I understand that a lot of people have a hard time believing that they, themselves, have a hand a the continuation of the treatment they are recieving in school. Yes, I will conceed that there are bullies that pick on others because they are mean. However, I think it is completely and will-fully naive to say that there aren't some kids that bring such treatment upon themselves.
EXAMPLE: I have a friend who is still in high school. She is pretty, smart, and warm. Her only major problem in school? She is bullied. So, I walk her to school every day when I am home for Christmas break (I am in college). Sometimes we encounter the kids that feel the need to be ugly to her. Well, I have witnessed first hand that some kids say things that just end up getting them in more trouble with their abusers. They yell things, and tell the kids that are hurting them that they are better than they are. I understand that this is their method of fighting back, and not feeling like a victim. When school officials won't listen, and sometimes parents don't listen, retaliations like this only serve to add fuel to the bully's fire. I don't think that kids should live in fear and run around like scared little mice, but they should only utter the words, "leave me alone" and if the situation continues (physical threat etc.) then the victim should do something that works for most kids that I've talked to.
Kids today have this love affair with cell phones. Kids as early as 5th grade have them to communicate with their family etc. Simply pull out your cell phone and threaten to call 911. You don't have to actually do it, but you can dial it and show them the window if they persist. It also isn't a bad idea to carry a siren alarm before or after school. Should anyone try to assault you-- you can set it off and it will release a shrill siren that can be heard from very far away. If you are worried that your child is going to be attacked then it is a good idea to invest in this simple device.
However, it is becoming more frequent with situations that I have been mentoring and monitoring with my own after school programs have usually evolved from a dispute involving one child openly proclaiming their superiority to another. The person then feels like they are being looked down upon and resort to bullying. It isn't RIGHT, I realize this, but it is a reality.
I think that it is high time that we all get out of this fantasy world of what is right and wrong...what people SHOULD be doing as opposed to what is actually happening. To imply that every victim of a bully is completely innocent doesn't make sense logically. Believe it or not there have been instances when the victim has offended the bullies and it isn't fair to say that their slate is completely clean 100% of the time. That is an assumption that the victim is perfect. We all know that we are not perfect, our children aren't perfect, the world is not perfect.
BULLYING IS NEVER AN ACCEPTABLE ANSWER TO ANY INSULT. However, it isn't fair to simply assume that the person who is doing the bullying hasn't been harmed, insulted, offended or abused by the victim prior to the acts in question. It doesn't excuse the behavior but it does offer a motive.
Bullies must still answer for their crimes, but I think that education in treating people better would benefit everyone. The bullying is a learned behavior. A reaction to mistreatment-- either by another person or the victim that the bully is pursuing.
Lets all try to be logical and equal here: there is a huge grey area (I have seen it in my mentoring programs as I have said) between assigning 100% blame to the bully and 100% innocence to the victim. Usually there are instances of enough guilt to go around. The bully must answer for his/her crimes, but the victim should also examine their actions and see if there is something they might have done or said to set things in motion.
(Original air date 04/19/05) They're not just lurking on the schoolgrounds. Now, bullies can come into your home and torture your children over e-mail, instant messages and other Web forums. It's an epidemic that has kids withdrawing socially, dropping out of school, and in some cases, tragically taking their own lives. Dr. Phil and his son Jay talk to two teens who can't escape the intimidation and abuse. Then, pop star Clay Aiken, who was picked on as a child, shares how he got the bullying to stop. Share your thoughts here.
