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Topic : 08/25 Alcohol and Abuse

Number of Replies: 74
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, August 19, 2005, 03:21:03 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original airdate 05/19/05) Steve and Sheila are high school sweethearts whose marriage seem normal from the outside. But shocking home video shows Steve, an alcoholic, passed out on the floor on the verge of death, while Sheila violently slaps, punches, kicks and stomps on him — in front of their two little girls. Find out what Dr. Phil thinks has to happen if they want to keep their children and turn their out-of-control lives around.  Has alcohol affected someone you know? Join the discussion.


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August 26, 2005, 6:22 am CDT

Steve and Sheila

Wow! I've never seen anything like that in my life! Did she ever stop to think that maybe SHE'S the reason he's a drunk? I have the greatest sympathy for her, having to grow up in an abusive household, and for him, with his struggle with addiction, but come on! She lied through her teeth when she said she didn't "remember" beating Steve. And HOW ... HOW could they subject their children to that kind of behavior! I feel so sorry for those kids. First for having to see their father being drunk all the time, but mostly for having a physchopath for a mother. That woman deserves to lose those kids, her job, and she deserves to be in jail. Hell, I'll volunteer to be her cellmate.
 
August 26, 2005, 7:48 am CDT

Sheila & Steve

Watching the video of Sheila beating Steven while he was on the kitchen floor was shocking.  She clearly knew what she was doing.  I was irate when Dr. Phil confronted her and then her defense all of a sudden became "I don't remember doing that".  It was as if at that moment she realized that it's on tape and she was busted and could be brought up on charges.  I don't see why she didn't remember; she wasn't the one who was drunk.  She should be punished by the law.  It would have been punished if it was a man beating a woman.  I don't believe in any abuse, but that was one of the worse cases of abuse I have ever witnessed. 
 
August 26, 2005, 9:57 am CDT

crackenLOL

Quote From: cracken

Wow! I've never seen anything like that in my life! Did she ever stop to think that maybe SHE'S the reason he's a drunk? I have the greatest sympathy for her, having to grow up in an abusive household, and for him, with his struggle with addiction, but come on! She lied through her teeth when she said she didn't "remember" beating Steve. And HOW ... HOW could they subject their children to that kind of behavior! I feel so sorry for those kids. First for having to see their father being drunk all the time, but mostly for having a physchopath for a mother. That woman deserves to lose those kids, her job, and she deserves to be in jail. Hell, I'll volunteer to be her cellmate.
Hi totally agree with you.Sheila i think got a shock when she went on the show and Dr. Phil didn't really take her side ! Geeze how can she even think he would .There was one time i thought for sure she was going to hit Dr.Phil!! She sat there and wiped her eyes tried to make it look like she was crying ,only thing that was wrong with that SHE DIDN'T HAVE ANY TEARS TO WIPE AWAY. You could see the anger in her eyes but no tears thats for sure.Didn't know the kids were watching she said when she was beating on Steve well DUh! if you (Sheila) didn't know the kids were watching then you obiviously remember beating the man in the first place.Give me a break she needs to be behind bars alright pycho bars as far as i'm concerned.You would think that she wouldn't want the same for her kids if she grew up in an abusive situation .I know some will write well thats all she maybe knew.! No if she trained to be a nurse well she should know compassion they do teach that in nursing school so as far as compassion she should have had that for her kids.But i believe Sheila missed that class that day!
 
August 26, 2005, 10:55 am CDT

08/25 Alcohol and Abuse

 I am also a nurse and married to an active alcoholic.  I was also shocked at the violence, but am not all that surprised.  Unless you live with an alcoholic, you don't know what it is like.  Thank God things have never gotten to that point for me, but when you grow up with that and it is what you know and are comfortable with, unless you get help, you will probably repeat it.  I was disappointed that Dr. Phil never mentioned Al-Anon on the program.  Al-Anon has saved my life, and I know I will never be able to graduate, because it helps me in all aspects of my life, not just living with my alcoholic.  I know my children have seen the changes in me, when I can learn to detach from my alcoholic and not take his behaviors and his drinking personally, I do much better.  Alcoholism is such a powerful disease, why else would anyone else put themselves thru what Steve and millions of other alcoholics do every day?  I hope they are able to get better, either apart or together.  And I hope and pray that their daughters are able to get help and lead "normal" lives, and just be kids.
 
August 26, 2005, 10:58 am CDT

08/25 Alcohol and Abuse

I can't help but wonder why these two weren't promptly arrested after the show!  Certainly, if Sheila was a man, she would have been.  I understand they both need serious counseling, but what they are doing to those children (and each other!) is absolutely criminal.  It was the hardest show to watch!
 
August 26, 2005, 11:01 am CDT

Too Judgemental

I think several of the postings on this topic are far too judgemental.  It seems to me that a lot of you who posted comments do not understand the dynamics of an alcoholic family.  The statements seem to be more about how best to punish Sheila or Steve.  I think they have been punishing themselves and their children for 13 years.  This family needs help to heal.  Sheila needs therapy to deal with her past and her anger and Steve needs serious rehabilitation.  Dr Phil is correct that right now neither of them need to be around the children.   

  

I speak from experience.  My father was an alcoholic and my mother abused him.  The video shown could have been filmed in my home 30 years ago.  It took me a long time to come to terms with what I saw as a child.  I know after years of therapy and study that my fathers disease is not my fault.  I also know now that my mother grew up in the same environment as I did.  She was doing what she knew, that may not make sense to someone who has never been in that situation.  I don't condone the way my mother behaved or the way Sheila behaves, but I have tried to understand the rage that leads someone to that place.  I was only through trying to understand my mothers behavior that I came to forgive her and my father and I began to heal.     

  

It's easy to pass judgement on Sheila for the choices she has made, it's easy to suggest she could walk away from this.  However, It's not that simple.  When my father was sober he was a wonderful father and husband.  There were glimpses of what a family should be when he was sober.  When he drank, he changed and so did my mother.  She stayed because she was holding on to those moments of sanity when he was sober, she saw what he could be if he stopped drinking.  He was in rehab too many times to count.  Eventually, she did get us both out of the situation.   

  

I am glad this show aired, I hope it will lead to other families like this to seek help and move past the shame.  30 years ago you didn't talk about what went on behind closed doors, now there is help which is what this family needs.  Help and support, not judgement and critisism from people who do not understand how alcohol can effect a family. 

 
August 26, 2005, 1:11 pm CDT

Hard on the Wife ?

  

I think Dr. Phil was treating the wife as if it was her problem.  The husband needed to be talked to about his behavior that caused the wife to lose her temper. I do not think she was right in the way she handled it. Dr Phil needed to blast the husband and then the wife. 

 
August 26, 2005, 7:12 pm CDT

E LYND

Quote From: e_lynd

 I am also a nurse and married to an active alcoholic.  I was also shocked at the violence, but am not all that surprised.  Unless you live with an alcoholic, you don't know what it is like.  Thank God things have never gotten to that point for me, but when you grow up with that and it is what you know and are comfortable with, unless you get help, you will probably repeat it.  I was disappointed that Dr. Phil never mentioned Al-Anon on the program.  Al-Anon has saved my life, and I know I will never be able to graduate, because it helps me in all aspects of my life, not just living with my alcoholic.  I know my children have seen the changes in me, when I can learn to detach from my alcoholic and not take his behaviors and his drinking personally, I do much better.  Alcoholism is such a powerful disease, why else would anyone else put themselves thru what Steve and millions of other alcoholics do every day?  I hope they are able to get better, either apart or together.  And I hope and pray that their daughters are able to get help and lead "normal" lives, and just be kids.
YOU ARE A NURSE ?I REALLY DON'T SEE THOSE KIDS GETTING BACK TO "NORMALITY"ANY TIME SOON.WITH ALL THAT WENT ON IN THAT HOUSE !HOW CAN ANYONE BE COMFORTABLE WITH ABUSE?I AM CONFUSED YOU SAY "I'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO GRADUATE"FROM WHAT?IF SCHOOL YOU ARE A NURSE HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?IF I AM MISTAKEN I DO APPOLOGIZE FOR THAT.I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST IN YOUR FUTURE.
 
August 26, 2005, 11:07 pm CDT

yes

Quote From: sburns

With the evidence from the show would it be possible for the local police force and the local CPS to take action on this family? I only ask because in your statement you said you are an officer of the law, and in the eyes of the law and CPS action should, and must be taken. Truthfully those kids need to go to some other family member (not foster care; that could do more harm than good) until there is hard evidence that both parents have fixed their problems. Both are to blame here! But again, what action if any could possibly be taken on these two?
Often less is used to charge someone with Domestic Abuse. Usually it's just the word (and bruises) of one against the other. I would imagine it would be a prosecuter's dream to have everything caught on tape. No question of how the bruises appeared in that video! As for the kids, I agree placement with family is usually better for kids, however it would seem that Shelia has ALOT of abuse on her side, and no mention was made of Steve's family.  In Oklahoma, a child is initially placed in "the shelter" until a hearing determines where they are placed. CPS (or DHS here) has to do home studies of the family members to make sure the kids aren't placed in a worse situation. So sometimes foster care is used short time at least. As for charges against Steve. Unless he is stopped at the time he is driving drunk, nothing can be done about that. He's obviously unfit to care for those kids alone. They'd be taking care of him! I agree both are to blame!
 
August 26, 2005, 11:15 pm CDT

I agree with you!

Quote From: 101160

Hi totally agree with you.Sheila i think got a shock when she went on the show and Dr. Phil didn't really take her side ! Geeze how can she even think he would .There was one time i thought for sure she was going to hit Dr.Phil!! She sat there and wiped her eyes tried to make it look like she was crying ,only thing that was wrong with that SHE DIDN'T HAVE ANY TEARS TO WIPE AWAY. You could see the anger in her eyes but no tears thats for sure.Didn't know the kids were watching she said when she was beating on Steve well DUh! if you (Sheila) didn't know the kids were watching then you obiviously remember beating the man in the first place.Give me a break she needs to be behind bars alright pycho bars as far as i'm concerned.You would think that she wouldn't want the same for her kids if she grew up in an abusive situation .I know some will write well thats all she maybe knew.! No if she trained to be a nurse well she should know compassion they do teach that in nursing school so as far as compassion she should have had that for her kids.But i believe Sheila missed that class that day!
I agree that Shelia was putting on the act with the dry tear thing! From what I gathered from her letter she wrote to Dr. Phil (and was read on air) is that she wanted Dr. Phil to feel so sorry for her that she lives with an alcoholic and "it becomes abusive". I'm wondering if she left out the fact that SHE gets abusive, not the alcoholic! I can't believe that Shelia only knew abuse, so she married into it. She knew it was wrong. She knew what she witnesses changed her forever. WHY then would she subject her kids to the same thing!  When Dr. Phil said she married him because he was an alcoholic and was hitting him to basically even the score I was clapping at the t.v. set!
 
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