Topic : 05/30 Pretty/Ugly

Several years ago Cadid Camera had a segment where a pretty model, dressed up and made up--and with several pieces of luggage including a hat box--would hail a taxi.  The drivers fell allover themselves helping her into their cabs.  The luggage was no problem!  The same model then with make up to make her look older and dressed shabbily, and with only one well-worn suitcase, tried to find a cabbie who would give her a ride.  Most taxi-drivers just passed her up; the ones that did stop didn't open a door for her and would not help with the luggage. 

Joanne, I just wanted to say congratulations on over coming what you went through. You have come a long way and should be proud of what you are accomplishing despite the emotional scars you have been carrying around.  Reading your message made me sad and I wanted to write a quick word of encourgement to you.  I also can relate as I grew up alone without anyone to turn to, we were poor, lived in a trailer and all of my childhood friends parents looked down on us.  I wasn't allowed in their home...except for one....I was only allowed to play outside, when all the kids went inside to play I had to leave.  It was very hurtful to me and I didn't understand until I got older why.  It wasn't because we were unclean it was because we were poor and lived in a trailer. I will say my childhood experiences as bad as they were made me a very caring and compassionate person to everyone, something I am happy about, it makes me feel good to be there for others and to have a caring heart.  

  

 It  amazes me how "adults" can treat a child - we wonder why kids are so cruel - they get it from their parents.  I think the parents should be held accountable for most of the school shootings. It is them who taught their child to be judgemental and cruel.  It is a very selfish world, I know two teachers and they tell me about trouble teens but don't care enough to contact the families. I think that is an outrage and it only tells me they have problems as well and are morally bankcrupt.  How anyone can treat an innocent child badly or ignore their crys for help is beyond me. Society is very self indulgent and uncaring.  

  

Out of curiosity why did your parents not allow you to bathe or to be clean?  Did they bathe?  Or were they punishing you and your siblings for their problems in life?  Do you have contact with them?   I have family issues as well but can't seem to turn my back on them even though by all rights I should have a long time ago when i was 15 - I know as bad as it was they only gave what they were capable of.  As true as that statement is, it still wasn't fair to me and I have spent my whole life trying to over come it along with all of the other issues it has caused.  I think people should have to take a physcology test before having children.   I would like to hear more about your story if you feel like talking about it.  I am trying to work through all my past issues and see them for what they are and let go of them - start fresh - I hope the same for you. 

I had posted my profile on Match.com and got a pretty mediocre response, since I am average looking.  I went off the site for a few months then posted THE SAME PROFILE with the picture of a VERY pretty Scandanavian singer.  The response has been overwhelming.  Obviously men are only looking at the pictures and not reading the profiles, wanting ONLY a nice looking piece of "arm candy".     

   

I used to go to clubs years ago with an attractive friend.  She would get asked to dance, talked to, flitred with.  I wouldn't.  I was treated like chopped liver.     

   

IT IS TRUE--PRETTY/BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE HAVE A MUCH EASIER TIME IN LIFE THAN AVERAGE PEOPLE.     

After reading about the subject matter it just infuriated me about the mother treating one child different than the other due to her looks.  I am a grown woman who still is dealing with this "ugly" issue.  Just to add to the statement, my last name was no winner by a long shot which had kids at school scoffing about that not much less than my looks.  When I was growing up I didn't get support from my parents as they didn't think much of me anyways - so there goes a major source of support.  Once I entered the workforce, I tried with all my might to make something of myself and to make a long story short just as I was about to enter Management (after long, long hours) I was diagnosed with Spastic Dysphonia (unable to speak or can only whisper at most times).  This is now a disability which has caused me to lose my job.  Sometimes you feel you just can't win for losing.  I have been to counselling where my doctor told me I have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder where she worked with me about appearance and the results of my childhood experiences.  Yes, being an adult I am in control and have the ability to make the choices about what I think about myself........still very difficult.  My point is that parents must learn to love their children unconditionally and appearance shouldn't matter.  I feel for these kids when they older as if they don't start to get help and proper direction planted in their thinking....their lives later on will be hell.  Take it from me I've been there and it hurts.  Nobody deserves a childhood filled with negative input about appearance or abilities.  From somebody who cares.

 I'm suprized about the way that you treat your Daughter.  I hope that Dr. Phil gives you the help that you need.

Let me tell you my story.

I was always the bigger, and more handsome between my Younger Sister and I.  I have both Asperger's and a Mental Illness.  I'm also 30 lbs Overweight and I speak with a Cockney Accent.  I've also had a Life-Long Obsession with the London Routemaster Double Decker Bus.

My Sister, on the other hand is Tall, she weighs 130 lbs, she has no Mental Disorders, and I have to admit that she's a Beauty of a Bombshell.  She sounds as Canadian as "Oh, Canada", like the rest of my Family and Relatives.  She's had a variety of Interests her whole life, and she still does.

My Parents love us both THE SAME, and they always have.  We both got Cake and tonnes of Presents on our Birthdays.  We still do.  Our Mother bought us BOTH new clothes for School, every year.  We BOTH got the same ammount of Christmas Presents, every year, and it didn't matter if I was on the Chubby side, because my MOTHER fed us BOTH the same ammount of food, because we were growing Children, and growing Children need to EAT!  My Sister and I BOTH got the same ammount of affection from BOTH my loving Mother and Father. 

I want you to give your Daughter a big Hug, when she wakes up, Tomorrow and tell her that you LOVE her!

Growing up in an average size town in Oregon it was about middle school where the upside, more "well off finacially"  family girls and boys were coming out of the wood work. I coming from a disadvantaged, hard working family living on the poorer side of town without wealth, without pretty things, without pretty looks or better clothes  to help me feel better about who I was and  how to fit in was never involved in those birthday parties or family gatherings that the other kids I knew in school were always talking about. But heh...I had my brother and I had my family...sometimes sure, it wasn't enough, I did feel the seperation in school and from my peers and it hurt me. The football players with the popular wealthy girls who had pretty clothes, nice cars, nice clothes and mom's who could afford to stay home and help them with their parties, and their after school activities and who could spend time to see that they were fitted with nice things.  

 

I met some of those kids after high school was out and lives continued. Those pretty girls with their pretty clothes and pretty cars and football player boyfriends were now (some any way)overweight, burdened with 2 or 3 kids they felt held them back from life and husbnds who cheated on them, abused them and whose husbands or wives were working for Daddy  or Uncle John at some family business they couldn't stand. 

 

Or those who went into life thinking life owed them something cuz they never learned you needed to earn instead of get. The popular girl... who all the boys turned dumb when she walked by...dressed like a hooker at the first class reunion, she couldn't get one look of respect from...every one was busy whispering when she  came in instead of asking her how she was or what she had been doing with her life for 10 years. Is it not interesting how lives change and how unkind words and actions are forgotten until it becomes real in our own? 

 

 Those poor unpopular not so pretty kids who didn't  fit cuz they didn"t have the advantages others  did .The same ones who were treated differently because their hair was not the popular cut or their clothes were of poor quality, the same ones who society told would never amount to much because they didn't have ...we do have...much more than we were given credit for. We may not be Barbie or Ken...but we have respect because we learned to earn life from a hard working family with values and morals and we were taught how to treat people with respect and kindness not harsh words and feelings of not being good enough.  

 

Kids learn to be cruel and mean when they are taught they are better than the little kid around the corner who can't wear Nike's brand or afford an iced latte after school. 

 

I'm happy in this life God has given me. It has been hard from time to time, but from every tribulation and every lesson learned...I know one thing for sure..I'am beautiful inside and out because I'am accepted for who I'am not for what some one thinks I should be. 

 

 

 

 

Society is bombarded with messages conveyed to persons of all ages, ethnic backgrounds, body image, economic status and whatever category underlines your image in life.  Media, everywhere projects what society should eat, what society should wear, how we should look, how we can find better relationships, where we can find better relationships, how we should smell, who should be our friends, why wealth is so important, why career status is so important for our image.......etc.... 

  

I completed a university degree as a 48 year old mature student. One of my required courses, entitled "Intimate Relationships," conveyed ONLY those couples with the highest score in body image, wealth and career status were the most successful in life. Such persons were deemed to sustain the greatest success for intimate relationships and life skills. Such persons "apparently" possessed "what it takes" to live a life full of happiness, peace and joy. 

YET, when the university curriculum conveyed most persons seeking an emotionally healthy intimate relationship requested certain criteria: 

1......kindness, unconditional love 

2......interdependence 

3......warmth, honesty, freedom to share heart to heart 

  

NOW, all of this criteria has nothing related to body image, economic status, or career status.... 

  

Only a few in this university class refuted the course material. I certainly was one of them.......I was seated in the classroom where I could see the response of other classmates to the course material. More than half of the classmates composure changed dramatically when the instructer conveyed the findings for successful, intimate relationships. You could easily view the shock and dismay of the classmates when they briefly examined their own lives to what is apparently "inelligent university course curriculum." You could easily tell they were thinking, "how will I ever measure up to that?".......... 

  

I REFUTED PARTS OF THE COURSE MATERIAL 

The part I refuted involved the criteria for successful intimate relationships involving only those persons with the highest body image, wealth, career status.  

I agree that most persons seeking an intimate relationship really desire kindness, warmth, unconditional love etc. (from the list).....but much of society does not measure up to the criteria of the highest body image, wealth or career status........BUT.......are involved with partners meeting the desired criteria for intimate relationships........in fact, body image fades with age, economic status can change throughout a lifespan, careers often change throughout a lifespan..........NOTHING is permanent in life........life has no guarantees...... 

  

I, myself, have been overweight all my life, on the receiving end of ridicule and societal stigmas and the brunt of jokes for years. I've had some very wonderful relationships. My friends are my friends because they are able to overlook physical faults and zero in on what really is in my heart, what my essence reflects.  

I have worked with an organization caring for the homeless and found that this sect of our society are some of the most warm, loving, kind persons. I also have been involved with evangelical churches all my life. Eventhough I find great love from my Father in heaven, some persons involved in churches hold a smug and judgemental attitude toward those in the congregation that do not measure up to a particular socio-economic status or body image. Societal issues are EVERYWHERE......we cannot escape from them. We can only acquire and implement the healthy tools needed for success. 

  

I believe our greatest confidence and self esteem can be found in the unconditional love relationship we can have with a personal relationship with a God who explicitly states in His Word ALL the criteria we need for successful intimate relationships, career, body image, wealth, etc...... 

  

pam 

  

I'm not very sure these days, especially with family members - especially ones who are verbally and emotionally abusive. One sister used to ridicule a girl at our school because she was mentally challenged.  

   

Mine are mostly worried about maintaining their image and keeping up appearances.  

   

One does not care about this whilst suffering for Major Depression - when one has hit rock bottom.  

   

Having a disability and Major Depression has helped me to be more empathic towards others who don't enjoy good health.  

   

There's too much pressure on ordinary women to be slim and beautiful, which probably explains why many opt for plastic surgery or Botox.  

 Hi!Greetings from Finland!

What disturbs me is,and correct me if I am wrong,is that I have got the picture that it is most important in America how you look in other peoples eyes. As a mother and grandmother I think the most important thing for adults in general and parents specifically is to give youngsters a good selfesteem.Stop putting so much importance in the outlooks and pay more attention to the inside! Beauty and good looks vanish but if a person is at ease with himself that lasts and carries over much trouble and sorrow.