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Topic : 05/30 Pretty/Ugly

Number of Replies: 1324
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Created on : Friday, September 09, 2005, 03:43:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 09/16/05) How important do you think looks really are? And, do you think attractive people get treated better in society? Dr. Phil's son, Jay, goes out in  disguise to see if people really do judge a book by its cover. You won't believe the results, nor the response that surprised him the most! Plus, Debi favors her older daughter because she’s "beautiful" and treats her youngest like "dirt" because she's "fat and unattractive." Can Dr. Phil help her love both girls equally? And, Michelle only lets her daughter play with pretty kids on the playground because she equates beauty with success in life. Will she learn to re-evaluate her standards? Tell us your thoughts on today's show.

 

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September 12, 2005, 5:13 pm CDT

Not gorgeous treated unacceptably

   Women who don't have the "to die for" body in this sex-crazed country of ours are treated very rudely, and cruelly. 

   My daughter went to a doctor who was substituting for her regular doctor, after having pain in her left side for six days. (she did not like going to doctors & had a high threshold for pain). This arrogant, pompous excuse for a doctor, walks in - takes a look - asks a few questions and gives her a prescription for prevacid. 

   Sensing this was something more than stomach or acid reflux problems, my daughter explained the severe pain she'd been having and that she also had a high tolerance for pain. 

   This character reluctantly gives in to scheduling her for a stomach ultrasound the next day. Two days later she finally learned nothing showed up on the ultrasound. He wants to dismiss her and go on about his business. 

   Meanwhile the pain is still with her, moving from her side to her stomach, then it seemed to almost disappear except that everytime she took a deep breath it hurt. When learning this (the 4th day after her initial visit with this person, I told her this situation didn't sound very good and she either needed to see him again or see someone else. 

   Reluctantly, (having to take off from work again leaving her co-workers in a bind), she made another appointment with this jerk for the next day at one O'clock. 

   The next morning at eight o'clock, I received a telephone call telling me that my daughter had died of a blood clot in her lung. 

   My daughter was obese and there is not a doubt in my mind - had she been curvaceously sexy, the person who calls himself a doctor would have got to the bottom of her severe and persistent pain! 

   SO YES!- THE WAY WE LOOK DOES MAKES A VERY BIG DIFFERENCE IN THE WAY WE ARE TREATED IN THIS SICK SOCIETY WE LIVE IN!!! 

 
September 12, 2005, 5:20 pm CDT

Beauty Counts

Pretty does count ! I was a hairdresser and had at least 25 women working for me  

when people would come in to have their hair done they would always go to the pretty ones   

If a girl was over weight Orr not good looking they would ask for some one else and they would tell  

me as the manger that was why  

looks and dress have a lot as first impressions do count and that i show people judge your  your work by how you look  Bon 

 
September 12, 2005, 7:17 pm CDT

Pretty vs Ugly

I absolutely believe that beautiful people are paid more attention to but as far as I am concerned, it is in a very negative way. What I am about to say is certainly not coming from conceit but I was an attractive child/young adult.  As a result I got all the attention in the world - the wrong kind! As a child I was sexually abused - as a teen, all the boys wanted to go out with me, not because I was a nice person. because they weren't interested in getting to know me.  They just wanted a porcelain doll hanging on their arm.  Most of the girls hated me because they were afraid that their boyfriends wanted me.  I was not a flirt although everyone I dated became possessive and jealous.  It was horrible.  I did nothing to encourage this  attention.  I hated myself with a purple passion because of how I looked.  Nobody seemed to want to get to know me.  When a person is attractive, people automatically believe that the person is attractive on the inside as well.  In my case, this certainly wasn't true.  I was never taught how to develop the gifts that the Creator gave me.  I turned to alcohol and drugs as a way of escape.  I was totally resentful of any compliment I ever received.  At the age of 29, I was able to learn how to turn my life around.  I am now looking at my 64th birthday and am delighted with the unconditional love and gentleness that I am able to share with others but I still say that less attractive people are much nicer to be around.  

 
September 12, 2005, 7:29 pm CDT

PRETTY UGLY

Hi.  I have always been considered not pretty, and fat.  People pick on me just because of it.  The pretty girls are the popular ones, and most of them act likes snobs.  I think people are treated differently on the way they look.
 
September 12, 2005, 10:31 pm CDT

Tuff time with this

Hello,  

Well I have to say I am having a "tuff" time with this subject.  Jay is a great looking young man, and has the wit of his dad and beauty of his mom.  Also I just recently read somewhere that Jay has found his future wife.  Is it so an ex- playboy bunny????  So you tell us, if she were 200pounds and not so "pretty" would there have been a ring?   

I think Dr. Phil is wise beyond what he does for a living.  I like his style and feel he has done some pretty wonderful things for people of all walks of life.  However good looking Jay is not the man for this piece.  

 
September 12, 2005, 11:59 pm CDT

The bigger the better???

In advance, excuse my spelling/grammar, since English is just my second language. 

 I don't know if the US is compareable to Sweden when the "looks" discussion comes up,in general, but yeah, I have been discriminated for being fat. 

On almost all my jobs I have had to do twice the workload just to prove I am "worthy", since it is a known "fact" that fat people are lazy.  

At my current position I sometimes feel I get used by my better looking coworkers, since I feel I can't say no when they ask me to do "just this extra thing".  

I AM thankful to have a job so I can help support our family, but generally fat (ugly) people get treated really bad in society (buses,planes, stores,especially clothing stores). 

 
September 13, 2005, 5:05 am CDT

Sadly it happens at work

Although it is nearly impossible to prove discrimination against obesity at work it happens often.  Sadly it is most often reflected in performance reviews although that employee is normally the person who has met his/her goals and helped his/her coworkers as a team player and gone above and beyond their job description most of the year.  The upper administrative staff will even go out of their way to keep from carrying on a conversation with you.   

  

Just like majic, when the weight starts coming off things begin turning around.  Senior administrative staff begin acknowledging you.  Eventually they ask how your family is (gee, they somehow realize you have one).  And equally as surprising your work is so much better although you aren't doing anything different, and in some cases you aren't even doing as much.   

  

Being overweight has it's health risks but it also has it's occupational risks. 

 
September 13, 2005, 5:47 am CDT

Nature is cruel or un-feeling

Research has shown that people who's bodies and faces are symetrical are perceived as being more attractive i.e. better potential breeding stock. This response is subliminal and "hard-wired" - even babies react more positively to "attractive" people (of either gender). There is obviously a benefit to the individual (and our species) for attraction to symetry - probably as it is believed to indicate better health and genes. 

  

Throughout history, fashion and culture has played a role in what is perceived as "beautiful" (I should have been born in some Pacific Island culture in the 18th century when fat was considered beautiful). 

  

Most people are not aware of how they are influenced by these factors. They don't care if a "plain" or "ugly" person has a miserable life (as long as it is not themselves). The "beautiful" get more sex-partners, more wives, more money, lesser punishments, more trust, more opportunities etc etc.  

  

Sorry to say, not being beautiful has quite often meant death in certain situations throughout history. Being beautiful sometimes allowed a person to survive. 

  

Despite all this, I am hopeful that humans will eventually evolve and become aware of their inate and acquired prejudices - probably many generations hence. 

 
September 13, 2005, 6:42 am CDT

How unfortunate !!

Its sad that in this day and age, that we are still hung up on attractiveness as dictated by, usually, someone else. 

According to 'society' generally speaking, I do not have the features that are considered particularly attractive, except for my hair, I guess, which is a lovely strawberry blond. 

The people that know me well, which includes friends and family, often comment on my smile (and my teeth are not perfect) and my upbeat way of looking at things.  My father says that my smile lights up the room and my big bear hugs always make him feel better every time we see each other.  I often wonder why people get hung up on looks when they are such a small part of a person.  The inner being and the characteristics of a person are much more important.  Do they share their good fortune with others, are they kind, do they genuinely care, do they enjoy life and do encourage others to enjoy life, are they a contributing member of society, etc. 

These things along with other characteristics are far more valuable than looks and as one of my longstanding friend said to me recently..... we all sag in the end !!  Too True  ha ha ha 

 
September 13, 2005, 7:06 am CDT

Like the Phantom of the Opera

My older brother was born with congenital deformities of one half of his face. The malformations were minor to moderate (similar to a stroke), but at age 16 had corrective surgery to make his face more symmetrical. All things went bad post op and he has been in "hiding" ever since - now 30 + years! He is brilliantly talented as a musician and at one time had an enormous heart for other people. But the world NEVER accepted him - based on appearance alone! He has had the world  shun him at every step. "A face only a Mother could love" , just like the lyrics of the song from the Phantom, once our Mother died, he went "underground" and has yet to surface. He has a Bachelor's Degree and medical training, yet works the nite shift as a poorly paid janitor at a donut shop. No self esteem from day one. If only the world could "really" see his soul and the millions of scars that we have ALL cast upon him and so so many others.
 
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