. 

   Thank you  

 
August 16, 2005, 2:23 pm CDT

For Mark

I know this is a re-run but it's the first time I saw it and I'm so glad I did.  

  

Mark, I was so touched by your story. You are a very genuine real young man and your good heart came right through the TV. Your brave and couragous and I'm hoping Dr.Phil and Jay will follow up with you and keep their promise to make these mean people stop at any cost. You do not deserve it and you did nothing absolutely nothing to instigate this. These are just people who are very insecure and lost in who they are and so they take out their own inner frustration on others. Be strong. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story. It inspired me. Your pure sensitive heart is an incredibly wonderful thing. Be proud of that.  

  

  

  

  

 
August 16, 2005, 2:25 pm CDT

Zero Tolerance Policies

Quote From: mekm31

Why is that the parents of these students (and the schools too) who are bullying are not being held responsible for their children's actions?  It starts at home...all of it.  It is their responsibility to teach their child what is right and wrong and by allowing and even advocating for their child to have the right to treat others this way, they are telling their children that its OK to tear someone else down so they can feel built up.  Maybe if we held the parents and schools criminally responsible these things would stop.  Either way something has to happen soon...it is not OK to loose even one more child over this issue. 

  

As for you Tess...keep your head up and know that every-time one of those small minded, insecure girls writes something bad about you on the Internet that you are better than that.  Ignoring a bully can sometimes be the most effective route.  If they aren't getting the response that they want, and obviously need, they will move on.  You are an intelligent, funny and beautiful young lady and should be proud of what you accomplished on this show.  You have spoken for millions of other young adults in this country who could not speak for themselves.  Way to go!!! 

Almost every school district I know of has some kind of bullying policy - ours is called "Aim to be Bully-Free" - and like someone on one of these messages said, they are just words on paper to appease some school board somewhere.  Almost everyone you talk to has a story and not much ever changes. 

As for holding parents and children accountable - here is my story - I am 49 years old and worked as a coach in our school district for 17 years.  At the end of the 2004  school year, I was made aware by an anonymous tip about an internet sight called "Xanga" - it is a journal type thing and you do not need a password or need to be a member to read the entries.  People create their own sites and if you know their site name, you can read their journal.  Like I said, I received an anonymous email directing me to one of these websites and what I read was shocking to me.  A student I had coached for years was posting some very disturbing things about me and my family.  She was also involved in some sort of feud with another girl at the school and was using some of the foulest language I had ever read in these posts and was threatening physical violence against this other girl. 

Shocked is a mild way to describe what I felt, I think. 

I went to school with this girl's mother and left her a phone message and sent her an email saying I needed to speak with her.   When I hadn't heard from the mother by the 4th or 5th day, I sent an email to the student - confronting her about what I had read and telling her how upset I was to learn how she really felt about me.   Well, guess who was found to be in the wrong by the school board? 

That's right - the father called me when his daughter got my email and told me his child, at 15, is not responsible for anything she writes, says, or does.  He also told me that I was just as responsible as she was for what she wrote because my rules are too strict.  He said he would rather she not use such foul language, but they all talk that way.  Unbelievable, right?  He told me he had every intention of using this against me and he, his wife and daughter wrote letters and contacted the school board - the result?  I resigned from a position I loved and excelled at even though parents and students in our community circulated petitions and appeared at school board meetings on my behalf to ask the school board not to accept my resignation.   It was all pointless - they sided with this student and her parents - oh, and the student erased my phone message and deleted my email to her mother. 

 
August 16, 2005, 2:28 pm CDT

thank you thank you thank you

I would just like to thank all the other kids out there that are stepping up and being mature and loving people and giving Tess and Mark their screen names and email addresses.  I think that will help them out so much just knowing that there are kids their own age who do want to be their friends.  They are great kids, both of them. 

You guys are great!  We need more people like you out in this crazy world we all live in and it'd be a much better place to live in. 

  

Heather  

 
August 16, 2005, 2:52 pm CDT

To Tess And < Mark

Hey guys my name is Ashley i am 16 from Canada and i am writing to you guys because i no exactly what you guys are going through i am going through the same things as you guys are now. you guys arent alone and with saying that i want to talk to u both sum more so if you can both email me at miss_mead_1989@yahoo.com and we can talk about all this  that u guys are going though alright 

I am here for you guys thanks!!!!!!! 

 
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