Topic : 08/25 Alcohol and Abuse

Wow! I've never seen anything like that in my life! Did she ever stop to think that maybe SHE'S the reason he's a drunk? I have the greatest sympathy for her, having to grow up in an abusive household, and for him, with his struggle with addiction, but come on! She lied through her teeth when she said she didn't "remember" beating Steve. And HOW ... HOW could they subject their children to that kind of behavior! I feel so sorry for those kids. First for having to see their father being drunk all the time, but mostly for having a physchopath for a mother. That woman deserves to lose those kids, her job, and she deserves to be in jail. Hell, I'll volunteer to be her cellmate.

Watching the video of Sheila beating Steven while he was on the kitchen floor was shocking.  She clearly knew what she was doing.  I was irate when Dr. Phil confronted her and then her defense all of a sudden became "I don't remember doing that".  It was as if at that moment she realized that it's on tape and she was busted and could be brought up on charges.  I don't see why she didn't remember; she wasn't the one who was drunk.  She should be punished by the law.  It would have been punished if it was a man beating a woman.  I don't believe in any abuse, but that was one of the worse cases of abuse I have ever witnessed. 

 I am also a nurse and married to an active alcoholic.  I was also shocked at the violence, but am not all that surprised.  Unless you live with an alcoholic, you don't know what it is like.  Thank God things have never gotten to that point for me, but when you grow up with that and it is what you know and are comfortable with, unless you get help, you will probably repeat it.  I was disappointed that Dr. Phil never mentioned Al-Anon on the program.  Al-Anon has saved my life, and I know I will never be able to graduate, because it helps me in all aspects of my life, not just living with my alcoholic.  I know my children have seen the changes in me, when I can learn to detach from my alcoholic and not take his behaviors and his drinking personally, I do much better.  Alcoholism is such a powerful disease, why else would anyone else put themselves thru what Steve and millions of other alcoholics do every day?  I hope they are able to get better, either apart or together.  And I hope and pray that their daughters are able to get help and lead "normal" lives, and just be kids.

I can't help but wonder why these two weren't promptly arrested after the show!  Certainly, if Sheila was a man, she would have been.  I understand they both need serious counseling, but what they are doing to those children (and each other!) is absolutely criminal.  It was the hardest show to watch!

I think several of the postings on this topic are far too judgemental.  It seems to me that a lot of you who posted comments do not understand the dynamics of an alcoholic family.  The statements seem to be more about how best to punish Sheila or Steve.  I think they have been punishing themselves and their children for 13 years.  This family needs help to heal.  Sheila needs therapy to deal with her past and her anger and Steve needs serious rehabilitation.  Dr Phil is correct that right now neither of them need to be around the children.   

  

I speak from experience.  My father was an alcoholic and my mother abused him.  The video shown could have been filmed in my home 30 years ago.  It took me a long time to come to terms with what I saw as a child.  I know after years of therapy and study that my fathers disease is not my fault.  I also know now that my mother grew up in the same environment as I did.  She was doing what she knew, that may not make sense to someone who has never been in that situation.  I don't condone the way my mother behaved or the way Sheila behaves, but I have tried to understand the rage that leads someone to that place.  I was only through trying to understand my mothers behavior that I came to forgive her and my father and I began to heal.     

  

It's easy to pass judgement on Sheila for the choices she has made, it's easy to suggest she could walk away from this.  However, It's not that simple.  When my father was sober he was a wonderful father and husband.  There were glimpses of what a family should be when he was sober.  When he drank, he changed and so did my mother.  She stayed because she was holding on to those moments of sanity when he was sober, she saw what he could be if he stopped drinking.  He was in rehab too many times to count.  Eventually, she did get us both out of the situation.   

  

I am glad this show aired, I hope it will lead to other families like this to seek help and move past the shame.  30 years ago you didn't talk about what went on behind closed doors, now there is help which is what this family needs.  Help and support, not judgement and critisism from people who do not understand how alcohol can effect a family. 

  

I think Dr. Phil was treating the wife as if it was her problem.  The husband needed to be talked to about his behavior that caused the wife to lose her temper. I do not think she was right in the way she handled it. Dr Phil needed to blast the husband and then the wife. 

Often less is used to charge someone with Domestic Abuse. Usually it's just the word (and bruises) of one against the other. I would imagine it would be a prosecuter's dream to have everything caught on tape. No question of how the bruises appeared in that video! As for the kids, I agree placement with family is usually better for kids, however it would seem that Shelia has ALOT of abuse on her side, and no mention was made of Steve's family.  In Oklahoma, a child is initially placed in "the shelter" until a hearing determines where they are placed. CPS (or DHS here) has to do home studies of the family members to make sure the kids aren't placed in a worse situation. So sometimes foster care is used short time at least. As for charges against Steve. Unless he is stopped at the time he is driving drunk, nothing can be done about that. He's obviously unfit to care for those kids alone. They'd be taking care of him! I agree both are to blame!

I agree that Shelia was putting on the act with the dry tear thing! From what I gathered from her letter she wrote to Dr. Phil (and was read on air) is that she wanted Dr. Phil to feel so sorry for her that she lives with an alcoholic and "it becomes abusive". I'm wondering if she left out the fact that SHE gets abusive, not the alcoholic! I can't believe that Shelia only knew abuse, so she married into it. She knew it was wrong. She knew what she witnesses changed her forever. WHY then would she subject her kids to the same thing!  When Dr. Phil said she married him because he was an alcoholic and was hitting him to basically even the score I was clapping at the t.v. set!