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Topic : 08/30 "Get Rid of It!"

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Created on : Thursday, August 25, 2005, 04:12:13 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Some people say, "When in doubt, throw it out," but others can't seem to get rid of anything. Nathan has a collection of more than 3,000 action figures and spends so much time cleaning, organizing and boxing them, he rarely sees his wife and children. Then, Robert and Heather are on the verge of divorce because of Heather's hoarding. Robert has bailed her out a few times, and now she's hiding a purchase so he won't find out. Will Heather reveal the truth about her clutter and start cleaning it up? Plus, newlyweds Gail and Tom are like the "Odd Couple." He is a neat freak who’s married to a major pack rat. How did they wind up together? Can you relate to our guests? Share your story and talk about the show here.

 

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pincatcher

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August 30, 2005, 9:29 am PDT

Clutter anxieties

I can relate to Gail in the respect that I try on a daily basis to deal with clutter, but it keeps getting ahead of me.  I have problems particularly with mail and bills - when it is time to pay a bill it takes me forever to find it - only to realize it was due yesterday and there will be a late charge.  I make a pact with myself that it won't happen next month!  Anxieties take over - I become overwhelmed - I don't even know where to start - I walk away from it and the cycle continues.
 
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slipunder
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August 30, 2005, 1:01 pm PDT

Heathers stuff

It’s so hard for me to look at her and her magnificent roomy house and lavish practical belongings and not bubble and froth ith anger that she could possibly want more. The more being rooms of extra fabric jewelry and knick-knacks. I understand that she is trying to quell anxiety but ho can she not be devastated with guilt knowing that shopping an accumulating is as bad as being strung out on drugs gambling or any other addiction when she has so much and there are so many poor people in the world and probably close to her very own neghborhood. It’s so hard for me not to hate but I know I can’t because some of it is because of my own situation. I am in my 30’s and I give every penny I earn to my parents because it barely pays for my asthma medcation an if they didn’t have some of my salary too they’d lose their house and things because they make so little money. She says being accountable for evey penny is degrading and I agree with that because I have to ask for small things like a candy bar, a pn for work, socks, and can’t even conider spending on things like dinner out, a movie, or whatever. It’s awful but if there isn’t centralized money bills don’t get paid it’s such an awful place to be. My father is a terrible hoarder he has a basement full of old tests from his students in case they ever dispute a grade and he’s been teaching since the 70’s. He has invitations and fliers because he feels it’s important to know what people were into or considered important at that time. Our house is covered with boxes of old medications from his mother in the 1960’s and cards and memorabilia nothing valuable. He insists his bed he got for confirmation, age 13, is good ebeough though it’s layered with grime and peeling and he’s in his 60’s. Our house is often filled with fruit flies because getting a good deal on chep fruit or veg that you can only eat so much of bfore it sppils. My parents got into an argumet over a bad ear of corn and the kernels were bubbly already it was so bad. Some of it is age and some is laziness that things pile up and I onl have so much time and energy to clean up after hm all the time. I know it’s anxiety for him and his parents divorce and you know it had to be bad with whole community involvement for a catholic couple to get a divorce back in the 60’s. He used to be a bad alchoholic but he quit cold turkey one day and he still has the patterns of rage, uncontrolled, nd anxiety like he did when h was intoxicated. I just fel horrible about it but I am not a millionaire to change anything. 
 
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debrasatt
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hopeful
August 30, 2005, 2:40 pm PDT

My son

     

   

    Hi I have a son who is 12 years old.He has a problem getting rid of things.his room is so full you can't even walk throught it.I have tried many times to clean it put he just collects more or goes thright the gabage can to get it back.I have never had to deal with a pack rat.My mother in law was a pack rat.her house was so bad you hatted to be in it.Is this a inharrited problem.I told my son that I was not  buying him anything for christmas acept clothes and games for our game qub and cds for a cd palyer nothing else he is ver upset I can't see buying him any toys as to the problem he has so may he acn't get int his room.He won't even throw out the broken ones.What should I do.  
 
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debbieofjc
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August 30, 2005, 3:12 pm PDT

Help for clutter

I saw part of the show today, and found myself yelling at the TV, "Tell them about FlyLady!!". 

I've had trouble with clutter, and feelings of being overwhelmed, not knowing what to do about it. 

I've read several books, including Sandra Felton's "How Not to Be a Messie" (and others).  I got on a message board for "Messies" and saw someone talking about "FlyLady". 

The website is http://www.flylady.net.   Flylady is Marla Cilley and her crew. You can subscribe (free!) and get daily e-mail reminders and essays to help you get out of "CHAOS" (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome).  

She can teach you how to get rid of your clutter and make your home a peaceful place. Her system uses baby steps (Our homes didn't get messy overnight, and it's gonna take some time to get it in order and keep it that way).  My house is by no means great yet, but I'm improving! 

I highly recommend Flylady! She (Marla Cilley) also has a book called "Sink Reflections". 

  

Debbie in MO 

  
 
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jagg123

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August 30, 2005, 3:20 pm PDT

Clutter What does it really mean?

I can see myself in all three guests.  I can't put my finger on exactly what the clutter means, though.  Is it a means to control?  Or are they filling a need?  What did all three have in common? 

  
 
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jane_holt
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Mellow

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August 30, 2005, 3:38 pm PDT

keeping toys

  •       When i come across toys i think are cute or might belong to some kind of value i keep them in a box in the drawers in cabnits where ever they fit well.   I do pull them out some times i think because i did not have toys as a kid and when my kids where small we could not afford them as just gifts just holidays... 
 
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lisametz
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August 30, 2005, 4:42 pm PDT

Thanks for the tip

Quote From: debbieofjc

I saw part of the show today, and found myself yelling at the TV, "Tell them about FlyLady!!". 

I've had trouble with clutter, and feelings of being overwhelmed, not knowing what to do about it. 

I've read several books, including Sandra Felton's "How Not to Be a Messie" (and others).  I got on a message board for "Messies" and saw someone talking about "FlyLady". 

The website is http://www.flylady.net.   Flylady is Marla Cilley and her crew. You can subscribe (free!) and get daily e-mail reminders and essays to help you get out of "CHAOS" (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome).  

She can teach you how to get rid of your clutter and make your home a peaceful place. Her system uses baby steps (Our homes didn't get messy overnight, and it's gonna take some time to get it in order and keep it that way).  My house is by no means great yet, but I'm improving! 

I highly recommend Flylady! She (Marla Cilley) also has a book called "Sink Reflections". 

  

Debbie in MO 

  
 
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rosiedeek
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sad
August 30, 2005, 5:49 pm PDT

I can relate with Heather

I made it a point to watch this episode.  I really feel bad for Heather.  I completely understand what she is going through,  because the same thing cost me my marriage.  I felt like Dr. Phil was explaining me and my life to a tee. Nobody can understand what this is like unless you experience it.  My husband didn't understand even though he tried.  We went to therapy and it helped for a little while, but in the end our marriage dissolved.  It has been almost two years since we divorced, but I am still having problems.  I don't have the money anymore to spend, but every now and then when I do have extra cash, I spend.  I really hope Heather can work through her problems and get the right therapy she needs.  I have read book after book to try and get help.  I wish I could find the right therapist who deals with this type of problem specifically.  I try to have faith and just go day by day, but sometimes it is really hard.  All the best for Heather and her husband
 
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mrstoad
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August 30, 2005, 8:31 pm PDT

I agree!

Quote From: debbieofjc

I saw part of the show today, and found myself yelling at the TV, "Tell them about FlyLady!!". 

I've had trouble with clutter, and feelings of being overwhelmed, not knowing what to do about it. 

I've read several books, including Sandra Felton's "How Not to Be a Messie" (and others).  I got on a message board for "Messies" and saw someone talking about "FlyLady". 

The website is http://www.flylady.net.   Flylady is Marla Cilley and her crew. You can subscribe (free!) and get daily e-mail reminders and essays to help you get out of "CHAOS" (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome).  

She can teach you how to get rid of your clutter and make your home a peaceful place. Her system uses baby steps (Our homes didn't get messy overnight, and it's gonna take some time to get it in order and keep it that way).  My house is by no means great yet, but I'm improving! 

I highly recommend Flylady! She (Marla Cilley) also has a book called "Sink Reflections". 

  

Debbie in MO 

  

Debbie, I wholeheartedly agree!  I've belonged to a "Flylady" group for about 2 years now, I'm such a huge advocate as to what this way of thinking can do to give us SHEs (Sidetracked Home Executives) the tools to improve our lives, homes, and relationships.  I actually haven't watched today's episode yet, but I posted on my group's messageboard yesterday telling everyone to watch.  In reading their responses tonight, I just had to come to the Dr Phil site and post something about Flylady.  Who would have thought there was already one here?  *wink*  The general consensus of my group is that Flylady.net would be a big help to some of these people on the show today, there was some concern that the solutions given didn't focus on long-term internal changes and were too 'quick'.  In fact I wondered in my post yesterday, "I wonder if Flylady will ever make Dr Phil's radar?".  Now there's a show I'd like to see!   

    

FLYing in BC,   

Mandy   
 
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dlmdesigns
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anxious
August 30, 2005, 10:32 pm PDT

paying bills on time

Quote From: pincatcher

I can relate to Gail in the respect that I try on a daily basis to deal with clutter, but it keeps getting ahead of me.  I have problems particularly with mail and bills - when it is time to pay a bill it takes me forever to find it - only to realize it was due yesterday and there will be a late charge.  I make a pact with myself that it won't happen next month!  Anxieties take over - I become overwhelmed - I don't even know where to start - I walk away from it and the cycle continues.
I struggle w/ hoarding ,but not so much with mail, try this: get an appointment book or calendar with large area to write each day, and every day you open your mail by  the wastebasket, in goes all trash mail, take each bill and write for example: gas bill due[ figure 7 days for mailing] and if the bill is due on the 20th of the month ,you will write- gas bill due on your apt. book on the 13th.just be sure to write it down the day you get it.and put all your bills together in one place-desk, drawer,etc.it works for me and no late fees. hope this helps.Diane
 
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