Topic : 08/30 "Get Rid of It!"

I saw the update show and saw myself right away. Then I went to Dr Phil Web site for more information on the original show. WOW! Now I really know wha these ladies were talking about.  

With Heather I can see myself in a situatuion very much like hers was with her growing up. I lost everything that I owned in a move from one parents house to the other. Meaning it was sitting at my Fathers and it never arrived to my Mothers. My Christening dress, dolls ,the hat and teddy bear I had from the day I was born and almost died. EVERYTHING I GREW UP WITH for 18 years of my life. After that move my father did not talk to me for almost 10 years. ( we talk monthly now. He divorced and remarried a very nice lady who got him to call us again and reconnect with us. :))  My siblings and I had the same situation as Heather did from the show. No utilities at times. Nothing new to wear. No Money basiclly for anything. We survived. I just went on with life. I worked and started shopping . Started over.  I started my thing of  I did not get rid of  clothes and books and things I loved.   

Met my husband  at 22 and got married. We wanted a family. So we did try for a baby. Nothing happened. Very hard to be let down every month. We started the roller coaster of infertility treaments.  We were blessed with a son. We wanted a large family and hoped for a second  child  and started trying again right away . Nothing again. We started once again with infertility treaments. On our second round of trying I did become pregnant  a few times only to miscarry. Also did 3 IVF cycles withthe last one resulting in a pregnancy of twins. I miscarried right away one twin and found the other was an etopic pregnancy months later. The up and down roller coaster put me through a depression and starting the HUGE hoarding problem. The biggest of baby items.  I would save everything that my son had touched .A toy, sock, bottle. Whatever it was I would save it. I would shop ahead of time. Need size 4t..in 2 yerars! I  also wanted to try ever y baby product out there.  So I have wound up with over 100 bottles. In the meantime  we were told we could not have children probably and our only options were donor eggs or adoption for another child . So we did adopt. That was another roller coaster ride of ups and downs of emotion. We adopted our daughter 4 years ago. So I have a boy and a girl and baby items/clothes/toys/equipment that puts me to shame. We cannot park in our 3 car garage because it is filled with the kids stuff.  

For the past year I have tried to get rid of it. I cannot let the things go. I need to see that someone who needs it is useing it. I can box it up but it never makes it to my car. I remembr how much I spent for it . When my son wore it. How little my daughter was whenI put that on her. Do you know that normally crisis centers do not take used clothing. Only Goodwill. Sure great! Let them make money off of my stuff. I cant even give away these thing to needy people it seems. I also  just cannot seem to break the tie.   

But that does not explain MY clothes and the fabric and yarn and books that I have of my own.  

I have a wonderful husband who will listen to me when I say  I am trying to dig out of this stuff.  I am trying to let this baby stuff go. I am not sure he totally understands it either.  

I can see where Heather in the show says she feels . Ashamed! Unlovable! Looking to control something !  

Flylady does not talk about the emotional baggage that these things hold on true hoarders.  

These things hold a emotional tie . That is the point most people do not get. Thank God I am do not hold onto garbage type things. Or have a ton of animals in the house. I just have boxes of stuff everywhere. I always say GOOD STUFF! 

So tomorrow I will try to self talk myself into throwing away something without even loking at it. I will try to not shop for one more clothing item for my daughter or son. I will not buy one more book. It is not compulsive spending but to turn it around and to get rid of 2 things before I buy one more.   

That is my plan at least for this year. Get out of the depression, take control of my life and the things that I am doing that is not healthy for me or my family.  Get rid of this stuff. Because it is weighing me down. But it is also my security blanket.   

Heather if you read this . I hope you have had time to get help and heal  from your past . That your husband has become the emotional rock that you seem to need to help you get through this mess. I think of you often and am very hopeful for you .     

In today's show about hoarding and compulsive behavior, Dr. Phil mentioned  the word, Biochemical. I taped the show and this is part of what Dr. Phil said to Misty: "...there may be a part of your brain that is not as active as it might be otherwise."  "...if there was something going on biochemically that if we corrected that you could flip this switch off..."    

I am new to the Dr. Phil Web site. I  would like to know more about what these statements might mean. Where would I look on the site to find out?   

Well, I can relate with all three people on the show today! Now, I need to know how to help myself-------any suggestions. Don't mention  Flylady------------didn't work for me.  Any self help books out there that might give me an idea of what is going on in my head. I am beginning to think it is a problem with Focusing since I let myself get sidetracked too often. Need help quick!  

On another message board, someone mentioned a book that may be of help to those of us who have problems in the area of being "hoarders" and not being able to throw anything away. 

It is entitled, "Overcoming Compulsive Hoarding." and  was written by Drs. Fugen Neziroglu, Jerome Burbick, and Jose Yaryura-Tobias.  (Good Luck to both of us!) 

There is another book out (new) by the reknowned (International) experts on Compulsive Hoarding:

"Buried in Treasures" by Drs. Randy Frost, David Tolin, Gail Steketee.

To learn more about Hoarding you could visit:

Obsessive Compulsive Foundation's Hoarding Website:

 http://www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding/

Children of Hoarders Family Resource Community (where you will find support group listings):

http://childrenofhoarders.com/forum/index.php

Donna

Hi, This is my first time posting. I would be gratefull if anyone has any ideas on how to aproach my 'hoard-a-holic' mother, who I will not visit her for long let alone stay overnight because there is now where to sit let alone sleep, due to her hoarding.

I have tried to put her onto books, web sites, even accept how she is, but to no avail as she doesn't see this as problem for her.  Your surgestions would be appreciated!

I've been married to a "hoarder" for 14 years. In the beginning I didn't feel safe saying anything because we had domestic violence issues. We've since had therapy and it's stopped. Now, I find I'M the one yelling and throwing fits. I'm embarrassed of our yard. EVERYTHING my hubby sees on the street, garbage piles, other peoples junk,.... he wants, has a "use" for, drags it home cuz he's gonna use it, make something from it, or whatever. (he's literally like a kid in a candy store!) Our neighbors laugh, point or ignore us. Our friends complain, or poke fun all the time. I've tried talking calmly (this gets me a smile and a pat on the head), screaming, threatening divorce, crying, cleaning it myself (just made a clean spot for more junk and me yelled at for "destroying" his dreams), embarrassing HIM with pictures of it, etc, etc.  He claims it's the result of "his grandmother did it", or "his grandmother or mother would throw his stuff away as a kid while in school",or "no money to get dumpsters or haul off/dump fees". I've heard them all. I even asked him once, "How's that workin' for us?" If looks could kill....I'd been stinkin' before I hit the ground....lol

The VA has him on an SSRI, and something for RLS. But, he's still a pack rat with 90 million half-finished "projects" in various levels of decay in our yard and home.  Getting rid of the junk is becoming more important to me than continuing our marriage.  We also have an autistic daughter, with horrible balance, I keep waiting on her to fall on this junk. I've tried explaining that one to him too. All I get is OK, I'll get rid of it. Then he re-stacks it into another decaying pile while he starts a new one in the old one's place.

We used to own a small business so there was never any time to clean it up, or he needed a place to put scrap. (we've had the county on us and been to court over 2 times now too) Now, he's got health problems and is on disability/Social Security. Same old, have the money but no time, now it's "got time, but no money".  I dunno, maybe that really is just another excuse. Am I enabling this somehow? Am I screaming get it picked up, but "showing" it's ok, pile it up....I'm not embarrassed!

Any new ideas?????

Marla's special message to us all on just how fabulous we can be when we focus for 15 minutes at a time. http://budurl.com/flyladyfocus