I can completely and profoundly relate to Candance, Been there done that! I understand where Candance is at, I too have been in a similar situation and for me hearing it from friends, relatives and strangers didn't do it for me. Candance my hope is the words I am about to write will somehow spark something within you so you can take control of your life and begin to heal.
I too looked for someone to give me the answers, when all along I knew what the answers were. My self esteem and self worth at it's lowest, I didn't trust myself. For me I needed to have all of my 5 senses involved, I needed to see it, hear it, touch it, smell it and taste it (a bitter pill to swallow).
Looking back there were so many signs and symptoms that I chose to ignore. I allowed his lies to cloud my judgement and form my reality. I stopped listening to that thing in my stomach which told me something here is very wrong.
I went back and read through my journals and found this "Loving someone means I will tell you the truth even when it hurts because I love you enough to give you an option to continue this relationship or move from it", oddly enough these were his very words to me the night he told me he loved me. This was my jumping point, a place where I grew strenght. From this moment forward when ever I was in doubt I read this sentence over and over again. As Dr. Phil would say I needed to get right with me first and foremost.
My next step was to discover the facts, it would be a month long expedition and on some level I would stoop lower then him during my journey for the truth.
Here is the timeline:
1. I did a quick search of dating sites on the internet. The first site I hit low and behold there he was, a picture of him in all of his glory. The second site the same thing.
2. I knew he was coming home on leave so I installed a key logger on to my computer-for those interested if you do a quick search these are free for a trial period on most sites.
3. What I would find on the key logger journals would aid me in discovering the truth. I had email accounts, passwords, cellular phone log in information, banking account log in information, you name it I had it.
4. For the next 2 weeks I logged in to his various accounts , checked his phone records and created a spreadsheet with reoccuring numbers, I had the facts sitting before me.
How this played out...........I received a phone call from him at 2am distraught, crying, hysterical.....I knew something was wrong. I checked his bank account and to my surprise there was a charge from a hotel in Savannah. His was out with friends so I had thought but the facts were sitting in front of me. I started calling reoccuring numbers from his cell phone records and I would discover he was not only engaged to me but he was seeing at least 4 other women and picking women up in bars. I had the truth there was no denying it. He was and had been cheating on me the entire 5 years, which was no surprise to anyone in my life.
I mustered up ever bit of my strenght and called him..........I stated the facts clear and to the point, I knew what was going on and the lies were going to stop. To this day he has neither denied nor confirmed the facts. Which is unimportant for me, my grandmother once told me men lie to self perserve, she was so right!!! I have not talked to him since!!!
Candance I will tell you this; finding the facts are the easy part...............living, loving, and trusting again has been the hardest part for me. I will never again be who I was, naive and trusting, but what I have become is a stronger version of myself. I have found strenght within me that I never knew existed. I have learned to trust myself and my feelings, I no longer ignore that little thing in my stomach, and most of all I have learned to love me. You can do this, you can get through this with the help of others. You deserve more than you have been given. If you need to talk or need someone to listen I am here and will continue to be. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Stacey
snowlady33@hotmail.com
(Original airdate 05/10/05) What can you do to protect your marriage from infidelity, and what clues should you look for? See what happens when a Dr. Phil producer goes undercover and sets up a blind date with a straying spouse. Then, Candace thinks her husband, who has cheated in the past, is still being unfaithful. She does a little investigating of her own, and then sends the evidence to Dr. Phil. Is she ready to hear what's really going on? And, Scott says he has stopped cheating on his wife, but her constant suspicion is driving him crazy. Can he be trusted and can she move on? 
