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Topic : 08/17 Secrets in the Suburbs

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Created on : Friday, August 12, 2005, 06:22:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 04/06/05) So what's really going on inside your neighbor's home? Dan and Teresa's 17-year-old son is about to be released from treatment for molesting their two younger children. Should they allow him back into their home, and do the neighbors have a right to know? Then, Stephanie was brutally raped when she was 17 -- a secret that has been taking a toll on her marriage and family. Now she's ready to break her silence and reclaim her life. Plus, a mother who's gambled away her engagement ring, retirement fund and children's college money. Join the discussion.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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briggs04
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August 16, 2005, 10:32 pm PDT

Sexualy Abused

I too was sexually abused, however mine was at a young age, kind of like the son that was on the show. If my parents would have only known that it happened at such a young age, I don't know what they would have done. It was not until the age of 18 that I told them that my brother had sexually abused me. They wanted to disown him then. It wasn't until after my attempted suicide that I finally got over this and moved on. I forgave him, but to the parents of the son that is molesting his siblings, keep him away from them and just hope that they can understand that it was not their fault. Never for one second let them doubt themselves because of what their brother decided to do. They did not ask for it. I know that I blamed myself for a long time. It is not fair to the victims to have to face their brother everyday, and think that yo as parents are okay with him living n the house. The children know that it will happen again, just ask them. Best of luck to you all in the situation.
 
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briggs04
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August 16, 2005, 10:36 pm PDT

To Stephanie

Let me just tell you this, you are a beautiful woman with a supportive family, you can make it through this. I was sexually abused by my brother at a young age, and raped at 17, by a boyfriend. It wasn't until after attempting suicide, that I decided to get my life back together. I know that you can do it, you have a wonderful husband and  beautiful child. They both need you. They say time heals all, but it won't start healing until you let it. So start letting it, and you will find that life is so much better. Best of luck to you and your family.
 
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parisienne
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August 17, 2005, 8:56 am PDT

My Thoughts and Opinions

Under absolutely no circumstances should the older son be allowed to live at home again with his two younger siblings!!! He should be kept in a secured assisted living or something similar where he can recieve daily treatment for his illness. Just because he is a victim does not give him the right to victimize others-- I feel bad for his situation but there comes a point where the victim becomes the predator and you can't feel sorry for them anymore. He is no longer a victim of what happened to him when was young, he is now controlled by impulses and the fact that he is making the DECISION to act on these impulses. When someone is very angry at someone else-- I'm talkin' seeing red-- there is a short impulse that anyone who is honest will admit makes this person want to throttle the person that is making them angry. However, civilized people make a DECISION to ignore this impulse and resort to other means in order to resolve the problem. If you look at child molestation is a constant battle for the abuser against his urges, but if you look at it he is still giving in to the urges and he has to be trained out of that or learn to cope with them in a constructive way. The woman who was sexually assaulted should seek out a support group of other survivors. It is important for her to understand-- not just know-- that she isn't alone in her suffering and that it has happened to other women (and men).  Both groups that were on the show should have access to RAINN (The Rape Incest National Network) Here is the information: 

 

  

  

1.800.656.HOPE  

  

www.rainn.org  

  

  

The Network offers help, counseling, and support groups all over the country.  
 
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foxfire
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August 17, 2005, 1:01 pm PDT

you're not alone

Stephanie,   

    

    

I watched your story on Dr. Phil and thought they were telling my own story. I too have had trauma in my life and have been living in a prision of my own creation.  Unlike you, however, I have not yet found the strength to be brave or courageous.  I have let it take control of my life and choose to deal in other ways. I have tried medication, therapy, escapism but unfortunately for me I am still in my prision.   

    

I just wanted to let you know that there are a lot of people who will be thinking of you and wishing you their best. Please continue to be brave for all the rest of us who haven't got there yet.   
 
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haybugsmom
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August 17, 2005, 1:36 pm PDT

what should i do?

I too have a similar experience with the children who were sexually abused.  My son to be step son was sexually molested by his step father and then did it to his younger brother, who lives with his mom.  He had some counseling but his mother pulled him out of counseling saying it was only making it worse.  I have a 3 yr old daughter and I fear all the time that he has or will do something to her.  My fiancee and I are expecting another child in oct.  I have tried to discuss my fears and thoughts with my fiancee but he says that his son would never do anything to my daughter and Im just being paranoid.  I am a stay at home mom but I cant supervise 24/7.  I dont know what to do and if I am being too paranoid.  Anyone have advice? 
 
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101160
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August 17, 2005, 2:09 pm PDT

08/17 Secrets in the Suburbs

I REALLY FELT BAD FOR THE GIRL STEPHANIE WHO WAS RAPED .WHY SHOULD ANYONE HAVE TO HAVE IT HAPPEN TO THEM TO BEGIN WITH .I HOPE THOSE CREEPS ARE FOUND ALTHOUGH THE DAMAGE IS DONE AND LEFT HER SCARRED FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.STEPHANIE ALTHOUGH YOU ARE SCARRED SCARS HEAL THE SCAR MIGHT ITSELF BE THERE BUT THE PAIN HEALS.I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST.YOU SEEM TO HAVE A GREAT GUY AND HUSBAND TO SUPPORT YOU .YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND SHOW IT GIRL WHEN YOU SMILE !! DON'T LET THEM CREEPS STEAL YOUR IDENTITY TAKE IT BACK RECLAIM WHAT WAS YOURS TO BEGIN WITH.I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR HUBBY'S ANGER AT THEM BECAUSE IT WOULD BE A NATURAL REACTION TO WANT TO GET BACK AT THE ONES WHO HURT THE ONE YOU LOVE.TAKE CARE AND GOD RICHLY BLESS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
 
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chloe1
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August 17, 2005, 3:16 pm PDT

my silent struggle

I was molested by my brother for over 6 years.  He started when I was in fifth grade and didn't stop until I broke down and told my boyfriend and mother.  When I finally told someone, nothing really happened.  He moved away a few months later with his girlfriend (now wife) who is in the air force. His wife has no idea.  I need some advise on what to do.  Should I tell her, and my father?  I am afraid that he will hurt someone else.  I struggle with what to do everyday.  It is the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep, and the first thing on my mind when I wake up.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated...thank you
 
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annanut
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August 17, 2005, 3:24 pm PDT

stephanie

I know how Stephanie was feeling before the show: the guilt, fear, shame. The thing about this kind of crime is that not only does a man force himself into your body; he forces himself into your mind. The last time this happened to me I was nineteen years old, but my story is completely different from hers. I had known this man for months through school as he was my professor. Before what happened, I had spent countless hours getting to know him, even staying friends with him after the class had ended. Although I had often felt strange around him - nervous and uncertain - I never once listened to that voice in my gut. I put myself in a very dangerous position: I went to his home alone, at night, consumed alcohol (a glass of wine), allowed him to put me at my most vulnerable by answering his questions about my previos assaults. For a long time, I hid what had happened, and even tried to tell myself it wasn’t what it seemed to be since there was no excessive force on his part. I feel guilty and ashamed that I let this happen to me through acting the way I did that night, knowing that MY decisions had given him the opportunity to act this way, and that my telling him what had happened in the past may have even created in him a desire to do something he wouldn’t otherwise have wanted to do. If I could say one thing to Stephanie it would be this: you didn’t do anything wrong, not at any level. I hear your story and I know it’s not your fault. Unlike me, you don’t have any reason to feel guilty, and I hope that by being on the show you will get the help that teaches you to learn that.
 
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annanut
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August 17, 2005, 3:25 pm PDT

stephanie

I know how Stephanie was feeling before the show: the guilt, fear, shame. The thing about this kind of crime is that not only does a man force himself into your body; he forces himself into your mind. The last time this happened to me I was nineteen years old, but my story is completely different from hers. I had known this man for months through school as he was my professor. Before what happened, I had spent countless hours getting to know him, even staying friends with him after the class had ended. Although I had often felt strange around him - nervous and uncertain - I never once listened to that voice in my gut. I put myself in a very dangerous position: I went to his home alone, at night, consumed alcohol (a glass of wine), allowed him to put me at my most vulnerable by answering his questions about my previos assaults. For a long time, I hid what had happened, and even tried to tell myself it wasn’t what it seemed to be since there was no excessive force on his part. I feel guilty and ashamed that I let this happen to me through acting the way I did that night, knowing that MY decisions had given him the opportunity to act this way, and that my telling him what had happened in the past may have even created in him a desire to do something he wouldn’t otherwise have wanted to do. If I could say one thing to Stephanie it would be this: you didn’t do anything wrong, not at any level. I hear your story and I know it’s not your fault. Unlike me, you don’t have any reason to feel guilty, and I hope that by being on the show you will get the help that teaches you to learn that.
 
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angelface_

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August 17, 2005, 3:53 pm PDT

stephaine

Stephaine, I cannot tell you how your story touched me. I have not had anything remotely as bad happen to me. But I do suffer from severe anxiety & panic attacks. I can only imagine the courage it took for you to appear on the show. Please be very proud of yourself! You have given me the courage to reach out for help for myself, Thank-you
 
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