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Topic : 05/30 Pretty/Ugly

Number of Replies: 1324
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Created on : Friday, September 09, 2005, 03:43:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 09/16/05) How important do you think looks really are? And, do you think attractive people get treated better in society? Dr. Phil's son, Jay, goes out in  disguise to see if people really do judge a book by its cover. You won't believe the results, nor the response that surprised him the most! Plus, Debi favors her older daughter because she’s "beautiful" and treats her youngest like "dirt" because she's "fat and unattractive." Can Dr. Phil help her love both girls equally? And, Michelle only lets her daughter play with pretty kids on the playground because she equates beauty with success in life. Will she learn to re-evaluate her standards? Tell us your thoughts on today's show.

 

Find out what happened on the show.

 

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July 12, 2006, 8:29 pm CDT

Like the weather...forcing logic, and compassion, and diplomacy...seems to be impossible...but may we all learn how to live healthier, and happier lives, inside and out, so we may pass it forward to futur generations...:)..

I do remember in first grade...at five yrs old...and i was hangin' on the monkey bars with a bunch of other little girls my age....anyway...an older girl in sixth grade said she was inviting only the pretty girls in our group to play a game...well she pointed her finger at each of us one at a time...saying...your pretty..your pretty..your UGLY...your pretty...and your UGLY.....well i was one of the ugly ones in her book....and believe me what she said that day always stayed stuck in my mind....I never talked about it to my family, cause there were alote of problems going on all ready...but it's so silly...how from then on...when ever anyone would ever tell me i was pretty...i would never believe them...no matter what!..Even to this day!...as a child i was often very depressed, and confused thinking no one liked me cause i was ugly( i was too shy, and imbarressed)and as i got into my teens it was always a priority to try so hard to look my best....more than doing my homework, and or getting good grades...Although on the other hand i had my father telling me i was too stupid to do anything...Well i believed these things to be true, and thought everything was too hard for me to try...  

   

   

   

I wish today, that i would have had proper guidance..or some one to change the way my mind was setting at such an early, and impressionable age....  

   

Today... i have difficulties in different areas of my life, maybe because of things i heard and or saw at an early age...Maybe my mind got convinced young....and i'm stuck...from bad recordings that seem to be triggerd when an obstacle presents it's self....  

   

anyway..I do believe peaple should have to pass a test before becoming parents...and maybe with time, in futur generations...we will learn, from our mistakes...and pass it forward....  

 
July 31, 2006, 9:40 pm CDT

Pretty/Ugly

Quote From: kristal22

 I can honestly say that looks are very important in today's society. I say this because I have been on both spectrums of this topic. A year ago I was 218lbs, & a size 16. Guys would pay me no attention, and I was basically non-exsistant except to my family & friends. My Dr. told me I had to lose weight. So I started going to the track for an hour to an hour in half. Strength training, and so on and so forth. Today I am 125lbs and a size 4. I am considered "Pretty" now. I get alot of unwanted attention. I am the same exact person I was when I was 218lbs, only alot healthier. Yet I am treated differently in society. I worked hard to get to where I am now with exercise & diet. I did it for myself. I have also moved up at work, after a head boss took notice of me. I know that if I was 218lbs my head boss wouldn't have noticed me. So I say that yes looks do matter today in this society.  

Congratulations on getting to be in the shape I hope you want to be.  Don't be discouraged because you are suddenly being noticed.  I know it can be unnerving to get attention (including unwanted, too much attention) only because of how you look but don't decide to put on weight just to turn it off.  Watch TV and  see how much attention big breasted women get.  No one is looking at their faces.  It's too bad you were overlooked by a big boss before your new look, but remember, you'll do well and keep the promotions because of how you do the job.  It was his loss if he didn't notice you before.  Being healthier, it's possible you may project a move lively personality.  Just don't get too cynical because people categorize others because of how they look.  The rest of us don't.
 
July 31, 2006, 9:43 pm CDT

Oklahoma education

Quote From: ripsaw

Dear Dr. Phil,   

  I remeber a time when you may have said 93% of communication is non verbal. So people who take care of themselves do get better tratment. By looks, I am fat and very ratty. I have holes in the shirt (its also gotten bleached out from welding 60+hours a week,months on end), old blue jeans. and you better beleive that I make that other 7% work for me. I always smell good (givinchi-pi is a great smell), My hair is a ways cut and finger nails trimmed. I don't cuss and act like I've got class (in my speach patterns and mannerisms). I just look like a low class criminal from the type of work I do. When I go to the store. sales people cringe at me (I'm usually burned or got some type of visible injusry). thats ok with me becasue they cannot influance me in my decisions or confuse me (sorry for the spelling I have a oklahome education). When I do have to corner 1, I start with a joke about a buddie being a highpatrolman and who he has pulled over (it eases the tension). Then when I leave the checkout lines seem shorter (go figure)  

I wish I knew you.  You made me laugh out loud.
 
August 9, 2006, 4:17 pm CDT

Pretty/Ugly

Quote From: stefcamire

You are rediculous, I understand that people are judged on their looks and that it is important to hold yourself high and make yourself look the best you can.   HOW can you say that the package is at least as important as what's inside... you obviously do not have much to offer!  I work for a promotional modeling/marketing agency and I understand how important it is to be pretty, however I will not hire a girl that is pretty if she has no personality... to say the least I would NEVER hire you. 
You misspelled the word "ridiculous" and what I said about beauty being at least as important as talent is supported by research.
 
August 12, 2006, 12:22 pm CDT

Hi!

I was very upset with the lady named Debi. I could not beleive the way she treated her daughter!  I hope the daughter whom Debi said was unattractive knows that she is a sweet little girl! I actually thought it was cute that she told people she was half-Dalmation! The little girl is very clever! :)
 
August 13, 2006, 3:27 pm CDT

05/30 Pretty/Ugly

Quote From: anyacat

You misspelled the word "ridiculous" and what I said about beauty being at least as important as talent is supported by research.
Let's see the research.

And I also think that the other poster is talking about how it SHOULD be.
 
September 26, 2006, 7:29 pm CDT

pretty ugly

 I was totally heartsick and disgusted by the way that poor little girl Victoria was treated by her mother.  I grew up the fat, unhealthy kid from a family of skinny people.  My mother gained a lot of weight after having four children but she used to show me pictures of her when she was tiny and say it was our fault that she was now fat.  She always pointed out how my sister was naturally slender and how I was a big build, I'd always be "big" (by which she meant fat) and she would buy me dowdy, unnatractive clothing because she said anything else made me look "Like the side of a barn".  Even my best friend got in on the act, following the example of my mother and her parents who constantly made my weight an issue.  She was skinny, blonde and pretty and I was her "fat friend."  I was not even allowed to ride her horse because I might hurt it's back with my weight..(btw the horse was HALF CLYDESDALE...I was not obese, just overweight for my age/height)

by age 10 I was convinced that my weight was totally MY fault, that I was guilty of some kind of terrible sin of ugliness for which the world was constantly judging me.  I began a starving and binging cycle at that age which I still struggle with.

I've grown up with low self esteem, eating disorder issues, mental illness issues and fluctuating weight problems.  I now have fibromyalgia which severly limits my physical activity and psychiatric medications which have caused weight gain.  Sometimes it seems like the problem will never end but I won't give up!  I still want to lose the weight but now by doing it the right and healthy way.  To keep living the way I was, feeling ugly and hopeless and second best wasn't working for me and it never will.  I have already begun to see signs of preoccupation with looks and weight in my five year old daughter which she has picked up from school and television so I work hard to make her feel like she's perfect the way she is and that other people's judgements should be as water off a ducks back, just as she should not judge others appearances.

I hope Victoria's mother can find her way out of the pit of shallowness that she lives in for the sake of both her daughters because her attitude made me sick to my stomach.


 
October 6, 2006, 6:50 pm CDT

What is wrong with this mum Debi?

I cant understand why this mother treats her sweet child like that, when I saw her on the programe I wanted to wring her neck. That poor child I just wanted to reach into my television set and give her a big hug.  She does not deserve to be treated like that, and I think Debi needs a reality check. Dr Phil was so frustrated with her and I could tell that he was angry.  She doesn't know how lucky she is to be blessed with children.  Debi if you are reading this wake up to yourself and just know that you might be pretty on the outside, inside you are not so pretty.
 
October 9, 2006, 2:39 pm CDT

Now I know, for sure, that children don't choose their parents...

 REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS WOMAN. (NOT SURE WHY MOM THINKS SHE'S PRETTY?) 

  

SHE IS SO INCREDIBLY INSECURE THAT SHE WORRIES ABOUT WHAT OTHER 

PEOPLE THINK ALL THE TIME.      THAT'S JUST SAD.  

  

HOPEFULLY,  ALL OF THIS MENTAL ABUSE WILL ACTUALLY MAKE VICTORIA  

BOTH STRONG AND RESILIENT.  NOT THAT THIS MATTERS, BUT V IS A PRETTY GIRL AND SHE'S GOT SPUNK!   

  

I HOPE V HAS A VERY LOVING DAD & HE'S  HER "SOFT PLACE TO LAND"... 

  

  

 
January 23, 2007, 7:43 pm CST

Gifts from God!

As I'm sure every one of us is aware children are precious gifts from God, given to us to look after, to raise, to love, to train them up into fine young adults, and when i saw this episode it bought tears to my eyes that as a mother Debi cant see the two beautiful treasures she has been given, Debi states that she loves Hunner because she is pretty, and doesn't love Victoria as much because she doesn't feel Victoria is pretty, well Debi you are really scaring those little gems for life, the way you treat Victoria breaks my heart, that sweet girl needs you to love her 'unconditionally' you need to look into her eyes and see that beautiful young girl that so badly wants your approval, and you need to look into Hunner's eyes and seek out to really get to know and love her 'unconditionally' because to love what the eye sees is one thing but to love what your heart finds deep within your child's soul is another, your children are desperate for you to love them for who they are, for the real inner person you need to find in you that unconditional love for your two very precious gifts from God and give them all the support they need throughout their lives. Life is tough as it is why make it any tougher on our children by not accepting them and loving them unconditionally.

 
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