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Topic : 09/06 "Fighting For My Children" Follow-Up

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Created on : Friday, September 02, 2005, 11:04:25 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

When they last appeared on the show, Linda and Michael were in a heated custody battle. Linda was struggling to reclaim her children from Michael, who's not the biological father, and who used to be a woman. The ex-couple met with a mediator to sort through their custody issues, but were they able to put their animosity aside? Plus, hear the dramatic conclusion of a 10-year court battle between a grandmother fighting to maintain custody of her 13-year-old grandson, and the biological mother who wants him back. Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

 

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September 7, 2005, 8:35 am CDT

09/06 "Fighting for My Children" Follow-up

Quote From: junesmith

It is obvious he/she is not emotionally all together.  He/she has no right to your children.  Why do you need to be involved with he/she the rest of your life.  He/she was a mistake, why carry it on.  I think Dr. Phil is wrong on this one.  The children do not need he/she in their lives.  You need to get on with your life with out he/she.  I think this is crazy that this is even a big discussion.  You are crazy if you allow this to be a legal battle if you don't have to.  They are your children.  Michael doesn't deserve to share a second longer unless you decide to allow it.  Why do you even consider this?
I don't think she has a choice.  The court has repeatedly awarded him custody, if I am not mistaken, and merely given her visitation.  He is their legal father, which I believe was established on the first episode on which they appeared. 
 
September 7, 2005, 9:42 am CDT

Dr. Phil made his first mistake in my book!!!

My grandparents were divorced. My parents were divorced. My older sister and two older brothers were divorced. I was divorced. I was left at age three when my mother ran off with her boyfriend. My father could not take care of us. I am a product of the foster care system. I was never fought for, no custody battle. I fought for my children, big time custody battle. My point? When it comes to the welfare of the children, this mom is right to fight to keep her biological kids with her. They do not need to be yoyo'd back and forth between homes. They need one roof. I tried mediation - my ex had a 50/50 calendar all worked up. I said to myself, "would I like that as a kid? would I like having to remember where my favorite baseball mitt is, where I left my homework? where the bathroom is in the middle of the night? which house will I wake up in?" No, I wouldn't, was my conclusion. I went to court, my husband lost everything, I won the right to normalcy for my children. I hate that Dr Phil thinks it is being selfish to say I want my children all the time. If he thinks that, he doesn't know how unselfish raising children 24/7 is. My best friend did her custody week on week off. Her son is very confused and has no morals or security. He doesn't know if he is coming or going. Also, even though my mom left me when I was three, there is no one in my life I longed to be with more than her, no matter what she did. MOTHER'S FIGHT FOR YOUR CHILDREN NO MATTER WHAT DR PHIL SAYS!!!!
 
September 7, 2005, 9:48 am CDT

OH AND YOU ARE PERFECT??

Quote From: lafoxy

Coming from a woman who's husband and ex-wife have been in and out of court fighting over their rights to their children for years and still to this day, without any peace or resolution, I SO Agree w/your post!  The root of the problem in these cases is the parents' lack of willingness to put their kids first and GET ALONG no matter how hard it is in order to make their kids' lives better.  Heck, their kids have suffered enough already! 

  

Hasn't been easy to swallow my tongue all these years about my son's father but I have.  He had to learn about his dad on his own and w/o my interference.  I left the door open and my son decided what to do next, when he was old enough to figure things out.  So glad I never pushed him either way.  I know he'll love me for that instead of resent me and want the hell away from me someday! 

  

  

Who among us is the perfect mother? Who hasn't gotten angry? AND!!!! What could make a mother more angry than the threat of losing her children!!! OMG people!!!! If you were in her shoes you would FIGHT tooth and nail ALSO - I assure you!!!! Until you have been through a custody battle - you have no idea what extremes you yourself would go to to keep the babies you carried in your womb, with you!!!!! OMG give her her children!!!!!
 
September 9, 2005, 10:26 am CDT

09/06 "Fighting for My Children" Follow-up

Quote From: jaidenjmom

I agree that unless it is proven that these children are neglected, there should be no question that removing them from the Biological parent is absolutely unacceptable! Within the court systems, it's obvious they need more power than they are given... so they take from those who stand before them.
I disagree with you.  Michael has bonded with these children.  He "IS" the real father.  They should split custody and be done with it...
 
September 13, 2005, 11:12 am CDT

THOSE POOR POOR KIDS

Quote From: leftygirl1

I don't think she has a choice.  The court has repeatedly awarded him custody, if I am not mistaken, and merely given her visitation.  He is their legal father, which I believe was established on the first episode on which they appeared. 

I DONT THINK MICHEAL SHOULD HAVE THOSE  KIDS THEY ARE NOT HIS WHAT I THINK THOSE KIDS BE TAKEN AWAY FROM THAT MAN AND GIVEN TO THERE MOTHER HIS  SEXUEL LIFE OR HIS TRANSGENDER SHOULD NOT BE PUT ON OR AROUND THOSE KIDS,HIS LIFE STYLE IS VERY VERY VERY WORNG IN GODS EYES AND JUST PLAN SICK,ONLY GOD KNOWS WANT HE IS PUTING IN THE KIDES HEADS I HOPE THOSE CHILDREN ARE GIVE BACK TO THE REAL MOTHER NOT THE WANTABE MOTHER OF FATHER. 

   I PRAY FOR THOSE CHILDREN THAT THEY ARE GIVEN BACK TO THE REAL MOTHER. 

 
September 13, 2005, 2:29 pm CDT

He has NO RIGHT!!

Those are not his children! Period! I would be furious if this had ever happened to me! This is utter b.s.! I am so angry that Michael is doing this to her children....HER children! Grrrrrrr How dare he even think that he has rights to her children???? I am at a loss as to why the courts would even consider giving him custody of children that are not even his biologically! He is going to regret his choices in the future when the children come to realize all that they lost from not having been raised, full time, solely by their biological mother...instead, a man that is not even related to them takes them away from her. They will come to hate him in the end. They will agree that he had no right to take them from their mother....they are the ones that will suffer a lifetime for his selfish mistakes.
 
September 22, 2005, 6:41 pm CDT

09/06 "Fighting For My Children" Follow-Up

Quote From: paiger1969

Those are not his children! Period! I would be furious if this had ever happened to me! This is utter b.s.! I am so angry that Michael is doing this to her children....HER children! Grrrrrrr How dare he even think that he has rights to her children???? I am at a loss as to why the courts would even consider giving him custody of children that are not even his biologically! He is going to regret his choices in the future when the children come to realize all that they lost from not having been raised, full time, solely by their biological mother...instead, a man that is not even related to them takes them away from her. They will come to hate him in the end. They will agree that he had no right to take them from their mother....they are the ones that will suffer a lifetime for his selfish mistakes.
 
October 6, 2005, 1:10 pm CDT

Just a question

I've been reading through the posts and one thing struck me as odd.  There are an awful lot of posts with the terms "Real children" and "biological parents" in them.  It just got me thinking about my cousin who has given birth to five children, each of them with a different father.  My cousin is the "biological mother" of these children - BUT A MOMMY SHE AIN'T.  These are her "real children" - yet she leaves them on their own (the oldest on is 7 years) while she goes off binge drinking.  The kids have been in foster care more times than they've been  with her.  AND their REAL fathers?  Who knows.  The one who was involved for a short time ended up sexually abusing three of the girls. 

  

Then, there is the cousin who was adopted when he was four years old.  His real biological mother left him alone in her apartment when he was just a few months old and no one knew he was there until a neighbor heard him crying.  The doctor who examined him estimated he had been alone for at least 36 hours.  He was placed into foster care and the courts sided with the baby -whoppee! - and he was placed into a temporary home until parental rights were signed over and he could be adopted.  She finally signed over rights when he was almost four, and when he was four, he was adopted by a wonderful family who allowed us to keep in touch with him.  He never has seen his mother again.  He is now 35. 

  

Then, there is my best friend.  She was married young and divorced with two kids when I met her.  She remarried a wonderful man who has accepted those kids as his own, coaching little league, teaching them to drive, chaperoning dances, going through graduations, paying for university, etc.  The kids grew up calling him "dad" and even took his last name.  They refered to their  real biological father as the sperm donor when they were old enough to know what the term meant.  Of course, once the kids were grown up, "daddy dearest" suddenly wanted a relationship.   

  

When the oldest one had his first child, he placed an ad in the local paper stating that the grandparents were his mother and step-father were the grandparents - while biological father was not listed AT ALL, ANYWHERE in the ad. 

  

I guess what I am saying is - watch your terms.  A real mother does not necessarily mean one gives birth to a child - you could adopt, or take in children who were birthed by others.  A real father does not mean you donated sperm - you could simply love those children and be willing to lay your life on the line of the welfare of those children. 

  

BIOLOGY only makes you a father or a mother - it doesn't automatically make you a MOM or a DAD - and those are very different terms.  I know for my best friend and her husband, if her ex showed up and demanded custody of the kids based solely on biology, he would have had a fight on his hands... 

 
October 14, 2005, 1:38 pm CDT

09/06 "Fighting For My Children" Follow-Up

Quote From: genderbend

I disagree with you.  Michael has bonded with these children.  He "IS" the real father.  They should split custody and be done with it...
 Biological only means that ,that person made that child, it does not mean they are a loving caring person to the children. I agree with you they should stop the fighting and split custody so the children don't lose out on anyones love.
 
March 3, 2006, 7:00 pm CST

need advice & Help!

We are originally from Florida. & this is my situation currently! :(
I don't know where to really start. lets see. My ex hubby left our marriage by way of Adultrey. despite all harsh feelings I was able to put all that to the side & focus on a Parenting relationship with him. we decided on 50/50 split joint custody, no child support, we swapped our son weekly. in the mean time I re-married. & We (new hubby & myself) had a HoneyMoon baby/pregnancy. I had a ROUGH & high risk pregnancy that resulted in me not being able to work. with that**************we were NOT MAKING IT financially!!! we could not afford food nore clothing & could not guarantee a secure roof over our own heads. It actually hurt me more to have my son 1/2 the time knowing we could not proivde for him.....it was heart wrenching to watch your child eat Grill cheese & eggs all the time.....It gets OLD!! I called my ex & explained the situation & he took on more fulltime care for our son as being he had a GOOD job with a HOUSE. (Ex & I have been able to remain VERY amicable)

In the mean time my present hubby & I were trying to come up with plans to better our situation. We were in danger of foreclosure the bank was looking for our cars, credit cards were not getting paid. basically all we could afford was the mortgage & elect bill. & one car payment after that there was just no money left for ANYTHING! EVERYthing just SNOWBALLED!!! neither one of us had degrees. college was out of the question as much as we wanted too so we could obtain good JOBS......job security......financial security......retirement security! but the truth was......without degrees we could only climb the corporate ladder so far...& 10cents a year for pay raises was not going to cut it in the long nor short run! so my hubby being an Air-Force Brat all his life had the thought of him joining....at first I was not on board because i knew it could result in being seperated from my child & or a HUGE custody battle at which we could NOT afford! i knew my son's daddy would not just let us take him into the military life, especially when there is the long distance factor. wether we'd be in another State or another country. BUT then again**************we really had no other alternatives! at least in the military we'd get free housing, medical, prescriptions, Utilities, College**************so with a heavy heart I agreed for him to join BUT that there was no way we'd be able to take my son with us.....we could not afford a custody battle..& besides that our recruiter was telling us that we couldn't take with us into the military life because he was not my hubby's biological son, that the military would not fight any legal battles it is a pre-existing cond. the list went on! so...I told my Ex hubby EVERYTHING. & even HIMSELF with a heavy heart agreed to take on Primary custody. we went to the mediation office & got it all written up. my present hubby went off to basic-training**************we are now almost 2 years into this life. Our first duty assignment has landed us in Japan. we've been here for little over a year. I have consistently kept in touch with our son he is 6 going on 7 this year. I've sent MANY care packages, cards, & E-mails. My husband & I have put ALOT of money into technology to better keep in touch....we are set up for video confrecning,Voice over Ip/PC to PC calling......it is identical to talking on the phone except it is over the comp & internet & it is FREE....BUT....unfortunately my ex has lacked in keeping up with the times. so I only get to speak to my son physically when he is with my parents for a weekend at which he is usually there everyother weekend. anyhow being out here it has been a LONG & STRESSFUL, & EMOTIONAL year for me & my hubby. we've run into sooo many other military divorced families all with unique situations like ours. in some cases 50/50 split..one year on, one year off or 6mo on & 6mo off. rotating the kids from out here to the U.S. where the other parent resides. I called my ex.....telling him about these other situations & asking him if we could come with something. because I MISS our son SOOO much! & I KNOW he MISSES US too! I hear it in his voice as well as he tells me ALL THE TIME! he has gone as far as to tell me that "mommy if I live with you I wouldn't miss you" well.....my converstation with my ex didn't go well. we didn't raise our voices, or get into a bad argument. but he just WAS NOT ALLOWING our son to come out here & live with us for one school year**************.not even everyother school year. I gave him ALL THE PRO"S! that our son would have the best of both worlds. as he would emotionaly & mentally KNOW for sure when he would see us both...instead of this .....having no idea when he will see his momy next & for how long & if at all!! he's a kid....& I KNOW this stuff goes through his head! I pleaded with him to please understand where I was comming from as a mother & how infact it would benefit our son. but NOPE**************so I finally just told him "ok....its ok...I understand...don't worry**************I thought i'd try..I knew it was a long shot....& I'll call you with our vacation plans in a few days." we ended the call on totally ok terms. He did say if we lived in the States he would consider it but as long as we are overseas the answer is NO. In our current arrangement the paper work reads that he has "SOLE Parental Responsibilities" what does that mean?! HAve I screwed myself? & my son unwhittingly? & we did not have any set visitation we had it written up that it would be decided amognst the parties. We figured that was best because I'd be moving every so often & circumstances would change so we sort of left it open. I DON"T want to take my son away from his dad. I figured everyother year would be a perfect solution. doesn't my son have the right to know what its like to live with his mother? doesn't he have the right to be able to REALLY bond with his mother as well as his 1/2 brother? I am a stay home mom**************.I have 100% flexability to give him 100% one on one attention to his education, extra carriculars etc.....my ex has currently lost his job & gotten another one but has had to sell his house & is living with his mother in law (he has been remarried for over a year now....& not to the "other woman" another gal....a NICE ONE ) but anyway, she works & goes to school, has a son from a previous relationship, my ex has another child......an illitigament one...while we were divorced he got another girl preg. while dating his current wife) ANYWAY**************.putting all that drama to the side....when he did have his house**************.3/4 of the time him & his wife had roomates....even when we were married the ENTIRE time we were married his friends lived with us.....against my will. Our son LITERALLY DOES NOT know what it is like to live in a home where it is just the mother, father unit..& siblings. the 6 years he has been around has been very chaotic for him the poor thing. & now**************finally**************..I can give him a GOOD WHOLEOSOME, Christian FAMIILY...NO DRAMA home!!! I have friends & family that can testify as whitnesses that the life my son has only known is a chaotic one! SOOO considering ALL of this!!!! would my chances be good? do I even have a case? the one thing that bothers me too**************is being on BAD terms with his father. for the sake of my son.....I want us to get along....I'd like for my son to have as normal of an upbringing as possible full of Love, security & stability. I'm not asking for primary or sole cust. .....I want to work it out to where he can BOND with both his parents during his entire upbringing.....physically, & emotionally. I missed out on his 1st day of school. I just want the oppurtunity to get him ready for school, homework help, taking him to church with us, taking him to Tokyo Disney & Universal studios!!! when we decide to vacation for a spring Break or a summer. to be able to plan a Birthday, bake cookies for Santa & the Easter bunny, tucking him in at night. doesn't HE have the right to experience this with me while he is at this age? anyway**************....sorry this was LONG......I just need some advice. I have a gut feeling my ex has the upper hand......legally speaking. The mediator made it clear to us that ONLY A JUDGE had the power to take away parental rights!!! that I would NOT be giving up all my rights.....that my ex basically would be his primary care taker. BUT it reads "SOLE Parent Responsibility." any advice?! Thanks!
 
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