Topic : 09/06 "Fighting For My Children" Follow-Up

I know for some families, separating the children from one parent or another is a necessity - physical abuse, sexual abuse, perhaps the parent is a drug addict, etc.   

BUT in so many cases I see, the problems with custody have nothing to do with such a thing but rather, one spouse wanting power over the other, anger, resentment and revenge.   

It is the case with my sister.  She and her ex have been fighting over custody since their daughter was 18 months old.  They cut each other down in front of their daughter.  He calls her mother stupid and lazy, my sister calls my niece's father fat and dumb, and the list goes on.  They drag this girl into every fight they have.   

As a result, she became ill, trying to please both parents - and all they did was blame one another - "Well, if you weren't so stubborn, she wouldn't be worrying herself sick!" and such.  She was ten years old and diagnosed with a BLEEDING ULCER!!!   

I finally took custody of her for several months and she began to see a therapist.  This woman contacted my niece's parents and after several months of therapy and tears, the two of them finally began to see just how hard it was on their daughter - they did agree to stop dragging her into their petty arguments and trying to pit her against the other, though they still argue.    

My niece, on the other hand, has learned to NOT try to please her parents the way she once did.  Now, if they try to drag her into an argument or one parent tries to change the scheduling at the last minute, my niece tells them "NO!  This is my week with Dad (or Mom).  If doing this with you is so important, reschedule it for next week when I'm back."   

I am so proud of her and my husband and I stand by her and always will.  She's become a confident young teen (13) despite her parents selfishness - and in this situation, that is what it is, selfishness.  While they love her as any parent loves a child, in all their anger and hatred towards one another, they see her as another piece of property to argue over.  They've forgotten that she is not property - she is a precious little girl full of life and dreams and love for her parents.  They've forgotten that at one time, they did love one another and choose to bring a life into the world together.  They've both forgotten that they EACH made the choice to become involved with one other and are now forever tied together by this child - whether they like it or not.  And maybe that is the bottom line for these two - like it or not, they are forever linked.   

you have no right to the children they are not yours by birth and a steparent should not have the right to fight for custody. 

I don't believe a word you say. 

I'm shocked and appalled.  The first thing that needed to be dealt with is what effect is having someone claiming to be a dad who is first, not thier father, neither biologically or leagally.  Second, this yoyo couldn't be their father because if I read Websters right a father is the MALE parental figure, and this person is neither male or a father figure.  I think someone needs a reality check.  Why is pretending to be a male okay - it sure isn't how God designed her.  If she wants to be a man - it is impossible according to the definition my Dad taught me.  And if she wants to be a "fake man" she should know it is biologically impossible for her to father children. And futhermore, why doesn't the rest of the people in this process, especially the lawyers, bring out this point.  It seems to me to be the main point to start with, that the biological mother doesn't want a trasvestite pretending to be the father raising her children.  What crazy judge would even allow that?  

How does the fake man think raising helathy well adjusted children can come out of not just the marriage, but from knowing he isn't a he, it's a she pretending and everyone seems to be okay with it except mom, who is labled crazy.  It sounds to me like everyone else is missing a screw. (no pun intended) The only one whos knows best is the mom.

Next, how can there be a coustdy battle if since they are both females they can't be married in FL, so there is no divorce needed.  And second it makes all leagal agreements null and void since they lied about everything anyway.  

The reason Micheal was given custody of the children is because he is listed on their birth certificates as the biolgical father. In other word he is the LEGAL father of the kids. The courts did nothing wrong on this one 

We're in IL and our attorney told us if my husband's then 15yr old son refused to go to his mom's house on her weekend, all she could do was call the cops and they'd issue my husband a citation to appear in court.  THey would not remove the child nor arrest my husband because it's a family law matter.  Then, in court, we'd have our chance for his son to talk to the judge as to why he was refusing to go w/his mom.  It end up that we called his mom's bluff and although she threatened to call the police and DCFS on my husband, she did not.  Instead, his son worked out a deal where he sees his mom but not on weekends anymore (long story, lots of verbal abuse, crap about his dad and his sister's out of hand which all made my stepson not want to be at his mom's anymore.) 

Just wanted to post this and am sorry your case seems so out of control.  Shouldn't be like that. 

Coming from a woman who's husband and ex-wife have been in and out of court fighting over their rights to their children for years and still to this day, without any peace or resolution, I SO Agree w/your post!  The root of the problem in these cases is the parents' lack of willingness to put their kids first and GET ALONG no matter how hard it is in order to make their kids' lives better.  Heck, their kids have suffered enough already! 

Hasn't been easy to swallow my tongue all these years about my son's father but I have.  He had to learn about his dad on his own and w/o my interference.  I left the door open and my son decided what to do next, when he was old enough to figure things out.  So glad I never pushed him either way.  I know he'll love me for that instead of resent me and want the hell away from me someday! 

WOW!  I had the case in Kendall for 5 years then moved to Champaign County when I got married.  Both Counties said they would use force to make my son go and if I did not make him get in the car I could be arrested!  Pathetic I know but this is really messed up and I was told in both Counties he cannot speak or have any rights until he is 18 period!  Thanks for letting me know though!   

YES my case is out of control considering there has been 1 documented case of child abuse from DCFS and 1 current case of where I had to take out and Order Of Protection to get him back from a visitation where in fact he violated the Order and did not let him come home period!  How much more can his abusive Father do????  The Courts do NOTHING but hand him right back over!