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Topic : 08/19 Ask Dr. Phil About Sex

Number of Replies: 43
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Created on : Friday, August 12, 2005, 06:27:39 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original air date 02/14/05) Imagine if your own mother were dating someone younger than you! What would Dr. Phil say? And, meet a couple on the verge of retirement who fear they may also be retiring their sex life. How can they reconnect in the bedroom? Plus, Cliff and Kim may look like an ordinary all-American couple, but as soon as they put their daughter to bed, they head downstairs to swing with strangers! Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

 

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August 20, 2005, 12:29 am CDT

Shocked

Todays topic about the swingers was very sad to me.  This is in no way to be justified with meeting the needs of a high sex drive.  That is something that is so precious and sacred to share with the man or woman you love.  You guys are giving yourselves away as if it means nothing, and by doing so - you have denied, belittled, betrayed and rejected one another.  When you marry you promise to love, honor and respect one another.  You take these vows before God.  To me, this is more than just a selfish act to meet a lusty need.  This is sin.     
 
August 20, 2005, 6:11 am CDT

sin is sin

Quote From: nikann11

Todays topic about the swingers was very sad to me.  This is in no way to be justified with meeting the needs of a high sex drive.  That is something that is so precious and sacred to share with the man or woman you love.  You guys are giving yourselves away as if it means nothing, and by doing so - you have denied, belittled, betrayed and rejected one another.  When you marry you promise to love, honor and respect one another.  You take these vows before God.  To me, this is more than just a selfish act to meet a lusty need.  This is sin.     

I watched the show today and I was appalled at this couple trying to justify their behavior. The husband is not as bad as the wife and I believe he feels guilty about what he is doing. This marriage is doomed and they will not make it another year. What happened to honoring one's vows they took when they stood before God at the altar and promised to be faithful to each other? They have children and they have sex with their children in the home. Child welfare should remove these kids from this sickness and perverted way of thinking. I can't imagnine what these kids would think if they suddenly woke up and went down stairs and caught their parents swinging. How could they possibly explain to their kids what they were doing. This is the kind of behavior that messes children minds up and stops them from becoming a functioning human being. They will always remember seeing their mother and father naked with other people and will probably grow up thinking that this behavior is acceptable. This is worst than child abuse and it can only lead to problems for everyone involved. 

I agree with dr phil when he pointed out that the strangers involved could bring harm to these children at some future time or even right in the home. Suppose the parents are murdered and the kids are all alone with no one to protect them from a dangerous predator? This entire situation makes me angry and I fear for those kids welfare. Child services should investigate this family and if these parents weren't so selfish they would see the danger that they are creating. 

Embarrassing and sinful. 

 
August 20, 2005, 6:14 am CDT

agreement

Quote From: jettav

Adultery is a voluntary sexual act between a married person with some one other then their spouse, No matter how you want to sugar coat the act, swinger is just another term that justifies committing adultery, the difference is mainly that the person is given permission to committ adultery without accountability. And any one who has to have sex to build relationships and a community must be really living boring lives and doesn't have good self esteem about them selves, you do not have to build relationships by having sex with them. I personally am an opened minded person, but no way on this earth would I open up my bedroom or allow some one else to come in and interfere with my marriage and I thank God for a Godly man who feels the same way about it. It is a good feeling to know that I can come home and know that I am the one and only for my husband and that we don't have to go else where to get sexual satisfaction, our sex life will stay between our four walls and no one else is welcome in to my territory nor would I be opened and willing to give my husband any permission or excuse to go else where, it is wrong and it IS adultery to have sex with some one other then your spouse. permission or not,adultery is adultrey no matter how you look at it. And if one or two is not capable or willing to keep the marriage as two people, then why even get married? Why make the committment and say "I Do" to that one and only? if you can't keep yourselves for each other,then forget the vows! why share with others if you are committed to one another? again, marriage is about TWO people, not three or more. I realize that we are living in a society where anything goes but my children will learn how to love, respect and honor their spouses and themselves and if they want to build relationships, it is about trust, and being reliable and communication, it is about caring and being there for one anoter, and if you have to have sex with them to build the relationship then it is no friendship or true relation. sex has absolutely nothing to do with building relationships outside the marriage. I suppose sex means different things for different people but I believe it was created to create children as well as for enjoyment between the married couple and was not meant to be shared outside of the marriage, and it is the one thing that a married couple should be able to keep to themselves and not expected to share it with others. And if a marriage is so good and fullfilling, why go to others? Definetly something wrong with that picture!
I agree with you one hundred percent. Adultery is what it is and this could is only fooling themselves. The husband is a weakling and I am sure he would like to stop, but he is doing this to please his moraless wife. This situation can only lead to heart break and the end of this marriage. This is her second marriage and she brought the old baggage from the first marriage into this current marriage. Give it a year and she will be divorced for the second time and a lot of heartache will follow her because her vows mean nothing to her.
 
August 20, 2005, 11:44 am CDT

First of all, Lori needs to grow up

and be responsible like her son.  I don't begrudge anyone of dating -- no matter what the age.  That is each individual's choice but I think she is being to free with herself.  Not only isn't that safe in this day and age but also she should have higher self esteem that to have sex with so many boys err I mean men. (just kidding about the age reference. 

  

Secondly, Kim needs to stop being so selfish and rude to her husband.  She told him he doesn't turn her on...isn't the child that was shown theirs so they must have had sex.... I personally think she isn't satisfied with herself and is looking elsewhere to find that satisfaction.  I also think it is a shame that her husband doesn't just say no but rather is doing something he doesn't feel comfortable doing.   

  

Thirdly, the retired couple was so cute together!  He needs to do things he used to before the kids (I.e ran bathes for her etc.) and she needs to feel better about herself and her body.  As Dr. Phil said "they need to find out who other is all over again."  I think he is 100% right.  You start your relationship as the two of you and if you have kids the relationship shifts to become parents and sometimes you lose site of the relationship between the two of you.  That is why at least once a month, my hubby and I have date night -- we go out and leave our two and four year olds with his daughter who is 16 years old.  We find that sometimes we wend up talking about the kids but it helps us to focus on us and where this family unit came from.  It helps us to remember what it is about each other that we love and why we choose not only to spend our lives together but also why we choose to have a family together. 

  

  

 
August 20, 2005, 4:42 pm CDT

I agree

Quote From: queentween

Why is everyone so upset about a red dress? I love red and wear it a lot, and purple and pink and turquoise and lime green- its color- enjoy it! I will be damned if I will start wearing boring colors because I'm over 40- maybe I won't be picking up younger men, but I don't want to look like the walking dead in black and brown...... 
Maybe she didn't wear red to weddings, but my art-loving grandma wore red, aqua, teal, purple, and any other color that flattered her right up to the day she died.  Boy, I don't know where people get the idea that red=tramp. It's not like there's a LAW or something!
 
August 20, 2005, 5:33 pm CDT

About divorce

Quote From: flthomcat

Once again you dropped the ball (although I still love your usual no nonsense, get real advice). This time you let Lori (the older woman) off the hook. Who cares how young two consenting ADULTS are?! That's not the issue.  

  

The issue is this woman is jumping from bed-to-bed! She's not much different than someone who is paid to do so and that goes the same for men who sleep around! You slammed the "swingers" on your past shows, but you went "easy" (no pun intended) on Lori.  

  

Whether we like it or not in this secular society, God had a plan and we know it worked; when people stray from it we see all the dysfunction, disease, abortions, unwanted pregnancies, adultry, divorce and the like.  

  

Yes, Dr. Phil, it's OK to expect people to have great morals and values; it's what makes both people and society better. I pity Lori's son; he is more mature than she. My wish for her is that she sets her ego aside and starts loving herself enough to expect better of her own behavior...and she meets a wonderful, fun, committed man (regardless of his age).  

I just did a little research online. Interestingly, the religious group whose members get the fewest divorces (according to a study on divorce rates by religion in America) is the catholics. Equal to them in divorce rate are the lutherans and the agnostics and atheists. Mainstream protestants get the most divorces with baptists topping the list. So, ironically, according to recent research, atheists (who don't even believe in god) get fewer divorces than protestant Christians. Hmmmm . . . . I think you're a bit hasty in blaming divorce, for one, on lack of "God" in a person's life.
 
August 20, 2005, 6:23 pm CDT

it's not necessarily DESPITE her wrinkled neck...

Quote From: ramair

 Lori doesn't approach the young men, they approach her? Well, duh. She dresses provocatively and goes into "target rich" environments, places where horny young men gather, looking for a one night stand. And, it's obvious the them she's looking for the same thing. Of course, they're going to approach her, wrinkled neck and all. After all, when the lights are off...
it may be BECAUSE of it...there are all kinds of men who like all kinds of women...older ones, younger ones, big breasts, small breasts, fat and skinny and everywhere in between and there are women who enjoy all types of men...isn't that WONDERFUL?? It's a beautiful luscious world...where, by the way, sometimes, people actually have sex with the lights ON! I personally wouldn't want to miss the ecstasy on my partner's face...it's alot of the pleasure
 
August 20, 2005, 7:18 pm CDT

08/19 Ask Dr. Phil About Sex

Quote From: lilacmess

I just did a little research online. Interestingly, the religious group whose members get the fewest divorces (according to a study on divorce rates by religion in America) is the catholics. Equal to them in divorce rate are the lutherans and the agnostics and atheists. Mainstream protestants get the most divorces with baptists topping the list. So, ironically, according to recent research, atheists (who don't even believe in god) get fewer divorces than protestant Christians. Hmmmm . . . . I think you're a bit hasty in blaming divorce, for one, on lack of "God" in a person's life.
You are right, actually the divorce rate is higher amongst christians then it is in the secular would which is a sad thing. I am a devoted Christian and I see it all the time, of course no one is perfect but I think divorce is just too easy in this society and I think people marry for all the wrong reasons,(money, security, lonliness..........). And people just don't want to put the effort into making their marriage work, I believe people go into marriages thinking it is going to be one big honeymoon and then they get disappointed and then there are others who go in to a marriage thinking, "oh, well, if it doesn't work, we can always get a divorce". It is all in the attitude. Also there is the temptation thing, we all face temptataions in our lives and that is not a sin, even Jesus himself was tempted but being the human beings that we are, we can't always resist it and then we get ourselves into trouble, and things like adultery happen,one certainly needs to be stronger then the temptation and must stayed connected with their spouses, just doesn't happen in this society even amongst christians. We are definetly living in a self centered society when it comes to morals/values......................
 
August 20, 2005, 7:37 pm CDT

Adultery

When you come from a Christian or religious background, those who  believe in the Bible verse that says something to the effect of (not quote/and I'm too lazy to go get my Bible right now):  You shouldn't get a divorce EXCEPT for adultery.  Now I don't want to undermine the Word of God in anyway because I believe and respect it.   But if you look at the time that it was written:  2000 years ago versus today.  2000 years ago you didn't have the adultery GREY areas like you do today.  It was black or white.  You were or you weren't.   Now adays..... the GREY areas meaning:  Isn't pornography a form of adultery?  Isn't  telling someone of the opposite sex other than your spouse all the problems about your spouse a form of emotional adultery?  (Didn't they have something called honor 2000 years ago?  My grandparents had it.)  Isn't child molesting adultery?  Isn't practicing gay lifestyle when you are committed to a heterosexual relationship adultery... cheating if your spouse doesn't know?  Isn't Swinging adultery?  Isn't all the places in America you can go and become infatuated with someone other than your spouse adultery?  I know I could list more....    

     

BUT if you or your spouse does any of these or gets addicted and not just the simplest adultery definition of 2 married people having a cheating relationship, Aren't your feelings just as hurt or life as devastated as had they run off?  BUT the Church has CONFUSION on how to counsel these GREY situations.  WHEN THE TRUTH IS NOWADAYS WE LIVE IN AN ADULTEROUS GENERATION.  And honestly I think it is in innocense for some people because you don't have to look very far to find any of these situations.   

   

And this is one reason I like this show because Pastors all over America are approached with these problems that people approach Dr. Phil with and they don't know what to say and often make the situations worse by their advice.   

 
August 20, 2005, 7:57 pm CDT

08/19 Ask Dr. Phil About Sex

Quote From: missjane2

When you come from a Christian or religious background, those who  believe in the Bible verse that says something to the effect of (not quote/and I'm too lazy to go get my Bible right now):  You shouldn't get a divorce EXCEPT for adultery.  Now I don't want to undermine the Word of God in anyway because I believe and respect it.   But if you look at the time that it was written:  2000 years ago versus today.  2000 years ago you didn't have the adultery GREY areas like you do today.  It was black or white.  You were or you weren't.   Now adays..... the GREY areas meaning:  Isn't pornography a form of adultery?  Isn't  telling someone of the opposite sex other than your spouse all the problems about your spouse a form of emotional adultery?  (Didn't they have something called honor 2000 years ago?  My grandparents had it.)  Isn't child molesting adultery?  Isn't practicing gay lifestyle when you are committed to a heterosexual relationship adultery... cheating if your spouse doesn't know?  Isn't Swinging adultery?  Isn't all the places in America you can go and become infatuated with someone other than your spouse adultery?  I know I could list more....    

     

BUT if you or your spouse does any of these or gets addicted and not just the simplest adultery definition of 2 married people having a cheating relationship, Aren't your feelings just as hurt or life as devastated as had they run off?  BUT the Church has CONFUSION on how to counsel these GREY situations.  WHEN THE TRUTH IS NOWADAYS WE LIVE IN AN ADULTEROUS GENERATION.  And honestly I think it is in innocense for some people because you don't have to look very far to find any of these situations.   

   

And this is one reason I like this show because Pastors all over America are approached with these problems that people approach Dr. Phil with and they don't know what to say and often make the situations worse by their advice.   

I agree with you about the adultery and the bible talks about lust and thinking it is the same as committing it so even the "you can look but not touch" strategy is wrong in my opinion. Now, as I said in my last post that temptation is gonna be there as that is a normal thing in this life but we don't have to heed to it and in my opinion if one feels that erge to cheat and committ adultery which means sex with some one other then your spouse, they should feel confident enough in their marriage to go to their partner and explain what is happening within them, and hopefully they can work together on the situation and if one or both doesn't feel that they can trust and confide in their partner then the marriage is already doomed and chances are they are gonna do more then think about it. and all the things you mention I believe are forms of adultery for it involves sex with someone other then the spouse.
 
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