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Topic : 08/25 Alcohol and Abuse

Number of Replies: 74
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, August 19, 2005, 03:21:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original airdate 05/19/05) Steve and Sheila are high school sweethearts whose marriage seem normal from the outside. But shocking home video shows Steve, an alcoholic, passed out on the floor on the verge of death, while Sheila violently slaps, punches, kicks and stomps on him — in front of their two little girls. Find out what Dr. Phil thinks has to happen if they want to keep their children and turn their out-of-control lives around.  Has alcohol affected someone you know? Join the discussion.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

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August 25, 2005, 2:37 pm CDT

I don't think he put all the blame on the wife

He asked the husband straight out "What the hell are you thinking when you start drinking?!"   

  

I don't believe she's responsible for her husband drinking, but she is responsible for her actions & she just didn't seem to want to admit she had a problem.  A person doesn't leave their spouse beaten & brused with the kids running from the room & not know it.  Even if it had been done in a fit of rage where she didn't realize they were in the room later she had to know if they weren't standing there seeing it they were in a different room at least hearing it.  This woman knows what it did to her to watch her father abuse her mother & yet in reality she's doing that very same thing to her kids.  Her daughter stood right there & watched as her mother kicked her father while he was down in a drunken stupor.  She did not want to look at the picture of her husband all bruised & that's because she'll not take the responsibility for what she's done.  She doesn't want to look at what she's done.  And yes as Dr. Phil makes her LOOK at, watch & own up to it she even got angry with him!  That's how she deals with things & it's hurtful to them all.  When questioned, according to her she's just "frustrated because he's always drunk," and while I understand he is indeed drunk an abuser is never to blame for their own actions & SHE IS an abuser.  She recognizes her husband putting the kids in danger by driving around with them in the car while he's drunk, but the kids have 2 parents & she's responsible for them getting in that car too.  She's also responsible for them SEEING their father get the crap kicked out of him.   

  

Now I don't believe this father isn't responsible at all, but I do believe that Dr. Phil was right in that this woman found a man who drinks just like her father & she can now beat her drinker unlike when she was a kid & was helpless.  You see how Dr. Phil had said her father said every thing she said was a lie?  Drunk or sober an abuser is *never at fault* & they do not take the blame for any of it.  She cannot make her husband seek help & she can't make him not drink but she CAN control her own behavior & seek the help that SHE NEEDS & she does need help.   

  

Until then she shouldn't be allowed to parent those children because she's not able to govern herself enough so that they are not in DANGER.   

 
August 25, 2005, 2:48 pm CDT

abusive wife

Quote From: movingon88

I didn't see the show the first time, and have been hoping this subject would be aired. 

  

I can't believe the stupidity of some of the posters on this site.  If you have not been in this situation, you have no knowledge of what you might do and can therefore have no right to criticize.  I was just recently divorced from an alcholic who would not recognize he has a problem.  I was subjected to much verbal abuse and it was just about to turn physical.  You have no idea what constant verbal abuse and alcoholism will do to your sanity. 

  

I think Dr. Phil has incorrectly put most of the blame on the wife.  If she had married a non-alcoholic, I don't believe she would have behaved this way.  I'm not saying that what she is doing is right, especially for the children's sake, but I do believe that the husband is much more at fault for this than the wife.  On the other hand, the situation should not have been allowed to escalate into this severe physical violence.  Healthy people would have recognized this problem a long time ago and done something about it.  These are not healthy people, but they can become better through therapy and association with AA and Al-Anon.  It will never get better if he continues to drink. 

  

Just my 2 cents. 

  

I definitely disagree with you about the wife. She is a nurse and is suppose to know better. The only reason her husband is sitting on tv alive is because she did not hit him in the right place. Who gives her to right to beat someone like that? If it had been done to her there would be a great up roar. Imagine her daughter standing there with her hands over her ears. The child had to be frightened. The reason her husband drinks probably has a lot to do with his abusive wife. I would not want to be married to either of them and as a former abusee, I know the horrors of being abused. Being stomped, run out of the apartment naked, terrified of losing my life, robbed and verbally abused until one day I could not take it anymore. I packed my daughter and left. I have been free every since. Abuse is no joke no matter how people try to cover it up. My abuser was fine in the first two years we were together. Then one day he slapped me and after that the beatings were regularly dispensed. He was cheating on me with a very young girl. It was in my bed that he took her virginity and I got beaten up because I complained. Then she got pregnant and showed him just how young and pathetic she was and I got beat again. I did not know such terror could exist and I was so very glad that I had somewhere to go. When I left him I never returned and I have never seen him again. I did hear that he robbed a bank and went to jail, but I felt that jail was too good for him. I also learned that while he was engaged to me, that he already had a wife and he was abusing her at the same time he was abusing me. It was an unbelieveable situation. I hope this family can receive the help they need and that the children will not be scarred in the future. 

Thank you for allowing me to vent. 

 
August 25, 2005, 2:50 pm CDT

jail

Quote From: mckoehn

I think Sheila should be in jail.  Those poor children...
Sheila will probably end up in jail if she does not get professional help. One lucky blow to her husband and it will be over with for both of them. The children will suffer the most and that is unfortunate.
 
August 25, 2005, 3:09 pm CDT

so so sad

It suprises me with some of the responses I have read.  I didn't see the entire show, but wished I had.  I am one of the children, I experienced both parents which were (and still are) alcoholics.  I viewed abuse to my mother and my sibblings.  I somehow escaped the wrath of my father.  Today, I have a brother who drank himself to death at the age of 35.  He used the excuse of my sister's murder as a reason to drink more.  He would have drank even if she wasn't killed.  Now, after my father was diagnosed w/ cancer enduring chemo and radiation, he uses the death of both my brother and sister and the cancer treatment  (all within two yrs.) to drink himself into oblivion.  My mother, drinks because of the death of my sibblings and because she has to continually deal with my father's drinking.  The true victims are the children.  They really need to be in a safe place until these people get help.  I am an optimist, I believe they can get help,  if THEY want it.  I have learned there are no words or actions that can make an alcoholic get the help they need if they don't want it.  Guilt doesn't even work.  I pray God would have mercy on these two children, becuse this can be an ugly, ugly cycle.
 
August 25, 2005, 3:34 pm CDT

It makes me sick

I can not believe that this couple doesn't see the pain they are causing their children.  I don't buy that this wife doesn't realize what she is doing.  Her husband seems to be drinking because of her.  When I saw Phil go after the husband I wanted to stick my hand in the air and tell him that he should be starting with the wife, she seems to be the cause of the whole problem.  I have never seen a woman do that to a man.  I just keep waiting for her to turn to her husband and apologize sincerely but I doubt that will happen.  I hope for their childrens sake that they stop soon or else someone really needs to notify someone.
 
August 25, 2005, 3:38 pm CDT

alcohol and abuse

i just watched the show of the woman who beats her alcoholic husband and i am utterly disgusted and literally sick to my stomach..My heart is aching for those little girls ...i am worried sick that as soon as the cameras are taken out of their house that the abuse will get worse ..there is something in that mother that i dont believe for one second she is understanding the toll this taking on these children..all she is doing is pulling attitude with dr. phil and it doesnt seem like she really wants to change..both of these people need to work on themselves, separately,  before they can ever be healthy together...these children need to be taken out of that house until these people are healthy..i have never watched one of your shows and felt so emotionally affected by it..i have been crying since i watched it..i want to just take those girls and bring them to my home so they are safe ..i have felt nauseous since this show and i cant stop thinking about it. Pleas Please keep an eye on these people dr. phil if only for the safety of these children...Marla Cunningham
 
August 25, 2005, 3:43 pm CDT

give me a break

Quote From: nevaeh

I definitely disagree with you about the wife. She is a nurse and is suppose to know better. The only reason her husband is sitting on tv alive is because she did not hit him in the right place. Who gives her to right to beat someone like that? If it had been done to her there would be a great up roar. Imagine her daughter standing there with her hands over her ears. The child had to be frightened. The reason her husband drinks probably has a lot to do with his abusive wife. I would not want to be married to either of them and as a former abusee, I know the horrors of being abused. Being stomped, run out of the apartment naked, terrified of losing my life, robbed and verbally abused until one day I could not take it anymore. I packed my daughter and left. I have been free every since. Abuse is no joke no matter how people try to cover it up. My abuser was fine in the first two years we were together. Then one day he slapped me and after that the beatings were regularly dispensed. He was cheating on me with a very young girl. It was in my bed that he took her virginity and I got beaten up because I complained. Then she got pregnant and showed him just how young and pathetic she was and I got beat again. I did not know such terror could exist and I was so very glad that I had somewhere to go. When I left him I never returned and I have never seen him again. I did hear that he robbed a bank and went to jail, but I felt that jail was too good for him. I also learned that while he was engaged to me, that he already had a wife and he was abusing her at the same time he was abusing me. It was an unbelieveable situation. I hope this family can receive the help they need and that the children will not be scarred in the future.

Thank you for allowing me to vent.

GIVE ME A BREAK....WHEN ARE PEOPLE GOING TO START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN ACTIONS...AND STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR OTHER PEOPLES BEHAVIORS...YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR OWN ACTIONS!!!!!TO SAY IF THE WIFE DIDNT MARRY AN ALCOHOLIC THEN SHE WOULDNT BE THAT WAY ..IS A JOKE ..GIVE ME A BREAK HER ANGER COMES FROM DEEP WITHIN AND IF IT WASNT HIS DRINKING IT WOULD BE SOMETHING ELSE SHE WAS BEATING HIM UP FOR ..THATS THE PROBLEM IN THIS WORLD TODAY ..EVERYONE WANTS TO BLAME EVERYONE ELSE FOR THEIR ACTIONS
 
August 25, 2005, 3:50 pm CDT

Shocking

Dr Phil surmises that anger is Sheila’s “comfort zone”.  Whoa.  That concept really struck me.   

   

   

The video from Steve & Sheila’s home was shocking.  Just shocking.  Steve is lying on the floor unconscious and helpless - - - and Sheila BEATS him and WALKS on his STOMACH ??  She could have killed him!!     

   

   

It wasn’t too long into the broadcast before I was saying to myself,  “Sheila has a serious problem.”   I also note that it seemed to me that Sheila blamed Steve for her violence, saying that she hits him because he drinks.  I’m no expert, but isn’t that classic abuser talk/abuser mindset?  The beat-er frames it so that the beat-ee is responsible for being beaten?      

   

   

Look, I’m not trying to excuse anyone for anything here.  I get that it is a terrible situation for Sheila & the girls when Steve is drunk.  I get that Steve being drunk is a terrible thing for Sheila to try to deal with.     

   

   

Steve is responsible for his drinking.  Sheila is responsible for her own violence (physical & verbal).   The damage to the children is enormous.  And somebody is going to DIE  - -  whether it be through alcohol poisoning,  injuries received from a drunken fall,  a drunken driving crash, or injuries received from a beating administered by Sheila.  I think Dr Phil is right on in this situation.     

 
August 25, 2005, 4:03 pm CDT

Serious Question???

Quote From: ozzylaw

Wow, I just saw the Alcohol and Abuse show today. I'm a police officer and unfortunetely I see the damage people can and do inflict on one another. However, this show even shocked me! I hope the local police department used the show to file Domestic Abuse charges on Shelia. I also hope those children were removed from that home. I know that sounds harsh, but the idea of those little  children living like that for so long is horrible! Like Dr. Phil would say "the only thing worse about living like that for 11 years is living like that for 11 yrs and one day".   

I hope Dr. Phil will do an update show on those two soon. Unfortunetely, my experience says that Steve is still drinking and Shelia is still raging and the kids are still suffering!   

With the evidence from the show would it be possible for the local police force and the local CPS to take action on this family? I only ask because in your statement you said you are an officer of the law, and in the eyes of the law and CPS action should, and must be taken. Truthfully those kids need to go to some other family member (not foster care; that could do more harm than good) until there is hard evidence that both parents have fixed their problems. Both are to blame here! But again, what action if any could possibly be taken on these two?
 
August 25, 2005, 4:18 pm CDT

Seperating the two

Dr. Phil definitely did the right thing by separating the couple. Obviously, Steve and Sheila are unfit to live with one another. However, I disagree with Dr. Phil in that Sheila deliberately found a husband with an alcoholic problem just for her to have the go-ahead to launch a series of assaults. I find Sheila's anger to be very legitimate in that she hates it when Steve gets routinely drunk. However, it's Sheila's BEHAVIOR that I find so alarming. She desperately needs anger management and needs to be PATIENT with it because her therapy will take an awful long time. I find myself to be more sympathetic towards Sheila than most men would. Without Steve to kick around, I hope that Sheila perseveres and becomes a calmer lady who can function with a lot less hostility. ---FRED from K-Town!
 
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