Topic : 09/09 Ask Dr. Phil and Follow-ups

Brittney would most likely be bored, discouraged and feel unmotivated if she was placed in her "normal" classes.  She should be able to find plenty of time to associate with her friends when she is not in school.  As an analogy, home schooled children seem to be finding plenty of ways to associate with their peers.  Have her parents considered dance classes, gymnastics, sports, church activities, etc.?   

Retired School Counselor   

I think that the parents should discuss it with britney. if she really is so smart she knows what she can do and what she is up for. but she is still young and she should be allowed to have fun just as any other child should have. and being the smartest and completing your education if you are very young is not the best thing to do. Just let her live her life like she wants to and let her be happy. I do think that highschool is not a step you just can skip. you accuire alot of social skills that you need later in life.  But it all depends on britney and what she wants.   

socialization from nature (hardwired) or nurturing (taught behaviors)?  I wouldn't discount either as being "bull" but rather I believe both would play a part.  I believe we're certainly hardwired for a great deal of our personality but I also believe the influences around us can have a huge effect on who we are & how we behave.   A child of abuse may very well continue the pattern in their adult life & yet they may not & I believe that's part of the "hardwiring" but for the children that do repeat the behavior if they hadn't been influenced by abuse in their life, regardless of the hard wiring, there would be no abuse influence to repeat.  So yes it's hardwiring but the influence (IMO) still has to be there.  A person can be born shy, or some people can be taught through ridicule to become shy.  I've fraternal twins & while they're both friendly & outgoing 1 is that much MORE outgoing.  Among even identical twins where they have the exact same "hardwiring" there will still be differences in personality & while we have the same parental influences as they grown up the influences change with different friends & schools etc.   I believe that's part of their personality development.   

I think it becomes a problem when a child is unable to be social with their own group because they are going to miss their childhood.  Intellegually smart or not I think we're all intitled to each different phase of our life & all that it should bring with it.   

I think to say that someone is simply hardwired is to wash our hands of being able to give them the skills to be a positive part of society.  I don't believe there is a mold we all need to fit but social skills I believe are important.  This isn't only for the children who are shy but for the agressors in school who may have their behavior explained away as "That's just their way & it's hardwiring".  We can & should teach kindness & to have emptahy for others.  This would help cut back on a LOT of the misery of the kids in all levels of school.  just my opinion of course.   

Most incoming H.S. freshmen are 14 years old.  When you compare them to 17 or 18 year olds, they do seem very young.  Brittney is only a year younger than the freshmen.  She could probably find a few good friends her age (or close to it) in that class.   

Because I started school a year early (too be with my older brother, not because I was a prodigy) and my birthday is in the middle of the school year, even my classmates where 1 to 1 1/2 years older than me.  Furthermore, I spent a lot of time with my brothers friends (one grade up), so I was the "baby" in my group of friends.  Even with this difference, it was hard - I was the last one to get a job, drive a car, be interested in boys.  Later on, in college, I could not go out with my friends to the bars because I did not turn 21 until 3 months before graduation.  While I didn't miss the drinking, it was no fun being left out of the socializing because of my age. 

Nowadays, there are so many opportunities for Brittney to continue to be challenged acadmically - she can take AP classes, or earn college credits through other exams.  She can take online or correspondence courses and when she gets to college, she can have more time for electives, working in a lab doing independent study, etc. 

It might help to get in touch with other parents with kids in a similar situation.  I don't know if there are any support groups, but I know your situation is not unique. 

I was in a similar situation as Britney (but my IQ is decidedly lower: 162 vs. 200)  My parents decided to put me in school early (at age 4), and it was the best thing they could have ever done for me.  Later, we thought of skipping me a grade, and even after that, discussed graduating early, but decided against it in order to keep things as normal as possible.  The difference between Britney's parents and mine, though, is that my parents put my "normality" as a priority in their life.  Every weekend or so, I'd have a "party" at my house.  Of course, by party, I mean that my 6 closest friends would come over, we'd pick a debate topic and sit around for hours debating it and eating pizza.  Not your normal high school party if you know what I mean, but it was what we enjoyed doing.  I socialized mostly with people in my same level of intellegence outside of school.  Inside school was a different story- my high school is kind of special in that the cliques formed aren't really exclusive, so I knew and hung out with everyone.  I'm in college now, at 17, and enjoying every minute of it. I have a ton of friends, and they were very easy to make.  My high school had a wonderful gifted program, and that's where the vast majority of my friends (all my best friends) came from.  I like to think that we're not elitist in our views of other people.  Not one of us has an incredibly amount of difficulty relating to people who don't have outrageously high IQs.  It really is a matter of parenting, though.  We were all raised not to talk about our IQs or anything like that, and to treat people with respect.  It can easily go the other way though: I've seen people drop out of school and waste all their talents because their parents didn't take the time to teach them social skills.  On the other hand, I don't think Britney really displays sociopathic tendencies either, as mentioned before.  The key to all this, as someone mentioned before, is not nature OR nurture- it is a combination of both.  Nature puts IQ in place, but IQ is only a measure of what you CAN do, not what you are doing.  It is a parent's job to nurture a child and motivate them to fully develop their talents.  I am a gifted child raised "normal" and I think it is the best thing you can do for a child.  Colleges are reluctant to take children and high-paying careers lack a place for a 17 year old to work.  Britney just needs to slow down and take her time.  I took 8 college courses during high school and am almost a sophomore in credit hours without any of my current classes.  There are ways of challenging yourself without having to give up the rest of who you are. 

And this is how kids should be raise.  Lindsey your parents sound very much like us here & they should be commended.  I believe this is EXACTLY what Dr. Phil meant when he said you want a "well rounded young woman".   

There are specific things here that to me are huge as to why you are the wayyou are "We were all raised not to talk about our IQs or anything like that, and to treat people with respect.  It can easily go the other way though: I've seen people drop out of school and waste all their talents because their parents didn't take the time to teach them social skills. "  parents do give us the social skills to be able to relate to others & they are taught.  When they are not taught (to the gifted or on grade kids) it can & does go the opposite way.  You said you're a "gifted raised normal" and that again is huge because you were made to understand that you ARE NORMAL & you just had the your talents pointed out.   

And this is what all parents of gifted or other wise children should aspire to do.