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Topic : 09/06 "Fighting For My Children" Follow-Up

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Created on : Friday, September 02, 2005, 11:04:25 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

When they last appeared on the show, Linda and Michael were in a heated custody battle. Linda was struggling to reclaim her children from Michael, who's not the biological father, and who used to be a woman. The ex-couple met with a mediator to sort through their custody issues, but were they able to put their animosity aside? Plus, hear the dramatic conclusion of a 10-year court battle between a grandmother fighting to maintain custody of her 13-year-old grandson, and the biological mother who wants him back. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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September 6, 2005, 4:54 pm CDT

it could be worse

A friend of mine took a few years to recover from a divorce in which we was made custodial parent of 3 boys. He penned a movie called "Custody" that is a semi-autobiographical look at what happened and how his world was completely turned upside down. His ex-wife has since returned to the state and made a half hearted (in my opinion) attempt to stay in the boy life. If they go over to his ex-wife's house they spend most of their time being "babysat" by their half sister. The boys don't have much to say about their mother when they come back from their mother. He has moved on with his life as a landscaper and part time writer to better their life and is struggling with balancing raising 3 boys and providing a home for them.  If people want to take a look at his work click on www.lucidvisionentertainment.com Parents, single or not, can relate to this movie.  He is a shining example of how to take an unexpected situation like divorce and how to make a positive experience out of it.  He is doing more with less than anyone I know. 
 
September 6, 2005, 5:49 pm CDT

Find a way

I know for some families, separating the children from one parent or another is a necessity - physical abuse, sexual abuse, perhaps the parent is a drug addict, etc.   

    

BUT in so many cases I see, the problems with custody have nothing to do with such a thing but rather, one spouse wanting power over the other, anger, resentment and revenge.   

    

It is the case with my sister.  She and her ex have been fighting over custody since their daughter was 18 months old.  They cut each other down in front of their daughter.  He calls her mother stupid and lazy, my sister calls my niece's father fat and dumb, and the list goes on.  They drag this girl into every fight they have.   

    

As a result, she became ill, trying to please both parents - and all they did was blame one another - "Well, if you weren't so stubborn, she wouldn't be worrying herself sick!" and such.  She was ten years old and diagnosed with a BLEEDING ULCER!!!   

    

I finally took custody of her for several months and she began to see a therapist.  This woman contacted my niece's parents and after several months of therapy and tears, the two of them finally began to see just how hard it was on their daughter - they did agree to stop dragging her into their petty arguments and trying to pit her against the other, though they still argue.    

    

My niece, on the other hand, has learned to NOT try to please her parents the way she once did.  Now, if they try to drag her into an argument or one parent tries to change the scheduling at the last minute, my niece tells them "NO!  This is my week with Dad (or Mom).  If doing this with you is so important, reschedule it for next week when I'm back."   

    

I am so proud of her and my husband and I stand by her and always will.  She's become a confident young teen (13) despite her parents selfishness - and in this situation, that is what it is, selfishness.  While they love her as any parent loves a child, in all their anger and hatred towards one another, they see her as another piece of property to argue over.  They've forgotten that she is not property - she is a precious little girl full of life and dreams and love for her parents.  They've forgotten that at one time, they did love one another and choose to bring a life into the world together.  They've both forgotten that they EACH made the choice to become involved with one other and are now forever tied together by this child - whether they like it or not.  And maybe that is the bottom line for these two - like it or not, they are forever linked.   

 
September 6, 2005, 6:14 pm CDT

Michael

you have no right to the children they are not yours by birth and a steparent should not have the right to fight for custody. 

I don't believe a word you say. 

 
September 6, 2005, 6:15 pm CDT

Dr Phil what are you thinking

I'm shocked and appalled.  The first thing that needed to be dealt with is what effect is having someone claiming to be a dad who is first, not thier father, neither biologically or leagally.  Second, this yoyo couldn't be their father because if I read Websters right a father is the MALE parental figure, and this person is neither male or a father figure.  I think someone needs a reality check.  Why is pretending to be a male okay - it sure isn't how God designed her.  If she wants to be a man - it is impossible according to the definition my Dad taught me.  And if she wants to be a "fake man" she should know it is biologically impossible for her to father children. And futhermore, why doesn't the rest of the people in this process, especially the lawyers, bring out this point.  It seems to me to be the main point to start with, that the biological mother doesn't want a trasvestite pretending to be the father raising her children.  What crazy judge would even allow that?  

   

How does the fake man think raising helathy well adjusted children can come out of not just the marriage, but from knowing he isn't a he, it's a she pretending and everyone seems to be okay with it except mom, who is labled crazy.  It sounds to me like everyone else is missing a screw. (no pun intended) The only one whos knows best is the mom.

   

Next, how can there be a coustdy battle if since they are both females they can't be married in FL, so there is no divorce needed.  And second it makes all leagal agreements null and void since they lied about everything anyway.  

 
September 6, 2005, 8:47 pm CDT

09/06 "Fighting for My Children" Follow-up

Quote From: jaidenjmom

I agree that unless it is proven that these children are neglected, there should be no question that removing them from the Biological parent is absolutely unacceptable! Within the court systems, it's obvious they need more power than they are given... so they take from those who stand before them.

The reason Micheal was given custody of the children is because he is listed on their birth certificates as the biolgical father. In other word he is the LEGAL father of the kids. The courts did nothing wrong on this one 

 
September 6, 2005, 9:04 pm CDT

09/06 "Fighting for My Children" Follow-up

Quote From: dawninpa

you have no right to the children they are not yours by birth and a steparent should not have the right to fight for custody. 

I don't believe a word you say. 

My (and they are MINE) STEP-children's so called mother? (the one who gave birth to them anyway) SEXUALLY Abused my STEP-SON and physically and emotionally abused My stepdaughter....and I have NO RIGHT to fight for custody???????????????????????????????????????????????????  Don't you think there is a damn good reason why the courts gave him/her custody???  I didn't even see the show but your statement angered me.  I have four stepkids (two different mothers) and both bio's were abusive to there kids.  My husband is away a lot.  I raise my (step) kids.  I am the one they come to for comfort and when they are both happy and sad.  I solve there problems or I should say help them find a solution for there problems.  They call me there mum.  Never once in 6 years have I ever heard them say I am there step-mother.  I am always introduced as there mother.  So should my marriage ever fail (which of course we don't think is possible) I will fight tooth and nail for MY kids (step).  I feed them I cloth them I LOVE them I raise them.........I could careless if they came from my womb.  They are MINE and I would die for them.  I have the RIGHT to fight for MY kids!!!
 
September 6, 2005, 9:25 pm CDT

I'm confused

Quote From: crp4evr

Why do the Courts not let children speak?  I live in Illinois and have been fighting a battle with my son who is now 11.  I was never married and have full custody.  The bio never came around until the Court caught up with him 9 months after he was born.  I should have never never asked for support because he has soo much visitation and never pays, PLUS he abused him when he was 2 and most recently did not allow him to come home from a visitation which I had NO idea where he took the child. I had to file an order of protection on him to get my son back.  The Courts did absolutely NOTHING to stop or restrict his visitation!  The child goes every other weekend period and 1/2 holidays.  It does not matter to the Court that he was physically and mentally abused period!  My son hates to go but I have to threaten him if he does not I will get arrested.  I am not sure what state this couple both reside in but I was NEVER married and the bio has visitations rights NO matter what.  I have 7 more years of this hell.  

 

I am confused since he was a she who is ther real father as I missed that?  Why would he get custody if he is NOT the biological?  I have been married for 6 years now and my husband who feeds, cloths and pays for everything has NO rights even though he is called Father constantly because my son truly knows who takes care of him since he never had a bond with his real Dad because of soo many problems.    

We're in IL and our attorney told us if my husband's then 15yr old son refused to go to his mom's house on her weekend, all she could do was call the cops and they'd issue my husband a citation to appear in court.  THey would not remove the child nor arrest my husband because it's a family law matter.  Then, in court, we'd have our chance for his son to talk to the judge as to why he was refusing to go w/his mom.  It end up that we called his mom's bluff and although she threatened to call the police and DCFS on my husband, she did not.  Instead, his son worked out a deal where he sees his mom but not on weekends anymore (long story, lots of verbal abuse, crap about his dad and his sister's out of hand which all made my stepson not want to be at his mom's anymore.) 

  

Just wanted to post this and am sorry your case seems so out of control.  Shouldn't be like that. 

 
September 6, 2005, 9:30 pm CDT

Amen! Amen! Amen!!

Quote From: jaidenjmom

What I don't understand is why nobody has brought up the core issue of this hellacious, ridiculous battle. These 2 Parents!! If they can't get along, how can either of them be good for either of the children? My suggestion is to Lock these 2 Grown Adults in a room... Let them battle their issues out... Don't Open The Door Until They Are Able To At Least Shake Hands!! Neither of these 2 are going to compromise on anything until the underlying issues between them are somewhat taken care of. There is so much bitterness that neither of them can see past trying to hurt the other. Common sense tells me they need therapy between the 2, before the children should even be brought in. 2 divorced, happy parents that are able to keep the peace and get along, are a lot more helpful rather than 2 who are bitter and angry towards each other who are out for revenge. And to Micheal... Yes you are a father, but you also need to realize the bond between a child and mother. I'm sure you have a fatherly bond.... but to step inbetween a mother and child is WRONG! And Linda... You're not going to get ANYWHERE unless you compromise!! You put yourself in this situation and are now making the children pay for your obvious Mistake!! You both need help and Lord protect those children!!

Coming from a woman who's husband and ex-wife have been in and out of court fighting over their rights to their children for years and still to this day, without any peace or resolution, I SO Agree w/your post!  The root of the problem in these cases is the parents' lack of willingness to put their kids first and GET ALONG no matter how hard it is in order to make their kids' lives better.  Heck, their kids have suffered enough already! 

  

Hasn't been easy to swallow my tongue all these years about my son's father but I have.  He had to learn about his dad on his own and w/o my interference.  I left the door open and my son decided what to do next, when he was old enough to figure things out.  So glad I never pushed him either way.  I know he'll love me for that instead of resent me and want the hell away from me someday! 

  

  

 
September 7, 2005, 5:40 am CDT

"FRaaNK"

I can't judge Linda, I really can't.  I wouldn't want to be in her shoes.  I have "gay" people in my life who give me "FRaaNK" advice (like from "Father of the Bride" movie) and tell me "WHAT TO" and "WHAT NOT TO" wear and that is OK, BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO BE FIGHTING with them OVER A KID.  No, I can't judge Linda.
 
September 7, 2005, 5:42 am CDT

09/06 "Fighting for My Children" Follow-up

Quote From: lafoxy

We're in IL and our attorney told us if my husband's then 15yr old son refused to go to his mom's house on her weekend, all she could do was call the cops and they'd issue my husband a citation to appear in court.  THey would not remove the child nor arrest my husband because it's a family law matter.  Then, in court, we'd have our chance for his son to talk to the judge as to why he was refusing to go w/his mom.  It end up that we called his mom's bluff and although she threatened to call the police and DCFS on my husband, she did not.  Instead, his son worked out a deal where he sees his mom but not on weekends anymore (long story, lots of verbal abuse, crap about his dad and his sister's out of hand which all made my stepson not want to be at his mom's anymore.) 

  

Just wanted to post this and am sorry your case seems so out of control.  Shouldn't be like that. 

WOW!  I had the case in Kendall for 5 years then moved to Champaign County when I got married.  Both Counties said they would use force to make my son go and if I did not make him get in the car I could be arrested!  Pathetic I know but this is really messed up and I was told in both Counties he cannot speak or have any rights until he is 18 period!  Thanks for letting me know though!   

 

YES my case is out of control considering there has been 1 documented case of child abuse from DCFS and 1 current case of where I had to take out and Order Of Protection to get him back from a visitation where in fact he violated the Order and did not let him come home period!  How much more can his abusive Father do????  The Courts do NOTHING but hand him right back over!   

 
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