Topic : 05/30 Pretty/Ugly

I am watching the segment on the two daughters and am enraged with the mother.  It is child abuse the way she treats and talks about her daughter she thinks is "ugly".  I would take that child into my home in a second.  I work in a school for severly disabled children.  Each of these children are beautiful people.  Looks do not make the person.  What is this mother going to do when she gets older?  Plastic surgery to keep her looking young?  She says she is giving her daughter food and shelter.  Does she know a baby can die due to lack of affection?  Does she know what she is doing to her child's self esteem?  She is missing out on an opportunity to have a relationship with a beautiful individual.  She is destroying this young girl's life.  Even her "beautiful"  daughter is being damaged by her telling her how beutiful she is.  She will grow up so superficial and will never be happy with anything in her life.  She will expect only the best.  Sorry I went on and on, but she got my blood boiling!!  The tape should be sent to child services in her area.  Thanks for letting me sound off. 

How can this woman exist? This woman should never have been a mother. I hate to think what both children will end up becoming if their mother doesn't get serious professional help. As a mother myself now( my daugher is only 6 months old), i am constantly thinking of how I can be a good mother and how the only thing i want(which i guess is alot) is for my daughter to have self esteem and confidence in herself. This woman disturbed me to the core.

I know what it is like to be on both spectrum's of being looked at as ugly and then to be considered to be the pretty girl. I was born with a bilateral cleft lip and indentations of the gum. I had many surgeries done on my lip when I was very young, but still need some extensive dental work done due to the facial birth defect. Some people treat me like I am not even there and try to ignore me because they see the barely there scars underneath my nose from the surgeries of long ago. Then there are those who can't take their eyes of me because they are enamored by my beauty. Its kind of weird for me because I never know what to expect of people's behavior when they see me. I am more prepared now from growing up of people that are superficial, like the mother on the show today, and only see the scars and not the person that I am.  It can be hurtful sometimes because it is unbelievable how people treat others because of their looks. Its not fair but the only thing to do is ignore their behavior and go on with your life. People find something wrong with you that maybe they find wrong with themselves. I may not be Angelina Jolie but I have friends, family and a boyfriend that love and care for me and to me that's all that matters sometimes. 

The person that helped me with my self esteem the most growing up was my grandmother, she died last year in May of a stroke. It was unexpected and has turned things upside down and all around for me but I always remember that she was my biggest cheerleader for everything and always bragged about me to her friends and customers and was truly a person who had the biggest heart I knew. I never want to forget the things she has taught me and to never judge a person by their appearance, you would "never judge a book by its cover." 

  

  

  

I agree.  I was appalled at his assessment of Jay's overall appearance when made up.  He slipped up this time.  I love Dr. Phil, but he just reinforced what the whole premise of that section of the show was about.  Presented with humor or not, it's not funny.  I have dealt with people with their "sarcastic humor" which is cutting and hurtful.  They dismiss it as "I'm just kidding".  No, they actually are not and don't want to be accountable. 

Being this is the first message I have posted in the forum I am attempting to control my rage.  As a therapist that has spent the last 10 years working with children and teen I have only on rare occassions met a parent as clueless as Debi.  It is obvious that she uses her over grown hair and make up to cover her own imperfections.  It is so sad that her poor self image and insecurity is being passed on to her children.  I was amazed that she was unable to recognize that both of her children will resent her shallowness and will abandon her emotionally one day.  I would love the chance to ask Debi... "If looks get you so much in life then why do you have do little?"  I am sure that Debi would never take the time to even consider such a question.  As far as Hunter and Victoria my prayers are with them.  Hopefully other family member will see this as offer both these children a loving environment instead of the horror they live in daily.  Please let me know if there is a way to send words of encurragement to Victoria.  That amazing child needs to hear that she is great.

I always considered my looks and weight to be average (sometimes pretty).  Never had a problem landing a job or a man (some were well educated and very handsome).  I have been trying to find a job for 19 months now.  I always just figured it was because of my age (51) and employment being so high.....UNTIL TODAY.  While watching the show it was like a brick fell on my head! 

  

About 6 years ago I put on quite a bit of weight and of course that changed my appearance.  People DO look right through me.  Especially the young ones!  This hurts!  I always shove it to the back of my mind though.  I still have plenty to offer an employer, relationship, or the community.  I am hard- working, skilled, intelligent. and am STILL a good person. 

  

Look out all you young pretty things.  Looks don't last.  Walk a mile in my shoes and you won't be so quick to judge. 

Well I know from personal experience that Pretty beats Ugly no matter how high you are on yourself.  When you are not pretty it is excatly like what was shown on Dr Phil today.

I cried when I saw the way Debi treats her younger daughter.  I hope Debi is starting to save now for the years of therapy that Victoria will need.

Yep, I agree, Dr. Phil "messed up" at the end, too.  It's hard not to place a judgment on people by the way they look or dress or both!  And, I've been a "victim" of it myself from both sides, too--except, unlike Jay, it happened as I aged. 

  

I was a "beauty-queen" in my 20's.  People constantly talked with me and flirted with me.  Back then, before the AIDS scare made going to bars a bit risky because we didn't know how you "caught AIDS," I never paid for a drink when I went to the bars with my girl friends.  Guys were always buying me drinks.  In fact, one of my friends and I (in our Poor Days) would save up enough money for the cover charge, and then dance and drink all night on the drinks that guys sent over! NO--we never went home with anyone else!  I promise!  LOL!   

  

A few years have past since then, though!  (20, in fact!)  And now, I go to Chili's with my "old girlfriends" and sometime we can hardly even get waited on!  And I wouldn't say I'm that bad looking for a 40-something--but I AM a 40 something, for sure!  LOL!  So, yeah, you can be pretty and young and people will look and flirt with you, but you can be a faded flower, and people won't give you the time of day!    

  

Recently, I found out I have diabetes, so I lost 23 pounds.  I'm looking much better than I did, but still not enough for complements from anyone but really old people like myself!  LOL!  I think it's funny--and a bit sad--that our society places such an emphasis on our looks.  

  

So, I've started telling my beautiful 7 year old daughter that "pretty is as pretty does."  I've got lots of friends who seem to look beyond my "faded rose" looks and at my real character! 

  

to that woman debi who in the hell do you think you are you may beautiful on the out side you are one of the ugliest people i have ever seen all children are beautiful inside and out what do you think you are teaching your girls you are teaching one to hate herself and that she is worthless i would love to have a little girl the first thing she would learn is that she is beautiful ans she is loved. and worth loving i to do about not being beautiful we all have a beauty about us.