I am so disgusted by that woman Debi today. She shouldn't be allowed to have children! I can't believe she doesn't realize how totally screwed up her daughters will be because of her warped and hateful perspective of the world.
I grew up in a similar situation, although not quite so extreme. My sister was a little chubby and I was thin, so my mother liked me better. She would never admit to it the way this lady did, but we both knew it was true. She would constantly tell my sister she was fat and had to lose weight, and she would say it with such disgust in her voice, often in front of other people just to add to the humiliation. maybe she thought embarrassment would incite action. I don't know . But it didn't do either of us any good.
My sister heard so often that she was fat ( which she wasn't ) that she internalized the message and began to believe she was overweight. So now she is overweight. She is also no longer speaking to my mother, because she is exhausted by the constant criticism, and doesn't want her children exposed to it. As a result, my mother hasn't seen her daughter and her two grandsons for over three years now, and they are probably the better for it.
Even though I was her favorite, my mom's judgemental attitude had a far worse impact on me. Growing up with her contempt toward my sister taught me at an early age that looks are all that matters, at least according to my mother, and that I had to be thin to be loved. As a result, I struggled with anorexia, bulemia, depression, low self-esteem and suicidal tendencies for more than a decade. I basically wasted my youth consumed by my appearance, an obession that is so superficial and completely irrelevant to anything worthwhile in this life. I cry when I think of all the years I could have been exploring my talents, making friends, volunteering and learning how to make the world a better place, but instead, I spent all my energy desperately clinging to transient beauty. I believed that if I couldn't be the perfect package, I had no business being alive. And I wasn't even very pretty, so it was a hopeless endeavor from the start. I just have to shake my head. It's only though the grace of God that I survived and came out the other end a decent person. It took me a long time and a lot of hard work to redefine my views of what really matters in life.
Life is meant to be lived looking outward, using our gifts to make others happy, not focussed on our own reflections. No one else cares how we look, only how we make them feel about themselves. Debi feels embarrassed by her daughter because she believes everyone will judge her the way she judges everyone else. Lucky for you, Honey, the whole world isn't as shallow as you are. And those people who are, are too clueless to matter. Victoria is such a sweet, precious, vulnerable little girl, and you are destroying her! And your other daughter, your "little Princess", is on her way to becoming a little monster if you don't teach her some compassion. Or worse, she may end up going through something like what I did, hating herself and struggling to live up to her mother's impossible expectations.
I will pray for your girls. I will pray that God helps them to see beyond your superficial values, or lack of values, and shows them each their own unique gifts and inner-beauty. I will also pray for you, because if you don't change the person you are, Lady, Hell is too good a place for you.
(Original Air Date: 09/16/05) How important do you think looks really are? And, do you think attractive people get treated better in society? Dr. Phil's son, Jay, goes out in disguise to see if people really do judge a book by its cover. You won't believe the results, nor the response that surprised him the most! Plus, Debi favors her older daughter because she’s "beautiful" and treats her youngest like "dirt" because she's "fat and unattractive." Can Dr. Phil help her love both girls equally? And, Michelle only lets her daughter play with pretty kids on the playground because she equates beauty with success in life. Will she learn to re-evaluate her standards? Tell us your thoughts on today's show.
