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Topic : 08/24 Reunited

Number of Replies: 50
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, August 19, 2005, 03:17:32 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original airdate 04/20/05) Dr. Phil looks at the pain of being separated from someone you love. Susan was only 15 when she placed her baby for adoption. She soon returned to high school, where she was then tormented by her classmates. After 27 years, is Susan emotionally prepared to confront the classmate who she says made her life hell? And where is her daughter now? Join the discussion and share your thoughts.

 

 

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August 24, 2005, 9:14 am CDT

reunited

I am posting this message because I see that this show is airing again today.I would like people to know that the bullying that can occur in school can stay with you for a lifetime.I am now a 40 year old woman married with kids of my own. I continue to live with the emotional scars of being bullied in school.I was a good student who absolutely loved school until I entered the 7th grade.Thats when all the kids in our community go to one school to attend middle years. The boys and girls were awful to me. I was not aloud to wear makeup or have my hair long, and of course that in itself singled me out. I was caught at my locker each morning my books torn to shreds thrown around, kicked many times in the small of my back. The reason that was told to me was this is what you do with ugly dogs.Teachers turned there backs and did nothing to help me. They even went so far as to tell me it is probably my own fault.I endured this until grade 11. By then I had lost all hope of a boyfriend or a friend in school. I didn't care about myself or school work. I simply wanted to lay down and die.Long story shorter I quit school, never reached my dream of the prom, going to nursing school. So next time somone says to you people or your kids hey it's not a big deal it will pass please stop and  think  about this message. It doesn't pass it never will!!
 
August 24, 2005, 12:01 pm CDT

I Believe EJ over Susan

I was a cheerleader and high school beauty queen, but I was also the girl in school that all the kids from the most popular to the special needs kids would come to for prayer when they were down or considering committing suicide.  I remember a criple girl coming to me and asking me to help her tryout for cheerleader, I helped her all the way through and fought for her when the school back in the 80s dropped her during the tryouts.  12 years ago I was home visiting my parents for the holidays and a very heavy worn out looking woman approached me with 4 kids.  She announced in the middle of Wal-Mart that I had told everyone she was gay in high school.  I really didn't remember the girl at all.  All I could say is are you sure it was me?  I questioned her about her years in high school in my town and others who went to school around that time and she clearly had gone to school with me.  I apologized and she said something to the fact that I had ruined her life and made her life a living hell.  I apologized again, but she didn't accept my apology.  I called up my best friend from high school and she helped me to remember the girl and what she was talking about.  Turns out she was a female jock, who rode the bench and bullied the less popular kids in school.  My friend was one of the less popular kids when we were Freshmen so the girl had bullied her and that's how she remembered her from Freshman year.  Well it turns out the girl was an upper classman, I was cheering at a basketball game and she told me to "Get out the way" so that she could see the game.  Of course I couldn't, because I was a cheerleader in my spot on the court.  After the game she followed me in the bathroom with her cronnies and started teasing me about my make-up.  I looked at her and as I remember it said something to the effect that since she looked like a dude I wouldn't expect her to like my make-up.  I remember walking out with the cheerleaders laughing with  group of kids, who apparently were delighted that I had told her off.  I tried to find her to see if she remembered why I had said something mean to her?  But people like Susan don't remember any of the mean things they said or did as kids to prompt a sharp response, they just remember the reaction to what they sometimes actually triggered.
 
August 24, 2005, 12:15 pm CDT

Excuses

Quote From: sherrytee

I am posting this message because I see that this show is airing again today.I would like people to know that the bullying that can occur in school can stay with you for a lifetime.I am now a 40 year old woman married with kids of my own. I continue to live with the emotional scars of being bullied in school.I was a good student who absolutely loved school until I entered the 7th grade.Thats when all the kids in our community go to one school to attend middle years. The boys and girls were awful to me. I was not aloud to wear makeup or have my hair long, and of course that in itself singled me out. I was caught at my locker each morning my books torn to shreds thrown around, kicked many times in the small of my back. The reason that was told to me was this is what you do with ugly dogs.Teachers turned there backs and did nothing to help me. They even went so far as to tell me it is probably my own fault.I endured this until grade 11. By then I had lost all hope of a boyfriend or a friend in school. I didn't care about myself or school work. I simply wanted to lay down and die.Long story shorter I quit school, never reached my dream of the prom, going to nursing school. So next time somone says to you people or your kids hey it's not a big deal it will pass please stop and  think  about this message. It doesn't pass it never will!!

It's never too late.  In San Francisco they have a Prom for adults every year, complete with a photographer.  You can go to nursing school or become a home healthcare nurse.  What you can't do is blame bullies for your percevied failures in life.   

   Many kids get bullied far worse than you did, and many of those same kids are leaders in communities from City Council to the White House.  What's the difference between them and you?  They cared enough about themselves to succeed in spite of their past.  

      I think many people just can't see that there's life after grade -high School.   

   My best life moments happened after high school, when I became a campus queen in college, and made the Deans list.  But mainly when I got my first job in my profession.  And soon it will be getting married and having children.  And this goes for some educators who only become teachers so that they can get back at the popular kids who supressed them.  Though those who bullied them are living fullfilled lives with little or no memory of them.  I ran into a few teachers in high school who were mean to me because my mother was the popular girl in school and they weren't.  I remember one saying something like, "Yeah I can believe Jada would do that because her mother once....."  I didn't even know the teacher knew my mother, but I remembered she was cruel to me in school.  I even believe she threw away my votes for Homecoming queen because I was voted most liked in school but was the only cheerleader who didn't make the court.  That teacher was the soul vote counter.  But when I say stuff like that, people think I was just a sore loser or that a teacher would NEVER bully or do anything like that to a child.  This is the same teacher who joined in with some other kids to giggle at the way I walk.  I turned around and caught her making fun of me with them.  When my parents confronted her about it, she was appauled that my parents would think she'd do something like that.  Afterall she was a teacher because she loved children she argued. 

    Sorry teachers are people too and we can't control or predict what they will or won't do, or what issues they may or may not have. 

  In closing I think you need to stop making excuses and pointing your finger, because when you do, you have three others pointing right back at yourself.  Buck up, grow up and stop making excuses.  You weren't the only 7th grader catching hell.  I had severe acne and kids called me pizza face all the time. 

Peace!  

 
August 24, 2005, 12:37 pm CDT

Lies

This is the second time I've watched this show.  When I first watched it, Susan's frowning face seemed angry, closed and hostile, to me.  Now that I'm seeing it for the second time, I see it's mostly hurt and scared, with anger surfacing when Susan's former classmate denies remembering bullying Susan.  When the former classmate lies like that, she's again viticmizing Susan, trying to convince the audience and Dr. Phil (at Susan's expense) that Susan was too sensitive, paranoid, or remembers wrong.  No wonder Susan gets angry, as this woman is still playing the same game, it's just more adult and subtle now! 

Anyway, it's interesting how my perspective changed.  Hurt and fear can look a lot like hostility, on the surface.  I know a lot of people perceive me as hostile and arrogant, but what I usually am is hurt and afraid!
 
August 24, 2005, 1:00 pm CDT

My perception changed too...in a different way!

Quote From: hgquinn

This is the second time I've watched this show.  When I first watched it, Susan's frowning face seemed angry, closed and hostile, to me.  Now that I'm seeing it for the second time, I see it's mostly hurt and scared, with anger surfacing when Susan's former classmate denies remembering bullying Susan.  When the former classmate lies like that, she's again viticmizing Susan, trying to convince the audience and Dr. Phil (at Susan's expense) that Susan was too sensitive, paranoid, or remembers wrong.  No wonder Susan gets angry, as this woman is still playing the same game, it's just more adult and subtle now! 

Anyway, it's interesting how my perspective changed.  Hurt and fear can look a lot like hostility, on the surface.  I know a lot of people perceive me as hostile and arrogant, but what I usually am is hurt and afraid!
This too is my second time watching this show.  My perception also changed, but not in how I viewed Susan, but how I saw E.J.  When I saw it the first time, I had an inkling that E.J. was lying, but I did not get to see their entire segment.  After watching it today, it was clear to me that she was lying about not remembering Susan-she may be trying to save face for her family and children.  She made a comment the she and her friends were all at the 10 yr reunion and didn't remember Susan and  at the 20 yr reunion and didn't remember Susan.  This episode can't be more than a yr old so how would she have even remembered someone then that she now claims to have no recollection of.  Also, the way she was stuttering and fumbling on her words and evading direct answers to Dr. Phil's ?s stood out in a way they hadn't the first time I saw it.

Regardless, Susan does have to get over this; it seems like she is attaching this situation with having her baby torn from her arms at 15 yrs old.  I don't think this bullying would have affected her so badly had it not been for the pregnancy.  I think this cruel group would have still tried to bully her because of jeolousy because she was a pretty girl, but her being pregnant actually gave them something to bully her for.
 
August 24, 2005, 1:18 pm CDT

In response to "I believe EJ over Susan"!

 I don't see how and I'll give you a few examples of when (after watching this the 2nd time) I realized EJ was lying about remembering.  Also, what is there to believe...EJ never denies doing this, she just claims not to remember.  If she KNEW she didn't (or was not capable of) doing this she would have said so and suggested that maybe she had her mistaken for someone else.  Not to mention how badly she stuttered and fumbled and evaded directly answering questions Dr. Phil asked her about it being possible that she did this.  EJ also would not have sat there crying histerically by the end of the show if she did not believe she did this.

First she mentions she and her "friends being the 10 yr reunion and we didn't remember Susan and being at the 20 yr reunion and not remembering Susan!".  How would she have known to even try to remember someone who she now claims to have NO recollection of now...it didn't make any sense for her to make that comment unless she did in fact remember her.  Even though they had a huge class of over 700 kids, there were not that many girls walking around their hometown H.S. pregnant.  She would DEFINATELY have remembered the pregnant girl in her graduating class (and having tormented her for 2 yrs)

Also, I was a popular kid in H.S. but I did not subscribe to any one clique...I was as friendly with the "nerds" as I was with the "musicians" as with the "jocks" because I participated in many different activities.  I did notice, however, people who made up a crew with a name (EJs the dolls) were more prone to pick on solo people to make themselves feel better and more elite.  EJ seems like the kind of person who, even if Susan had not been pregnant, would have tried to bully Susan out of sheer jealousy because Susan was very pretty and not a part of their clique.

Anyway, hopefully being reunited with her daughter will help Susan get over equating this torment with having her baby torn from her arms at 15 yrs old. 
 
August 24, 2005, 1:27 pm CDT

Also...

Quote From: jadaok

I was a cheerleader and high school beauty queen, but I was also the girl in school that all the kids from the most popular to the special needs kids would come to for prayer when they were down or considering committing suicide.  I remember a criple girl coming to me and asking me to help her tryout for cheerleader, I helped her all the way through and fought for her when the school back in the 80s dropped her during the tryouts.  12 years ago I was home visiting my parents for the holidays and a very heavy worn out looking woman approached me with 4 kids.  She announced in the middle of Wal-Mart that I had told everyone she was gay in high school.  I really didn't remember the girl at all.  All I could say is are you sure it was me?  I questioned her about her years in high school in my town and others who went to school around that time and she clearly had gone to school with me.  I apologized and she said something to the fact that I had ruined her life and made her life a living hell.  I apologized again, but she didn't accept my apology.  I called up my best friend from high school and she helped me to remember the girl and what she was talking about.  Turns out she was a female jock, who rode the bench and bullied the less popular kids in school.  My friend was one of the less popular kids when we were Freshmen so the girl had bullied her and that's how she remembered her from Freshman year.  Well it turns out the girl was an upper classman, I was cheering at a basketball game and she told me to "Get out the way" so that she could see the game.  Of course I couldn't, because I was a cheerleader in my spot on the court.  After the game she followed me in the bathroom with her cronnies and started teasing me about my make-up.  I looked at her and as I remember it said something to the effect that since she looked like a dude I wouldn't expect her to like my make-up.  I remember walking out with the cheerleaders laughing with  group of kids, who apparently were delighted that I had told her off.  I tried to find her to see if she remembered why I had said something mean to her?  But people like Susan don't remember any of the mean things they said or did as kids to prompt a sharp response, they just remember the reaction to what they sometimes actually triggered.
I wrote a post in response to your post (check it out in the main posts) but also wanted to add.  I doubt that the pregnant girl in 1975 is trying to draw attention to herself by being mean to the popular girls...it would make no sense.  I think Susan's only action was having been pregnant at a young age (and possibly the fact the EJ may have been jealous of her looks...or maybe even of who she was pregnant by.  You never know).  Just because your situation was different, you can't try to act like the popular crews aren't the ones doing most of the bullying...a lot of times in a passive aggressive way.  I was popular in high school but I wasn't into cliques (I got along with all types because I was into many different things), but I went to a predominantly white, wealthy high school that was very into cliques and the most popular pretty girls usually had the nastiest attitudes.  I think my popularity stemmed more for calling people out on their b.s. and doing my own thin so I didn't need a clique.
 
August 24, 2005, 1:36 pm CDT

Get over it.

In watching the show with Susan and EJ I just wanted to scream.  Susan should get over it!  I really hate that she experienced teasing in school.  I did too.  It wasn't as severe as Susan feels her's was, but I did get teased.  I didn't hold on to that.  Most people don't hold on to that.  EJ said she was teased and moved on.  It's really sad that she's established herself on the cruel comments that were alledgely made by someone else.  Put the crutch down.  I could have shaken her through the TV when she said she didn't go to college because she was teased.  Bull crap!  It's no ones fault, but your own, if you didn't further your education or yourself.  If I were EJ I would not be your scapegoat when it comes to your education or your self esteem.  Let it go.  You may need counseling or God, but you have got to figure out what you're missing in your life that makes you harbor all this resentment towards someone else.  EJ should truly be admired for coming on TV and taking all of this because in my opinion it was a waste.  Susan should be taking care of her own personal issues not confronting EJ.  Just my opinion. 
 
August 24, 2005, 1:38 pm CDT

ej needs some help

Do not tell me that e.j. does not remember anything about highschool.  She doesn't seem to have a problem remembering that she was one of the "popular" girls.  She seems to have come with her own agenda, possibly gaining some popularity back by being on national tv.  It just seems like you can see right through her.  Please have her back on the show and get down to why she "just doesn't remember anything"....she has some issues herself....help her remember, bring back some of her other friends too....I bet they have a rememberance of her being mean as well...........
 
August 24, 2005, 1:44 pm CDT

EJ is lying

I believe she remembers Susan, and remembers the torment. I think she's embarrassed deeply by it now. It's a shame she couldn't just face things and be an adult. By "forgetting", she diminished the satisfaction Susan could have got from this meeting.
 
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