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Topic : 05/30 Pretty/Ugly

Number of Replies: 1324
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Created on : Friday, September 09, 2005, 03:43:52 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 09/16/05) How important do you think looks really are? And, do you think attractive people get treated better in society? Dr. Phil's son, Jay, goes out in  disguise to see if people really do judge a book by its cover. You won't believe the results, nor the response that surprised him the most! Plus, Debi favors her older daughter because she’s "beautiful" and treats her youngest like "dirt" because she's "fat and unattractive." Can Dr. Phil help her love both girls equally? And, Michelle only lets her daughter play with pretty kids on the playground because she equates beauty with success in life. Will she learn to re-evaluate her standards? Tell us your thoughts on today's show.

 

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September 13, 2005, 8:54 am CDT

09/16 Pretty Ugly

Quote From: debsherl

My older brother was born with congenital deformities of one half of his face. The malformations were minor to moderate (similar to a stroke), but at age 16 had corrective surgery to make his face more symmetrical. All things went bad post op and he has been in "hiding" ever since - now 30 + years! He is brilliantly talented as a musician and at one time had an enormous heart for other people. But the world NEVER accepted him - based on appearance alone! He has had the world  shun him at every step. "A face only a Mother could love" , just like the lyrics of the song from the Phantom, once our Mother died, he went "underground" and has yet to surface. He has a Bachelor's Degree and medical training, yet works the nite shift as a poorly paid janitor at a donut shop. No self esteem from day one. If only the world could "really" see his soul and the millions of scars that we have ALL cast upon him and so so many others.

You stated: "All things went bad post op and he has been in "hiding" ever since - now 30 + years!"   

    

If he is in hiding no one will be able to get the chance to get to know him.   

Yes,the world is sometimes cruel if we let it be.There are always going to be people who are going to try to make themselves feel good by insulting others.    

I think the world is seeing his scars because that is all he'll let anyone see.   

Is he getting help?   

   

It is obvious you love him so much.Help him to get past worrying about his looks.   

 
September 13, 2005, 10:15 am CDT

It's so true

I did some business with CompUSA a few years ago.  It required me to try hardware and return the equipment that didn't work. 

  

If I went there straight out of bed, they gave me a hard time. 

  

If I did my hair, makeup and wore nice clothes, no questions asked. 

  

The first impression is a lasting impression.   

  

A former HR exec. 

 
September 13, 2005, 10:24 am CDT

09/16 Pretty Ugly

Quote From: pardelope

Research has shown that people who's bodies and faces are symetrical are perceived as being more attractive i.e. better potential breeding stock. This response is subliminal and "hard-wired" - even babies react more positively to "attractive" people (of either gender). There is obviously a benefit to the individual (and our species) for attraction to symetry - probably as it is believed to indicate better health and genes. 

  

Throughout history, fashion and culture has played a role in what is perceived as "beautiful" (I should have been born in some Pacific Island culture in the 18th century when fat was considered beautiful). 

  

Most people are not aware of how they are influenced by these factors. They don't care if a "plain" or "ugly" person has a miserable life (as long as it is not themselves). The "beautiful" get more sex-partners, more wives, more money, lesser punishments, more trust, more opportunities etc etc.  

  

Sorry to say, not being beautiful has quite often meant death in certain situations throughout history. Being beautiful sometimes allowed a person to survive. 

  

Despite all this, I am hopeful that humans will eventually evolve and become aware of their inate and acquired prejudices - probably many generations hence. 

Research such as this can be manipulated.   

I,as well,have read the research about the babies and looks.Frankly it doesn't make sense.Babies and toddlers react positively to whatever they are used to.    

Even your own posting states that the perceptions of beauty change all the time.How would a baby know whether the "European look" or "girl next door look" is in ?They don't.They just go by what they are used to.   

    

Being viewed as beautiful often meant death throughout history too.How many beautiful women were thought to be witches?   

    

 You stated:"The "beautiful" get more sex-partners, more wives, more money, lesser punishments, more trust, more opportunities etc etc.     

If that were true than porn stars and strippers would rule this world -and they don't!   

Do you know who the most powerful woman in America was for 2005 - Condoleeza Rice! Not Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson or a Playboy bunny.A few years ago it was Oprah Winfrey.   

As for the top 10 most powerful men,well, let's just say there weren't any Brad Pitts no matter how many veneers and  hair transplants they had.  

Lesser punishments?If you ever get a chance to do some work at a men's prison or you know someone who works there just ask them how the men look.That is where all the good looking men are so your "more pretty lesser punishment" theory is not so.  

    

 
September 13, 2005, 10:33 am CDT

09/16 Pretty Ugly

Quote From: atoews

 You bet! And I think that research has proven this over and over again.   Just look at your high level managers and CEOs.  How many of the men are tall and/or have lots of hair!  Virtually all of them.

I have found myself experiencing reverse "lookism".  Specifically, I consciously evaluate less attractive people as more hard working and smarter because of all the extra burden they have to endure to get where they are.

I disagree with Dr. Phil who says  that good looks will get you in the door, but won't keep you there.  Good looks pay off at all levels of the experience chain.

LOL! Bill Gates isn't Brad Pitt! 

  

You aren't the only one that uses reverse "lookism" I find.How many times do people see attractive women at the top and think "hmm,I wonder what she did to get there?" even though it is obvious that the woman is a hard-worker,a go-getter,and a smart person that worked endlessly to get where she is. 

 
September 13, 2005, 10:41 am CDT

09/16 Pretty Ugly

Quote From: bonlady

Pretty does count ! I was a hairdresser and had at least 25 women working for me  

when people would come in to have their hair done they would always go to the pretty ones   

If a girl was over weight Orr not good looking they would ask for some one else and they would tell  

me as the manger that was why  

looks and dress have a lot as first impressions do count and that i show people judge your  your work by how you look  Bon 

LOL! Getting our hair done is about our vanity.I guess people are going to choose the hairdresser that looks as if they take care in how they dress and look.It gives them the first impression that they'll take care to make their client look good. 

  

I look for the shortest line at a grocery store and not the best looking cashier. 

 
September 13, 2005, 10:58 am CDT

09/16 Pretty Ugly

Quote From: bozoclown

   Women who don't have the "to die for" body in this sex-crazed country of ours are treated very rudely, and cruelly. 

   My daughter went to a doctor who was substituting for her regular doctor, after having pain in her left side for six days. (she did not like going to doctors & had a high threshold for pain). This arrogant, pompous excuse for a doctor, walks in - takes a look - asks a few questions and gives her a prescription for prevacid. 

   Sensing this was something more than stomach or acid reflux problems, my daughter explained the severe pain she'd been having and that she also had a high tolerance for pain. 

   This character reluctantly gives in to scheduling her for a stomach ultrasound the next day. Two days later she finally learned nothing showed up on the ultrasound. He wants to dismiss her and go on about his business. 

   Meanwhile the pain is still with her, moving from her side to her stomach, then it seemed to almost disappear except that everytime she took a deep breath it hurt. When learning this (the 4th day after her initial visit with this person, I told her this situation didn't sound very good and she either needed to see him again or see someone else. 

   Reluctantly, (having to take off from work again leaving her co-workers in a bind), she made another appointment with this jerk for the next day at one O'clock. 

   The next morning at eight o'clock, I received a telephone call telling me that my daughter had died of a blood clot in her lung. 

   My daughter was obese and there is not a doubt in my mind - had she been curvaceously sexy, the person who calls himself a doctor would have got to the bottom of her severe and persistent pain! 

   SO YES!- THE WAY WE LOOK DOES MAKES A VERY BIG DIFFERENCE IN THE WAY WE ARE TREATED IN THIS SICK SOCIETY WE LIVE IN!!! 

Oh my!Please accept my condolences on the sudden death of your loving daughter.I'm sure she was a beautiful person. 

Please tell us a little about her. 

  

  

  

  

 
September 13, 2005, 1:01 pm CDT

Ugly since birth

I'm a 58 year-old woman who has been considered "ugly" since birth...as far as I can determine.  

 I was always last ( or never even picked) at things at school. One of my most vivid memories is sitting on a blanket outside of my sixth grade school house crying because the "pretty" girls were swinging nearby and taunting me mercilessly.   

I was invited to One "sleepover" in my whole life. It was miserable.  

I can't remember ever having a birthday party, sleepover or any such social event, probably because my parents couldn't get anyone to come for me. 

 I truly don't remember having more than one "friend" as a child.  I could never attract many friends, much less a romantic bond. I was married, but it didn't last.  

To this day, I try not to put myself in social situations because of the stigma attached to not "measuring up" physically.  

When I Must be included, I obsess and stress for weeks prior and usually try to make up some last-minute excuse not to go. I am always the first one to leave. 

My children must also be ashamed of me.  They seem to try not to be seen with me and seldom include me in their activites. 

I am afraid to try to wear makeup. I always feel as if I'm "putting on a mask". And it's been bad enough wishing to hide...without actually making myself do it. 

This whole world ( not just this country) is so obesses with being "pretty and perfect" that people like me spend whole lifetimes feeling bad about ourselves over something we had no control over. 

The upside? My life is almost over. Maybe "next time" I'll measure up to whatever "invisible" code people live by. 

  

  

 
September 13, 2005, 1:36 pm CDT

Hello from the lady with the "parrot beak"

Hello to all. I understand the way a few words can change your feeling about yourself. My mother once said;"You know dear, you aren't really pretty. Striking would be the better choice." Since I was 17 at the time it seemed to indicate my looks would knock someone down. I also have a crooked nose that my mother used to press down on with a knife at mealtime and say that I might be pretty if we could just get that little crook out of there. My father, ever the "sensitive one"would counter that I just had a big set of frog hips on my face. Of course this would lead to my begging for a nose job and their enjoyment of torturing me with the phrase "You know we're only teasing you!" Of course I had to have the receeding chinline to go with the package to the point that someone once saw a video of the family get-together and remarked, upon seeing my profile, "OH DEAR! You shouldn't ever let yourself be photographed that way!" 

I now am 50 years old, a mother of two boys, and I have become at peace with my face. It isn't a great face, but I can be happy with my personal successes and not worry so much about the profile my students see as I teach. I always tell them that my nose is the reason I went into science teaching, and especially like exotic birds. I think we might share a few genes. 

 
September 14, 2005, 12:11 pm CDT

Prejudice is a fact of life

 I have found that we do react to people based on looks, many times without even realizing it. I have brown hair but decided for a while to go blonde. I found that even people who had known me for many years began to treat me as if my IQ had dropped about 40 points. I have also always had a weight problem so have been many sizes. I do find that I am treated differently depending on the weight that I am. This is true particularly when I am meeting new people, men and women.

 As a widow, I decided to try several online services since I am in a new city and it is more difficult to meet single men in their 40's. I expected some shallow behavior but was overwhelmed by the magnitude, even among "christian" men. It was not uncommon for men to list on their info that they were only interested in "thin, exceptionally attractive" women. I had over 300 matches. Almost none would respond if there was not a picture posted. If they had responded, once I did post a picture, contact stopped immediately. I dress well and am a very caring, compassionate, fun person but no one took the time to get beyond the weight. Not one person was willing to even carry on a coversation once they knew I was heavy and only about 3 or 4 were willing to talk to me without seeing a picture. I decided that if I am ever to meet someone, it will have to be in person where they can get to know the real person. If you are thin and attractive, you can probably meet someone through a service but if you are heavy, "fat chance".

 
September 14, 2005, 2:57 pm CDT

We reap what we sow...

I find it very interesting that those who claim to be the 'pretty ones' want us to believe it isn't so great. They may have some guilt over the advantages but I doubt very seriously they don't take advantage of everything that comes their way..and why shouldn't they...we have let Hollywood and the media and so called researchers let us believe it isn't anyone's fault..we just can't help it...everyone loves to see the pretty ones. 

I often wonder what the people behind the scenes at women's magazine's and such look like.....why not let us judge you guys for a change? I mean..let's be honest...if Donald Trump didn't own half the world..do you honestly think his new wife..or any of his past wives would have looked twice at him? 

As long as we allow ourselves to be gullible and BUY the magazines..and  treat Hollywood and the elite and powerful as if we are begging for just a crumb from their great life...we will continue to reap what we sow. 

 
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