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Topic : 09/06 "Fighting For My Children" Follow-Up

Number of Replies: 40
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Created on : Friday, September 02, 2005, 11:04:25 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

When they last appeared on the show, Linda and Michael were in a heated custody battle. Linda was struggling to reclaim her children from Michael, who's not the biological father, and who used to be a woman. The ex-couple met with a mediator to sort through their custody issues, but were they able to put their animosity aside? Plus, hear the dramatic conclusion of a 10-year court battle between a grandmother fighting to maintain custody of her 13-year-old grandson, and the biological mother who wants him back. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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September 6, 2005, 1:50 pm CDT

Agree

Quote From: bear82502

This is one messed up family! Very unfortunate for these children. I am just a bit confused as to how biological children can be taken away from their mother. Michael may be the only "father" the kids know, but he is NOT their real father. I find it rather scary that Linda has lost custody of her own flesh and blood to a man who is not!  

   

I am also confused as to why Linda would take on a relationship like this, to begin with! Surely she had to know there would be certain problems. To throw children into this kind of situation was not a right thing at all. IMHO.  

   

There is fault on both sides here, but I really think it is wrong that Michael has custody of these children.   

   

Of course, it won't be too much longer, that these children will be able to make their own decisions and decide who they want to live with. I really think that alot of counselling is needed here---for the children's sake.  

I agree that unless it is proven that these children are neglected, there should be no question that removing them from the Biological parent is absolutely unacceptable! Within the court systems, it's obvious they need more power than they are given... so they take from those who stand before them.
 
September 6, 2005, 1:54 pm CDT

THOSE BORN AGAIN CHRISTIANS

I think the mother will never change her mind about the father as long as she is BORN AGAIN.  She said she was saved and his life style is not something she wants her children a part of.  Of course, it was fine before.  I think it is a shame that some of the BORN AGAINS  can be forgiven their pasts, but they have no tolerance for others.  They both love the kids and they should both be in their lives, but I think the mother will always undermine the dad with her religion.  How sad. 

 
September 6, 2005, 2:30 pm CDT

Why ?

Why do the Courts not let children speak?  I live in Illinois and have been fighting a battle with my son who is now 11.  I was never married and have full custody.  The bio never came around until the Court caught up with him 9 months after he was born.  I should have never never asked for support because he has soo much visitation and never pays, PLUS he abused him when he was 2 and most recently did not allow him to come home from a visitation which I had NO idea where he took the child. I had to file an order of protection on him to get my son back.  The Courts did absolutely NOTHING to stop or restrict his visitation!  The child goes every other weekend period and 1/2 holidays.  It does not matter to the Court that he was physically and mentally abused period!  My son hates to go but I have to threaten him if he does not I will get arrested.  I am not sure what state this couple both reside in but I was NEVER married and the bio has visitations rights NO matter what.  I have 7 more years of this hell.  

 

I am confused since he was a she who is ther real father as I missed that?  Why would he get custody if he is NOT the biological?  I have been married for 6 years now and my husband who feeds, cloths and pays for everything has NO rights even though he is called Father constantly because my son truly knows who takes care of him since he never had a bond with his real Dad because of soo many problems.    

 
September 6, 2005, 2:55 pm CDT

Someone help Linda

I think someone needs to smack linda.  She is not willing to work with her ex for the childrens sake. You can see it on her face.  I hope for those children that she relizes they need him wether or not he is a biological father or not.
 
September 6, 2005, 3:07 pm CDT

09/06 "Fighting for My Children" Follow-up

Quote From: jaidenjmom

I agree that unless it is proven that these children are neglected, there should be no question that removing them from the Biological parent is absolutely unacceptable! Within the court systems, it's obvious they need more power than they are given... so they take from those who stand before them.

YES I totally agree his is NOT the biological how in the world did this occur? Why would the Courts give people that change their sexes Custody when they are NOT the biological parent? This makes NO sense?  Why wouldn't my husband have Custody of my son since this is the ONLY Father he has known for over 6 years and he is NOW 11? PLUS I was NEVER married before and raised him on my own for 5 years.  

  

The Courts are truly messed up everywhere!  

 
September 6, 2005, 3:26 pm CDT

What happens to kids right period?

The Courts in Illinois give children NO rights until they are 18 period!  My son does not want to go period, due to previous child abuse and violations of visitation when I had to take out an order of protection to get him back which caused him to miss 2 days of school.  The Courts did abosolutely nothing to restrict or deny his visitation and turned him right back over the following weekend! Why don't kids have rights?  My son is 11 and has to wait 7 more years when the visitation order expires?     

 

These children don't have a VOICE period! People that come to this Country daily have MORE rights than these children and mine.   

 

ONLY in America!  

 
September 6, 2005, 3:31 pm CDT

Confused...

What is the rest of the story? What did the mother do for the courts to take away her biological children and give them to a "father" that is not????? Also, where is the biological father? I guess they aren't saying but this whole thing is such a mess. I am sad for these children.
 
September 6, 2005, 3:52 pm CDT

09/06 "Fighting for My Children" Follow-up

This is not about trans-gender. This is not about good parent vs. bad parent. All parents make mistakes, it's how we use these mistakes to help our children grow and learn. The fact is, us as parents are not the only ones that learn from our mistakes, we inadvertently pass our mistakes onto our children. I am a divorced mom who took the overprotective mom role. My kids dad never saw them when they were at his house, they spent all of their time with his girlfriend who is now their step-mom. I had to step out of my own skin per-say to view the situation. What I realized; even though their step-mom was not their blood,  she loves my kids and takes very good care of them. Through understanding and compromise we took on the job of co-parenting. They spend one week at their dad's with one weeknight visitation with me and then a week with me including one week night visitation at dads. Even though they don't spend a lot of time with their dad when they are there, just being at his house is enough for my kids to feel his love, and that is what is important, THEY FEEL LOVED.  We also make sure the kids spend all the major holidays at both houses, they should not miss out or feel left out of either homes events. Once divorced, parenting becomes a job, or a contract between the parents. Just because the parents do not feel love for each other anymore doesn't mean the kids don't love both parents. My advice is take the personal emotion out of the equation and view it as a business.   

 
September 6, 2005, 3:58 pm CDT

from experience

It is so sad to see this divorce unfold the way it has.  My parents divorced a long while back, and let me tell you, you have no idea the things custody battles and divorce does to children.  I dont even know where to begin to explain to these parents all the things that they are doing that my parents did, and continue to do to this day.  

  

To live each day, unorganized, not knowing where you are supposed to be, what homework needs to be at which house.  I dont care if it is 2 weeks here and then 2 weeks there, for a child it is confusing.  Can you imagine as an adult, moving between 2 houses every 2 weeks?  Can you imagine the organization it would require of you?  And imagine each house having different rules, different scedules.  You never find a point when you can relax. Making sure not to mix clothes from one parents house with another.  Knowing that every single day of your life, every single word you say can and will be used against you and the other parent.  

  

Just because you interview the children. and they seem fine, they are not.  Children know why they are being interviewed.  They know what it is for.  Dont be so foolish. 

  

  

 
September 6, 2005, 4:20 pm CDT

Work it out.

Years ago I went thru a divorce with a spouse that was unrelenting. Everything had to be his way or no way. Due to abuse and threats I was not allowed a lawyer and had to use his. We had tried mediation but he refused to comply. We tried counsling and anything else the court suggested but each one ended with "one spouse will to comply, one not"  I was lied to by his attorney and also give a false court date. By the time I showed up the divorce was over and he had custody of the children. In court he was plesant and nice to the judge but at home he was bitter, mean and nasty. Even though he was told to stay in the house he would not. After several police calls and a hospital visit I knew no one there could help me. I finally had to move out of state to be safe. The children were able to visit once. They were 5 and 6 years old. They had had a wonderful time. When they returned he told them they could never see me again and he spent along time making sure that would remain that way. That was the last time I saw my children. I have always kept the door open in case they would want to see me but it never happened. My daughter is now 20 and says that unless I say her father was wonderful to me and I am lying about the abuse, then she wants nothing to do with me. I have wished her well because I cannot do that. My son is now 19 and on the outs with his dad and would like to get to know me again soon. We are trying to work that out.  

Please get it together for the sake of the kids. Not only did I have to spend the past 13 years without them, they had to live without a mother. They have also lost out on knowing my family and friends over the years. Since the divorce we have lost my sister and they will never have had a chance to meet her. There are also medical conditions they are unaware of. I have tried to inform them now that they are old enough but my daughter has blocked all communication. I can truley say that lawyers and courts do not consider the children first. It is what is best for the situation. In Lindas case she says that she is compromising. If that is what it takes do it. It is better to have a relationship with your children than be shut out and have to live your life with the pain, grief and agony every day of not being able to touch, hold. comfort and see your children grow up. I will never see my daughter get married, or be there for her first child. We have all lost so much due to one mans hatred long long ago.  I even had a therapist tell me "I should work harder at trying to not make my ex mad" I wasnt the one with the anger problem. I tried and tried to get them back and make the courts punish him if he refused. It just didnt happen. I know you love your children but put aside your feelings for your ex. Put the kids first. Compromise! 

 
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