Topic : 08/16 Bullies

I had an sort of opposite experience concerning stalking. Here is my story: 

I had a friend that I was semi-close with-- we ate lunch together during high school and we both belonged to The French Club. She and I were on good terms. I graduated in 2002. I went on to college and when I came back for Christmas 2003 she requested that I help her with a French Club Newsletter. I wrote an article about what it is like being a French Major at college. She asked that I write another article which I did right before going back to school. Our contact was minimal (phone calls I believe) until September of 2004.  

This friend graduated in 2004 from my alma-mater. I was informed by a mutual friend of ours that "Danielle" might be attending my university. I figured I would send her an email and offer to go out for coffee to catch up. I also hoped to show her around campus (our campus is the biggest in the country!) so that she didn't feel so intimidated when she arrived. It is always nice to have a friend at college, you know? 

So I sent her an email and recieved an email from Danielle's parents (it was sort of odd because the timestamp said 3am and I don't know any parents who work during the week to be up at that hour) saying that I was a horrible, toxic, and indecent person who had done nothing but try to control their daughter in high school and that she wanted nothing to do with me. I was hateful and caused their daughter to seek mental counseling etc. I should seek mental help and that I should remove her email from my address book. 

Well, naturally I was very upset to recieve this sort of email merely because I believed that we had been on good terms despite our lack of regular conversations. So, I simply decided that this situation was bizarre and out of my league and decided to let it go. Sometimes the best medicine for friendship is to let it die a peaceful death.  

I went off to live my dream of Studying Abroad in Paris, France for the Spring semester 2005. (This is where things start to get really weird) I recieved an email from my dean of students at my home university. They were opening an investigation into cyberstalking and email bullying due to complaints about me! So I contacted my parents in the US and explained the situation. I needed representation so my dad (a former lawyer turned prof) offered to make contact with Danielle's mother Jeanne.  

The phone calls that he relayed to me were very bizarre. Basically I was supposed to have an obsession with Danielle, full of rage and hatred and doing my best to terrorize her via hateful emails and death threats. To this day I have no idea what brought this whole ordeal on. The last time I checked Danielle and I were friends-- so these charges seemed to rise up out of no-where.  

I came to find out that Danielle's parent's had filed the complaint not only with my Home University but also the American University of Paris. I was called for an RDV (Rendezvous) with the Dean of Students at The American University of Paris. Both Deans came to the conclusion that the situation was quite reversed and that both mother and daughter had a bizarre fixation upon me. They wanted to make as many people that I knew aware of what I was allegedly doing to them. Neither of the deans wanted to pursue the matter further and offered to help me in the future if the bullying and false accusations persisted.  

I got emails from friends saying that mother and daughter were coming into their work places to talk to them. Both women were demanding to know when I would return to France, where I was working and whether or not I was telling them what I was doing or they were in on the plot. They were able to obtain my contact information and my overseas address  due to the student directory at my home university.  

Flash forward to June 2005. I return from my wonderful experience abroad with a 4.0 at The Sorbonne University IV, and two very nice scholarships. I started recieving ugly and threatening posts (I was going to jail and I was sick etc. etc.) on my Xanga website. I also was recieving at least 25-50 hangup phone calls at my temporary job where I worked for the summer. I was beginning to believe that I was being followed and these ladies went so far as to post a "cease and desist" note to my mother's apt door! 

Since then I have re-located (temporarily) out of state with my parents and am still recieving cease and desist emails and accusations that I am mentally unstable. I wanted nothing more than to be friends and help Danielle out when she needed me. I have many good friends of over 8 years from growing up.  

My best friend and I have known each other almost 14 years! As of now I am finding it hard to meet new people and keep the sense of my open-ness that I had before this whole ordeal came to pass. I find myself being very selective in my new friendships. I am still worried that Danielle and her mother will attempt to get me kicked out of University again this year.  

They want nothing to do with me, but I don't understand why they feel the need to follow and harass me with accusations that I have an obsession with them.  

I wanted to tell this story so that everyone knows that there is always another side and perspective to any bullying and/or stalking claim. I believe that some children tell their parents horrible things (what Danielle has told her mother about me and our relationship I have no idea) about friends and what they are supposedly doing to them or have done in the past. I think you should always try to discuss the matter with a parent of the accused child prior to just believing everything your child says.  

If anything, if the child abusing your son or daughter is a friend (or thought to be) take it up with child in person. Odds are there is something else going on. While I fully support listening and believing your children-- I would also advocate getting the whole story before rushing to your child's defense without considering other options.  

My mother did a very severe interrogation of me when I got home and asked me if I was cyberstalking and sending the emails that I am supposed to have sent. I can say with all honesty that I have my goals set and my friendships and family relationships to sustain me and I have no reason to go around sending death threats and horrible emails to someone I was friends with back in high school.   

Both of my parents tried to talk to Jeanne to get the whole story and work something out. We have only recieved ranting and raving about "cease and desist" and something to the effect of "your daughter is crying out for help it seems, I feel so bad for her she must be having a horrible time [in paris".  

So please, parents of bullied, harassed or stalked children-- remember that there is always another side to the story and it is best to gather all the facts before accusing anyone.  

Please let me know what you think. I welcome any comments or suggestions. I hope this helps or at least gives ya'll something to think about.