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Topic : 09/09 Ask Dr. Phil and Follow-ups

Number of Replies: 19
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Created on : Friday, September 02, 2005, 11:05:56 am
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Kim wanted to move on with life after her divorce, until she found out how her ex-husband spent her ENTIRE life savings. She decided it was time to get even, but wants to know why revenge doesn't taste as sweet as she'd hoped. Next, Brittney's test scores were so high at age 11, that she could have gone straight to college. Her parents sent her to high school, but now they're asking if they made the right decision. Then, Brandon last appeared on Dr. Phil as a teen with a severe drug and alcohol problem. Find out why he's back! Then, see how John is adjusting to life one year after he came to Dr. Phil for help getting over his foster care past. Join the discussion.

 

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September 4, 2005, 6:56 pm CDT

Regarding Brittney

Brittney would most likely be bored, discouraged and feel unmotivated if she was placed in her "normal" classes.  She should be able to find plenty of time to associate with her friends when she is not in school.  As an analogy, home schooled children seem to be finding plenty of ways to associate with their peers.  Have her parents considered dance classes, gymnastics, sports, church activities, etc.?   

Retired School Counselor   

 
September 8, 2005, 12:05 pm CDT

britney's dillema

I think that the parents should discuss it with britney. if she really is so smart she knows what she can do and what she is up for. but she is still young and she should be allowed to have fun just as any other child should have. and being the smartest and completing your education if you are very young is not the best thing to do. Just let her live her life like she wants to and let her be happy. I do think that highschool is not a step you just can skip. you accuire alot of social skills that you need later in life.  But it all depends on britney and what she wants.   

 
September 8, 2005, 4:18 pm CDT

Brandon

 The tease about Brandon is driving me crazy.  Does anybody know how he's doing?  I sure hope it's good news. 
 
September 9, 2005, 7:32 am CDT

Smart kids meshing with peers--or NOT

My daughter is in a similar situation--not AS advanced, but she is extremely smart and in school with kids her age. You know who she hangs out with? The autistic kids. Being physically in the same place with people her own age has not made her any more socially competent than hanging out with adults (with whom she is MUCH more comfortable). Dr. Phil mentioned the absent minded professor stereotype and cited it as an argument for making sure kids get the necessary socialization. It's bull. The ability to socialize well is primarily HARDWIRED. For most kids who lack the hardwiring, high school years are pure torture. I have huge doubts of the value of torture in contributing to the child's emotional wellbeing and functionality as an adult.
 
September 9, 2005, 10:23 am CDT

09/09 Ask Dr. Phil and Follow-ups

socialization from nature (hardwired) or nurturing (taught behaviors)?  I wouldn't discount either as being "bull" but rather I believe both would play a part.  I believe we're certainly hardwired for a great deal of our personality but I also believe the influences around us can have a huge effect on who we are & how we behave.   A child of abuse may very well continue the pattern in their adult life & yet they may not & I believe that's part of the "hardwiring" but for the children that do repeat the behavior if they hadn't been influenced by abuse in their life, regardless of the hard wiring, there would be no abuse influence to repeat.  So yes it's hardwiring but the influence (IMO) still has to be there.  A person can be born shy, or some people can be taught through ridicule to become shy.  I've fraternal twins & while they're both friendly & outgoing 1 is that much MORE outgoing.  Among even identical twins where they have the exact same "hardwiring" there will still be differences in personality & while we have the same parental influences as they grown up the influences change with different friends & schools etc.   I believe that's part of their personality development.   

   

I think it becomes a problem when a child is unable to be social with their own group because they are going to miss their childhood.  Intellegually smart or not I think we're all intitled to each different phase of our life & all that it should bring with it.   

   

I think to say that someone is simply hardwired is to wash our hands of being able to give them the skills to be a positive part of society.  I don't believe there is a mold we all need to fit but social skills I believe are important.  This isn't only for the children who are shy but for the agressors in school who may have their behavior explained away as "That's just their way & it's hardwiring".  We can & should teach kindness & to have emptahy for others.  This would help cut back on a LOT of the misery of the kids in all levels of school.  just my opinion of course.   

 
September 9, 2005, 11:24 am CDT

09/09 Ask Dr. Phil and Follow-ups

Quote From: momakababe

socialization from nature (hardwired) or nurturing (taught behaviors)?  I wouldn't discount either as being "bull" but rather I believe both would play a part.  I believe we're certainly hardwired for a great deal of our personality but I also believe the influences around us can have a huge effect on who we are & how we behave.   A child of abuse may very well continue the pattern in their adult life & yet they may not & I believe that's part of the "hardwiring" but for the children that do repeat the behavior if they hadn't been influenced by abuse in their life, regardless of the hard wiring, there would be no abuse influence to repeat.  So yes it's hardwiring but the influence (IMO) still has to be there.  A person can be born shy, or some people can be taught through ridicule to become shy.  I've fraternal twins & while they're both friendly & outgoing 1 is that much MORE outgoing.  Among even identical twins where they have the exact same "hardwiring" there will still be differences in personality & while we have the same parental influences as they grown up the influences change with different friends & schools etc.   I believe that's part of their personality development.   

   

I think it becomes a problem when a child is unable to be social with their own group because they are going to miss their childhood.  Intellegually smart or not I think we're all intitled to each different phase of our life & all that it should bring with it.   

   

I think to say that someone is simply hardwired is to wash our hands of being able to give them the skills to be a positive part of society.  I don't believe there is a mold we all need to fit but social skills I believe are important.  This isn't only for the children who are shy but for the agressors in school who may have their behavior explained away as "That's just their way & it's hardwiring".  We can & should teach kindness & to have emptahy for others.  This would help cut back on a LOT of the misery of the kids in all levels of school.  just my opinion of course.   

There are certainly environmental factors, but the example Dr. Phil gave is not one that falls into that class. Most of the very intelligent people I know have been disfunctional socially not out of shyness or abuse, but because they just plain do not relate to people in the same way most people do. They either have difficulty reading social cues (hardwired) or have no interests in common. Having no interests in common is less of a problem for them than it is for the people they're trying to mesh with. More commeraderie is found with other eccentrics--people who don't EXPECT others to necessarily share their interests.
 
September 9, 2005, 1:43 pm CDT

Not too young for high school

Most incoming H.S. freshmen are 14 years old.  When you compare them to 17 or 18 year olds, they do seem very young.  Brittney is only a year younger than the freshmen.  She could probably find a few good friends her age (or close to it) in that class.   

  

Because I started school a year early (too be with my older brother, not because I was a prodigy) and my birthday is in the middle of the school year, even my classmates where 1 to 1 1/2 years older than me.  Furthermore, I spent a lot of time with my brothers friends (one grade up), so I was the "baby" in my group of friends.  Even with this difference, it was hard - I was the last one to get a job, drive a car, be interested in boys.  Later on, in college, I could not go out with my friends to the bars because I did not turn 21 until 3 months before graduation.  While I didn't miss the drinking, it was no fun being left out of the socializing because of my age. 

  

Nowadays, there are so many opportunities for Brittney to continue to be challenged acadmically - she can take AP classes, or earn college credits through other exams.  She can take online or correspondence courses and when she gets to college, she can have more time for electives, working in a lab doing independent study, etc. 

  

It might help to get in touch with other parents with kids in a similar situation.  I don't know if there are any support groups, but I know your situation is not unique. 

 
September 9, 2005, 5:48 pm CDT

mom and dad are you happy now

Well I sure hope you two are happy. Yes YOU get to brag about your daughter, which I feel is the Only reason you were even on the show. You two are so wrapped up in your selves that you can't see the forest for the trees. My god can't you see that you have created the way she is? Let the girl be a child and quit trying to live thru her. Have you ever read anything about serial killers most of them had very high I.Q.'s but NO social skills. The ball is in your court be RESPONSIBLE PARENTS for a change. You remind me of the beauty pageant parents that refuse to let the kids be kids. I'm not implying that she should not go forward in her education and be challenged but she needs to be challenged more so in being a kid.
 
September 10, 2005, 6:51 am CDT

09/09 Ask Dr. Phil and Follow-ups

I was in a similar situation as Britney (but my IQ is decidedly lower: 162 vs. 200)  My parents decided to put me in school early (at age 4), and it was the best thing they could have ever done for me.  Later, we thought of skipping me a grade, and even after that, discussed graduating early, but decided against it in order to keep things as normal as possible.  The difference between Britney's parents and mine, though, is that my parents put my "normality" as a priority in their life.  Every weekend or so, I'd have a "party" at my house.  Of course, by party, I mean that my 6 closest friends would come over, we'd pick a debate topic and sit around for hours debating it and eating pizza.  Not your normal high school party if you know what I mean, but it was what we enjoyed doing.  I socialized mostly with people in my same level of intellegence outside of school.  Inside school was a different story- my high school is kind of special in that the cliques formed aren't really exclusive, so I knew and hung out with everyone.  I'm in college now, at 17, and enjoying every minute of it. I have a ton of friends, and they were very easy to make.  My high school had a wonderful gifted program, and that's where the vast majority of my friends (all my best friends) came from.  I like to think that we're not elitist in our views of other people.  Not one of us has an incredibly amount of difficulty relating to people who don't have outrageously high IQs.  It really is a matter of parenting, though.  We were all raised not to talk about our IQs or anything like that, and to treat people with respect.  It can easily go the other way though: I've seen people drop out of school and waste all their talents because their parents didn't take the time to teach them social skills.  On the other hand, I don't think Britney really displays sociopathic tendencies either, as mentioned before.  The key to all this, as someone mentioned before, is not nature OR nurture- it is a combination of both.  Nature puts IQ in place, but IQ is only a measure of what you CAN do, not what you are doing.  It is a parent's job to nurture a child and motivate them to fully develop their talents.  I am a gifted child raised "normal" and I think it is the best thing you can do for a child.  Colleges are reluctant to take children and high-paying careers lack a place for a 17 year old to work.  Britney just needs to slow down and take her time.  I took 8 college courses during high school and am almost a sophomore in credit hours without any of my current classes.  There are ways of challenging yourself without having to give up the rest of who you are. 

 
September 10, 2005, 9:35 am CDT

BINGO

Quote From: lindsey87

I was in a similar situation as Britney (but my IQ is decidedly lower: 162 vs. 200)  My parents decided to put me in school early (at age 4), and it was the best thing they could have ever done for me.  Later, we thought of skipping me a grade, and even after that, discussed graduating early, but decided against it in order to keep things as normal as possible.  The difference between Britney's parents and mine, though, is that my parents put my "normality" as a priority in their life.  Every weekend or so, I'd have a "party" at my house.  Of course, by party, I mean that my 6 closest friends would come over, we'd pick a debate topic and sit around for hours debating it and eating pizza.  Not your normal high school party if you know what I mean, but it was what we enjoyed doing.  I socialized mostly with people in my same level of intellegence outside of school.  Inside school was a different story- my high school is kind of special in that the cliques formed aren't really exclusive, so I knew and hung out with everyone.  I'm in college now, at 17, and enjoying every minute of it. I have a ton of friends, and they were very easy to make.  My high school had a wonderful gifted program, and that's where the vast majority of my friends (all my best friends) came from.  I like to think that we're not elitist in our views of other people.  Not one of us has an incredibly amount of difficulty relating to people who don't have outrageously high IQs.  It really is a matter of parenting, though.  We were all raised not to talk about our IQs or anything like that, and to treat people with respect.  It can easily go the other way though: I've seen people drop out of school and waste all their talents because their parents didn't take the time to teach them social skills.  On the other hand, I don't think Britney really displays sociopathic tendencies either, as mentioned before.  The key to all this, as someone mentioned before, is not nature OR nurture- it is a combination of both.  Nature puts IQ in place, but IQ is only a measure of what you CAN do, not what you are doing.  It is a parent's job to nurture a child and motivate them to fully develop their talents.  I am a gifted child raised "normal" and I think it is the best thing you can do for a child.  Colleges are reluctant to take children and high-paying careers lack a place for a 17 year old to work.  Britney just needs to slow down and take her time.  I took 8 college courses during high school and am almost a sophomore in credit hours without any of my current classes.  There are ways of challenging yourself without having to give up the rest of who you are. 

And this is how kids should be raise.  Lindsey your parents sound very much like us here & they should be commended.  I believe this is EXACTLY what Dr. Phil meant when he said you want a "well rounded young woman".   

  

There are specific things here that to me are huge as to why you are the wayyou are "We were all raised not to talk about our IQs or anything like that, and to treat people with respect.  It can easily go the other way though: I've seen people drop out of school and waste all their talents because their parents didn't take the time to teach them social skills. "  parents do give us the social skills to be able to relate to others & they are taught.  When they are not taught (to the gifted or on grade kids) it can & does go the opposite way.  You said you're a "gifted raised normal" and that again is huge because you were made to understand that you ARE NORMAL & you just had the your talents pointed out.   

  

And this is what all parents of gifted or other wise children should aspire to do.   

 
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