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Topic : 09/02 "I Hate Myself"

Number of Replies: 63
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Thursday, August 25, 2005, 04:29:48 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Women often say, "I wish I was skinny," or "Do I look fat?" But what does it mean for their daughters? Michelle says her 13-year-old, Megan, spends most of her time looking in the mirror and picking herself apart. Her self-hatred is starting to take its toll on their family. Then, Tisha has struggled with her weight and low self-esteem all of her life. Now she fears that she's passing those issues down to her 8-year-old who weighs herself every day and calls herself fat. Plus, 19-year-old Irene lost 80 pounds, but says she's still unhappy. Along with supermodel Daisy Fuentes, Dr. Phil offer tools to help raise your daughter's self-esteem. Talk about the show here.

 

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September 2, 2005, 1:15 pm CDT

I hate myself

Wishing you all a nice day, I'am going to bed...I live in Holland overhere it is 22.15.  

see you soon!  

  

 
September 2, 2005, 1:37 pm CDT

I can relate

 I wanted to say to not only the moms but to all family memebers- kids see, hear, and understand alot more than you think. Everything you do affects those around you. As for me, my family has always treated me wonderfully- Im 4th of 5 childeren and have always been told im smart, cute, ect. However, my Dad has always been overweight and struggled with his weight. My mom on the other hand, has always been skinny ( just a few pounds over the minimum healthy weight for her height) and always been very careful to keep it that way. As for my sister, well she was always on the heavy side and tormented for it by my oldest brother. My brothers will verbally evaluate any girl's appearance and lets just say one brother (who all the girls at school tell me is very HOT) likes his girls on the skinny side. Anyway, the point is that all the direct affirmation that i didn't  stop me from hating how I look, wondering at the age of 13 or 14 if i could literally cut my stomach and get the fat out (no i never tried), by 10th grade resorting to purging my dinners and when i still didn't loose weight cutting my caloric intake to around 300 calories a day. Certainly I wouldn't have sought help as early into my disordered eating as I did if it hadn't been for the love of my family causing me to have ok self esteem though i was lacking a good body image. Your actions around people have much more affect than your words TO them.
 
September 2, 2005, 1:48 pm CDT

The other way

I am 19 years old, and have been too skinny all of my life. My mom and sister were always bigger. Bigger in the sense of they are overweight. They made growing up really hard on me.  It took many many years for me to accept and learn that its ok to be skinny. Too many people think these problems only occur in fat people or people who used to be fat.  I can't help my weight. And that is no reason for people to trash me because i am skinny.
 
September 2, 2005, 2:40 pm CDT

Huh???

 Is it just me or was Dr Phil a little soft on the first mother? I would never tell any of my girls not to something because they werent good enough. If they wanted to try out for something, I would encourage them all the way. If they didnt make it, I would tell them it was ok, at least they were brave enough to try. Then, depending on how she felt, I would work with her, help her to practice and get better and make sure she had the confidence to try again!  Isn't that part of our job as mothers? To help instill confidence and to teach them if they want it they can have it as long they put in the effort? Whatever it is they may want..    

        When I saw the previews, I thought Dr Phil would absolutely lay into that woman. My 7 yr old has said a few times "I'm fat". I was mortified! I certainly would NEVER ask her when the baby was due! Was anyone else diappointed in the way he kinda glossed over the things she said? I understand frustration, but in my experience, frustration comes right along with being a mother. You just have to be consistant(more stubborn than the kid..lol)   

 
September 2, 2005, 3:24 pm CDT

not liking my-self..

hi..im 16 years old & im about 5'5"-5'6" & i call my self FAT all the time~im a junior in school & last year when i was a sophmore i remember this 1 cool teacher...he called me a brown cow...then i took it seriously & kept calling my-self fat & then this 1 teacher called me chicken butt so then i thought i had a chicken butt..im huge..& have thunder thighs~& thats kinda how i still feel...i dont remember 1 day that has gone by with out me saying "im fat"...my friends are all like 5'3"-5'4" & weigh like 120 pounds & they look just like i want 2..they tell me im not fat & my usual comback to them is "im just a big fat chunk walkin' around on this earth" & they laugh & say "get over it"..well i cant..cuz theres sumthin' inside of me that still dont like the way i look~i just wish i felt better about my-self but i dont know how 2 make that happen...dr. phil please help 

  

ps.do u think i should go on a diet & lose 20 pounds..if not then tell me how much 2 lose..thanx 

 
September 2, 2005, 3:29 pm CDT

oooops...

Quote From: hurtingurl

hi..im 16 years old & im about 5'5"-5'6" & i call my self FAT all the timeim a junior in school & last year when i was a sophmore i remember this 1 cool teacher...he called me a brown cow...then i took it seriously & kept calling my-self fat & then this 1 teacher called me chicken butt so then i thought i had a chicken butt..im huge..& have thunder thighs& thats kinda how i still feel...i dont remember 1 day that has gone by with out me saying "im fat"...my friends are all like 5'3"-5'4" & weigh like 120 pounds & they look just like i want 2..they tell me im not fat & my usual comback to them is "im just a big fat chunk walkin' around on this earth" & they laugh & say "get over it"..well i cant..cuz theres sumthin' inside of me that still dont like the way i looki just wish i felt better about my-self but i dont know how 2 make that happen...dr. phil please help 

  

ps.do u think i should go on a diet & lose 20 pounds..if not then tell me how much 2 lose..thanx 

i 4got 2 say how much i weigh..well i weigh 134 & i believe im FAT..please help
 
September 2, 2005, 3:31 pm CDT

oooops...

i 4got 2 say how much i weigh...well i weigh 134
 
September 2, 2005, 3:37 pm CDT

Anorexic or Healthy?

 

My daughter is 5’2” and weights about 105.  High metabolism runs in our family and the doctor says she is not in a danger zone yet but she is underweight.  She eats but eats extremely healthy and in small portions.  Anything that might be considered fattening is taboo. She is active and popular but parents have made comments that she looks anorexic.  She is large boned and I think that exaggerates her thinness.   

 

   

  

I’m concerned that when she leaves for college and we are not there to watch her eating habits she may have a tendency become anorexic.  I’ve taken her to a counselor to talk about her feelings that she needs to take care of the world.  We discussed her self-image.  She has a high self-esteem and is very happy with her life and body.  I’m just wondering if she could be hiding her true feelings or possibly doesn’t even understand any underlying issues.     

 

   

  

Should I worry about this or jus allow her to grow in her own way?
 
September 2, 2005, 3:55 pm CDT

Grow in her own way

Quote From: newstrom

 

My daughter is 5’2” and weights about 105.  High metabolism runs in our family and the doctor says she is not in a danger zone yet but she is underweight.  She eats but eats extremely healthy and in small portions.  Anything that might be considered fattening is taboo. She is active and popular but parents have made comments that she looks anorexic.  She is large boned and I think that exaggerates her thinness.   

 

   

  

I’m concerned that when she leaves for college and we are not there to watch her eating habits she may have a tendency become anorexic.  I’ve taken her to a counselor to talk about her feelings that she needs to take care of the world.  We discussed her self-image.  She has a high self-esteem and is very happy with her life and body.  I’m just wondering if she could be hiding her true feelings or possibly doesn’t even understand any underlying issues.     

 

   

  

Should I worry about this or jus allow her to grow in her own way?

I have two daughters one is normal petite 5'6 and the other is 5'9 and is slender and muscular. There have been times that they were both unhappy with their weight. I told them if that is uncomfortable  then only you can change yourselves. I will be there for you when you need me. I feel that is the key join in with our daughters. 

I also have a 16 year old son who is very aware of his weight. At this time he is playing defense for his team ,there have been times when he has come to me feeling fat or made fun of. I have mentioned to him I am here for you if YOU want me to be. We can work together if You would like me to help you.  

Allow her to grow,,,just let her know that you are there for her no matter what.. Good luck 

 
September 2, 2005, 4:03 pm CDT

09/02 "I Hate Myself"

Quote From: wendileigh

 Is it just me or was Dr Phil a little soft on the first mother? I would never tell any of my girls not to something because they werent good enough. If they wanted to try out for something, I would encourage them all the way. If they didnt make it, I would tell them it was ok, at least they were brave enough to try. Then, depending on how she felt, I would work with her, help her to practice and get better and make sure she had the confidence to try again!  Isn't that part of our job as mothers? To help instill confidence and to teach them if they want it they can have it as long they put in the effort? Whatever it is they may want..    

        When I saw the previews, I thought Dr Phil would absolutely lay into that woman. My 7 yr old has said a few times "I'm fat". I was mortified! I certainly would NEVER ask her when the baby was due! Was anyone else diappointed in the way he kinda glossed over the things she said? I understand frustration, but in my experience, frustration comes right along with being a mother. You just have to be consistant(more stubborn than the kid..lol)   

I agree with you.   I'm not buying that the first mother was "protective"; asking when the baby is due is absolute ridicule and very immature.  I was surprised that Dr. Phil tried to make excuses for the mother by having her appear sympathetic, like she was well meaning.  Maybe I'm being judgmental, but the mother resembled a hard, unsympathetic woman whom I, even as an adult, wouldn't want to show any weakness around for fear of being stomped on.   It has to be difficult for a daughter suffering from low self-esteem to have a mother who is little more than just another bully.   That daughter would have a lot of undiscovered talents but I remembered thinking when I saw her playing basketball that she'll never have the confidence to try to find her talent in front of a mother who puts her down.   Our family had a 23-year-old woman relative die from anorexia earlier this year, so I just flinched when I heard that mother's remarks.
 
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